Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Do you Identify as Transgender??

If you identify as transgender then do not be offended if we who were born transsexual call you a transvestite, cross-dresser, or drag queen or gender whatever because the odds say you are. Since there are so few truly born transsexual which is around 1 in 10,000, although many more would like to claim this status, it means there are at most 32000 transsexuals in the US based on population with a bias towards MTF that is significant. Since the transgendered seem to be 0.3% of population  based on stats provided by the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law that means about 1 million Americans are transvestites, crossdressers, and others categorized under the transgender umbrella.

So if you identify as transgender John Q Public has every right to assume you are NOT transsexual and suffer from a fetish or gender issue NOT related to being born transsexual. Part of the transgender mantra is the attempt to confuse the mainstream world into believing they are the same but we all know that is not true. We seek "completeness" and they seek "pleasure" in their clothes and outings en femme.

I find it hilarious when I read someone scream about some non-supporter claim transgender laws are for transvestites. The simple truth is they are correct based purely on the numbers.  Numbers do not lie and this is a classic case of it.  This is not a set of statistics skewed by arbitrary statistical analysis but simply clear and simple numbers.

It is why those of us born transsexual that believe we should not be under the Transgender Umbrella have a legitimate claim. We are numbers wise insignificant to the transgender movement so why do they get so angry when we do not want to be part of it? The reason is simple. They need transsexuals because they want to confuse the public into believing it is all about those of us that so desperately need to be physically complete as women or men that we will go through anything to get their.  It is why they pounce on ever transsexual child and relabel them transgender.  It is why they conned the fools at GLAAD and the GLB into falsely believing the correct term is transgender and not transsexual.  It is why they want to remove the use of tranny and claim transsexual is linked to she males and prostitution when in point of fact very few of these people are truly transsexual.

So if you identify as Transgender you need to accept the fact that sooner or later people will learn the truth and you will be labeled a transvestite or crossdresser because those on the right have begun to see the difference and that does not bode well for all of us because the shit that might come could be ugly.

Their are sisters if mine that were truly born transsexual like the woman that writes the Women Born Transsexual Blog that have bitten into the poisoned transgender apple and become seduced by the lies. Suzan does not even believe transvestites and crossdressers are part of the transgender movement which should prove how poisonous those in the transgender movement are.

So all of you transsexuals under the transgender umbrella and all of you born transgender that support the transvestites and crossdressers as equals need to realize your new bed is lined with snakes and reptiles that would eat their young to make their fetish legitimate and they will not hesitate for one second to crush ever person with a transsexual history in order to legitimize their fantasy and pleasure.

So if you are a woman born transsexual teaching be ready to be asked what it feels like to be a transvestite if your past is known.  The same goes for everyone out and proud about being transgender but then based purely on the numbers I guess they are correct and you were not born transsexual but are simply another form of fetishism under the transgender banner.

I hope it feels nice to be considered a transvestite because that is what will eventually happen if they get their way.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Neil Armstrong a true American Hero

Neil Armstrong has died from complications brought about by heart surgery at the age of 82. When NASA coined the term "The Right Stuff" they did not actually have Armstrong in mind but they should have. His love of flying was triggered around age 6 and when he left Purdue University for the Korean War he was a combat pilot flying jets. He became a test pilot and flew the legendary X-15 to 218,000 feet in one flight and was a brilliant Engineer in his spare time.

In the early Astronaut core being a test pilot was really a key because you needed nerves of steel and "a very large pair" to hop on top of millions of pounds of thrust and allow yourself to basically be hurtled into space on top of a potential bomb. The joke in Houston was they put their left one to the left side of seat and their right one to the right side because it took a big pair with all knowing the inherent dangers of the early days of manned space flight. People could die and did die in both our program, Grissom, Chaffee, and White, and there were rumors and then confirmation of Russian deaths. Believe it or not  we grieved for all of them. Watching friends die is beyond explainable.

Armstrong was the natural choice for Apollo 11 because he was a civilian and not military. NASA actually wanted the first man to be a civilian much to Buzz Aldrin's chagrin who fully understood the financial significance of being said man.

Armstrong was a kind and decent man and a man of faith. Upon landing and after his famous "Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed" Armstrong took communion with Aldrin privately because Madelyn Murray O'Hair, a noted atheist, had complained and sued NASA because the Apollo 8 crew on man's maiden voyage around the moon quoted from the Book of Genesis and took this memorable picture of the Earth as it rose over the moon.

The Apollo 11 crew took this picture of Mother Earth below.

When I look at these pictures and others many of you have also seen and others you will never see I think of what someone told me once on a day when my world was crumbling around me.

When you look down on earth from orbit you realize what a glorious gift we have been given and that we need to cherish and protect her. When you look down on earth from a moon orbit the feeling of awe will choke you up even if you have a hard edge.  When you look at the Earth from the surface of the moon and you do not have some faith or belief in something other than man then you are a fool.
We like to think of him as an American hero but in truth he was man's hero because he and others like him from the United States and Russia were just as heroic in taking mankind into space despite the risks.

Neil Armstrong has died but his memory will live forever in history because he was the first human to ever step onto another planetary body and he did it with class and dignity. It was one small step for a man and a giant leap for mankind but more than that it was so fitting that sometimes good guys, Neil Armstrong, do get to be first.

May you rest in peace.

Monday, August 13, 2012

A True Feminist Is Dead

Helen Gurley Brown died today in New York City and the world is not a better place for it. Almost single handed she invited women to join the sexual revolution and to empower themselves as women, mothers, and professionals. Her 1962 book "Sex and The  Single Girl" was a book filled with advice, opinion and anecdotes on why being a single woman did not mean a woman was powerless and worst of all sexless in her everyday life.

She was hired in 1965 to turn around the Hearst owned Cosmopolitan Magazine and she did so in rather short order.

She said at the outset that her aim was to tell a reader "how to get everything out of life -- the money, recognition, success, men, prestige, authority, dignity -- whatever she is looking at through the glass her nose is pressed against."
Helen Gurley Brown was in reality the public face to the beginning of women being empowered and in telling women to use what you have to get what you want which was unheard of for women and something only men were encouraged to do because it was a man's world. Unlike militant feminists Helen Gurley Brown championed women from the everyday housewife to those trying to climb the Corporate ladder or break the glass ceiling that limited women. Helen Gurley Brown was a giant pain in the ass to militant feminists primarily because she realized militant feminists were limited in their views on women and after all most of us do like men.

I had the fortune to meet Helen Gurley Brown twice during my life.  Once when I was 24 in NYC in late 1971, at a party and in the late 80's, in the Southampton, at a friend's party. She found it interesting what I did for a living and I found her interesting when she asked how I handled being a woman who was the boss of men in a male dominated world. Well I learned wearing a miniskirt to work did not quite work when the elevators on the job site were basically open to the world. The one thing she said that I remember was "do not limit yourself" and I always took that to heart over the years.

When we met the second time I was recently married and she said "nice catch" which was odd until I realized it was a compliment. He was a good catch because we were in love and for most women that kind of relationship is very fulfilling.

The funny thing is you never think about your life as it passes if you are living it to the fullest. That is what Helen Gurley Brown wanted for women and in some ways she succeeded. A woman should be able to live her life as she wants to and not be told how to life her life by men or worse yet militant feminists that have little clue about the lives most women want. Helen Gurley Brown helped make it possible for a woman to have a family and a career while being successful at both.

Leading as good a life as you can is or should be the goal for all of us whether male or female or even born transsexual or even transgender. The problem is militant feminists wanted to tell women how to live their lives based on their myopic and sadly very oddly skewed views of life and society as a whole. They spoke for a very small but loud minority while Helen Gurley Brown spoke for the vast silent majority that wanted change but cherished their mainstream lives as women. mothers, wives, and workers or professional women. She made it okay to be both.

Helen Gurley Brown made it okay for women to openly look at men as sex objects which shocked the male dominated world but just brought to the front what every girl and woman attracted to men already knew. Some men are just so sexy they are yummy to look at and that is our right.  She made it okay to use our sexuality in a positive way and actually awakened men to the simple fact we kind of like orgasms ourselves. Sex can it should be fun for us also.  A novel idea in 1962 actually.

In her own way Helen Gurley Brown led the revolution that enlightened women and enabled woman to be the person they wanted to be whether that was a wife and a mother or a professional.  Just be the best woman you can be. Helen Gurley Brown was in touch with the essence of most women which is that innate desire to have a family but also to be taken seriously if working.

A true feminist empowers all women to live the life she wants and does not tell them they "must" do this and "believe" that because someone says so.  It was and is up to every single one of us to be the best women we can be.  That kind of flies in the face of the militant feminist movement but then Helen Gurley Brown was never fooled by their myopic view of women. We are diverse and we each have our own dreams and desires and because someone is opposed to it on militant feminist grounds does not make it wrong if it is right for the particular woman.

A feminist voice of reason died today and my world is a little sadder.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Curiosity is RTG powered and some NASA thoughts

Curiosity is powered by a Uranium-238 radioisotope thermoelectric generator. Yes, that means Curiosity is powered by nuclear power but is relatively safe as long as the radioactive material is handled safely at the end of its lifetime of power generation.

RTGs were developed in the late 1950s in the United States by Mound Laboratories in Ohio jointly with the Atomic energy Commission.  They are designated as Systems for Nuclear Auxiliary Power or SNAP, we like acronyms, and the first one used was SNAP-3 on the US Navy Transit 4A spacecraft in 1961.  This was the sat navigation system used to provide accurate positioning for our Polaris Missile Submarines.

The Russians have used RTG for lighthouse power in remote areas although the US was the first to use one on land at uninhabited Fairway Rock in Alaska in1966.

Currently RTGs sit on the moon as the result of their use on Apollo 12, 14, 15, 16, and 17.  They were part of the power pack necessary for ALSEP, Apollo Lunar Surface experiment Packages,  and were designated as SNAP-27 and powered the long lived part of the Lunar Lander package. These stations transmitted information about moonquakes and meteor impacts, lunar magnetic and gravitational fields, the Moon's internal temperature, and the Moon's atmosphere for several years after the missions. After ten years, a SNAP-27 still produces more than 90% of its initial output of 70 Watts. 70 Watts doesn't sound like a lot but it was back then. There are currently two Viking missions with RTGs sitting on Mars.

The fuel capsule, containing 3.8 kilograms (8.36 pounds) of fuel, was carried to the Moon in a separate Fuel Cask attached to the side of the Lunar Lander. The fuel cask provided thermal insulation and added structural support to the fuel capsule. On the Moon, the Lunar Lander pilot removed the fuel capsule from the cask and inserted it in the RTG. Yes the Astronaut loaded the RTG which was inactive until landing.

Because an RTG is used in a spacecraft not intended for return to earth normally storage of the spent plutonium-238, it is non explosive by the way, is not an issue but there was one incident that is rarely talked about. When Apollo 13 returned to the earth they used the Lunar Lander as a life raft until just before reentry when the Lander was discarded and the Command Module was used for reentry. The Lunar vehicle mostly burned up on reentry but the plutonium-238 went to the bottom of the South Pacific Ocean near the Tonga Trench and has never been recovered. By the way NASA referred to it as the Lunar Module (LM) but the flyboys called it a Lander for obvious reasons.

Spirit and Opportunity, 2004 Mars Rovers, were powered by solar energy because they were small.  All long range unmanned missions are usually powered by an RTG for a reliable source of power.  It has been a long running issue with the anti-nuke people over the years but thankfully other than 13s LM SNAP-27 no real issues have resulted although it is unknown if RTGs were on any failed missions out of Vandenberg in California which is a military launch site for covert and private launches of military equipment.

The RTG on Curiosity is a new design from Boeing and generates 125 watts of power from 2000 watts of thermal energy at the start of the mission. it has a life of 14 years but Curiosity is unlikely to make it that long. The Multi-Mission Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator or MMRTG is 4 times more powerful than the solar powered Rovers from 2004 and also provides warmth for sensitive equipment and actually pumps fluids to some.

A manned mission to Mars will require something different the the current MMRTG technology and solar will not cut it either. The spacecraft in transit to Mars will require a separate and more powerful source of power that will have to be nuclear in nature with a backup in case of problems. The Mars Lander will also require special power depending on duration of the mission on the surface.

On Apollo the Service Module provided electrical power with three fuel cells built into the North American Aviation designed Command and Service Module combo but they had limited lifetime sufficient for Lunar missions. The fuel cells provide power for heat, electricity and potable water. This system would not be capable of handling any long duration manned mission like Mars.

Our dipshit politicians, in both parties, along with NASA incompetence have allowed us to lose our way in the space program. The Shuttle was not a bad idea but even a decent idea badly managed is not good and add to that the needless deaths of 14 Astronauts and two lost Shuttles and even I have to admit NASA got what it deserved in so many ways.

Challenger was launched below 48 degrees which was the minimum requirements for a warm launch site like Kennedy (I hate calling it Canaveral). They launched at 42 degrees F with icicles hanging off the Shuttle despite knowing that previous launches below 48 resulted in solid booster leaks. Rubber O-rings have several key properties one of which is a known expansion rate given a starting temperature of the compound. They played Russian Roulette with the lives of 7 Astronauts and the Astronauts lost.

Columbia was even worse.  They knew the wing was hit by foam from the Martin Marietta external tank yet they never sent any of crew out for a check and ALL Shuttle command crew are EVA qualified and have equipment available to perform an inspection. They then played Russian Roulette with these 7 Astronauts and Columbia disintegrated because on reentry to plasma generated by compression and heating of even a thin
atmosphere found its way into the wing and weakened the structure and killed 7. One NASA dipshit even claimed they never worry about reentry on NASA television but was quickly shut up because the simple truth is if anything goes wrong on reentry the spacecraft is severely compromised and unlikely to survive plus their is the communication blackout cause by ionization caused by the compression and heating of the atmosphere.

This is what happens when mediocrity, which is government hack, meets engineering requirements and the hacks win. First rule of manned spaceflight is the book is it. You follow the book and never violate the procedures and I mean never unless something untoward happens and then you check the book for a process that might work and improvise if necessary.

Even on Apollo NASA violated the book and killed 3 Astronauts in the Apollo 1 pad fire. I look at NASA sometimes and wonder where we went wrong but I deeply believe in the manned space program but sometimes it is hard to justify even if the NASA budget is less than 1% of the total federal budget. Somehow I think the Defense budget could have spared a few billion here and there. NASA has been a bureaucratic mess since just before Apollo 10 when the hacks realized we were going to pull it off and they weaseled their way in with the help of your local elected officials and the hammer of budget cuts.

Obama was quick to jump on the early success of Curiosity but he, along with Congress, destroyed the careers of many of our best engineers in Florida because the men and women that get the vehicles into orbit and prepare them and repaired the Shuttle were among the best and the brightest and Obama lied to them like every politician lies to them. Men and women with 20-30 plus years experience in missile and space exploration vehicles were just laid off. That is like Apple firing everybody in the company that knows who to put the product together so it will work and can be delivered to the consumer.

Maybe we will wake up when the Chinese and their lead painted spacecraft returns humans to the moon. I should stop now because it infuriates me. How the hell did we go from putting a man on the moon to outsourcing to Russia the sending of our people to the International Space Station? The answer is stupidly simple. Political correctness, political expediency, and political cowardliness and a NASA where the bog pieces always seemed to float to the top the quickest. (think cesspool)

The end of my rant.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Curiosity Lands on Mars

Jet Propulsion Lab and NASA successfully landed the Curiosity Mars Rover right on target tonight. They successfully used a new landing technique never tried before and dropped 5400 pound descent stage and scientific instruments and a vehicle like a new born baby being placed in her mothers arms albeit a little roughly at 2 mph. With a simple text message saying "I made it" everyone in mission control could finally breathe.

On its way to Mars Curiosity performed a really crucial scientific experiment necessary for any possible manned flight to Mars. Curiosity measured the radiation exposure any future astronauts would be exposed to on such a long duration flight.  Curiosity will continue this experiment on Mars because Astronauts on the Mars Surface will be exposed to radiation with little protection working on the surface.

Curiosity has a special radiation shell or protective shielding which is I believe what is planned for the Orion deep space capsule if it ever comes to fruition. All Astronauts are limited in the amount of radiation they may receive during their flight careers and the Mars flight would "contribute significantly to an Astronauts career total of RADs allowed which is in the range of 1-4 sieverts depending on age and gender. It will be young flyboys on any Mars mission.

The reason Mars is dangerous is the simple fact it does not have a magnetic field which deflects radiation and protects us. The big culprit is always solar radiation which is upped dramatically with any major solar flares.  Interestingly Apollo on the Apollo missions 7-17 there was only one minor solar flare and most of the radiation Apollo flyboys.  Apollo was primarily pestered by Van Allen Belt radiation, cosmic rays, neutrons, and other subatomic particles created when the particles collided with the space craft.  The business of flyboys in space is a tricky business.

None of the Apollo Astronauts suffered any adverse affects and several including Jim Lovell flew multiple missions. The Command Module was reasonably safe as it was quite well shielded and could be positioned while traveling to and from the moon to protect itself using the RCS system. The most dangerous radiation levels occurred on the Lunar Lander during descent, ascent and while on the surface of the moon because the basic shell for the Lander is paper thin. A major solar flare while on the Lunar surface would have required an emergency return to orbit and the protection of the Command Module.

My friends at CalTech and JPL are the remaining best of the best and the brightest but then they have been running successful missions for a while as the Mars Rovers Spirit and opportunity attest to. Curiosity is a beast and I mean she is as big at 1200 pounds with a planned mission time of undetermined length that will vary based on the craft itself.

Hopefully Curiosity finds some interesting items and peeks mankind's curiosity because we sure need it to get off our asses and explore because when we do not explore we will die out s a specie because it is in our nature to be curious. Of course that will also require some insight and courage politically and currently that is not found in Washington DC in either party.

Congrats to the Curiosity team and even NASA for a pretty cool mission that has a long way to go but is off to a terrific start. First thumbnail pictures are already in and after testing is completed on all mission systems Curiosity should be off to her mission and hopefully spark our curiosity.

*****  Edited for correct weights of descent and rover. It was taxing watching and written in a hurry. ****

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Chick-Fil-A trouble.

According to the Williams Institute at the UCLA Law School, a sexual orientation law and public policy think tank, estimates that slightly less than 4% of the population in the United States is gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender. 1.7% are gay or lesbian, while 1.7% of the population is bisexual with 0.3% of the population transgender. How accurate these figures actually are can be debated but the Williams Institute is quite above board and very respected.

The COO of Chick-fil-a made a stupid and silly comment claiming something along the lines of gay marriage will bring god's wrath down on America. Everyone from Barack Obama, a really late expedient political convert, to the idiot but beloved Mayor Tom (mumbles) Menino of Boston and Rahm Emanuel, a true Chicago Pol, have come down hard on Chick-fil-a and are of course outraged and rightfully so but they miss the point as usual.

First and foremost under the Constitution of the United States same sex marriage is NOT a right in either the wording of the Constitution and in any of the Bill of Rights. I happen to support gay marriage because I believe two people in love should have the right to marry and enjoy both the joys of marriage and the nastiness of divorce. I voted for it in North Carolina and support it. The Supreme Court will hear something along these lines soon and I believe they will uphold States Rights to govern marriage which means some states will have it and others will not.

A large percentage of Chick-fil-a stores are franchises and are locally owned although the company is private held by one family that happens to be a Christian family.  They have around 1600 stores that employ in the neighborhood of 30,000 plus mostly young people and have a company wide policy of non-discrimination that is a model for the industry and the words of one idiot does not change that even if he is the Chief Operating Officer.

Gay marriage is a hot button topic and many Christians, Muslims, and Jews have an issue with it. Some do not but many do and they have a right to that view because Constitutionally it is not recognized and never will be because it is a State Rights issue.  In fact the man I voted for, our President, was firmly opposed to gay marriage up until a few months ago when he realized he needed to firm up his unltra-liberal base because he was in trouble in the upcoming election. Politicians do those kinds of things but this was a really big mistake.

The conservatives have never loved Romney because at heart he is a moderate Republican but they are energized by this scandal because most are Christian. They did not like McCain and did not vote but did vote in 2010 and it was not pretty for the Democrats. They are going to vote in this election in droves and it could be ugly for democrats again.

Why has Obama, Menino, and Emanuel not screamed bloody murder at the multitude of black Ministers and their Congregations that have come out against gay marriage? The reason is simple.  They are not an easy target and they do not want to alienate them to the point they might vote Republican. Politics is a dirty business and nobody is better at dirty business than a Chicago Politician.

There has even been a backlash from gay Democrats like Barney Frank concerning the attempt to disrupt the future location of Chick-fil-a stores by politicians. If you want to see the hornets nest this lunacy has brought about all you had to do was drive by a Chick-fil-a on the Appreciation day. The one closest to me and all those in the Charlotte area were packed as they were country wide because there are a lot of Christians and also a lot of people that think trying to put a company out of business or harming the business in the current economic climate is anywhere form damn stupid to very selfish.

The one thing that cannot be taken away is the First Amendment to our Constitution which assures us that we can all basically say what we want as long as we do not threaten harm to others or sedition to our Country. There is no illegality in being a dumb shit as this particular person was but he threatened nobody and gave a rather stupid opinion. Being stupid is not against the law because if it was our politicians would all be in jail.

If you do not like what this fool said then do not eat a Chick-fil-a but do not tell me and others that we are homophobic if we eat there or even if we support the opinion expressed. Free speech is not a one way street only available to the ultra liberals or the gay community or those who feel they are the only ones with the right to speak on certain issues. Whether you like it or not they have a right to disagree with gay marriage because as it currently stands it is not a right although I personally believe it should be.

Many people profess their support of gay marriage, yet even in California gay marriage lost in a referendum and has yet to pass muster in a vote in any state referendum. In my opinion it is soft support because most people are like me and see no harm in it so polls show more support but not hard support which is voting support. Besides I always lie to some dipshit pollster that calls me and interrupts my meal or life and many of my friends are the same.

This affair will blow over eventually because  it is basically unimportant and the idiot making the statement will hopefully keep his mouth shut and stick some chicken in it the next time he wants to opine.

The kiss-in was a giant failure compared to the support day and there has been vandalism at some Chick-fil-a restaurants, which is wrong. The 3.5 percent of the public that are gay need the straight population to support their position and you do not win support this way and no gay rights is not the same as civil rights involving people of color. By the way I know many people in my area that support gay rights but do not support gay marriage. Convincing them otherwise is not done with baseball bat but with rational dialog which seems missing altogether.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Problem Is ...

I always knew I was a girl until I realized my body was incorrect and at that point I knew I had to somehow correct my body with the added problem that I had no clue I was a transsexual until a few days short of my 14th birthday. I never accepted myself as being a complete female or woman until I had surgery and this is the real problem or the difference between people like me and the likes of Autumn Sandeen and Monica Roberts and others in the transgender camp. It is really the crux of the problem.

Once I realized there was a surgery that would complete me it was the single goal of my life and it is the single goal of everyone like me that I have ever known well enough to confide in and have them confide in me. It is certainly universal among those young transsexual I have known, helped, and dealt with over the last 43+ years of my life.

I was born into an affluent family and outside of my maternal grandmother was loved by my parents and brothers despite the giant pain in their collective asses that I was. I am sure they got tired of me telling them I am a girl and I know I hurt them with my suicide attempts. They sought help for me but it was help they hoped would cure me and it was those Psychiatrists and the depression of not believing there was anyone to help me that brought about the suicide attempts, along with some bullying.  The only mental illness those of us born transsexual usually have is the depression related to the realization that our bodies are just wrong. It can be debilitating. It wanes as the hormones kick in and our bodies become as they should and it disappears after SRS.

I never understood why I was born that way and I have always been very angry about this. I was a child of the 50's and I wanted my Disney Moment like every other little girl or certainly every other heterosexual girl. I wanted my Knight In Shining Armor, some children, a house, a dog, and a white picket fence.  I prayed every evening for god to make me whole so I could be the girl I just knew I was and woke every morning to the same Groundhog Day nightmare. I was still not a girl although what a complete girl meant was a mystery until I was 11.

My grandmother always threw away my fashion magazines and girl teen magazines because it reminded her I was me and me was at that time something she was very afraid of. My brother Ray had begun to treat me like his little sister and was 14 by the summer of 1957 and he said he would hide my magazines with his Playboy and other porn boys seemed to have. I knew where he hid them and when I went to retrieve my magazines my grandmother had thrown mine away and left his porn there. Somehow porn was better for him and possibly me than Vogue and other girl oriented magazines. That was the first time I had ever seen a vagina and I just thought it was so beautiful and I needed one immediately which was of course impossible.

I knew there was a difference between a girl and a boy but not "that" big a difference but I got a rather quick lesson in girls have an "innie" and boys have an "outie" from my poor brother Ray who I realized later was totally embarrassed by the entire event. I remember getting really depressed because how could I get a vagina out of that "thing" I was born with.

My mom found me crying in my bedroom a few days later and was worried because crying and depression usually led to a suicide attempt in my life. I just did not understand how god could let me be born with what I had instead of what I should have had which was obviously what my mom had. It was just another shock for my mother but I felt she was understanding so initially I thought I should be honest with her about how I felt but kids like me can sometimes be too blunt because in many ways we are pushy about what we need.

I never understood how much I both confused and hurt her until I read her letters to Dr. Benjamin.  We young transsexuals are not the only ones confused by our situation and we are not the only ones that are in harms way.  I looked at my mom as someone that had beaten Paralytic Polio and as the woman I took long walks with every day as she continued to strengthen her body and her very soul after what she went through and then she makes the mistake of telling me I can always talk with her about myself and believe me I did. She was frightened and worried about me because she loved me.

In some ways we are typical children but in so many different ways we are forced to grow up long before we should have to. A lot of our childhood is lost to the nightmare of being born transsexual and god help the child if the parents are not supportive because Nightmare on Elm Street comes to mind.  An abusive parent of a child born transsexual can scar the child for life and in too many cases to think about lead to the horror of a successful suicide or the situation where a child runs to be themselves and ends up in the clutches of the sex trades and the sick assholes that abound there.

In many ways the life of a child transsexual is a minefield and unfortunately very few of you understand it because, well, you just do not. Some of you do because you lived it but most of you did not because the intensity of your transsexualism did not drive you into action because believe me when I tell you no matter what a parent did they could not dull the intensity of just knowing how wrong we were and how desperate we were to fix the problem.

The vast majority of the kids like me that I knew and know today, both friends and those we helped, had one thing in common.  Whether we were heterosexual girls or lesbians the single thought of ever using that "thing" we were born with on another girl or woman was so reprehensible it made us sick to even contemplate it. In the Dutch Study discussed in this post kids like me were decidedly heterosexual and accordingly would eventually mirror the normal spectrum for sexual preference in women.

It most certainly does not mean others that marry are not transsexual.  All it really means is societal pressures allowed them to somehow function as men and it does not mean one form of transsexualism is better than another.  People are different and transsexualism in people is different but what it should tell you is that that if you did not react as a child as some do then getting a do-over in life starting with the same metrics but better parents and finances would have made no difference in most cases although I will say physical violence from parents is another thing. In my time if you had SRS by 25 you were young and some of my friends had to wait into their late 20s and early 30s but SRS was the goal not because it was expected but because we wanted it because how could we have a lover while we had a penis? A girl does not have a penis. It was that simple and should be today.

The biggest problem most of us faced was boys because we are and were attracted to boys but only as a girl and that is the big caveat. We were not attracted to boys as a gay boy is attracted to boys.  We are attracted to boys as a girl is attracted to a boy and there is a big difference. We are and were very susceptible to being fooled by boys that seemingly accepted us as girls and sometimes it was truly acceptance, my case is an example of that, and others like my friend Lana led to rape and carnage that forced her to run away forever.

To us and 99% of the other transsexuals SRS and the freedom and completeness it brings is and was our goal. It gave us the chance at leading a good life but it was only the chance not the assurance. Most of us worked hard to fit into society as girls and young women because that was all we wanted. Most of us dreamed of finding the right man that could love us. Some of us did and some of us had to keep plugging along until the right person came along, if ever. It was never an assurance that it could or would happen but the chance was all we asked for. It is why we disappeared into the mainstream of society. We always have known we would never be 100% normal, because of our history, but that does not mean we could not live as a normal female in society.

I have never owed anything to any transsexual that came after me or was before me because my life is and will always be my life to live and no other person has the right to tell me how to live as long as I live within the boundaries of society.  I fought my way through a minefield like those before me and those after me in order to be as I should be. The only people I owed anything to were those that helped me and they only wanted me to be happy.

Now many of us find ourselves under attack because we refuse to accept ourselves being drawn under the Transgender Umbrella because we find ourselves at odds with the overall positions taken by the activists supporting the Transgender Umbrella. We are called Separatists and worse. We are told we have no "right" to protest because it is for the good of all under the transgender and we are thus transphobic or worse. The funny thing is these same people think they have every right to tell us how we should think and what we should believe in. They are free to be transvestites but we are not free to be female. How conveniently male of them.

We have no right to our opinion because they are right and everyone else is wrong because they say it is so. It is sort of like the collective under communism where minds need to be retrained to follow the party line. The transgender have kidnapped us and forced us under the Transgender Umbrella and we are all expected to immediately develop a giant case of Stockholm Syndrome and immediately accept our captors as our masters and we should shut up and sit in the back of the bus and neither be seen nor heard.

I have asked many times if one of them will please tell me how those of us born transsexual are like them since they are transvestites and cross-dressers few of whom have had or desire SRS and we are never answered and told to again shut up because they know what is right for "all" of us. They capture a few women born transsexual who soon are in reality women born transgender because they swallow the lies and untruths. They very conveniently hide the fact they are fighting for transvestite rights and not for our rights to simply be female. They latch onto any woman that has gone public about her sex change and immediately relabel her "trans" so they can be her equal as a woman.

None of us wishes any physical harm to any of them but they are certainly willing to hurt us. They say we can never be women because we will always be male as Autumn Sandeen has said many times. They put forth agendas that harm and in many ways endanger any chance of transsexualism being considered a medical condition which is odd because for those born transsexual hormones, transition, and surgery cure everyone I have ever known. They openly attempt to redefine what sex identifies so it covers them and their penis or desire to get pregnant while claiming to be male. The truth is they are happy with their condition because it is a source of pleasure and enjoyment in their everyday lives.  According to them we are wrong and they are right. Being "trans" gives their pathetic lives meaning along with bitching about the wife not understanding their need to cross-dress.  They push the view that SRS  is not really needed to be female and this hurts every single one of us born transsexual. It lowers every transsexuals chances for help.

They want to identify all of us as trans when all we wanted was to be rid of transsexualism and they cannot understand that. They look at being trans as a gift which is impossible for anyone born transsexual because if transsexualism is a gift please leave coal in my Christmas Stocking. They are appalled we believe that anyone with a penis should not be allowed in female spaces because they are men and they are immune to violence against women because well, they are men. They are not female so they are incapable of seeing the problem and those that see a problem are prejudiced in some way.

They are suddenly feminists when they put on their dress, heels, hose, and wigs yet cannot understand that
this simple act along with claiming they are as female and womanly as any woman is as misogynistic an act as any man could possibly commit. They are suddenly experts on all affairs we women face when they have not lived one single day as a woman. They are you typical 62 year old transvestite man that suddenly decides to try hormones and is immediately an expert. They think they are accepted when in truth they are tolerated.

The problem is one of them will eventually disrobe in an area with mothers and their daughters and the shit will hit the fan. An FTM did this at the University of Pittsburgh in an attempt to cause a problem but that is so different and the transgender crowd does not see that. This person was not a threat to the men but a man with a penis and balls in any ladies facility is a threat but they cannot see it.

I wonder if these new type of women would undress in front of their own daughters and tell them they are the same? Of course they would not because deep down they know it is wrong.

The problem is they are the problem and not us. The problem is they realize we are a big problem for them so they need to make us disappear and they manage to get some of us suffering from Stockholm Syndrome to support them like Janet Mock and Isis who denigrated transsexualism when ironically the only reason both ended up with SRS is because they were born transsexual.

Being identified as "trans" makes you less than what the suffix defines when using "trans" as the transgender do. I am simply a female and a woman.  I am not a transwoman. Is Janet Mock or even Isis now trying to say they are somehow less than a woman because they are now self-described transwomen? I wonder how Janet's gorgeous boyfriend feels about being with someone that now describes herself as something "less" than a women. The truth is quite simple.  Janet Mock is a gorgeous young African American woman and the only thing remotely "trans" about her is the simple fact she was born transsexual. She is as different from the Transgender loons clinging to her as night is from day. Hopefully some day she will wake up to the fact she is being used by transvestites. I would not hold my breath.

The problem is this problem is never going to go away. Men are more aggressive than women and unfortunately for us our fellow women in politics are incapable of standing up to these men.

The problem is no lesbian in her right mind will accept another lesbian packing a penis. Why would they want that horrible reminder of maleness? If you have not noticed the radfem lesbians, they hate us all by the way, are fighting with transgender radfem lesbians over this kind of acceptance and are in some ways spearheaded by Toby Hill-Meyer a self described MTF lesbian pron star that likes his/her penis.

The problem is few straight man will get into a physical relationship with a woman with a penis. Now men can be disgusting creatures when it comes to sexual habits but that one ain't happening unless they cannot see you as anything but a girl.

The problem is they will always be outside looking in. It is why they stay with the wife if they can. They want to push their way into society but society will never accept a female having a penis on the whole.  If they took that poll in the United States it would be very interesting.

In reality the problem is they are a group of pathetic men hell bent on living their fantasy to the fullest and if truth be told they were not trying to crap on everyone born transsexual I do not object to them living as they wish and I certainly wish them no harm but unfortunately that is not how it is. When their world comes crumbling down around them, and it will eventually, I fear for those children born transsexual and those older transsexuals on their way to SRS because it will only get harder.