Thursday, January 27, 2011

It was 40 years ago

I was writing this at 3 PM on January 26, 2011 EST and this was right around the time I woke up in recovery after my surgery completed me physically. I woke up and I was finally a physically complete 25 year old girl or as close as medicine could make one in 1971.
My surgery started at 8 AM on that Tuesday morning and around 7:45 AM Granato and his two consulting surgeons arrived.  I had only met Granato twice before entering the hospital.  The first was for his approval for surgery because in those dark days the surgeon truly had the final say about access to surgery regardless of what even Harry Benjamin said.  I knew I had to pass the “eye” test as we called it.  It is like taking a class in College today “pass” or “fail” to avoid having to work too hard for a good grade but still get credit for the course. I wish they had them in Buckeye country but I got a “pass” and the next time we met was for the orchiectomy which was done under a local in his office on a very cold and rainy Friday evening in late November of 1970.
The two surgeons helping Granato were a Plastic Surgeon and a Board Certified Urologist which begs to tell another story but I am not going there. I was already prepped and Granato remarked, “Most are quite nervous over surgery but you seem unusually calm”, as he looked at the monitors and remarked to one of other surgeons “she will be fine” and we talked for a minute or so and  the world faded to black.
All I remember from Recovery is Granato said it went well and fade to black again before finally coming out of the fog in my room around 6 PM to the gentle stroking my hand by Dr. Benjamin. We talked a bit but I was in and out of the fog of some serious pain medication.
I woke up on Wednesday and Lena showed up as my roomy and then flowers started arriving from Oscar, Andy, and Lana. Lena and I were talking and this huge flower arrangement arrives with a card and Lena grabs the card for me and goes, “holy crap is this who I think it is?”, and I grab the card and that guitar player had sent me this flower arrangement from halfway around the world and the dumb shit put his full name on card or some fool did. It was quite touching what he said. He was and is a really nice guy.
Then I started sneezing because there were too many roses and I was still allergic in those days so the flowers had to go because if there is one thing one does not want to do after that surgery it is sneeze hard and damn did it hurt.
Afternoon visiting hours started at 2PM and my younger brother Steve and my mom show up and poor Steve is looking at Lena in disbelief because that girl was seriously beautiful and I had to laugh.  I think I commented there really is more than one like me and he sort of nodded.
My older brother Ray arrived around 2:15 PM from California and we had a family reunion and mom and Ray finally made up after the many years they had not talked. Ray just leaned in and whispered, “It is finally over sis”, and I was a blubbering mess and crying hurt a little also.
It suddenly hit me that that the worst part was over at last. I knew regardless of what happened in the future I was finally how I should have been born. It was almost like more relief than joy in many ways. It is funny the memories one has from so distant a past. I could never forget what my guitar player said on the card because it was a play on the words of a hit song of his band yet I cannot remember other things.  Old age maybe but that was a very special few days when one truly realizes the nightmare is finally over.
May all of those born transsexual eventually reach that moment in their lives when they realize it is finally over.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Something I always wanted to Ask

When I was a child trying to figure out what the hell I was since little boys were not supposed to believe they were little girls in the 50s my dreams involved a Knight in Shining Armor rescuing me from the pain of my existence and transporting me to a place where my Knight would hold me and cherish me as his wife.  Ok, probably a little off the wall for some of you but even as a child I knew I was intended to live my life with a man.  I would have settled for a husband, a family, and a house with a white picket fence but I really wanted my Knight like a lot of little girls did and do. Disney has made a fortune on little girl’s dreams.
Even before I realized how attracted I was to boys at 12 I knew inside this was what I wanted.  I wanted to be beautiful and desirable like the vast majority of girls did then and do now. I was both cursed and blessed at the same time. I was cursed by being born transsexual and blessed with very low testosterone levels and blessed and cursed with a decidedly feminine appearance. I looked like my mother who was very beautiful.
Aria Blue and her sycophants and many others have held that against kids like me and have attempted to claim we were gay boys deluding ourselves but in reality we were just little girls like all the other little girls just with a birth defect. My appearance and those of friends like me resulted in me facing a brutality most of you have no clue about and that is actually good because I would wish those early years on not even my worst enemy.
It is brutally confusing to look in the mirror and see a girl looking back at you while everyone screams you are a boy and you have absolutely zero idea how to actually be a boy unless you try and copy your two brothers. In my case you do bad things to yourself until you meet Harry Benjamin. I just wanted to be a complete girl. Then when I reached puberty it was not that of a boy but of a girl albeit one with lower estrogen levels than normal girls but higher than a boy so at 12 I really began to change physically and I realized I really found boys cute and interesting and that was scary but also somewhat natural to me. I know this because I have a copy of my tests from Children’s Hospital in Boston in late summer of 1958 when I was 12.
I was both scared of and very attracted to boys which probably got me in even more trouble with them because if they caught me looking at them it meant a beating but I still wanted my Knight in Shining Armor or my Prince Charming to save me and make me his forever. I was Cinderella or Snow White who needed her savior and besides girls wanted boys to protect them and cherish them or they did in my world anyway.

Even before I met Kevin I knew I wanted a boy to make love to me as his girl. For kids like me it was about gender and being female but it was also about physical sex with boys because how else could you have kids. Ok, that part I didn’t get until Harry told me I would never bear children, that really hurt by the way, but for my age I had a lot of interest in sex as a girl with a boy. My poor mother got the triple whammy with me. A son who believed he was a girl, a son attracted to boys as a girl, and one that wanted sex as a girl with boy and wanted it quite badly as time went on. Mom once told me if I had been born female she might have had to lock me up to keep me away from boys.
The first evening I met Harry and he described the process I would have to go through one of the first questions I asked was when could I have sex. I asked Harry much later when I had fully transitioned why I was so intent on having sex and he just laughed and said some girls are just that way which I found puzzling but did eventually learn was true of a smaller percentage of girls/women than I realized.
Now in the current world of Political Correctness admitting one was attracted to boys and really wanted to have sex with boys as a girl was not the wisest topic to bring up because the vast majority of transsexuals are actually asexual or had little interest in sex with men afterwards which I found baffling but then I never had sex as a boy so maybe that spoils one for having sex as a girl. I was told this by Aria Blue as she dismissed me as an elitist old timer.
The other topic never broached upon penalty of being criticized by many was I actually liked the concept of being pretty, desirable, and sexy so men would find me attractive.  It seems one needed to become a feminist after surgery and enjoying sex or enjoying the prospect of being attractive is politically incorrect and should be unsaid so as not to harm the not so attractive. It usually meant the one criticizing you was one of the not so attractive. Is being pretty a privilege because I can assure you I worked at it very hard?
Over the years I had a difficult time controlling myself with Kevin and then several boyfriends in college.  It is an amazing feeling for a girl like me when I man takes you in his arms and you feel his power and strength and you want him to use that to ravish you but also protect you. The harder part is the equipment mismatch and thankfully my little winky didn’t work like that but emotionally it was quite uplifting. I love a man to hold a door for me and to treat me like a lady and to pull me tightly against his body when we dance and tell me what he wants to do to me and this was before my surgery.
After surgery among the first words I spoke were “when can I have sex” after telling Harry “yes I finally feel complete”. All the years before my surgery I had to stop a boys hand as it moved up my thigh to that grand playground all men adore although there are other areas they might like almost as much.

I healed slowly but I was able to start dating again about 2 months after surgery but with the express limitation no sex until I was given the go ahead. If you think I sounded frustrated before surgery I was going bonkers although I felt heck they could feel around if they wanted because I thought it looked wonderful but then I was biased.
In the middle of April my guitar player friend showed up and I had a house guest for a while and the first night there he simply said “let me see it Liz” and I remember looking and thinking why does he want to see it? So I asked him and he said I would like to finally see the finished you and he had me. So my guitar playing rock god was the first man that ever saw me naked and his only words were “it looks real”. Did he think it would look phony? What a shocking thought.
I suddenly felt a little shy and grabbed a towel to wrap myself in because it hit me he was the first man to ever see me naked and I remember thinking why am I embarrassed because I had wanted this moment my entire life and although we had necked among things everyone knew that one place was strictly off limits and I mean a total do not touch or go near zone. Now it wasn’t and I admit I wished he could have been my first lover but it was not to be but I dropped the towel and he was the first man to “play around” with the new me and it was kind of amazing. I felt so freaking alive. I was not a freak any more.  I was a girl finally. I satisfied him another way and god I wanted it so badly it hurt.
A couple of days later we went to Max’s Kansas City Steakhouse to hear a new band and he had  a hand high up on my thigh the entire evening and it was all I could do not to jump him right then and there. I was a good girl in that I did not have intercourse but only because I didn’t want to damage my gorgeous new vagina but I had feelings and stirrings down there and they were both confusing and exciting.
I was finally cleared for sex which in itself was a weird thing because Granato was nice but weird. When he did my orchiectomy in his office with a local at 6:30 PM he offered me the parts he removed in a jar and I was so aghast I screamed. I hear today they ask if one wants to save sperm which is in my opinion as insane as asking me if I wanted the parts after the orchiectomy.
It was June of 1971 and I was on the hunt for the man I wanted to lose my virginity to since oral doesn’t count as sex according to Bill Clinton. On a cool June 12, 1971 Saturday evening I went to a party with Oscar.  He was looking for a guy and so was I although I still believe Oscar had a lot to do with me meeting this man but he claims ignorance to this very day.
I loved Latin dances and I remember this man staring at me across the room and he was spooky good looking and my first thought was “oh my god” why is he looking at me like that? Oscar eventually introduced us and I was his the second he took my hand and kissed it as he introduced himself and I glanced at Oscar and he had this devilish smirk and before I could comment sarcastically to Oscar Enrique, or “Rico”, pulled me to the area couples were dancing and they should have been playing the Doors song “Light My Fire”. I was an inferno within seconds.
He seduced me and he worked hard seducing me and I should have just said “I am yours so take me” but he was just very cute as he fawned over me and I love men fawning over me and I admit it. It turned out this was his apartment and this was his party and his bedroom was ours and I made a complete fool of myself trying to be so cool.
I remember telling him weird things like, “I don’t really know much about sex”, I am a virgin” which I had no clue men love, “I am not sure if I will lubricate well enough”, and god knows what else. I was very nervous to be honest but none of my silliness bothered him and I felt I completed my path to being a girl that evening as he made love to me and drove me almost out of my skin. There was no big orgasm but some small ones I think but it was just one of those moments in life that overwhelms you and I was of course almost in tears afterward and I had to tell Rico he had done wonderfully and I was just happy.
I fell asleep in his arms and when I woke up the next morning I was so sore all over I could hardly move.  It was a major effort to disentangle myself from him and it was a very slow walk if not stumble to the toilet. We eventually showered together and when I got back to my apartment I was sure he would never call again but he did and we fell in love eventually.
I had my first orgasm with him and I learned a lot about sex. Initially I was worried about being good enough to please a man but after a while sex or at least good sex makes you very selfish. I stopped caring if I was any good and I began to only care if he was good because he always had orgasms and I didn’t. Good sex is kind of amazing and for me it involved the foreplay and what happened after sex and Rico was A+ everywhere and we were to be married but I forgot something.
I could never tell him about the past or better said I never could find the right way to tell him and after I said yes I realized I needed to get it over with but I never got that chance. Until recently I had no idea how he found out but he did and it was horrible and in very late fall in Rockefeller Center we met and I did not get many words in as he was very upset with me and said some very horrible things. Latin men can have a hard time with this shit it seems.
My friend Lena had told me “He will break your heart” and he eventually did but I dismissed her as the Spanish Drama Queen she always seemed to be but she understood Spanish men better than me.
Despite the miserable ending Rico was wonderful for me. He brought Opera into my life at the Met. I was introduced to the beauty of the Ballet and we went to Yankees -Red Sox games and I rooted for the Red Sox and he rooted for the Yankees and we had a wonderful time. He taught me so much about me as a girl that I could never really hate him because in so many ways it was my fault but in so many other ways I am so glad I did not tell him.
Okay, I almost forgot about my question. My question is simple.
Why do men when they make love to a girl for the first time almost invariably seem to test out your vagina by inserting fingers first?  I would understand it better if they were initially lubricating you but that is not the case.  Are they afraid a vagina might be like a Venus flytrap and snip off a piece of that most prized possession of theirs?
Another question is.
It ranks right up there with how come men have an easier time getting my bra off than I do? Do they give boys training classes in removal of the bra? I dated this guy long after I was divorced from my first husband and I was wearing a front clasping bra and if you want to see a poor confused man you had to see his face. I think I whispered “it is in front” but he was so confused. He was helpless it seemed.
Sex is great and it is liberating and it is joyful and if anyone tells you it is not tell them to stop fucking themselves and try fucking a partner and I could care less what gender the partner is.  Life is too short not to enjoy one of life’s great joys.  As for those claiming to be asexual I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you and you have no idea what you are missing but then again maybe you do.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Privilege and Entitlement Scorecard

There seem to be a plethora of blog and web posts lately about privilege and entitlement. In my opinion privilege is in the eyes of the one that feels they do not have said privilege and somehow feels they have a right to said privilege or are entitled to the privilege.  In many ways privilege is strictly a case of fate or individual initiative. By this I mean nobody being accused of privilege had anything to do with a privilege gained by birth because birth is arbitrary and to claim someone is privileged because they worked their ass off to get somewhere is just plain ignorant.
On the other side of the argument we have entitlement.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
An entitlement is a guarantee of access to benefits based on established rights or by legislation. A "right" is itself an entitlement associated with a moral or social principle, such that an "entitlement" is a provision made in accordance with legal framework of a society. Typically, entitlements are laws based on concepts of principle ("rights") which are themselves based in concepts of social equality or enfranchisement.
In a casual sense, the term "entitlement" refers to a notion or belief that one (or oneself) is deserving of some particular reward or benefit[1]—if given without deeper legal or principled cause, the term is often given with pejorative connotation (e.g. a "sense of entitlement").

Darn it, there is that word pejorative again as in “sense of entitlement”. The United States Declaration of Independence, the United States Constitution, and the United States Bill of Rights are along with the Magna Carta among the greatest legal documents ever produced by man in my opinion.  We need to all recognize that as a species we humans are flawed and quite badly at times. Among these flaws are avarice or greed, envy, hate, and more than a few others.
Entitlement and envy are cousins.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."[1]
Envy can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been he or she who had the desired object.
What many see as privilege could be simple envy. What some feel they are entitled to could also be simple envy. Now that we have some simple terms defined we can decide how one decides who is privileged and by the way that is sarcasm when discussing privilege with those born transsexual.
In my opinion we need a scorecard that allows one to decide just how “privileged” one is in life. We will give ourselves a 1 for a privilege and a –1 for lack of said privilege. If one is zero then your life is neutral or privilege neutral to be more exact. If your number reaches positive then you are a privileged person. If negative then one is not privileged but possibly “entitled” to something for nothing.
Okay, I was just kidding because keeping a scorecard on privilege and entitlement is about as stupid as worrying about privilege and entitlement or obsessing about privilege and entitlement. My maternal grandparents came to this country penniless from Ireland and my grandfather was the leader of a large union but he worked his ass off to get there and he actually made money in the stock market.  My paternal grandparents never left Wales but my dad who grew up in a home with no running water and an outhouse made it to Eton and Oxford because he was intelligent and both his grandparents lived and died in the slag towns of Wales. My mother was the first member of her family to ever graduate from High School and ended up at Radcliffe because she was very intelligent.
I was told this in another blog.

Or, in Elizabeth’s case, had very well educated parents, came from an affluent family in a large metropolitan area, and was offered the best psychiatric care on the planet…and also transitioned and had GRS at an early age.  But that was simply not the case for many if not most of us.

It does make me sound very privileged doesn’t it.  This is total and complete bullshit. In almost all cases somebody in the so-called privileged family worked their ass off to become privileged or better off and the big thing about the United States this is the goal of everyone except for the vocal few that like to scream about privilege which equates to an advantage in their minds and they would in many cases would like to take that away from people whose families earned that advantage.
There are important privileges though.
Now there is one privilege that is determined by fate and that is race and as a Nation we have worked hard to eliminate racism and most of us could care less and the proof is in the President of the United States Barack Obama. The United States is the first Western Democracy of note to elect a man of color to lead it and we did in a landslide and we did it peacefully. The rest of world please take note.
There will always be racists because idiots need someone to hate but in the US today if you are willing to study and go to school and work at it you can still go a long way.  How about being the first black President? Sorry, already done.
The next privilege is being born male and the male privilege which comes attached. Hard to argue that one but it is fate. An interesting privilege since one can give it up if born transsexual.  I am always leery of those transsexuals that climbed the corporate ladder and got rich and then decided it was time to be a girl because they were born transsexual and then of course keep that male privilege.  It is a personal failing on my part to think this way but then again I am sort of a skeptic but again that is me. If they really want to piss me off they can decide they are feminists but then most modern feminists piss me off anyway. I have several friends that walked away from everything just to be normal young women and those are women I admire.  I tolerate the others.
There is of course the famed passing privilege or the “blend factor” which anyone born MTF transsexual knows about.  I gather from certain people no longer blogging publically that we should be ashamed because we are elitist simply because we blend.  Oh, they would couch it behind other words and phrases but it was envy and as my god is my witness I wish I could give it to all of you but I can assure you in my case I kind of doubt you would have survived my childhood because I am surprised I did myself. Passing or blending in is just fate again unless one has the resources to spend 100K plus on making oneself pretty which a certain Obama Appointee did which is cool and yes I did know her before.
The irony of all this talk about privilege and entitlement is who the people talking about it are. It is us and we are them and I would understand if someone said being born transsexual is the ultimate non-privilege but most like to couch it in socio-economic terms and spout modern feminist mantras about how bad things are for women when many gained their notoriety as women born as men or made money as men and then believe they became women and thus have the right to be feminists. Total nonsense actually but then I am sure they were undercover women the entire time as I have been told multiple times. Unless you have worked your entire life as a woman, I have by the way; you are just a bullshit artist talking about feminism.  Living 45 to 50 years as men and then transitioning and now believing they are feminists can best be categorized as total bullshit. Try working as a woman without them knowing you were once a man for about 10 years by starting at the bottom and then talk to those that have walked a path you have not a single clue about.
Male privilege is a fact of life but it is changing because women are changing it and it can only be changed by women who were never perceived as male and if that bothers you then tough because it is a simple fact of life so get over it. You can be a transsexual activist but leave the feminism to those perceived as women otherwise it is just men invading something else women feel is their own.
Here is a quote from a real feminist.
“If you have some daily anguish from some cause that’s not really your fault — a rotten family, bad health, nowhere looks, serious money problems, nobody to help you, minority background (I don’t have that — a WASP — but I had other things), rejoice! These things are your fuel!”
Oh, if I did have a scorecard here is mine

White +1
Family wealth +1
Female -1
Born transsexual -1
Blending or passing +1
Pretty smart +1
For a +2 on the Privilege scale. I actually should be +3 because I willingly and gleefully was a girl and then a woman.
Wow, I am privileged I guess.  Could have fooled me but then us privileged folk do not know we are privileged I have read.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Witnessing Life through the Rearview Mirror

Yesterday I was talking with a good friend for quite a long time and after our conversation was over around 1:30 AM or maybe later I was attempting to sleep when it suddenly hit me. My friend and I grew up in dissimilar circumstances but many of our experiences were similar and like me she is long term post surgery and we live quite normal lives as women but what we woman of history often do is we witness our past lives like we are viewing it through the rearview mirror in our cars and sometimes the past life events in our rearview mirror really do appear closer than they should.

What happens to me during our conversations is I remember things that I have put into what I call my Way Back When Vault that has the stern warning “Open at your own risk fool” stamped all over it with full 128 bit encryption in force. I think my friend has her own Way Back When Vault because we seem to always be saying to each other “I have never told anybody else that ever” and our conversation continues on and probably once or twice every time we talk we both open the Way Back When Vault and access something neither one of us wants to remember or think about and in my case it is often cathartic. I feel better getting it out but not all the time.

She will mention something and I will unknowingly access my Way Back When Vault which I have somehow inadvertently accessed during our conversation and remember something and just blurt it out. Neither of our childhoods was exactly normal in the sense we really never thought we were boys so we faced a lot of the same issues with boys because we did not fit in. The irony is we were a Continent apart and here I thought the only brutish boys were in Massachusetts.

Sometimes the memories are hurtful. Sometimes the memories are humorous. Sometimes the memories are beyond painful. She said something last evening that resonated with me.  She said she felt like it was an out of body experience sometimes and I realized as I was falling asleep that when I access my Way Back When Vault I seem to look at the event like I am almost an interested observer and that is really not me down there. I believe all of us have this built in psychological self-defense system that kicks in to prevent harm. It could get ugly really fast when both of us were children in the dark ages for transsexuals.

When I access this Way Back When Vault sometimes as I tell her something I find myself not telling her everything because I do not want her to judge me because I really value our friendship. Sometimes they are secrets only I want to remember but sometimes it is because I am possibly embarrassed. Last evening she said something to me and it triggered this memory of High School and the granite steps that lead up to the main entrance and the fact my family church is close by and I remembered how terrified I was of those granite steps.

The first memory was that when I went back for my 10th High School reunion with the express intent of getting even I went to the school to visit some teachers and I mentioned this in an earlier post but what I did not mention was I was terrified to walk up those steps ten years after leaving and then last evening I jumped into my Way Back When Vault and told her why those steps truly terrified me.

In my sophomore year in High School when the boys figured out I was not what they originally thought I was tripped deliberately on those stairs climbing them quite often but in late fall of 1958 I was leaving school and planning my escape route from the boys I knew were waiting I was pushed down the stairs and if I remember correctly there are 25 granite steps and I tumbled all the way to the bottom and ended up on the sidewalk in a haze of pain and my own hysteria. I could not move and I knew my left arm was broken because it was kind of at an odd angle and it didn’t work.

This man ran down the sidewalk and asked what happened to this girl and one of my fellow students who were now gathered around and staring at me writhing in pain sort of laughed and said, “That is a boy” and the man backed away like I carried a contagious disease. I was on my side and I looked across at my church and the Minister was standing there actually smiling and made absolutely no move to help me.

I really have no idea how long I was there before a teacher arrived and the Police were finally called with the usual comment “oh it is that one again” and an Ambulance showed up and I was off to the Emergency Room.  I had a broken arm, dislocated and badly sprained left shoulder and bruises and cuts everywhere.  I was a mess and hysterical and there was talk by the orthopedic surgeon they might have to operate and I was more hysterical and I wanted my mom and she eventually reached the Hospital after the commute from her Office in Boston and when I told her nobody would help and our Minister did nothing they of course dismissed me as delusional.

The problems with pulling this kind of crap out of the Way Back When Vault is I cannot seem to push it back into the Way Back When Vault. It almost seems like the memory is saying I am out so deal with it and I am not going back in that dark place so freaking forget it so I deal with it by talking about it with my friend. I think she feels the same way because we discuss things at times where only one of us says anything for long periods of time and often we wonder if the other is still there.

There are things my friend has told me that left me in tears because it was either so vile it horrified me or so warm and tender it made me feel good. I think it is mutual because I told her last evening about the first time I did something for the “cause” back in 1971 and was a guest on a radio show in NYC. She told me it moved her what was said by me when I got mad but I did not tell her it was the first step in the process that would eventually convince me I needed to get away from anything transsexual and just try and be normal which can be relative when talking about us.

I now wonder when I finally empty my Way Back When Vault will bad memories finally appear much farther away in my rearview mirror?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It is tough for Truth Purveyors these days

This blogging world has become such a hazardous venue for those that purvey the Truth.  It is such a bitter battle out there getting their version of the Truth accepted as plain fact even if they have no facts to actually back up their versions of the Truth. It seems like it is a very tough world out there for the Truth purveyors.  Just ask them they will tell you and they want your sympathy now.

Of course if anyone attacks them may the good lord help the attacker. Oh yeah, by attack they mean anyone that would so much as dare question their version of the Truth. Purveyors of the Truth are never wrong and are never required to actually back up what they purvey because obviously it is the truth because they are purveyors of the Truth.  They are the Truth police and they often have their own Truth Squad they sick on the non-believers.

The irony of Truth purveyors is they often seem to squabble over the same truth(s) and that is where it becomes troublesome for the rest of us. Isn't it a dichotomy or impossible for two polar opposite versions of the same truth? They fight over their versions of the truth viciously.  I could say like cats and dogs but mine like each other. These Truth purveyors do not like each other.

The eerie part of being a Truth purveyor is sometimes you need to slide your version of the truth a little to the left or maybe a smidge to the right but is the other version of your truth now an untruth? Then there are others who do not even realize they are changing their version of the truth from post to post.  We all contradict ourselves because we are human and I am no exception and I am often wrong and easily will admit it if and when I am. The problem with being a purveyor of the Truth is people like me and others that simply say you are wrong and ask them to prove they are correct.

How dare any non Truth Purveyor ask a true Truth Purveyor to backup what we should know is the obvious truth. If anyone does they are attacked viciously and on a personal level. In the world of the transsexual the favorite is to accuse one of being something horrible like a transvestite, cross-dresser, fag, gay boy, and sundry other derogatory pejoratives or pejorative phrases.  They enjoy spreading the pain around and hurting everyone they despise by claiming the questioner is not who they are and one of "them".  They did this with me and in what can best be described as a possible personal failure I responded.  OK, I am Welsh and I do not consider it a personal failure since I am not turning the cheek to some pathetic Truth Purveyor.

Funny how Truth Purveyors never answer the question but make the questioner the issue isn't it? Very male if you ask me and yes that was a shot across all their bows.

Well it seems that I have now been categorized by a certain truck driver of having raped, terrorized, and attacked her fearless leader or the Blue Queen of Mean and a noted Truth Purveyor. At the same time she is hinting there is an apropos comparison to MLK with her Queen the Truth Purveyor. I will get to the rapist and terrorist part shortly but first you stupid fool how can you dare even intimate that Aria Blue is apropos of Martin Luther King you pathetic sycophant. Aria Blue is a Hate Purveyor and because after trying to destroy me the Hate Purveyor is running for cover does not make her apropos of anyone other than other similar Hate Purveyors.

I have seen some hubris over the years but comparing Aria Blue to MLK is insulting beyond anything I can recall. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Any time you like we can go over the chronology of who said what about whom and I can assure you I responded and never started it and you know that. If you give it expect to get it back and that is what irritated Aria so she attempted to use her Truth Squad to attack anyone that questioned her and that was me.  Everyone knows who they are.

Right now they are fawning all over Aria because Aria has in theory shut her blog down. I am assuming they want her to perform a Resurrection on herself but I am not sure it is that easy getting off your own cross after you have nailed yourself to it. I cannot wait for the T-Central headlines announcing Aria is back to save the Transsexuals. It will be the second coming of Aria.

I have never really had a foot in this insane battle.  I was once transsexual and do not want to be under transgender but I also do not feel the entire world is out to get the "classic" transsexuals such as the Truth Purveyor and her squad. Aria wanted to promote her version of who is and who is not transsexual. In order to do that you need someone to hate and I am afraid certain fools in the Transgender community are easy targets and she jumped with both feet. You are also required to discredit any other transsexuals that you feel do not fit into your own neat and myopic view of who is transsexual and thus we came to me and my life

Now to the comment I raped Aria.

I’m still across the street, trailer still attached, millstone weighing heavily, when I spy a link on Facebook from a friend’s profile professing the greatness of a certain blog.  The same blog that attacked and terrorized and raped my other friend.  How apropos.

Aria was not raped by anyone and it is just another attempt by her loser sycophants to promote their Queen as a martyr. I gather you have conveniently forgotten what Aria has said to people who have opposed her over the years.  People that never said a cross word to Aria were vilified on her blog by her, you, and the few other sycophants that followed the party line. They were called vile things and the Truth Queen morphed her Truth to fit her pets.

You need to get a way-back machine lisalee18wheeler and learn what your Hate Purveyor master said about you way back when. People like you were vilified and if any of her long term sycophants were honest they would admit to that but I am sure she apologized to you profusely as her Truth Squad shrunk. One cannot be a good Truth Purveyor without a good Truth Squad.

I will assume you meant rape as in:

An act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation: the rape of the countryside.

Nope didn't do any of that either. Questioning someone is not plundering or violent abuse.  What Aria has done to people has often approached abuse but it was never violent and I have given in return what I received. Sorry for not being a compliant little pupil of your Messiah but intelligent people defend their position without resorting to questioning the questioner and ignoring the question. Aria never defends her position because after all she is the Purveyor of Truth.

Now we get to terrorized:

1. to coerce or control by violence, fear, threats, etc.
2. to inspire with dread; terrify

Are you implying I somehow terrorized Aria Blue? I have the copy of the email sent to her asking if what I learned was true.  If she wants I will update it so everything is truthful and she can authorize its release.  After all didn’t she try to do that to me but failed miserably? Don’t get mad just get even or never screw with the Welsh.

The only terror was the simple fact she was fearful people would learn she is a total fraud. Well she is a fraud and along with that a deadbeat father among more than a few misconceptions she has conjured up as the Purveyor of Truth. As a Messiah she should realize the truth shall set you free or one can just run for cover. She chose the latter. There is not much worse than being a deadbeat dad.

If she had told the truth about herself and been honest about past mistakes and actually practiced what she is now claiming she did, her last post is beyond disingenuous by the way, there would be no issues. My being was challenged and I responded but I do wonder how such an amazing empath and such a transcendent force as Aria could possibly be raped or terrorized by anyone? Those are her words by the way and not mine as was everything I posted about her.

The Purveyor of the Truth was fearful of the truth. Now how apropos is that?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Ashley Love

Ashley Love has a new post entitled Martin Luther King, Jr. Did Not Believe in Segregation, Nor Do TS/IS Americans.  It is a different take on how those born transsexual or intersex are actually being segregated from our correct gender by being forced under the transgender umbrella. Not being of color most of us could never have this insight but it is a brilliant analogy.

This is a must read for everyone.

Unfortunately even if transsexuals are removed from under the transgender umbrella it will not solve the major underlying problem the transsexual community has always had and that problem is close to unsolvable. What is that problem? The question simply becomes who is and who is not transsexual? It has been around since the 70s if not earlier.

I hate being simplistic but it is easier to solve segregation when dealing with color which is sickeningly obvious than it is with transsexualism which is open to almost anyone learning a narrative and getting through. It is near impossible to change skin tone, think Michael Jackson there, but not to learn a narrative.

Certain groups under transgender will just re-identify themselves as transsexual and we will be back to square one with the same nuts claiming they are transsexual and the transgender activists will suddenly be activists for transsexual rights. Autumn Sandeen could never not be in the spotlight. We will rid ourselves of the gender variant but I envision people claiming to be "transsexual for a day" instead of "queen for a day". It would be nice if only transsexuals came out from under the transgender umbrella but we all know that is not how it works.

Fighting segregation is easier when color defines the act of segregation but it is almost impossible when gender identification defines the act of segregation.  It is a good first step but the giant leap for transsexuals will come if and only if it is eventually possible to determine who is and who is not transsexual.

We need ground breaking research and yes we need another Harry Benjamin to come forth to help define transsexualism as Dr. Benjamin tried to do back in my day. Maybe I am just a pessimist after all these years and I wish I could be optimistic but I am not.

Good luck Ashley.

Friday, January 14, 2011

When are we really women?

Don't get your panties in a bunch girls it is not what you think or maybe it is but here goes.  When little girls are born they grow into women.  From childhood through their teen years and sometimes into their 20's they are still girls but eventually they are women. It is difficult to define at what moment a girl becomes a woman and some have theorized it is when a girl gets her first period to the point of assigning the arbitrary age as 18 but none of it is really true. A girl becomes a woman when she understands enough about herself and life to be classified that way by her fellow women. It is earned.

In my years I have known 16 year old women and she was described as wise beyond her years by all of us and  was clearly a woman. I have known 30 year old women not one of us called anything other than a girl because she was such a ditz it defied description. She was our friend and we would all ask ourselves when was she going to grow up. She did and it sort of just happened and I have no explanation why but she seemed to know herself. Very weird thing this growing from a girl into a woman even for genetic women.

When I was a child I believed I was a girl. It was just how I thought and when I met Harry I asked why and he put it simply by saying "you just are" and that is the way it was. I was so happy that he wasn't calling me vile names or telling me I was nuts it was a while before I asked that one again. No matter what was done to me I was a girl and that was how it was.

Just as an aside I want to emphasize I understand the term woman or women can be used to define everyone that is female in areas such as women's rights or in a similar manner but we are discussing when a girl becomes a woman which will lead to a bigger question sooner than later.

I told doctors "I am a girl so why can't I just be a girl because I am not hurting anyone" but we all know it is never ever really about us is it?  This crap is confusing to everyone in so many ways and it was ugly back in the 50s and it can be ugly even today. I was translating a letter my mom got from Harry from English to German, a chore for me cause this was hand written, but it dawned on me that Harry always used the word  Mädchen or if in English girl or hübsches Mädchen but never woman until the 70s.

I was sheltered from a lot of the crap in college because they knew and I guess the best term is I was protected and my friends were girls and we were girlfriends in the frame of pals. None of these genetic girls ever called themselves women.

When I moved to NYC in 1969 all my tranny friends called themselves girls and never would dare to say woman because as one told me we have no right to that term "yet". I was in my early 20's and out of my element by a long way and someone we knew casually went somewhere and had surgery but she said herself "I am still just a girl making her way to womanhood".

The first time Harry used woman was in 1975 when he said.

Elizabeth kam zu mir letzten Dienstag und sie hat sich zu einem wunderbaren junge Frau.

Loosely translated it means Elizabeth came to see me last Tuesday and she has become a wonderful young woman.

So now we come to a small question. Why was I now considered a woman when I was a girl in all previous letters between mom and Harry. Was it because I was more mature?  Was it the way I carried myself? Was it because of the way I dressed? What made Harry say that and I noticed friends in California suddenly changed or had over the years from 1973 to 1975 and not one of them knew of the past. I should have asked but back then I was trying to have fun in the California sun and believe me I was and it escaped me to be honest or basically I was oblivious to it.

Maybe it was I grew up a lot raising my step-daughter. I make light of it in many ways because when I held her for the first time she seemed heaven sent but it suddenly hit me I had no clue what to do. I bought books and made the calls to mom and she gave me a few tips and just said "you will figure it out" and I did but kids are work. I do highly recommend it if you ever get that chance.
I believe one learns to be a woman.  It is part of the maturing process that girls go through when they reach puberty and have the first period and then venture into the world as girls whether it be college or the work force but still a little too immature to be women. It is earned and not given freely.

This begs the question and I am as guilty of everyone born transsexual at times.

Why do so many of us think we are automatically women because we have surgery?

I have a friend that has not had surgery and she is an amazing woman. I did not know for years she had not had surgery and believe me that is a woman so in the case of some of us the vagina isn't that important. For others they purchase one and immediately want to be considered women. I believe the better term would be woman in training but that might cause a shitstorm with some of them. The other thing is I don't think appearance has a lot to do with it because I have known some butt ugly women in my day and it has nothing to do with it because they are women through and through.

There are more than a few out there that have bought the best vagina money can buy and the best faces and body money can buy and they will be men to the day they die. Had something like that occur when I was managing a group at a Company and this manager announced he was transitioning and the Company Policy was supportive as it should be. He was the most miserable, rotten, disingenuous, back-stabbing, demeaning , and misogynistic piece of shit I have ever known in my life and believe me he bought the best vagina money could afford and the best FFS money could buy and the biggest breasts he could handle.  We had an invitation only group of female Engineers at the Company and this asshole came back from Meltzer demanding to join and we had one girl that had gone through a transition and surgery and we invited her in because she was one of us but I said no to miss newbie.

The problem with this Manager was he was still the same miserable, rotten, disingenuous, back-stabbing, demeaning , and misogynistic piece of shit he was before he bought his vagina. She was the pronoun but over my dead body would I ever call her a woman and I ran that group and I told her to come back when she was a better person and I received a tongue lashing as she claimed her new found status as a female in Massachusetts entitled her to womanhood. Sorry sweetie, no it di not!

In most cases I think woman in training is the correct term for a someone after surgery. Lets face it transition is just survival for most of us and other than trying to find a place in this world there isn't a lot of places to take Woman 101 during transition.

I get this really sickening feeling that the day is coming when it will be so politically correct everyone will be expected to call the fat, hairy, ugly man in the dress a woman and I am not doing it. No offense meant because I will always defend your right to be yourself but no transvestite, cross-dresser, or gender variant person is either a girl or a woman they just are what they are and I will try to use the correct pronouns but it will be the snowiest day in hell before I use girl or woman and that goes the same for some of you out there that have bought the best vagina money can offer.

There are certain people claiming others are trying to steal their womanhood and have for a while but they miss the point. You are not women yet but women in training so what you do not have yet cannot be stolen since you have not earned the privilege of being called a woman.  It is not being elitist it is just a simple fact. because society and not any single person makes that decision.  Earn it first before you complain about it being stolen.

The other thing is I believe I understand why some feminists get so pissed at certain people claiming to be women and feminists because they bought a vagina.  Right or wrong if they do not consider you a women you might want to try earning the right first from them. Do not rush in an attempt to take over like men just volunteer and be supportive.  You might be surprised how well that works.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

What is a pejorative and who gets to decide?

I find the entire pejorative thing such a total load of crap except in the case of words that are clearly a pejorative. The problem I have with all this pejorative crap is sometimes it is or it isn't depending upon who uses the particular word.  Bear with me a bit please and please do excuse all the offensive language but it just sort of is.

pe·jor·a·tive (pĭ-jôrˈə-tĭv, -jŏrˈ-, pĕjˈə-rāˌtĭv, pēˈjə-)
  1. Tending to make or become worse.
  2. Disparaging; belittling.
A disparaging or belittling word or expression.

This is a pretty clear and reasonable description of what a pejorative is. Lets look at some of our more infamous pejoratives so please excuse the language again.

nigger -- A disgusting and vile word and I hate it. The most demeaning and pathetic thing one can call a friend of color yet it is OK for a person of color to use it when talking with another person of color.  So sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't based on who uses it.

cunt -- Derogatory term for a woman. Considered by many to be the most offensive word in the English language. Enough said about it and there is no use approved so it is a 100% pejorative.

prick -- Well it can be a pejorative as in "you are a prick" or slang for the male penis. For a clearer and better description try here. Again not always a pejorative but strictly based on usage.

pussy -- One of my favorites. What I wanted more than anything including my life or a weakling or cowardly person, or slang for a cat but I think pussycat is better but who I am to judge. Not a great pejorative but I guess it is if you are a cowardly pussy.

fag -- A classic if ever there was one. I am sure GLAAD has it near top of list but I could be wrong.  Never can forget my first business trip to London and this gorgeous man turns to another equally gorgeous man in the elevator and said.  "Can I have a fag?" My bottom jaw dropped to the floor and a friend says oh he wants a cigarette and well I was confused. Turns out it depends were you are in the world on that one.

faggot -- Enough said and I am not sure there is any nice way to use the word and it isn't a special cigarette.

troll -- what you say girl?  Troll is not a pejorative.  It is in certain circles where being called a troll means cruising for men in a derogatory manner. Of course it also is a mythical creature if capitalized or someone that cruises the Internet pissing people off.

There are so many other words it would take months to discuss them but now we get to my point.  In most cases a pejorative is almost exclusively how a word is used and is rarely the word itself.

asshole -- is a great word. We hopefully all have one and that is good but saying "you are an asshole" makes it a pejorative phrase which gets to my next point.

The term pejorative is essentially inaccurate except in limited cases.  It should be called a pejorative phrase which is what 99% of all pejoratives really are which is again pejorative phrases or collections of words that are derogatory.

The first word I need to discuss is a favorite of mine and it is tranny.  It is a lot like the n-word in many ways. The first time I ever heard the word was from the "icon" of all transsexuals Christine Jorgensen. We corresponded for several years after we initially met when I was 14 and she always warned me not to get into the tranny culture that was beginning to come about and often when I visited Harry in NYC until Kevin died the other people like me used the term tranny and it was never used as a pejorative or thought to be such at least not in my mind early on.

When I arrived in NYC in late summer of 1969 full of piss and vinegar and ready to get it over with we all called each other trannies in an affectionate way.  Transsexual seemed to be too long a word to use and kids create slang for everything and it was how the word came about. I mentioned I had this friend that didn't blend in well which is the term I like better than pass but she was a good friend and the first time I heard it used as a pejorative was when someone screamed 'look at the fucking tranny" and pointed at my friend. Now that is a pejorative phrase and very derogatory and put her in tears.

We never stopped using tranny amongst ourselves because it was what it was as a word. It was both a word of kinship but also could be used in a pejorative phrase.  It really is difficult to use it alone and consider it a pejorative. Tranny? Well back then if someone asked in a particular club you might answer yes or "fuck off" both of which worked usually depending on whether he and it was always a he was pegged as a cute tranny chaser or the scum of the earth tranny chaser and they both existed.

I just want to know who decided the word itself is a pejorative.  Simple question here.  Was it GLAAD which should stay the fuck out of transsexual issues or was it the GLBT crowd. In general I do not have issues with someone that identifies as transgender because more often than not in the conversation transsexual comes up and after all it has taken over or better yet attempted to totally subsume transsexual under the T part of GLBT. Pretty much a joke in my mind but heck I stopped being transsexual 40 years ago.

I get this sick feeling and usually I am correct about this that the T part of GLBT does not like tranny because quite emphatically tranny immediately is recognized as slang for transsexual and not ever for Transgender. Those bad trannies are at it again must be the mindset which baffles me because Transgender is an umbrella term and transsexuals have every right to self-identify as transsexual but that isn't quite true is it. They are a minority thankfully but I get this sneaking feeling some of these loons wish they could get rid of the term transsexual. I am OK with transsexed or however they spell it but am kind of partial to transsexual.

I can actually understand some of the issues with the term tranny and if the person using it is not transsexual then it is more than likely it is derogatory or a tranny chaser is on the prowl.  The new one that totally baffles me is I just heard from our dear savior Autumn Sandeen that "transvestite" is now a pejorative because GLAAD says it is.  Well up yours and no thanks GLAAD.  What a pompous bunch of assholes.  Transvestite is a pejorative?  What the heck is next? Transsexual is a pejorative!! Oops, better not give these duplicitous assholes any ideas. Since when do those fools represent anyone in the trans community anyways?

A transvestite is a fetishistic cross-dresser who gets sexual arousal from women's clothing.  Who cares if he does?  Certainly not me although I draw the line at marrying one.  Accidentally been there and done that. Transvestite is a medical term that has been in use since around 1910 when transvestism was coined by Hirshfield. A cross-dresser is someone that emulates women but does not find it sexually stimulating which is good to know because there is a difference between a cross-dresser and a transvestite and I am sure true cross-dressers like that differentiation. Guess what you are screwed like the transsexuals now.

The baffling thing is what freaking moron had this pea-brained idea and who gives them the right? I guess we could call those that are transvestites men wearing dresses that get their jollies and love to jack-off in dresses but that is offensive even to me and I am not easily offended so transvestite it is and not cross-dresser which if used for both hurts the cross-dresser.  Wait a second here isn't that discrimination against cross-dressers?

I was reading Sandeen's rant against Ashley Love and that was where I learned about transvestite and it sank in.  Well I might have heard it before but I tend to just filter the nutty things out or at least try to anyways. I also learned about these new pronouns and I am sorry but I get confused with he and she and I am not dealing with ze, zi, and god knows what else.

It is an amazing world we live in today. Certain people just seem to think they can decide what is or isn't a pejorative and rumor is Sandeen had something to do with this but that could be incorrect.

I just had a great thought.  Can we all decide "transgender" is a pejorative and just go back to transsexual, transvestite, cross-dresser, and gender variant and actually identify what the heck we really are??? Sure makes things easier.  I hate guessing if Jane is a queen, tranny, transvestite, cross-dresser, or just part girl for a day but I guess if a fat hairy man wants to wear a dress and parade down the street I am misgendering her by saying him. So confusing.

There are some things I need to say

I have not posted for a while because I am angry and posting when one is angry is not wise because it results in a post like the Hingle post which will be deleted shortly. As much as I believe Hingle is a raving lunatic and should be avoided at all cost I went too far in my anger. This is my personal decision and believe me when I say I am taking it down of my own volition. If you want to see the Hingle lunacy check out posts where Hingle commented.  Every comment has been deleted and I mean Hingle went back to the beginning and deleted them all but Hingle missed several because Hingle used so many identifiers I believe even Hingle forgot one of her ids. Enjoy finding it June.

Now we come to Aria Blue which is an entirely different situation. My rules changed when she posted that comment accusing me of being Willow Arune. That was actually quite pathetic but it did make me feel less guilty about saying several things I want to based on multiple sourced knowledge about Aria Blue the Queen of Mean.  Do not worry I would not out you just a couple a items that I really find both pathetic and disingenuous.

It was really difficult to just step back and avoid saying what I wanted to say about Aria. I find it difficult to listen to some new post operative MTF, 4 years or so,  tell me my entire life was a fraud based on her "expert" opinion which is based on around 6 years of involvement with transsexual issues because before that she was in the US Navy, a husband, and a father which is not unusual and not in any way, shape or form an indication one is not transsexual.

Having a daughter and being a deadbeat parent by deliberately not paying child support makes Aria worthless in my humble eyes because children are sacred and yes you are pathetic Aria. Your drivers license was pulled because they could not find you and I think you might have made a top 25 deadbeat dad list in a particular state. I am sure you are so proud of that or maybe not since you moved several states east to avoid arrest.  I am told you still look over your shoulder when you hear a police siren. Is that true?

Being a parent is a major obligation and even someone like June Hingle was a very good parent and would never have left her children without child support nor would anyone else I know.  It says a lot about a person when they have done what Aria has done to her family and none of it is good.  It must be hard to live with but then when you run away and hide, get surgery (how financially), and leave your kid without support whether it was needed or NOT you are a total loser in life. I do not care if she denied you visitation. You fight that in court and take care of your children either that or you should have kept it in your pants. The one thing women cannot stand is a parent that hurts a child and a transsexual parent will never find acceptance in the world of women if it is known. In the eyes of women not much is worse than a deadbeat dad.

The other issue I have is Aria and her implied narrative of herself as a "true" and "classic" transsexual and her denigration of others that are transsexual if they do not fit her myopic view of what a transsexual is. Want to know why I have an issue with it? Aria does not fit even her own newly found myopic view of transsexualism.  Yes her view has changed as her over the years. Aria is like the weather in New England.  Wait a minute and it will change. In fact since our little disagreement began her view has changed and this has been pointed out to me by multiple people although I noticed it myself.

How can you say this Liz must be an instant question?

It is actually quite simple really. Aria is somewhere between 36 to 40 which makes her by her own admission Internet knowledgeable which means she had access to the entire knowledge base available to all of us about all things transsexual, transgender, or trans anything yet when she came to this world she was not sure if she was a transvestite or a transsexual and in fact identified as a transvestite. In fact there is strong evidence, a picture, she might have thought she was gay initially because no MTF transsexual would ever and I mean ever let that picture out unless they were confused or dumb and Aria is not dumb.

The truly weird thing about this scenario is it is actually common and it may have been more common 30 years ago when there was no Internet and information was scattered but many successful women were born this way because this freaking condition can and has confused all of us at one time or another.  My issue is with Aria beating others over the head calling them gay men, transvestites or worse for being exactly the way she was at one time. Now that takes duplicitous to a new level and ups the ante on the pot calling the kettle black analogy.

Another issue is being 4 years or so postop does not make you an expert on anything other than being 4 years postop. In all honesty at that point you really are just getting a clue what it means to be a woman but that is another post I am planning. I do find it humorous she claims gay boys or others learn the narrative and fool the doctors to get surgery. I'm betting Aria didn't tell them her true narrative either. She doesn't fit her self proclaimed "true" narrative very well does she? People do have a tendency to hate what they once were because sometimes it is hard to admit you were that way. Other than being a deadbeat dad there is no shame in her path unless you consider it shameful of accusing others of not being "true" transsexuals when she knew she was once that way or has her delusion become her reality?

This said Aria can call me what she wants but there are enough people out there that actually do know a lot about the real me and I am this person whether Aria Blue wants to admit it to herself or not.

I need to make one other comment about a post by someone whose blog I actually do find informative more often than not. On her blog was a post I was reading that was wonderful because one of my few fond memories of early childhood was sailing with my dad. He was at this time a US Naval officer having transferred from the British Navy at the request of the US Navy and we lived in Massachusetts and dad had a 32 footer we spent weekends on when he was home and he moored in Quincy Massachusetts which was near to where we lived.

My brothers wanted sports and more sports but I loved my time on that boat with dad because in my mind I was my daddy's little girl and he always called me "sweetie" or "sweetheart" and that helped. I do not even remember the make but it was something he raced and I was too embarrassed to stay on the beach in the summers with my brothers so I would go to the Yacht Club he moored at and get on the boat and polish and clean everything I could.

There is something soothing and peaceful when you are under full sail and seemingly quietly flying over the water with only the sounds of the flapping sails and the water swishing off the hull. I really did hate getting off that boat and going back to the real world and dad knew that. I was ten when he died and my world came crashing down around me.

I was reading the post and out of nowhere I am in the post. OK I didn't expect that but it was harmless and fine until this:

I do find the bona fides of a hospital address, a physician’s business card, and a Harry Benjamin appointment card posted on the Notes from the T-side blog interesting…as well a photo of Elizabeth that is over 30 years old.  I don’t care, mind you.  It’s just I fail to see the point of why she would want to post them.  I believe they are real, but in this day and age they could just as easily be fake documents.  Who cares?

Interesting comment except she has never bothered to read anything on my blog which is fine but if she had she would have learned why I put those up but why worry about that?  Take a little swipe at someone and the easily faked comment was the swipe and who cares was obviously another but guess what that was OK just an honest misunderstanding.

This comment started getting my ire up a little.

Or, in Elizabeth’s case, had very well educated parents, came from an affluent family in a large metropolitan area, and was offered the best psychiatric care on the planet…and also transitioned and had GRS at an early age.  But that was simply not the case for many if not most of us.
Yes my family was affluent but it never helped me once except for my mom. I was disowned by them from an early age and my mom worked so she could find me help and all the "best psychiatric care on the planet" did was call me everthing your sack of shit friend Aria called me and it started at 8 years old. I did not fully transition until I was 23 because I had to work after college to earn enough money to move to NYC so I could afford surgery just to put things straight.  I had surgery at 25 and I had to pay for it myself and for the time it was not cheap. I did have a family member that helped with work in NYC but I am someone that believes in earning things myself. I have never ever lorded this over anyone nor do I think it makes me "better" than anyone but it also does not make me "worse" either.

After comments on her life this follows:

Anyway, my legitimacy as a woman is not at all dependent on how long I have had that status, who my psychiatrists were, who my surgeon was nor where I had GRS…no one’s is.  None of that means one damn thing.
Why was this put there? I do not know this person from a hole in the wall but suddenly I was demeaning her legitimacy as a woman?   Anyone that has read this blog knows that is not me but here we go again with this elitist bullshit claim coming from someone that has not read anything on this blog and is obviously taking sides which is her right but she is wrong but I said not a thing.

Aria posted a mini rant and I responded but the point I want to make is I was upset with Susan and should not have been because she is a standup lady.  When June started in with her usual ugly rant about me she deleted that part of June's post and did it multiple times. I am sure people wonder where the crap I came from but like I said I am new to blogging but not to computers since I worked with them in 60s although I was more hardware oriented.

Getting back to sailing which I would actually enjoy doing more of my second husband was a Naval guy and he loved to sail along with fly and we never owned a boat but we rented them and it was always a sailing boat which we took several vacations on although we did borrow a friends sailboat that was and still is moored in Galveston. I enjoyed sailing in the Gulf of Mexico because it was warm but for excitement nothing beats off Marblehead Massachusetts or basically anywhere in New England.

Funny thing is when my mom met my second husband along with loving him she said he reminded her a lot of my dad.  Maybe it it true little girls like to marry men that remind them of their dads especially good dads.