An Anniversary, 54 Years Ago Today

Today is an anniversary of the most important day in the life of a child 4 days short of her 14th birthday. She was in the Laurentian Mountains, supposedly learning to ski, with special friends of the family. It was December 27, 1959 and a month from her last attempt to take her life. A boy she really liked was teaching her to ski and thoughts of death were not present. One Psychiatrist, the last one, had told her she was the saddest child he had ever met and had then told her she could never be a girl and added several directed insults as to how she would end up. That last session had precipitated her last suicide attempt.

A very scared little girl who found the thought of ending up having to be male so abhorrent that death seemed preferable.  She had no idea what was going to happen and that was deliberate by her mother and the family that was helping. They were going to an event that evening at the Club they belonged to so she was excited but even the ability to be herself for this short time in Quebec could not eliminate the feeling of desperation that ate at her soul. Being born this different does that to a kid. It eats at your very existence when the intensity is this high and she was depressed and assaulted every single day by her need to be the girl she already knew she was.

By itself the evening was wonderful after they arrived. She was able to dance with the boy she liked because mistaking her for a boy was never the problem in her life. The problem was everyone thought she was a girl which was far from pleasant in the late 1950's. She was ill at ease when she met the Physician brothers of the boy's mother because she knew they knew her story, somehow, which made her feel ill at ease and uncomfortable. She was not a boy that looked like a girl, she was a girl that had mistakenly been given boys parts and she wanted them gone.

She was then introduced to this shortish man with a slight German accent and he introduced himself as Harry something but he seemed more interested in looking for someone else in the crowd. The boy took her back to their table and she sat a talked with him. He told her how beautiful she looked but she didn't believe him because how could any girl with her warts be beautiful? It was nice that he said it and she liked him saying things like that but she had little self respect and admitting she was attractive did not fit in her opinion of herself. She felt inferior because she just felt so wrong.

The boy's mom who was her mom's lifelong best friend walked back over to the short German man and said something to him and his head jerked around and for some reason he stared directly at her. She suddenly felt scared and uncomfortable because she was sure he was looking at her because she was a freak which sort of fit her own self assessment.

The boy's mom walked over and sat down in front of her and said something that flew right over her head. It was something about that man helping kids like her or people like her but she was confused by what was said. She looked quizzically at the women she knew as Mary and Mary added, "Sweetie he can help you be the girl you should have been born as."

The shock of those words brought about an audible gasp of, "he can?", and she leaped to her feet to run towards him but with the help of Mary and the boy she was forced to stay seated and told she would meet the doctor after the meal. She didn't touch a drop of her food. All she did was stare at this man that supposedly could help her but she had heard that before from her parents and the multitude of Psychiatrists that had labeled her as a transvestite, faggot, gay, and every other nasty word they could think of. She had been hurt before and letting anyone in would not be easy. He had not been nice, in her mind, when they had been introduced so she was wary.

A little after 9 PM on a Sunday evening she was ushered into a room that had a desk and several chairs that reminded her of several Psychiatrists offices except for the missing books and the walls of diplomas that advertised their obvious belief that they had a clue. She sat down and he introduced himself as Dr. Harry Benjamin of New York City and that meant nothing to her. He might as well have told her he was the Man in the Moon.

Nothing else was said until she asked if he could really help her be a girl and when he nodded silently she let everything out and begged him to help her. She told him everything and she actually became faint and he came around to help her and consoled her by doing what he was famous for. He put his arms around a terrified child and told her everything would be okay. This was the second time she had heard those exact words but the first time from someone who was actually there.

She learned she was a transsexual and that there were other transsexuals but not a lot like her because kids were unusual especially then. She learned the harsh lessons of being born transsexual. She was hurt to learn she could never get pregnant but she could adopt. She was upset that the process would take years because getting the sex change surgery was not easy and 18 was a possibility if he talked with some friends overseas. She was told of the hormones she would take but that kind of went over her head. She learned it was possible to have a vagina which in her mind made her as complete as she could be.

He asked if she would be willing to talk with some other doctors on Tuesday December 29 at a local teaching hospital and she agreed to do it. She would later regret that decision but saying no to him was difficult. After they finished she was like most kids like her. She was disappointed she could not be a girl today or at the latest tomorrow because afterall everyone thought she was a girl and that was affirmed that evening. It just seem logical that she should get surgery and be a girl. Waiting is not something kids like her do well.

She was still confused and upset things would take so long and to her four years was a lifetime. She could not sleep and she did what she had done the previous night, she got up went into the kitchen and got a glass of milk and sat on the coach looking out the glass wall at the lake she did not realize was there and the lights across the lake lighting the surrounding town. She started crying because it seemed every time she thought help was available something happened and she had her doubts about this Benjamin guy regardless of what he had said.

She was interrupted by an opening door and tried to remain quiet but she knew Mary sensed when she was crying in the great room as she had the previous evening.  She talked with Mary for a few minutes and expressed her doubts and worries that this help would evaporate as it always did and Mary left the room and returned with a bag and handed it to her. Inside were vials of female hormones that she was to take. There was Premarin which was the only word she remembered but Mary took several purple pills from a vial and gave them to her. She took them and started down her path to salvation.

The future would contain a horrible rape and the tragic death of the boy she loved but she would survive it all and eventually flourish after her SRS as  just another girl, as just another mother, as just another wife(twice), as just another woman, and eventually just another elderly woman and grandmother. It was all she ever really wanted and in her mind she had won. She had a very successful career in business and consulting but that was never as important as the simple fact she got to be as she should have been.

That is of course me and today was an important day 54 years ago for me because it saved me from me. I have to wonder why something as simple as being the female, girl or woman you should have been is not enough? I left transsexualism in the dust where it belonged but somehow today that seems to not be enough.

Does Use of Identifier Transgender Harm Transsexual Kids?

Despite the gazillion channels I have available on Time Warner Cable I sometimes find little I want to watch so I go into channel surfing mode which is a dangerous operation when you have time Warner Cable. If you flip too quickly and too often the software will hang and you will be unable to change a channel and will have to reboot the cable box which is actually the normal response when you call tech support since that is basically all they seem to recommend.

The other evening I was flipping through and caught something on channel 57, Fox News, about the Pacific Justice Institute which immediately brought a halt to my channel flipping. What ensued was odd because it was so out of date. Sean Hannity played an old clip produced by the liars at Pacific Justice Institute about Jane Doe and had two female guests from both sides of the issue.

It started out like I expected and Pacific Justice Institute promoted its lies about the Jane Doe being naked in front of other girls which is total bullshit. Not one single transsexual kid on this planet would ever want to be seen by other girls with the wrong bits down there. Kids are not into "teaching"moments, they are into surviving High School and that is one thing they should not do. They know it is wrong because they know they are girls and they would never out another girl in that position. It is alien to them and all the kids we have helped are shocked and dismayed at the thought of doing such a thing. They do not want anyone to see what is there because they know it is wrong. That is part of having a sever sex identity issue.

The liberal lawyer from California made an interesting comment. She commented that this child would have a sex change if she could but she was too young and I am paraphrasing what she said. That immediately changed the tenor of the conversation. It kind of stunned me a little. I do not believe either Hannity or the Conservative commentator from California truly understood that Jane Doe is transsexual. The thing that struck me was the basic tenor of the conversation as any thought of condemning the child exited stage left and they talked about solutions.

They erroneously implied that California AB1266 will be stopped but according to what I have read the recall signature drive appears to have failed or will fail. I do not agree with the separate bathroom for Jane Doe because that was a school decision and not Jane's or the Family.

I was thinking about it later on and I began to wonder why the tenor changed and it was simple. If Jane Doe was identified as a transsexual who falls under the transgender umbrella I am convinced there would have been less issues. Why do I believe this? people understand and actually have some empathy for transsexual children that want to change sex and that goes for most young adults. Pat Robertson openly has supported the legitimacy of a sex change but has also openly opposed transgender rights. I am beginning to believe he actually understands the difference which is scary, concerning, and somewhat enlightening.

When you understand the child wants to change sex it all makes sense. The term Transgender is deliberately ambiguous and deliberately obfuscates the truth about its umbrella because it is meant to help the transvestites, crossdressers, and drag queens it really supports. That is why they support the lunacy of "Gender Confirmation Surgery" which is contradictory by its very nature since the Transgender activists also support multiple genders as in many more than two. I actually have no issue with this but dragging transsexuals along muddies the water for those of us that still need SRS. It implies SRS is not the only option for someone born transsexual. While this might be true for a few on the fringe of transsexuality it is untrue for the vast majority of those born transsexual and its 100% untrue for transsexual children.

Children that are transsexual need to be identified as transsexual so society understands who they truly are which is simply girls and boys trying to fix a medical condition that is in reality a birth defect. Listen to Jazz or any of the other kids. They are so obviously little girls it is indisputable yet their true condition is obfuscated by the continued usage of Transgender to describe them. They have no more of a gender issue than a brick wall. They have a sex identity issue which is why the term transsexual was originally coined.

Now that concept is objected to by almost all Transgender Activists who ironically call themselves "transsexual" when they are in certain arguments where they need legitimacy. If find that both humorous and odd bit more importantly why can't they identify these children as the transsexuals they truly are? Why cannot they call them transsexuals that are covered by the transgender umbrella term? The simple reason and the truth is it identifies the true meaning of transgender because they do not want people to think they represent primarily transvestites and crossdressers.

This is a typical male tactic used in the politics of gender. They do not want the uninformed to ask that relevant question which is, "Who else is covered by the term transgender?"  That opens Pandora's box because obfuscating that truth is a big part of the Transgender Plan.

Those of us that were born transsexual or who are still transsexual understand that transsexualism is not a gender issue despite what others might say. One can change gender with close because gender is cultural and not physical like the sex identity issue I was born with and fixed and others are still fighting. I never once thought about changing my gender. I and all transsexuals think about changing our sex. That is the clear divide between the transgendered and the transsexuals although the transgender will fight this difference to the end.

The need to legitimize the term transgender drives them to describe everyone that is truly born transsexual as the same as them. It is kind of odd because I never once had anyone ask me about my gender when I was going through this. It was a dark time for those of us back then but in some ways a simpler time because there was no such thing as gender politics. It was rough for many because there were gatekeepers that were as clueless then as most are today but it was about changing sex.

These children are girls and boys and there is no gender issues because being a girl or a boy is how they are wired. They know and they want everyone else to know. These kids want to change their sex to match their sex identity not some mythical gender identity that can encompass a wide variety of gender politics. How do you define something that is undefinable like gender? You cannot but the Transgender Activists have forced the term transgender onto the media and it is painfully obvious if you stray from its usage you will be called out.

I am not going to sit here and write that these Transgender Activists have not done a lot of good because they have. What I am saying here is they need to realize the safety of these children and their futures are better served if those that are transsexual are identified as such. It would have certainly helped Jane Doe because transsexual identifies her as wanting a sex change in the eyes of the "real" world. That identification eliminates all these bogus claims that these children are somehow predators because transsexuals by their very being need to change their sex to match their sex identity.

Talk with these kids and they will tell you they are girls or boys. There are some doctors that recognize these kids are transsexual and that is why some of them have started cross sex hormones as early as 10. Many others like those at Boston Children's buy into the delusion that these kids cannot possibly make an informed decision until they are 16 so they use blockers and force the children to watch their peers develop as girls and boys they way they should have developed. There is a lot to be said for going through a girl's puberty when you are a teenager and I can attest to that.

I wish I believed that those in the Transgender Activist crowd actually had a clue what a kid goes through but their primary aim is not to help children but sadly to exploit them for the benefit of the men they truly represent. I am still waiting for one of them to come forward and call these children transsexual. If they do that including them under the Transgender Umbrella works for me because the identifier transsexual is immensely beneficial to the child.

I would hope Cristan Williams could see the benefit in this because her tireless fight to protect Jane Doe has been admirable but that fight would be far easier if the child is identified as transsexual.

The misinformation associated with transsexual is an obvious attempt to disenfranchise those born transsexual and to force them under transgender. The truth is transsexual has always and will always mean crossing sex or changing sex and never ever implied the act of sex.

In my opinion using transgender to identify a transsexual child is misinformation of the worst kind and it obfuscates exactly what the child is going through. I wonder if there is one trans activist out there that has the courage to realize this and push for change. I have been told not to hold my breath too long. We shall see.

Medicare/Medicaid lie About Covering Transsexualism from TG

Health and Human Services has decided to reassess its position on providing SRS to people under its purview. In the original post called medicare to examine its position on gender reassignment surgery it is clear they are talking about sex reassignment surgeries for those born transsexual.

The following is an excerpt from the Blade story.

In a joint statement provided to the Washington Blade in response to the HHS memorandum, the ACLU, NCLR and GLAD expressed optimism that DAB would come to the conclusion after discovery that the ban on Medicare-provided gender reassignment surgery should be lifted.

“Because the current evidence overwhelmingly shows that sex-reassignment surgeries are effective and medically necessary treatments for some individuals with gender dysphoria, we are hopeful the Board will find the exclusion is not supported,” the statement says.

It is clear they are talking about SRS but the Advocate turned this into HHS to reevaluate ban gender confirming surgeries  which is from Parker Marie Molloy a transgender activist who has clearly misrepresented the intent of what the Health and Human Services means or intends to do. The case is about a 73 year old transgendered woman from Albuquerque NM. God bless her but sadly she is not the issue here. I see this as a potential issue for many younger kids and minorities that fall under Medicaid who would benefit from the ability to have SRS. Maybe we could help these kids ending up selling themselves and dying.

The problem I see is the Transgender nimrods immediately attempting to redefine this as Gender Confirmation Surgery which has always baffled me. Does cutting off your balls like Sandeen qualify? I guess in their world it does. Does a boob job qualify? Does FFS qualify? One could go on and on.

The Blade which categorizes itself as America's leading Gay News Source has it correct and reported it correctly while the Advocate has allowed a Transgender Activist to pervert the actual factual content.

The CMS link  is for the previous decision to exclude transsexual surgery or SRS. Personally I am sending an email asking that the HHS reexamine this position and to cover SRS but asking the HHS to not be fooled or allow itself to be perverted by the the Transgender Activist groups that would like it to be redefined as Gender Conforming Surgery or Gender Confirmation Surgery because only a man could believe a new set of EEE boobs reassigns their gender let alone their sex.

Sometimes the Truth Sucks

I have always been bothered by the umbrella term Transgender. It is an ambiguous term meant to encompass everyone that has some type of gender issue that are at their best loosely defined or at their worst deliberately loosely defined. Being a cynic I fall on the side of deliberate.

Since this is my blog I express my views based on my perceptions and years of experience dealing with kids that were similar to me. That does give me an insight into young transsexuals because I have actually helped them free themselves from being born transsexual and learn to just live. I try not to give advice to those that transitioned later in life and I do accept everyone that has had SRS as my brother or sister and I will accept those striving for SRS but I have little use for those that find the thought of SRS frivolous or unnecessary. In my world that is a concept I cannot believe in nor understand.

These same people push the notion that they are as female as a natal woman because they simply say they are. They claim their male equipment is not relevant which to be blunt is a crock of shit. The very concept that you would prefer male parts to female parts defines you clearly as a man or I guess part man and part woman but it does not define you as female.

Lawmakers have proven that they are less than astute and even laws that allow men to obtain female birth certificates cannot change the fact you physically are maintaining your maleness for whatever reason you may have. The simple truth is you made that choice. The simple truth is to a transsexual there is no choice when it comes to our sex. We need to be how we should have been but the overwhelming majority of us want that part of our lives to be over with once we have SRS.

One does not choose to be transsexual unless of course one reads the loons populating T-Central and the Transgender agenda apologists and proponents. One does appear to choose to be Transgender though because the "Transgender Forever" mantra is quite relevant and openly supported by those under the Transgender Umbrella that are not actually transsexual. These people enjoy the ambiguity of the term Transgender because their lives are full of ambiguities.

They are perfectly happy being called Transgender because the ambiguity of that specific term lets them fool others into the belief they are not transvestites or cross-dressers which are rapidly becoming pejoratives to many in the Transgender Activist hierarchy. They use this ambiguity of terminology to pass laws and leave the impression these laws are for people changing sex when they really mean people playing at gender since changing gender is a matter of appearance. Playing girly dressup is a powerful aphrodisiac to the transvestites and cross-dressers of the world. Their ultimate feminization dream is to live as a woman when they want to and as a man when they need to. It is their best of both worlds fantasy.

The really sad part is many transsexuals have been sucked under the Transgender umbrella and have willingly embraced it which is odd. If you were to ask a transsexual if they are a transvestite or a cross-dresser or a drag queen the normal reaction would be outrage at the thought yet these same fools allow themselves to be labeled transgendered and cannot see the ambiguity of allowing themselves to be cultivated into the cult of the dressup fantasy and if there is one thing being born transsexual is not, it is a fantasy. It is far closer to a nightmare.

The irony is the ambiguity of the term transgender fits perfectly in the world of gender politics because gender is fluid which is at odds with those born transsexual because gender has not one thing to do with being transsexual. Being transsexual is a sex identity issue and this is not debatable because it is a fact. One changes sex and that has been recognized for a long time but there is now a concerted effort to make that appear to be a change of gender which is impossible to define because even the gender cultists controlling transgender activism admit gender is fluid and expressible in many varied manners many of which are cultural, some of which defy description.

My gender and the gender of others born transsexual has never been an issue. Our sex was and always will be the issue although the transgender wingnuts are waging a good war against this fact in the way they have forced the media and others to use the term transgender. I am amused when I read the musings of Black Swan when she virulently comments on some perceived outrage I have committed against the transgendered. Corner her and ask her if she is transgender and ask why she identifies as a transvestite and duck quickly.

I have been called some pretty sick things in the few years I have blogged but Transgender is not one of them because I never was and my transsexualism is long since cured. Transgender Forever is something spouted by almost all the transgender activists because they will always be transvestites and crossdressers and transgender lends a semblance of credibility to their social issue of dressing female in public, which ironically is no longer illegal.

If you have no issue with yourself as a transvestite, crossdresser or drag queen then by all means use the term transgender. If you have a sex identity problem verses a gender  identity problem then for the sake of clarity define yourself as transsexual until after SRS. If you find that to be an issue then maybe you are not transsexual after all.

I watch the mothers of many of the young transsexuals that are brought to the public eye struggle with the use of transsexual verses transgender and one can witness them catching themselves when they use that evil word transsexual. One of these days the world will wake up to this deliberate obfuscation of what is transsexual and what is transgender and when they do I would not want to be on the side promoting transgender because lets be honest here. Why do men who are transvestites, crossdressers, or drag queens need the rights of women or those willing to do anything to become women? The answer is they do not but the truth is as men they demand it.

It is funny how it always comes down to men verses women isn't it? If you believe you are a girl then you want everything a girl has including sex characteristics. If you are a man pretending to be a woman you demand all the rights of women while maintaining the arrogance your dick and balls have provided you. Why is that? The simple truth is because you will always be a man and sometimes the truth sucks.

Suicide

Well we have another supposed study  involving those that claim to be transgendered and contemplating or attempting suicide. I make no claims about any expertise in attempting suicide even though I tried 6 times which are very well documented. I was not really very good at it, thankfully.

These reports about transgender suicide are about as bogus as it gets because there is absolutely no documentation or information about what status the supposed attempted suicides or even those that considered suicide. By this I mean we do not know if the individuals were transsexual, transvestites, cross-dressers, drag queens etc.. In my opinion this is done on purpose to obfuscate the situation so as to favor the non transsexuals under the transgender banner.

According to Suicide Causes the overwhelming causes of attempted suicide are depression and those born transsexual certainly know about that.  Depression was certainly the reason I tried. It was the depression I felt because there seemed no hope for me because I knew I was a girl and I needed to get rid of that silly thing and there was seemingly no help. The second I found Harry I never had another suicidal thought. It was that simple because I now had hope and I knew I could be me, eventually.

In my time that was typical of kids like me and others born transsexual. The kids we have worked with have universally never contemplated suicide after realizing help was on the way. Depression is a large problem for those born transsexual because our bodies are wrong not the cloths we wear. Gender Identity has been perverted into this supposedly cover-every-one mantra and has been successfully pushed by the non-transsexuals under the transgender umbrella.

As the narratives of transsexuals became public the word transsexual was replaced with transgender to enforce the concept that this is a gender problem which IT IS NOT if you are born truly transsexual. It is a problem of sex identity for us and the feeling that everything is so wrong about ourselves permeates our existence because help seems impossible. We were not mentally ill but depressed over our perceptions about our sex which is at the very core of 99.99% of people living on this planet.

Gender is a concept that has been perverted to imply sex but it does not because gender is a societal problem and differs from culture to culture. Gender is thus a social construct and thus gender identity is a social problem and not a typical problem for those born transsexual because it is our sex identity that is screwed up. The transgender activists have managed to force this paradigm into the forefront of public opinion and the result is people thought they had a gender identity problem. This has now been somehow perverted in gender dysphoria in the latest DSM bit it is basically bullshit.

dysphoria [dis-for´e-ah] (Gr.)disquiet; restlessness; malaise. adj. adj dysphoret´ic, dysphor´ic.

gender dysphoria unhappiness with one's biological sex or its usual gender role, with the desire for the body and role of the opposite sex.

The above definition is for a mental illness which transsexualism is absolutely not. The definition for gender dysphoria is also wrong because sex and gender may be linked but they also may not. Here we have the muddling words of incompetent boobs like Zucker who was on the DSM committee that came up with this bullshit as he was for the previous version of the DSM.

There inherent lack of intelligence is actually mind boggling unless one realizes it is all really about money. Widen the scope and there are more clients and thus more money. This brings me back to suicide.

As I said earlier one's sex identity is at the very core of the essence of being human. Unless you are born intersex one is either male or female within the human species and if the intersex are given a choice they will pick the one they belong in. Gender on the other hand is fungible and varies greatly which the transgender activists push hard. There claim that gender is not binary is actually 100% correct because gender is changeable based on any whim or feeling and your appearance based on culture. Sex is not fungible and herein lies the problem because it is the concept of incorrect sex that drove most transsexuals to attempt or contemplate suicide based on the level of the intensity of their transsexualism.

The narratives of those born transsexual have been stolen or co-opted into the narratives of the transgendered because it gives them legitimacy. There is not a single fucking transvestite or cross-dresser on this planet that ever thought they were a girl. It is a damn lie yet many have bought into it. They like to dress as women but they do not want to be female but they tell us they contemplated or attempted suicide. Now I am sure some of them did but it was not because they could not because they are transgender unless you are trying to tell me one wants to kill oneself because they can no longer jack-ff in women's cloths or cannot dress in public as a woman etc. They can so it is bullshit.

It is part and parcel of the attempt to usurp what is female as they keep their dick and balls while claiming to be women when they are en femme. Personally I could care less if they run around fooling themselves into believing they are female or women but they hurt those born transsexual when they show up next to Jazz on a television show and proudly say, "I will trade my breasts for your hair", to a transsexual child whose core sex identity is her problem.

If the non transsexuals are taken out of the study how many transvestites, cross-dressers, and drag queens attempt suicide because of their perceived gender issues. I proffer that very few do but then if one does not say one attempted suicide then one loses legitimacy within the perceived belief that all do this otherwise one is not "trans".

The threat, "I will kill myself if I cannot dress as a woman" or "I will kill myself if I cannot live as a woman" reads as hollow because where is the angst that cause this suicidal impulse. In this modern world all of this is not only possible but legal and available for little money compared to what those facing a sex identity crisis who absolutely "must" change sex and it is that denial or chance that causes a depression only those who have lived through it understand and believe me not a single freaking transvestite, cross-dresser or drag queen has a clue about that.

To the transgendered claiming an attempted but failed suicide or claiming they contemplated it because they are transgendered is like the street cred phony "gangsta rappers" desire so they claim they are gangsters when they are not which does tend to irritate those that really were gangsters before taking up rapping. It is like politicians that claim they fought in Vietnam or some war when they did not. They claim it for political credibility and just cannot stop the lie and sometimes cannot stop even when caught in the lie.

Do some of these non-transsexuals under the transgender umbrella attempt suicide. I am sure they do and I am sure some of them convince themselves it is because they are "transgendered" but the reality is often different. One does not attempt suicide until one feels there is no other way out and no hope period. They believe the bullshit hype from many others in the transgender community that life is better on the other side en femme when in fact it is much more difficult because quite bluntly they often stick out like someone doing a Monty Python Silly Walk would. They make the mistake of thinking being a girl is better yet they are unwilling to take the step of SRS for various reasons and if they make the mistake of SRS then the real depression sets in.

The depression is not because they are transgender but because they ruin their lives. Just read the blogs on T-Central and read but also listen to the sheer silliness of their views of themselves. They cannot understand the wife not accepting them; they cannot understand why they cannot get a job as a girl looking like an NFL tackle in a dress; they cannot understand why women will not date them as fellow lesbians with dicks; they cannot understand rejection because after all they pass laws that force acceptance,. It is both pathetic and in a way very sad but it is not a reason to commit suicide because whatever their gender desires are they can fulfill them.

They can go en femme to baseball games; they can even travel en femme if they have the courage; they can play golf en femme; they can basically do everything they want en femme except they cannot find acceptance as female or women because they are temporary and transient women. Somehow this raises the depression level to suicide alert levels which is total fabricated bullshit.

A social problem is not a reason for suicide but "trans cred" demands they have the requisite suicide attempt of the thought of suicide which is a nefarious concept at its best. Is the thought "damn I hate living in this world" a contemplated suicide? One could go on for days over this lunacy bit the simple truth is it cheapens what those born transsexual that desperately need SRS go through.  It is part of the bullshit concept that we are all the same which comes from the same clown that have jammed political correctness down the throats of the world and have left the world in a malaise where excellence is put down and forced equality without effort is championed.

The concept of high transgender suicide attempts and contemplation fits right into this politically correct world where women are no longer required to have a vagina because men want to play girl. I would ask them if they have ever had their stomach pumped but I know they would just lie. It is far from a pleasant experience and one I have undergone 5 of the 6 times I stupidly attempted suicide because it is stupid even if it seems logical at the moment. Suicide is a stupidly selfish act attempted by those that feel beyond hope. Just how does dressing in women's cloths fit in to that?

Attempting suicide is a mental illness problem which can be directly related to be born transsexual. There is absolutely no way shape or manner it can be linked to being a transvestite, cross-dresser or drag queen and anyone that claims it is just lying and trying to fool themselves into believing it gives them "trans cred" which it may amongst the other dummies claiming frivolously they did the same thing.

Before any of these studies that claim these obscene suicide rates for those that are transgender can have absolutely any validity they must clearly define who was what and "why" they attempted suicide. In reality as a researcher in technical fields the best way is to actually physically interview the subjects but in the world of today somehow an internet poll provides accurate results which is impossible to verify. The National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) has made the same frivolous claims using anonymous polls because they are pushing the concept of sameness for all under the transgender umbrella. I hardly think they are unbiased.

As reported here there are absolutely no reliable studies that back up any of these claims. Even in this report they do not truly understand the primary risk factor for transsexuals or transsexual kids which is sex identity because that has been co-opted out of the transgender bullshit in favor of gender and why would anyone kill themselves over gender which changes or can change on a whim?

Only in the imaginary delusional world of the transgendered is all of this possible or even accepted as fact. Transsexualism is a physical problem. Transgender is a gender problem and has no physical component unless one is transsexual because it is a social problem at its very core. Transsexualism can only be resolved through SRS. Transgenderism can be resolved with a dress. Which one do you think causes stress, depression, and hopelessness and if you claim it is transgender do yourself a favor and wake up from your delusion.

Updates on Jane Doe and California AB1266 Referendum

Jane Doe Update from Florence Colorado

The Fremont Colorado School Board voted unanimously to support Jane Doe's right to use the girl's bathroom. This was reported in the following Pueblo Chieftain article dated November 21, 2013.

The Fremont R-2 School Board had been asked to look into the matter by the now infamous Pacific Justice Institute and the supposed 3 students who were harassed by Jane Doe. The harassment turned out to be a complete fabrication and when the local police investigated they found no evidence to back up the Pacific (Non)Justice Institute claims. When an attempt was . made by detectives to interview the three girls about the harassment they "refused" to be interviewed. There is that silly little thing called the "law" which makes it a felony to deliberately accuse someone of something they did not do so I am betting they refused to talk on advice of council or STFU you idiot or you will get arrested. Of course maybe the thought of a libel lawsuit also made mommy and daddy tell their kids the plan was dead.

My guess is the Pacific Justice Institute thought they would unleash a storm of protest from other people which completely failed to appear.

Hey Jennifer this is an independent source. Does this help change your mind about this child? Somehow I doubt it.

California AB1266 Update

In related Pacific Justice Institute news their planned referendum to bring California AB1266 bill to referendum on next years ballot appears headed for a slow agonizing death as reported in The Nooner on November 22, 2013.

AB1266: As the referendum against AB 1266 proceeds to random sample, proponents would need 92.1% validity to qualify the measure for the November 2014 ballot, which is very unlikely. Those counties that submitted a full validation (small counties) had 72.49% validity.

It seems our friendly Pacific Justice Institute either had a lot of phony signups or they tried to stuff the ballot box with their usual lack of morals. Crash and burn on back to back days. Somehow it just seems like karma.

Just for your edification if the small counties had 72.49% validity that means 27.51% of the signatures were fraudulent. Not good and thank you California.

Jane Doe Is About Me!

In a comment on my linkage post Just Jennifer said the following.

I thought you might be getting a clue, but no, you still are determined to see things as being about you. 

Well Jennifer you are right about that because in so many ways it is about me and kids like me and kids like Jane Doe and I know for a fact you will never understand it and I will tell you why here and now.

I do have a great deal of empathy and compassion for young transsexuals and I really do not care if they call themselves transsexual or transgender. In fact I have those same feelings for kids that are gay, lesbian, genderqueer or whatever the heck they call themselves. First and most important is they are children/kids and their future is hanging in the balance and you do not hurt children/kids and particularly not a child like Jane Doe. Second is the simple truth that I know exactly what Jane Doe went through and is going through because I went to High School with everyone knowing about me in one way or another and I did spend one year in hell when I received the kind of vitriol sent towards Jane Doe lately. Unfortunately I also know suicidal thoughts can and do come about from verbal abuse. Mine came from shrinks and Jane Doe's from assholes so they seem equal to me.

I was hoping she would not have the reaction I had but it is difficult for any kid to not fit in, but it is worse for a transsexual kid. What happened in Florence will alter this child's life forever and the Pacific (NON)Justice Institute is to blame along with the many people that somehow placed blame on a beautiful 16 year old girl 2+ years into her transition. She and her parents did this the right way and her therapist approved and she started hormones early, which I personally highly recommend, because early hormones have dramatic results on us.

I admit that this kid is a very emotional issue for me. I see a lot of me and several of my close friends in her. You do not successfully transition for over two years in junior and senior high school if you are not transsexual. There will always be other kids that will bully you because you are different. Try going to school as a girl or appearing as a girl to everyone else when they will eventually know you are not a complete girl when you are a teenager. From personal experience some will let it go because they are just decent kids. Others will call you names or make snide remarks. Some might try and bully you which seems to not have happened to Jane Doe although we know little of her experience before other than she was actually bullied when she tried to use the boys restroom away from school.

In Jane Doe's case it appears she had a modicum of acceptance and had girlfriends but I am sure there were kids that never get the pronouns correct or do not deliberately or are confused by the entire situation. Unfortunately if they took the time to know Jane Doe I am willing to bet they would find someone just as confused as them because Jane Doe cannot fathom how she could have been born a boy when she is a girl. It is something kids like her and yes me will never understand because it is just not right nor is it fair. I have those feelings to this very day.

I admit it incenses me when I read the cavalier denial of her existence as a transsexual by people like Jennifer and I probably should not get mad but initially I thought Jennifer should know better but I realize she doesn't. Being blinded by your dislike of someone else, Cristan Williams, is not a valid excuse. I would say it is ignorance but it is not that either. I am actually more convinced it is blindness based on personal animus of another or maybe petty jealousy. I did not start the nastiness between Jennifer and me and if one looks back at the trail of comments on all the posts one can read the truth but I responded which is my failing and always has been.

I have often said it takes a lot of courage to transition young and it does but that is not the biggest motivating factor. The biggest motivating factor is rather simple but powerful: fear. We push things because we are afraid who we really are will be lost. It does not make us better than others also born transsexual but it certainly makes us more desperate and different. That desperation is based on what we see around us and what people expect us to be and we know we cannot be what they want, to our very core. In fact, we refuse to be what they want and it has consequences and it is not some silly comment by many that I would have if given the opportunity.

I get quite tired of reading comments or blog posts from people like Jennifer claiming they would have transitioned earlier if given the choice, the option, or a family that cared. Hindsight is always 20-20 but in these cases it blurs the simple fact that it is not true and never was true. All of us faced those same issues and fought them and obtained SRS as early as we could. We were never detoured by some therapist or even money which can be earned even if it takes time or maybe from a benefactor like me or my friend.

The simple and hard truth is if you would have transitioned then you actually would transition as early as possible and have gotten SRS. One may have transitioned at 13, 17, 21, 25, or even 30 but it was as soon as possible. That does not make one better but it does make one different. It is about intensity and intensity drives the resolution to your transsexualism whether anyone wants to admit it or not. In the end intensity drives one to resolve your transsexualism and that is how it is. Intensity varies in all of us because no two people are the same.

In my world the child/teenager always gets the benefit of the doubt in all things relating to transsexualism. Maybe it is the result of raising my stepdaughter, as her mother, or maybe it is how I am wired but children are sacred and always will be. Others need to learn that lesson.

Florence Colorado and Linkage

Well, I do have to give Just Jennifer one point in our argument over Jane Doe in Colorado. She claimed that as sure as the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, my words by the way, that Cristan Williams would attempt to link the kids to the Colleen Francis' of the world and she has

in Colleen-Francis and the infamous Evergreen State College incident.

I commended Cristan for her defense of Jane Doe and her advocacy for children is admirable but bringing Francis into any conversation is counterproductive in advocating for children which is all I care about.

She attempts to link Francis to other incidents involving children including Jane Doe based on the simple concept that because it followed a specific pattern they are similar and then gave her explanation for the Francis incident which is just enough to be factual to a point but not enough to be true.

Because the teenage swim team was given permission to use the pool and the locker room they were not allowed access or in theory were not allowed access to the sauna where Francis sat with some foolish woman that I assume likes men like Francis because Francis is a man and his own writings in the blog world made that clear and they also made clear his predilection for younger girls to use his penis on because Mr. Francis uses it as a man should and has declared he always will. In some ways Francis is predatory in an icky sort of way. I assume he has claimed he is a lesbian which is kind of like a horse claiming it is a cow which probably fits Mr. Francis' attempts to claim he is a woman.

Cristan casually fails to mention that Francis used the girls locker room to dress and undress and the following happened. Local school officials said they came up with a temporary solution.

 “There’s a smaller locker room next to the main locker room at the pool, and they (the swim teams) have been using that,” said Ryan Betz, a spokesman for the Olympia School District.”

So the girls were treated as second class citizens and moved to a smaller locker room so Mr. Francis could have the "gurls" locker room to himself and I assume his cis female gal pal. There is not a single transsexual on this planet that would parade their boy parts around like Francis but then Francis is not Transsexual and in my opinion not even transgender. If he had not deleted all his other accounts it would be quite easy to show his true nature.

The simple truth is that nobody with male parts should be allowed into female restricted dressing areas and other facilities where nudity is or may be common. It is not a teaching moment and never will be. It is just not right because children can and are using those facilities and they include younger students and children of the faculty and staff.

This is not an issue with children and I doubt it ever will be but it is an issue with certain people in the transgender community. Many supporters were vehemently opposed to what Francis did and some were viciously attacked online for their outrage over this incident. Sometimes it seems the transgender believe they have the right to jam themselves down your throat which is has an analogy I will let youall figure out.

The swim team even could have lost its Title IX money which is something women fought to get so we could have equal access to sports and the advantages competitive sports give later in life.

I find it disturbing that Cristan would even remotely link the kids and Francis and she does sort of claim Francis is a subject not to be brought up too often but yet she has linked it here.She has given the Pacific (Lack of)Justice Institute some ammunition they will surely use. It was a fear Just Jennifer had with AB1266, which I support, and I was hoping she was wrong but she was not.

Transgender Activists seem to think that anything that moves certain transgender rights forward is a good thing regardless of the results it has on those evil cis women and girls. The simple truth is very few in the transgender community would do what Colleen Francis did but that is lost in the outrage of the activists when some little fantasy of theirs is denied and believe me exposing yourself in front of any women or girl when they do not welcome is dome for shock value to make a point or as an act of perversion that normally gets one arrested. Francis was more for shock value because as he says he does like the young things which does send a chill up my spine.

Those on the left and those on the right are the master manipulators of the half truth and the partial facts. They use this methodology to promote their own agendas and positions regardless of who they hurt.  In this case Cristan was wrong about one thing. It was not just the Right Wing Media that was outraged it was most of the media and most in the GLB community but then maybe I am nitpicking.

Unfortunately for Cristan in this case there is more to the urban myth than she would like to admit although I do get the feeling she wished Mr. Francis would disappear but then why did she bring him up and try and link him to the children?

Mr. Francis made the following statement.

”This is not 1959 Alabama. We don’t call police for drinking from the wrong water fountain,” said Francis.”

Well even Cristan would have to admit that comparison took a pair of brass balls to make but then maybe not. Francis described himself as a fetishistic cross-dresser in 2010 even though he claims he has lived as a women since 2009 but posted the following picture in 2010 on the a transgender lesbian site.

I copied the following from another site:

His cross-sex hormones are provided by VA Medical, as well as a cocktail of psychiatric meds, lithium and antabuse prescribed for a troubling history that he details at length on a blog at the “Transgender Lesbian Space”of the puddygirl dating site for women. He says he is known as “Fae Raven” (not to be confused with the UK fetish model of the same name) in the “BDSM Community” and describes himself as:

“I am polyamorous, bisexual (I very much favor women though, and my therapist calls me a lesbian…makes me smile) and kinky.”

“Colleen Brenna” means “Raven Girl” in Irish Gaelic. A former rodeo rider, he is an avid hunter and competitive handgun shooter. 

He started wearing a low-dose estrogen patch two years ago and has written that he has no intention of ever getting “sex reassignment” surgery, stating  “Yes, I still have those parts too, although they aren’t disgusting for me. I’ve never hated then. I saw LONG ago, in childhood that those were what I was given, and beung the very, very sexual creature that I was/am, I used them. Enthusiastically. I decided not to be robbed of the blessing of sexuality simply because I came wrapped in the wrong package.” [sic]

He describes his VA funded estrogen treatments as making him “tired and very horny”

The VA also funds his education at Olympia WA Evergreen State College. Francis performed in the university presentation of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues”, an experience he describes on his wordpress blog thusly: “ I suddenly find myself in a community of Cunts.”

 He lists his life interests as: “drawing, cooking, transgender issues,polyamory, witchcraft, nature, fishing, art, poetry, ocean, women, sex, sexuality, emotions, magic, magick, goddess, reading, erotica, pornography, nudity, crafting, leatherwork, firearms, knives, swords, paganism, wicca, LGBT issues, beauty, gender issues, kink, spirituality, guns, makeup, shoes, boots, corsets, selkies”  and describes himself as “at once a teen girl and a woman wise beyond her years.”

He purged his fae_raven.livejournal bdsm account shortly after the incident happened. I do suggest you read the above carefully and consider if you would want this individual near you or a female of any age? Like most in the transgender community he is hiding his transvestism behind the transgender banner because there is not a single sane person on this planet that wants a heterosexual male transvestite in female spaces where nudity is common yet somehow those in the transgender world see this as a teaching moment.

Mr Francis has no respect for women and I mean not one single bit. We are just CUNTS to him. Women are sex objects to him and now he has free access to nude women and girls. I think it is even apparent to Cristan that Francis is someone they should avoid but they just cannot help themselves.

After all of this said and is written about there is but one conclusion why this attempt at linkage is total and complete BULLSHIT. Mr. Francis is not a victim here. Mr. Francis was never the victim here and no matter what any Transgender Activist might say he never will be which is why most have distanced themselves from him. The only victims here were the girls that inadvertently went into a sauna they may not have in theory supposedly been using but they certainly did not expect to see Francis and his hairy whatever. They certainly should not have been treated like second class citizens and moved to a smaller locker room because they were girls. Why was Francis not moved to the smaller locker room?

In the other cases Cristan mentions in the blog post the kids were victims of outrageous accusations and untruths that were used to harm the and promote a wingnut cause. There is not one thing about Mr Francis that was and has been mentioned that is untrue but the wingnuts tried to get involved as they always will and in this case they had cause and Francis gave it to them.

Sometimes the shoe fits and sometimes it just is the wrong size.

Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones But ...

There is this old sentiment that states the following.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me."

Whether this is an American sentiment only or something recognized in most countries ,regardless of language, it's meaning is clear. Basically turn the other cheek rather than physically fighting back when words are used against you. There was once some truth and validity to this statement back when many of us fought for racial equality in the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. It was easy for those of us that were not black because they called is n-word lovers and that horrible word was not meant directly for us. I know how badly it hurt my best friend Karen, the girl who guided me through college and became my lifetime friend.

The problem has always been that those words do "really" hurt and for those of us that were unfortunately born transsexual it can be a life or death moment if you are a child when certain words are used against you. I think it was coined by the person doing the bone breaking and stone throwing, just kidding, because it should read like this.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones but names can hurt me for a lot longer."

As young children, pre-teens, or as teens we are invisible because what we are is unseen even if we are effeminate or not. There is not something as silly as skin color that labels one as transsexual. Being born a minority based on skin color is a life-time experience and something I will never live through and those of us with a brain realize the stupidity of its very basis because under the skin we are all the same mesh of bones, flesh, and brain cells. It does hurt when the n-word is used against a person of color and particularly if it is a child and we as a society are appalled by such actions.

You cannot eliminate hatred or stupidity because laws cannot prevent the ignorance of others but we as a people try and that ignorance wains over time because a child does not hate by his very nature. Children are far more malleable and willing to understand others than adults are willing to admit. Children are taught to hate by their parents and other kids are taught to hate by friends that were polluted by their parents. It is a vicious cycle of hatred but as a society we have changed and calling a child of color a racial slur is about as close to personal suicide as one can get. The public outcry over any racial slur costs jobs and positions of power, as it should, but I have a question and it is simple.

Since when did transsexual children, preteens, and teenagers become fair game for every derisive and nasty comment from "pervert" to "predator" and worse?  Where is the public outrage over what has been said about "Jane Doe" in Florence Colorado? Where is the outrage over the unsubstantiated claims by the Pacific Justice Institute where they openly lied about a fully transitioned child that was just trying to fit in? Why do they try and link kids to the older transgender loons like Francis and nary a word is heard in protest about that from your average Transgender Activist?

The simple and accurate truth is that nobody was upset by this child or any other child like her because kids like this are only a threat to themselves. She was fully integrated into her new school and was bothering nobody and there is not a single wingnut on this planet that could have identified her as having been born a boy unless it was pointed out by another wingnut. All of this because an obvious girl used the girl's room as she should.

Now Jane Doe will be subjected to more scrutiny because the Florence Colorado School Board will be taking up the issue. The Pacific Justice Institute (sic) will garner more fodder for fund-raising among their wingnut constituency. Nobody will ever be able to convince me that this is not as much about her lesbian parents as it is about Jane Doe yet these lesbian parents have received no support from certain individuals within the lesbian community because they helped their child survive by allowing her to transition and be the girl she should have been. Kind of an odd position for a group of women whose aim is to be as mannish as possible but it does take all kinds.

In a clear example of hatred makes strange bedfellows we have the supposedly Christian Pacific Justice Institute and the wingnuts in the radical feminist movement working together to hurt a child. In what amounts to pure irony we have an anti-lesbian group and a radical feminist lesbian group trying to destroy the life of a 16 year old teenager. Congratulations because low has a new low and both of you reached it in lockstep. A proper salute seems in order and I can think of one that fits.

Words nearly killed me and those words first came from adults who claimed to be competent Psychiatrists. When you know you are a girl and everyone around says you are not, life can be tenuous. Words made me attempt suicide not the physical abuse.

Words can also help you and that is their true power but they are rarely used for that in today's world. The words of a brother who accepted me as a girl and his sister started saving me and then the words of Harry Benjamin set me free. The words of a mother that said she would always love me, regardless meant more than can be expressed. The words of a boy that smashed down my walls and saw me as the girl I was and who thought more of me than of his own well being were as they say, priceless.

The kind words of a young woman named Karen who was asked to look after this shy and timid girl that was entering college at 15 were priceless even if she was not quite complete yet. Her acceptance and friendship were what helped me get through the loss of that boy in Southeast Asia. Her girlfriends became my girlfriends and I never had a single major issue in college.

It was a simpler time and for that I am grateful because today social media can obliterate lives and it is used that way. There will always be issues when a transsexual transitions young because for safety reasons it needs to be done both somewhat openly and also as quietly as possible. It is a difficult balancing act and whenever we have issues with other kids it is almost always their parents and we have simply arranged for them to meet the child and her parents. That sounds simplistic but sometimes keeping it simple works best because the children themselves are their own best advocates. Looking into the tear stained face of a young girl rarely fails to elicit a kind response and it was more often than not the father. On several occasions alternative action was necessary and was taken.

Initially our kids used a separate bathroom because that was how it was done then but eventually the other girls they became friends with would take them to the girl's room because that was where they belonged. The simple fact is you always follow the rules setup by the school and the school district because child safety comes first.

This is the face of a young girl with her girlfriends and it is a happy face and their is warmth and joy in her eyes or for that matter all of their faces and eyes. It is girls being girls and Jane is just another girl. You cannot manufacture that or Photoshop that because that is a happy young girl.

Unfortunately the "words" of others have changed her face and I would wager it has incredibly sad eyes and never smiles and it is just because she was born transsexual and her life as she knew it and wanted it to be are essentially finished if she stays in this High School because bullies decided she was a good target for their fund raising efforts and others jumped on because that is basically what they do.

The parents are also going to be suffering because they thought they did everything the right way. They did actually but sometimes "right" is not enough and ignorance wins out or in this case stupidity and pure hatred. I have been where Jane is right now and the despair, hurt, and loneliness can where away at you very existence and suicide seems like an option but it is not because the assholes win.

Of Jane was capable of it I would take her to that School Board Meeting and force them to look her in the eye and that includes the Pacific Justice(Hate) Institute and the complaining parents faces plus I would load that meeting with both kids and adults that support her because she needs that support.

Sometimes words said to a child or about a child can result in permanent harm. Let us all pray that is not the case here.

Sometimes a Video Just Says It All

Sometimes a Picture is worth a thousand words and other times a video is worth a million times a single word. Below you will find a YouTube video link to an extraordinary video that I have to admit had me in tears and then left me with a wide smile.

I was pointed to this video by an article elsewhere so it was not a discovery of mine. It is a much watch and particularly for someone like Just Jennifer although I doubt Jennifer is capable of understanding its importance.

It was made by a High School student and lasts about 10 minutes. It is well worth your time. Enjoy!!!


Losing Luke

Sometimes I Really Do Wonder

Sometimes I really do wonder where people are coming from and whether they actually have the capability to honestly understand what they are saying on the Internet will last in an archive somewhere forever. We all make dopey and stupid posts and comments because sometimes we just are maybe  in a bad mood or the post or person we are causes us great consternation and you go overboard. Sometimes there are people that just irritate you to your very core and others you realize seemingly do it on purpose.

June Hingle is one of those people and primarily it is because she says the weirdest and most vicious things about me including one comment where she claimed, "I spent my youth parading around with my gay boyfriends", or something akin to that. Not a single word of it was true but that did not bother June Hingle. The weird thing is I do not hate June Hingle nor do I go out of my way to amuse myself by talking about such a tortured soul as hers. I have said some nasty things to June that probably should not have been said but sometimes my Welsh temper overloads my kindly nature and I strike back.

Black Swan is another person whose comments exasperate me a lot and we have had some very heated exchanges. She actually went to Boston Massachusetts in a direct attempt to find out who I am based on certain information she thought relevant. What she would have done with that information is anyone's guess but at the time I feared it would have been put to a use I would not have enjoyed. The funny thing is I actually kind of really like Black Swan in a weird sort of way. I know her story and who she is and believe me I could hurt her but I would never do that because that is truly against my nature. I have even deleted her comments that inadvertently would have outed her because it was apparent she was drunk. I doubt she would do the same for me and someone else I call a dear friend.

I was never a naturally assertive person and a lot of that can be traced back to being a young transsexual and the affects that had on my life early on.  even in Houston where I was an expert in certain areas I went to a mentor when I had issues because I feared making waves or rocking the boat. I once recognized we would have a metallurgy problem with a certain set of hardware when a proposed vendor change was mentioned. I was right but I went to someone else who stopped it because it would have prevented us from launching and that could not be allowed.

Even in NYC on the site I managed for my Uncle I went to my Uncle when soft steel was found. I could have been assertive but it was just not me. I made a lot of friends within the steel worker union because I listened but even that took a while to sink in. The first time I was ever assertive personally was in the Business we owned in California with close friends. A certain company refused to talk with women and my first husband told me to handle it and I actually did. I think I told them we did not need them but they needed us and I managed the company day-to-day business so they could talk with me or I would simply call a certain heated rival and see how they felt about working with me. It worked and actually set a precedent for women in that industry.

I learned to be assertive in my world of Engineering but it was always something I have had to work on because it never came naturally. I was absolutely never assertive with boys or men but always timid and shy except for my first husband who I pursued and that was in a way good and very bad. The good my daughter and the bad the 7 figures he took me for. I consider it a wash.

This Jane Doe incident in Florence Colorado has really hit home for me. I look at her and I see myself over 50 years ago and it makes one think of what happened in my life and it suddenly dawned on me I was actually assertive once as a 13 year old. Okay maybe it was as much anger and fear but I was assertive, if screaming is assertive, and it probably saved my life because I was one screwed up teenager right about then. I did not understand why I was the way I was and it was ripping me apart.

A boy kissed me in front of some people that thought I was a "real" girl and I kissed him back because I admit I had wanted him to kiss me for a while. I knew it would get out it was me and my life was dog food when the word got out so I ran out of the place into a raging late season Nor'easter and since I was skimpily dressed jumped into the back seat of the car that had brought us there for self preservation because I was freezing.

That darn boy jumped in the back seat with me and disarmed me by putting his coat around me to warm me up. Why did he do that was all I could think of? I remember I screamed at him that he had killed me by kissing me which was weird because I wanted to die believe it or not. He then asked me why I had kissed him back and I then told him everything about me and how I felt but not until later why I kissed him back. Actually I screamed it at him between sobs because I had a doctorate in crying and I remember his eyes to this day when I screamed I am a girl and why can't anyone see that or something like that. He then told me I had somehow screwed up every boys head in school because boys think about two things, sports and girls, and he assured me sports came in a distant second. Who knew?

That girl in Colorado is really hurting right now and my guess is she is wondering why some people cannot realize she is just a girl. Sometimes it just feels like the world is crushing you when you are that young and transsexual. I would wager she does not and never will understand why she is this way but like me and others she knows to her very essence she is simply a girl. It is what drives us to transition or push the envelope in a society that will not let you be as you should be. I thought and hoped that that nightmare scenario was over with but I should have realized it can never be over with for kids like Jane Doe and me until our SRS.

Jane Doe is so typical of the kids I have helped because the facts are very obvious. Like most feminine transsexuals she has probably very low testosterone levels. At 12 mine were similar to girls that age which probably meant puberty had not kicked in. My doctor at Children's told my mother I would have been sterile or at least there was a high probability which I was not told of, not that using that disgusting thing mattered to me. Jane Doe is what Harry would have called a kid with complete psychosexual inversion which basically means, like me, she just knew she was a girl and nobody was convincing her otherwise.

I am sure she realizes she is transsexual and probably transgender but neither of those terms are actually relevant because Jane is simply a little girl whose body somehow lost its way during development because if that is not a girl then this world is just so wrong I can never understand it. I am also quite sure before she transitioned she had incredibly low self esteem because for kids like us not being "correct" physically is crushing and we can be very self destructive and I know that from personal experience.

I am also betting that when she transitioned it was like someone lifted the weight of the world off her shoulders. Watching your body turn even more feminine as breasts develop is life affirming to kids like us. It seems like you have escaped the grips of that nightmarish thought you would grow up to be a boy. It is that single terrifying thought that forces us into the actions we take. Sometimes those actions can be self destructive and sometimes they are not.

After I started hormones I made absolutely no attempt to hide my budding breasts except near my grandmother but even she knew.  I remember in school how boys started looking and staring at them which was in a way quite nice. My boyfriend certainly seemed interested. They also probably led to my rape but that was in the works for that pervert long before that day.

Dr. Benjamin had actually written a letter to the school intimating it might be a good idea to excuse me from boy's gym which was mandatory as were the white short shorts and white tee-shirts both boys and girls had to wear to gym. I remember my gym teacher finally telling me to leave and never come back to gym because it seemed the boys could not take their eyes of my breasts or bouncing breasts as I moved around or whatever they called it. I was rather pleased with that actually. My boyfriend was actually quite jealous other boys noticed and I liked that also.

Reactions like this are universal among all the kids I have helped in the last 40+ years. I can tell you we have two kids basically the same age as Jane right now and both are worried this could happen to them but they are in Britain so hopefully they are safer from cyber bullying but then how do you stop it?

I have tried to stay as calm as I can about this nightmare so I would not go ballistic and I think I have. I have found myself on the opposing side of many arguments with Cristan Williams but I have always respected what she has tried to give back in Houston because I still have friends there. Her defense of this little girl has been exemplary and above and beyond any calling and she has systematically and calmly destroyed the Pacific Justice Institute lies and distortions which is not something I could have done calmly and quietly.

The simple truth is most of us know that children are sacred and must not be harmed but there are some that let personal animus enter their view of this situation. I missed the comment you will find below and in many ways I am glad I did because I would have blown a gasket,if I had read it. The following comment came after a comment by me which reads as follows in part.

I have not read anywhere where this transitioned girl was harassing anyone. It seems to have been one very conservative parent(s) that complained and I do not believe the police were brought in and it was bathroom use for a transitioned teenager.

Have we sunk so low we would demand a transitioned MTF kid be required to use the boy's room? If you have proof that something "really" did happen I would really like to read it ......

The following was the response I thankfully missed.

The issue is, this person seems to be making no effort to assimilate as a female. I am not saying that someone transitioning should be forced into the boy's room, but that a reasonable compromise should be made. Obviously, this student's situation is well known in the school, and it is an issue. I don't believe on transgender student's right trumps the rights of others in this way. In fact, I think pressing such a demand raises serious questions about the veracity of the student's claim. If the student really identifies as a female, why does he have so little regard for other females?

I will admit I had to read it several times to actually believe what was written but I am going to discuss this line by line just because I can.

The issue is, this person seems to be making no effort to assimilate as a female.

I am really not sure I understand where that could come from. She is transitioned and has been transitioned  for over 2 years and spent the previous 2 years in another school as a girl without any issues. She is also not trying to assimilate as a female but simply be the little girl she is. The female part kind of comes with age and experience.

I am not saying that someone transitioning should be forced into the boy's room, but that a reasonable compromise should be made. 

No but you are saying she should be made to feel different and after all her socialization as a girl is a big plus. Maybe she could do what I did which was be so terrified I found a place in the basement and clean it up like I did so I could make a bathroom break a 15 minute event. You are treating her like you think she is somehow a threat, as in sexual threat, to other girls. Like I said before kids are different and all she is doing is fitting in.

Obviously, this student's situation is well known in the school, and it is an issue.

Actually it was not an issue except for one conservative freshman's mom and the local school district does have the right to make this local decision. Here you are siding with PJI and I do wonder why.

I don't believe on transgender student's right trumps the rights of others in this way.

First this is a transsexual teenager and I realize you have not one single clue what that is but I do. She is not trumping the rights of others because she is a girl. Nobody in their right mind believes she is a threat to anyone but herself, unfortunately.

In fact, I think pressing such a demand raises serious questions about the veracity of the student's claim.

Okay now this line got my dander up. What claim would that be exactly? The claim she is a girl which is undeniable in more ways than I can count. It takes a pompous asshole to make a comment like that but then I am betting you had not seen her picture at this point. I know you have since but you never retracted this comment. I find that interesting and it makes me wonder.

If the student really identifies as a female, why does he have so little regard for other females?

Where the heck do you get off assuming she has little regard for other females and where do you get off using a male pronoun for this child? That is so offensive it infuriates me and I could say some nasty things but I am going to refrain.

Unfortunately that really is who you are on the subject of this little girl. I find that sad because I would think someone who claims they were born transsexual would have some understanding what this child is going through. Apparently you are incapable of that empathy and I have to wonder if you are out helping Pacific Justice Institute gather signatures for delaying California Bill AB1266 and taking it to referendum in the fall 1014 midterm elections. Have you sunk that low?

I am not going to attempt to beat you into submission because I am not sure there is a weapon available that could dent your skull and knock some well deserved common sense into you. You are entitled to your opinion but I am entitled to tell you that calling you Clueless insults the Clueless.

I wonder how in god's name could you use a male pronoun for that child like the Pacific Justice Institute has done but then you need to look at yourself in the mirror. That was beyond insensitive but then that was the intent.

I find this entire side of you rather sad and that bothers me.

Kids Are Different

I am compelled to write this based on some of what has happened and been said in regards to the transsexual teenager in Florence Colorado. What I am going to say is based on my experiences helping transsexual teenagers, my experiences as one, and the simple fact that school districts throughout the country have set up protections for transsexual kids that mirror Florence Colorado and what is proposed in California Bill AB1266 without a SINGLE documented incident.

Politically legislation passed in the United States are often compromises between our mainly two party system and the California Bill is similar to legislation and local ordinances passed throughout the United States including conservative bastions like the state of Texas. In Texas Houston, San Antonio, El Paso, Dallas and Ft. Worth public school districts all have California-style policies protecting transsexual kids and let me be blunt because it is only transsexual kids that will be involved. There is not a single verifiable case in the United States of America of a transsexual doing anything that violates even the remotest spirit of this law and there are multiple school districts in California that already have the same policy.

How can I say that? Well the truth is kids are different than your average wingnut adult and transsexual children only want to find acceptance from others their own age. The funny thing is that acceptance is willingly given by most of their fellow students because in all cases it is pretty easy to recognize the child is the sex and gender they present even with the wrong parts. Whether they are an FTM or a MTF transsexual acceptance is what they need and want because it is what every teenager wants. In their cases acceptance as who they really are is not only life affirming it may be life saving. Being an outcast and transsexual is a potential double disaster for a child and particularly teenagers.

Why is it more difficult for teenagers? Well both the girls and the boys have gigantic cases of raging hormones and these MTF transsexual kids mirror society perfectly and are heterosexual girls that are attracted to boys. The other problem is almost universally they had a difficult time living as boys and are quite attractive as girls which is always important for a girl. The teenager in Colorado is a perfect example of this. She is a quite stunningly beautiful young girl and she would have attracted boys even if unknown and I speak from personal experience when I say they will still come around because she is seen as a girl.

Teenagers view the world quite a bit differently than we do and we can see that in society all around us. The vast majority of teenagers and very young adults openly support gay marriage because they have had gay friends and they see nothing except sexual preference to differentiate their gay friends from themselves. The same is true of transsexual children when they exists within a particular school or school system and the unspoken word here is these transsexual teenagers are exceedingly rare. For the wingnuts among you that means there are not a lot of them.

Jane Doe in Florence Colorado really struck home with me because I was her over 50 years ago in Massachusetts. When I was out in public I was so terrified to go into a boys room I will admit I had a few accidents. I received the same snide remarks Jane received when she tried to use a male restroom so I became totally withdrawn and so timid it was dangerous to my well being. In school I was so terrified of using the boys room not because they would ask what a girl was doing in there but for a different reason, fear.

Teenage boys are attracted to you initially because they sense "girl" and then they get angry when they learn "boy" is correct because even feeling like you had a gay thought back then meant striking out at the one that provoked the thought. Sadly, that is still how it kind of works today because the confusion over whether you are a girl or a boy plays mind game tricks with the psyche of young males and their raging testosterone.In my life things eased up when a certain boy blabbed to fellow students that I was really a girl, oops, should have been a girl, oops, wanted desperately to be a girl. That period in school was weird for the 6 months before I learned I was transsexual which was blabbed by the same boy and resulted in basically everyone thinking I was somehow really a girl but had some wrong parts. The hormones I started around 14 added to the convincing.

It did not end the verbal abuse from some but it did stop the physical abuse because most boys would never hurt a girl and I actually learned that at my 10th High School reunion. This may trivialize some of the complexities of this issue but life for a teenager is sensory and based on their perception of you as an individual. Think about that for a second. Why are geeks often ostracized? Why are obese kids ostracized? I could go on and on but it is perception and the teenage need not to be odd or out of place. Have you ever seen the "cool" kids hang out with the none "cool" kids?

For a transsexual teenager this is a nightmare unless they are transitioned or at the worst everyone knows why you look so "different". You just do not fit "boy" because visually it does not fit and neither do you fit "girl" because you are forced to dress as a "boy". Psychologically it is a living nightmare. I love what Jane Doe's mom said about her after she transitioned. Now when her daughter walks down the street everyone sees a girl because that is who she is.

The irony of this entire Jane Doe case and the Pacific Justice Institute is that if any single one of those wingnuts from PJI met this girl before this insanity began they would have never once questioned her sex or gender because quite bluntly she fits girl like a well worn glove. It is part of the perception people like the PJI and others have about transsexuals. They see teenage transsexuals like many of the older transitioners that have been poisoned by testosterone and this has been true for 40+ years and I know from personal experience again.

I was involved in a legal issue shortly after SRS. I had never met my attorney nor had I met opposing council. I rode the elevator in the Prudential Tower in Boston with one of the opposing council who openly hit on me the entire elevator ride which was something I enjoyed because he was actually nice about it. We got off on the same floor and when I met with the receptionist I was told to wait for a few minutes and my elevator pal said he had friends he had to wait for. It never dawned on me he was opposing council and he actually asked me out to dinner when I told him I was unattached. It was kind of surreal when looking back at it.

The next thing I noticed was lots of suits walking around glancing at me and then staring. even then we were an oddity. When I was taken back to my Attorney I realized I was not what he expected and in all honesty that really hurt. He even said so and that hurt more. The weird thing was he was all smiles and mentioned something to another suit that opposing council was dead. I was in a weird state somewhere between crying, shock, and anger. What the heck were they expecting. I know now but I didn't really understand.

Like most lawyers my suit was a sneaky devil and he had me pretend I was his assistant when the opposing council were brought in for my deposition. That man I met on the elevator had a sudden realization that I might be the "freak" but was so junior he was shushed when he tried to tell the other lawyers in the cadre thy brought that I was "it".  I cannot nor will I repeat what they called me before my suit just pointed at me and said depose her. It was ugly for a while and the only weird comment I made was to the suit that asked me out for dinner. I asked him if this meant our dinner date was off for the evening? It was a mean and spiteful comment but I meant it as such.

I gather my suit told their suits that in front of a jury they had no chance of winning. Meanwhile why the suits talked I went down to a Coffee Shop and put my large sunglasses on while I nursed a coffee so nobody could see my red eyes and the occasional tear that fell. I was 25 and much better equipped to handle this situation but it hurt beyond hurt. I remember how awful I felt when I went up against John Money just before my 14th birthday and to be honest was deeply hurt by what was said. I was unprepared for that and it took days to recover and I had Harry then.

Ironically I learned the legal case was close to being settled when a suit came down to the Coffee Shop and told me. In another ironic moment it was an opposing suit that told me and apologized and then asked if I would still go to dinner with him. Yes the one and the same and I did. it turned into a very interesting evening.

That is an example of perception and the visual image many had of transsexuals back then. Ironically it is almost as bad today which might actually shock you. The perception of those born transsexual is not based on kids like Jazz or Jane Doe but on the wingnuts that present as female and often are not. They believe the teenage transsexuals are just like those adults that are Transgender because that is how transsexualism is now portrayed or badly portrayed to be more accurate.

These same wingnuts think transsexual teenagers will act just like Colleen Francis did or deliberately force themselves on other girls and offend those girls. You will notice the case of FTM transsexual teenagers are rarely mentioned. By the way they would never do what Colleen Francis did because it would offend them.

Just think about what Jane doe is going through. My guess is she likes boys and she is on estrogen so her hormones are raging but more importantly she is going through a girl's puberty. She is described as very shy and timid by her mother which fits every child I have been involved in helping. It is a defense mechanism we use to survive and it often involves building a wall around yourself for protection from the hurt others project on you because you are just so "different".

Teenagers do not do different well unless it is their way of fitting into a group like Goth or something like that but even then they have others like them. I am willing to bet there are few if any schools that have two transsexual teenagers that have transitioned. I actually met another transsexual that went to the same High School I did but she had to hold it back. I cannot tell you how much it would have helped just to talk with someone like me. Today that is possible but the wingnuts even invade that spaces and some wingnuts run sites where they expect transsexual kids to accept themselves as "homosexual transsexuals" and I do not know of many that would. It is not homophobia just the simple truth the terminology does not and never will fit.

Kids are bluntly honest in most cases because they have not learned the deceptive practices of adults. Kids kind of look at the world as black or white and are willing to accept differences early on if they understand why the child is different. The irony here is that not one of us that were transsexual children have one clue why we were born the way we were. To us it just does not make sense because why would a girl be born with a penis? It is simplistic but it is how kids look at it. I never understood it and neither do the kids today. The simple fact you are a girl to your soul wins people over.

When a kid transitions or pushes the envelopes that society has burdened them with despite their continual assertions that they are not what you think we should be they defy what many consider logical. what they miss is the simple truth that it is logical to us or maybe a better term is it is "right" for us. We do not do what we do because it is "cool" or "different" but because we are what we are and we cannot change that and quite honestly do not want to change that because it is the essence of who we are.

Just being one of the girls allows socialization and girls know when you are not a girl. I was in college at 15 and my "protector" was a female pre-med student and it took me 6 months before I was fully accepted as one of the girls. That socialization helped me immeasurably as my life evolved. Jane has already earned some of this since she is 2+ years into her transition and the positive effect of this socialization cannot be underestimated. The Pacific Justice Institute and their lackeys would deny this beautiful girl that important part of her life.

There will still be kids that might call her names but you cannot legislate against stupidity and ignoring them works best plus I found other kids would tell them to just shut up because you are okay. Kids are pretty good that way.

All this teenager wants is acceptance and the saddest part is she has had it since she transitioned two years ago because visually and perception wise she is a girl and it is undeniable and nobody but some wingnuts could possibly view it otherwise.

The sad part is children should ALWAYS get the benefit of any doubt because children are fragile. Jane Doe's parents have had her in therapy for quite a while and the therapist recommended the transition and this is certainly not a case of some idiot therapist allowing someone to incorrectly transition not that it can be stopped. Jane's parents have done everything correctly in order to protect Jane and to provide clear evidence to others that this is the only path for Jane. Sadly there are those out there that give the benefit of the doubt to the wingnuts opposing and hurting this child.

Their vitriol is so anti-Christian it is sickening. Like all radical religious wingnuts they misquote and misinterpret whatever religious bible they follow in the blind belief they have divine righteousness. As a Christian who avoids most churches like they carry the plague, too many do, I often wonder if they even have a clue what Christ stood for. They do not by the way.

This is a little girl that will thankfully never know male privilege and will lead her life as a female. She will get her SRS one way or another and there are people that may be willing to help on that account. Like most young transsexuals she will slide into society and live a quiet life as a young girl and then a young woman. If she decides to be out that is her right and those who benefited from male privilege should just STFU if she does and the same if she does not. It is her life to live.

The sad part here is she had a safe and accepting haven where she could blossom as a beautiful young girl and I fear that may have been destroyed. The people who just tolerate Jane because she fits as a girl may or may not take up the banner of the wingnuts at PJI. PJI started out claiming she harassed girls in the girls' bathroom and when that was completely refuted by the school and the school board they change it to claim her "just" entering the bathroom was harassment. They made the scurrilous claim she changed gender daily by claiming she was a boy one day and a girl the next based on the claim she wore a baseball cap which her parents say she does not own. Look at her face and tell me any of you could mistake that for a boy.

Other wingnuts have called her predatory and a predator based on these untrue comments by PJI and have upped the hate. PJI is using this in order to get the 505,000 signatures  needed to delay implementation of California Bill AB1266 and force it to a referendum in the 2014 midterm elections. They live by the old adage of never let the truth get in the way of your lies if they benefit you politically or financially. This child is being used to raise money for a cause that believes in reparative or aversion therapy which they call conversion therapy. Even for wingnuts like these they have sunk to a new low.

PJI is dishonest and has used less than honest rhetoric in their attempt to gather financial support. I agree totally with Cristan Williams that Jane is being bullied. Here is a picture from Cristan's blog of Jane with her girlfriends at school.

She is happy and she has girlfriends. Do those girls look harassed by her? following comment is from  Cristan's TransAdvocate Blog.

Take a long look at the life Jane Doe had. This is the life PJI has managed to smugly destroy.

Thursday afternoon, the TransAdvocate learned from Jane’s mother that the family decerned that Jane needed immediate professional intervention due to the scope of suicidal ideation Jane had recently exhibited. The family is now working with specialists in Denver to address Jane’s needs.

This child is on suicide watch and having been there I understand her dismay. She was simply another girl with friends and now her life has been turned upside down. To some there is somehow not enough proof Jane is just a girl and that escapes me. Look at that beautiful smiling girl and I dare you to support PJI or even question the validity of this child, yet some do. I find that exasperating.

If I could reach out to her I would hug her like I have every one of the kids we shepherded through this nightmare and tell her not to let them win because her girlfriends at school and many who have lived this nightmare can testify just being accepted as a girl and then a woman is possible and right in front of you and there are many willing to help. Please do not let those wingnuts win.

So PJI has partially broken this child and I bet they are just so proud of themselves. I just cannot understand how anyone can and do hurt children deliberately. This is about as clear a case of cyber bullying I can remember of a transsexual teenager. What has she done wrong other than be who she is? What have her parents done wrong other than loving their child?

Some of you out there need to take a long hard look in the mirror and recognize an asshole is looking back at you!!!!