I mentioned in another post that my mom started writing Harry around September of 1958 when a physician at Childrens Hospital of Boston recommended she contact him over me. It took my younger brother 4+ years after mom died in early 2005 to send me the boxes mom had intended to give me. He is a lawyer, a politician, and not much of a fan of mine.
We were close until he got involved with Republican Politics and I was a major hindrance because lots of people back home remember me and that got in his way. The storage seals on the boxes were broken so I know he took a peek. Unless his German has improved the only letters in there he could have read were the early ones from Harry to me starting in 1961 when I was a freshman in college.
They must have taught mom record keeping at Radcliffe along with her Linguistic skills because she was fastidious about cataloging her letters with Harry's responses. She typed most of her letters on a German typewriter and carbon copied everything. She even carbon copied her hand written letters. I wish I could ask her why she made copies of everything she wrote but that will have to wait a while.
It is decidedly surreal to read about yourself from the perspective of your mother and the doctor treating you and little miss smarty pants, as in me, wasn't as slick as she thought she was. I let the letters sit there for quite a while after I initially opened the box because I did not realize they were cataloged by date and the second letter I opened and deciphered, my German sucked then, was quite disturbing because it involved the catastrophic event that almost destroyed me in May of 1963 and what was done to me that fateful summer. I may or may not write about that because if there ever was a signature of what was done to some of us it was what happened from May 15, 1963 until August that summer. I went from a scheduled surgery with Burou in Casablanca in early January 1964 to nearly being destroyed.
My older brother Ray was after me to dig into the pile and translate the letters from the beginning. I told him I planned on it since I had decided to retire in early 2010 and would have time but I think I know the other reason. I nearly destroyed me during that period but I also almost destroyed the people that loved me. Without Harry I am not sure my family would have survived because Harry's advice to mom was not only about keeping me on the straight and narrow, not an easy thing to do, but how to keep my two brothers engaged so they were not harmed by me because it took a lot of mom's time to help me.
That may or may not be the basis of some of my issues with my younger brother today. He acted up in High School and was rejected by Harvard where all the men were supposed to go and he might have been the smartest of all of us. It worked out eventually for him but Harvard Law Review is better than pregnant girlfriend and Suffolk Law Review by anyone's standards.
The other interesting data in the cataloged boxes is all the records from every psychological evaluation and medical test I was given from childhood through to college. It is how I found out I had very low testosterone levels and elevated estrogen. The only testing where I knew the results were those given to me when I entered college.
I thought the reason my mother had to travel with me for freshman orientation was because I was 15. Well I did until we arrived at college. I was two weeks early for freshman classes and freshman orientation was only the Thursday and Friday before classes started. I need to add that this particular University was chosen over MIT, Caltech, and others because both the University and the Engineering School agreed to protect me because of my transsexualism. They knew everything and Harry and my mom chose this school for me. Actually Harry chose it and mom agreed to it.
Harry knew people at the University Medical School and I have a copy of the letter where my mom and Harry asked them to test me but to do it blindly so no individual testing me would know my name or gender. Harry wanted a blind test so even the doctors conducting the psychological tests did not know my gender to avoid as much bias as possible. Some tests are analytical but others are observational. I was tested for 6 days and I was exhausted when it was over. I was actually listed as Subject A. Could there have been a Subject B like me?
The only reason I know the results of those tests is I was present when the Doctor talked with my mom and that was because Harry's friend was called away for an emergency. The thing I love about most doctors is when dealing with a kid they talk to the parent like the child is not even in the room and this was no different.
The doctor had two folders in front of him. One was thin and was my University admission stuff and the other very thick one was the results from 6 days of torturing me. The man turns to my mom and tells her that 'she' has normal testosterone levels and slightly elevated estrogen levels for a 15 year old and the psychological testing shows her to be a completely normal 15 year old girl who shows some signs of stress in her life but that is to be expected with girls her age. He then adds he had no idea why the University wasted all this time testing your daughter because they were not paid.
When the doctor looks up my mother didn't say a word and just points at the admissions records and he looks confused and she motions for him to open it. My admissions records of course have the accurate records of who I am and the gender Male and he sits there when he realizes what is up and starts muttering 'oh my, oh my, how can this be so' or something like that and I am sitting there thinking to myself why the heck did I just go through taking the same tests from multiple doctors for 6 days. I don't know about the normal part but I could have confirmed the girl part by myself.
It didn't end there. The next day we were scheduled to meet with the Chair/Head of the Engineering School and the President of the University. In their mind it was a coup to scoop even a freak like me from MIT and the other big name technical schools. Dr. Fawcett was University President and I liked him immediately. He was kind and he talked to me along with mom. He had a sense of humor because he looked at me and said I guess you confused one of my top Research Physicians yesterday and he told me his door was always open if I faced any issues so don't be afraid to drop by. I'm thinking that is weird because nobody was nice to me like that. He was true to his word.
The Chair of the Engineering school was very nice also. Sitting with him was a Professor Eldis O. Reed who would be my adviser, watchdog, surrogate father, protector emeritus, and my confidant along with his wife during my undergrad and graduate studies. The first word out of Dr. Reed is she should go to school as a girl which brought a smile to my face but could not be for other reasons involving my full-ride scholarship.
Dr. Reed is one of the smartest and most down to earth people I have ever know. He had the humorous Reed Eyeball Theory which states 'That if it doesn't look right the odds are high it isn't' which was primarily aimed at making students observant and not locked into strictly numbers and he was famous for his Mechanics classes because he started every year off with a movie showing the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse with the refrain if we make a mistake we don't get second chances and then asks everyone why it collapsed. Most think it is a resonance issue which simplistically it is but I told him it was some form of torsional flutter which is now called aeroelastic flutter which got me off on the right foot.
My mom was incredibly observant. In a letter she wrote to Harry after returning from my University she thanked him profusely for finding this University for me and added that she had never seen her daughter that happy and that Dr. Reed and I seemed to immediately have a connection. Dr. Reed would have a profound influence on my life and was one of the reasons I survived the summer of 1963.
Mom also mentioned she had met Karen, who would be my dorm caretaker, and she was very pleased with her which I never knew about. I recently asked Karen and she said she thought I knew. I was in the first coed dorms at the University and they decided geeks were the best people to try it with. I had the only private room in my dorm pod because there was no way I could room with a girl then and I would have psychologically damaged most young boys if I was their roommate.
In a letter from the summer of 1959 when we returned from a family vacation in Scotland, England, France, Spain, and Italy mom tells him she took his advice and let me off her leash for a while and she had tried his recommendation of having me stay in her room with her. There was a prophetic comment where she told Harry that 'she really is just a little girl' when she talked about how I interacted with this Scottish boy and mom was no dummy because she said it was so natural she has to have a boyfriend back here and I think I know who it is. Jack from Ayr in Scotland was a nice boy but he blew my cover back home.
I always wondered why mom sort of caved on that vacation after the disaster of Immigration when we landed in London. Harry had told mom to let her be herself and observe. Harry always used female pronouns even before he met me.
The scary part is I never realized the pressure she was under from some family members and several shrinks I had seen to Institutionalize me. Some thought I belonged in a nut house.
I have gotten to the point where I can read the German slowly and admit that I have jumped to letters from important times in my life. I have avoided the letters from 1963 because I am not sure I want to know certain things. They both thought I should not marry husband #1 because I wasn't really marrying him. I was accepting him as part of the deal to raise his baby daughter which for some bizarre reason he had sole custody of.
Mom knew how badly I wanted a child. I would have married Satan to have a baby and he wasn't that bad but it felt like it at one time. Why is it so many of us want children so badly? A friend says it is natural for young girls to want children but sometimes I wonder if it is brainwashing but she was and is a joy. Husband #1 shall forever more be known as certifiable asshole #1 or CA1 in shorthand. I should have stuck to bad boys.
I have written about what he did to me but in a third person narrative which should give you an idea how badly CA1 hurt me plus it might be too explosive for this forum. I think I'll ask my friend Elizabeth from NYC if I should. Lord I still despise CA1 which isn't good.
I actually have my diagnosis from Harry which is interesting. Even in 1960 he was using his Benjamin Disorientation Scale in some form. I did find out why he was looking for someone when we met. Mom sent him a photo of me and he was looking for me that way. I wonder if that counts as mom playing Harry a little because she knew I was going as a girl to our initial meeting. Well I can assure her it was the one and only time I ever put anything over on or fooled Harry. I always felt I was an open book to him and he was just reading from the pages of my life. He knew me better than I knew me.
Wow, I didn't mean to write this much but I can get lost but my baby wants a walk or he will eat one of the cats. I wonder if he will take a recommendation? Hopefully I will read some more letters and if anything interesting arises that I am willing to share part zwei (2) will be posted.
Liz
Showing posts with label Harry Benjamin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Harry Benjamin. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
When Harry met Liz
Unknown to me my mother had been writing to Dr. Benjamin beginning in September of 1958 based on her letters to Harry and his responses. I was 12 and she had taken me to Childrens in Boston for tests and a doctor there had given her Dr. Benjamin's name in New York City after the tests resulted in some surprises and several of the physicians that examined me said the condition that caused the condition I was in might best be resolved by him. It had something to do with testosterone levels and estrogen levels and they had been advised by my mother that I said I was a girl and was kind of persistent in my position.
It just might have been nice if someone had bothered to tell me. What was driving me totally crazy was the thought I would turn into my two brothers because of puberty. I just could not live with the thought of being a guy. It took Dr. Benjamin nearly a year before he could convince my mother to let him meet me. Mom thought there had to be a cure for this silly problem.
A meeting was arranged by my mother with Dr. Benjamin with direct involvement of her childhood girlfriend whom mom had befriended when she moved to US and only spoke French which mom was fluent in already. It was such a critical time in my life and it was the first time I was really allowed to be a girl. It was done over a Christmas vacation and in a clandestine manner to avoid any issues with my maternal grandmother and my mom was not there. If my grandmother had found out in those years she could have used the family political clout to hurt Dr. Benjamin. My uncle was still a major player in New York politics and I can assure you he thought I was some sort of weirdo freak and a family embarrassment which paled in comparison to him being in the pocket of organized crime in NY but that didn't count when dealing with a fruitcake like me.
I really had no idea why I was in this place at this time since I was totally in the dark about the planned meeting. I had been so upset by the meeting with mom and Mary when this trip was planned that it took them several hours to get me to agree to go. The only reason I went was because they would let me be a girl for the entire time and despite reservations I could not resist being able to just be a girl.
It felt like I didn't have to even think about being me. It was easy and i realized that on the long drive there. The interesting part was everyone immediately accepted me as a young girl and most thought my mom's friend Mary was my mom. Men that if they knew me in Massachusetts would have hurt me smiled at me. It was quite liberating. When we arrived at their Chalet I was very happy with my decision even if it was freaking colder and snowier than Eastern Massachusetts.
We were to attend a dinner on December 27, 1959 where I was to meet Mary's two brothers who were noted physicians. It was a fun evening. I danced a little and after a while Mary took me to meet her brothers who had arrived after us and were talking with people across the room. The minute I met them I knew they knew about me but for some reason I didn't feel uncomfortable and we had a short pleasant conversation.
After about 5 minutes she took me to meet some other people and one of them was a sort of curmudgeon with a slight German accent and he totally ignored me and seemed to be looking for someone else as he kept staring at people around the room. I thought he was less than pleasant with me because quite honestly I was a little euphoric with people telling me how nice I looked. It was a lot more fun than what I received at home.
We had a table and I was back there with Mary's husband Kevin when I saw Mary talking with the man with the German accent and he jerked his head around and started staring at me and I could see him excitedly saying something to her and his eyes never left me. I wasn't dancing with that man was what I thought because he was too short. How quick we can become stuck up with a little praise after a childhood full of scorn.
Mary returned and she sat next to me and she dropped a nuclear bomb basically. She pointed to the man I didn't want to dance with and said he can help you. Help me with what was my first thought? When she told me he can help you be the girl you should have been born it took two of them to keep me there as I bolted from the chair and tried to run to him although my balance in heels would have been problematic since it was the second time I had ever worn heels. Running would not have been an option.
I couldn't take my eyes off him. Mary said his name is Dr. Harry Benjamin and he is from NYC and he came here to meet you. Why would he come to this winter wasteland to meet me was my initial thought and how could he help me? There was food and I never ate any of it. I kept staring at him across the room and he kept staring at me.
This was a total shock because until this point in my life I thought there was no hope. Maybe a dozen shrinks had told me I was delusional, crazy, and obviously irrational over the nearly 6 years since my 8th birthday. I had been called worse names by doctors than people in general and in fact I learned what fag, drag queen, transvestite, and other names meant by looking them up in the Library at school after shrinks told me I would end up one if I didn't listen to them.
Around 9PM I was taken by Mary to a room reserved for the meeting and waiting for me was this Benjamin person. What I remember most was how kind his voice was as he introduced himself and he barely got his name out and I was in tears begging him to make me a complete girl. When I get emotional or excited I talk fast and I was rattling questions faster than he could possibly answer them and then he did something he did with every girl I knew that was his patient.
He walked around the table and gave me a hug and told me everything will be OK and then he held my hands to calm me down because I was somewhere between hysterical and emotionally overwhelmed. I wanted to be a girl by tomorrow and I didn't understand why it would take so long. I was disappointed to learn I would not be able to get pregnant. When I asked him about that he smiled a little and shook his head. I really had no clue.
I actually fainted which was kind of embarrassing and when I told him I had not really eaten he went to the door and food arrived shortly since he had not eaten either. He told me I was a transsexual which was the first time I had ever heard that word in my life. As he explained the process I would go through with hormones and then a surgical procedure he must have sensed I was disappointed it would take so long and surgery was out of the question until I was 18 which was 4 years.
I did not understand why it took so long and when he finished explaining why I suddenly realized this doctor was taking a personal risk to meet with me based on the current political climate in the Medical World over people like me. I didn't really understand a lot of it because like most young transsexuals I was more interested in getting what I desperately needed today but no later than tomorrow and the absolute latest I could possibly wait was the day after tomorrow. We transsexuals can be very self-centered and selfish at times when it comes to getting corrected.
He asked my permission to give me a rudimentary physical and commented I would get a more thorough physical in two days which was freaking news to me but if he was going to help me he could poke me, prod me, and examine me every day if he wanted to. I could sense he was a little confused by my body which was not very boy and I had big aureoles more fitting girls breasts and after I was re-dressed he asked when I had started living as a girl.
I said it was yesterday morning and when I got back home next week I had to go back to androgyny which was OK just to have the freedom of being allowed to be me. He was a little worried about that part and didn't think it would be as easy as I thought it would be to return to the status of "it" as I often called it. I commented that I didn't do boy very well and he basically said it would appear you do girl very well which made me smile.
I was with him for well over three hours and Mary and her family were there for the last 30 minutes or so. He knew I already had a boyfriend which was a big shock and there was not any hint of disapproval. Here I thought up until 3 days ago nobody knew I had a boyfriend and it now seems everyone knows and the only one that didn't know everyone knew was me.
I realized a lot of planning went into this meeting when Mary's Physician brothers talked with Dr. Benjamin about the meeting on Wednesday and who had accepted the invitation and was flying in. I had this decided feeling I was some kind of freak and when he told everyone to leave so he could talk with me privately I asked him some questions about kids like me and it was then I learned not many kids like me ever made it to him and I was the second or third he had actually met which was a little disconcerting.
We got back to the Chalet they owned after 1 AM and I tried to get to sleep but I couldn't. I went into the main living area around 3 AM and got a glass of milk and was sitting there looking at all the snow and the mountains which had this eerie glow from the town creating a scene where a good Science Fiction fan like me fully expected the alien war machines to pop over the hill and destroy my hopes.
I had been hurt by so many doctors I actually was not sure I even trusted this man who said he would help me. I am sure I was crying a little because I was quite good at crying and Mary plopped down on the couch next to me and I expressed my doubts and fears which she knew all about because this is far from the full reason she wanted to help me.
She told me she had something and went to her bedroom and returned with a paper bag and inside were dozens of bottles of estrogen and I think provera and she said Dr. Benjamin and her brothers said these were for me and there was a note explaining what dosage I should take to start a slow change in my body.
So at 3:30 AM on December 28, 1959 I began my long journey to being me. It would take a little over 11 years and because of the times there would be joy, a horrible tragedy that nearly destroyed me, disappointment, delays, and some evil things done to me in my life but Harry and my mom somehow protected me and helped guide me through events I could never have handled alone. There were times I didn't understand why things had to be as they were and I got frustrated and mad and sometimes very angry but they never once lost their faith in me and I guess they were right.
I need to add that things were a lot more complicated than this but I am not sure I want to open up about it all because it is extremely personal and in many ways very difficult to talk about.
Liz
It just might have been nice if someone had bothered to tell me. What was driving me totally crazy was the thought I would turn into my two brothers because of puberty. I just could not live with the thought of being a guy. It took Dr. Benjamin nearly a year before he could convince my mother to let him meet me. Mom thought there had to be a cure for this silly problem.
A meeting was arranged by my mother with Dr. Benjamin with direct involvement of her childhood girlfriend whom mom had befriended when she moved to US and only spoke French which mom was fluent in already. It was such a critical time in my life and it was the first time I was really allowed to be a girl. It was done over a Christmas vacation and in a clandestine manner to avoid any issues with my maternal grandmother and my mom was not there. If my grandmother had found out in those years she could have used the family political clout to hurt Dr. Benjamin. My uncle was still a major player in New York politics and I can assure you he thought I was some sort of weirdo freak and a family embarrassment which paled in comparison to him being in the pocket of organized crime in NY but that didn't count when dealing with a fruitcake like me.
I really had no idea why I was in this place at this time since I was totally in the dark about the planned meeting. I had been so upset by the meeting with mom and Mary when this trip was planned that it took them several hours to get me to agree to go. The only reason I went was because they would let me be a girl for the entire time and despite reservations I could not resist being able to just be a girl.
It felt like I didn't have to even think about being me. It was easy and i realized that on the long drive there. The interesting part was everyone immediately accepted me as a young girl and most thought my mom's friend Mary was my mom. Men that if they knew me in Massachusetts would have hurt me smiled at me. It was quite liberating. When we arrived at their Chalet I was very happy with my decision even if it was freaking colder and snowier than Eastern Massachusetts.
We were to attend a dinner on December 27, 1959 where I was to meet Mary's two brothers who were noted physicians. It was a fun evening. I danced a little and after a while Mary took me to meet her brothers who had arrived after us and were talking with people across the room. The minute I met them I knew they knew about me but for some reason I didn't feel uncomfortable and we had a short pleasant conversation.
After about 5 minutes she took me to meet some other people and one of them was a sort of curmudgeon with a slight German accent and he totally ignored me and seemed to be looking for someone else as he kept staring at people around the room. I thought he was less than pleasant with me because quite honestly I was a little euphoric with people telling me how nice I looked. It was a lot more fun than what I received at home.
We had a table and I was back there with Mary's husband Kevin when I saw Mary talking with the man with the German accent and he jerked his head around and started staring at me and I could see him excitedly saying something to her and his eyes never left me. I wasn't dancing with that man was what I thought because he was too short. How quick we can become stuck up with a little praise after a childhood full of scorn.
Mary returned and she sat next to me and she dropped a nuclear bomb basically. She pointed to the man I didn't want to dance with and said he can help you. Help me with what was my first thought? When she told me he can help you be the girl you should have been born it took two of them to keep me there as I bolted from the chair and tried to run to him although my balance in heels would have been problematic since it was the second time I had ever worn heels. Running would not have been an option.
I couldn't take my eyes off him. Mary said his name is Dr. Harry Benjamin and he is from NYC and he came here to meet you. Why would he come to this winter wasteland to meet me was my initial thought and how could he help me? There was food and I never ate any of it. I kept staring at him across the room and he kept staring at me.
This was a total shock because until this point in my life I thought there was no hope. Maybe a dozen shrinks had told me I was delusional, crazy, and obviously irrational over the nearly 6 years since my 8th birthday. I had been called worse names by doctors than people in general and in fact I learned what fag, drag queen, transvestite, and other names meant by looking them up in the Library at school after shrinks told me I would end up one if I didn't listen to them.
Around 9PM I was taken by Mary to a room reserved for the meeting and waiting for me was this Benjamin person. What I remember most was how kind his voice was as he introduced himself and he barely got his name out and I was in tears begging him to make me a complete girl. When I get emotional or excited I talk fast and I was rattling questions faster than he could possibly answer them and then he did something he did with every girl I knew that was his patient.
He walked around the table and gave me a hug and told me everything will be OK and then he held my hands to calm me down because I was somewhere between hysterical and emotionally overwhelmed. I wanted to be a girl by tomorrow and I didn't understand why it would take so long. I was disappointed to learn I would not be able to get pregnant. When I asked him about that he smiled a little and shook his head. I really had no clue.
I actually fainted which was kind of embarrassing and when I told him I had not really eaten he went to the door and food arrived shortly since he had not eaten either. He told me I was a transsexual which was the first time I had ever heard that word in my life. As he explained the process I would go through with hormones and then a surgical procedure he must have sensed I was disappointed it would take so long and surgery was out of the question until I was 18 which was 4 years.
I did not understand why it took so long and when he finished explaining why I suddenly realized this doctor was taking a personal risk to meet with me based on the current political climate in the Medical World over people like me. I didn't really understand a lot of it because like most young transsexuals I was more interested in getting what I desperately needed today but no later than tomorrow and the absolute latest I could possibly wait was the day after tomorrow. We transsexuals can be very self-centered and selfish at times when it comes to getting corrected.
He asked my permission to give me a rudimentary physical and commented I would get a more thorough physical in two days which was freaking news to me but if he was going to help me he could poke me, prod me, and examine me every day if he wanted to. I could sense he was a little confused by my body which was not very boy and I had big aureoles more fitting girls breasts and after I was re-dressed he asked when I had started living as a girl.
I said it was yesterday morning and when I got back home next week I had to go back to androgyny which was OK just to have the freedom of being allowed to be me. He was a little worried about that part and didn't think it would be as easy as I thought it would be to return to the status of "it" as I often called it. I commented that I didn't do boy very well and he basically said it would appear you do girl very well which made me smile.
I was with him for well over three hours and Mary and her family were there for the last 30 minutes or so. He knew I already had a boyfriend which was a big shock and there was not any hint of disapproval. Here I thought up until 3 days ago nobody knew I had a boyfriend and it now seems everyone knows and the only one that didn't know everyone knew was me.
I realized a lot of planning went into this meeting when Mary's Physician brothers talked with Dr. Benjamin about the meeting on Wednesday and who had accepted the invitation and was flying in. I had this decided feeling I was some kind of freak and when he told everyone to leave so he could talk with me privately I asked him some questions about kids like me and it was then I learned not many kids like me ever made it to him and I was the second or third he had actually met which was a little disconcerting.
We got back to the Chalet they owned after 1 AM and I tried to get to sleep but I couldn't. I went into the main living area around 3 AM and got a glass of milk and was sitting there looking at all the snow and the mountains which had this eerie glow from the town creating a scene where a good Science Fiction fan like me fully expected the alien war machines to pop over the hill and destroy my hopes.
I had been hurt by so many doctors I actually was not sure I even trusted this man who said he would help me. I am sure I was crying a little because I was quite good at crying and Mary plopped down on the couch next to me and I expressed my doubts and fears which she knew all about because this is far from the full reason she wanted to help me.
She told me she had something and went to her bedroom and returned with a paper bag and inside were dozens of bottles of estrogen and I think provera and she said Dr. Benjamin and her brothers said these were for me and there was a note explaining what dosage I should take to start a slow change in my body.
So at 3:30 AM on December 28, 1959 I began my long journey to being me. It would take a little over 11 years and because of the times there would be joy, a horrible tragedy that nearly destroyed me, disappointment, delays, and some evil things done to me in my life but Harry and my mom somehow protected me and helped guide me through events I could never have handled alone. There were times I didn't understand why things had to be as they were and I got frustrated and mad and sometimes very angry but they never once lost their faith in me and I guess they were right.
I need to add that things were a lot more complicated than this but I am not sure I want to open up about it all because it is extremely personal and in many ways very difficult to talk about.
Liz
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Debunking some myths about Harry Benjamin
Whomever bothers to read my silly blog knows I have a special place for Harry Benjamin in my heart so I feel I need to debunk some of the myths surrounding Harry and many of the issues perceived as negative for an era thankfully long since gone.
It would be easier if everyone just sat down and took the time to actually read The Transsexual Phenomenon but when people have agendas why bother with the facts.
I don't have all the answers but I do have several boxes full of letters between Harry and my mother including my mom's copies of her letters to him and the majority were written in German to avoid her mother realizing what they were which is another story. Mom was a noted linguist and thought German was safe but was amused Harry called her Marta rather than Martha. My mother was an inquisitive woman and asked a lot of interesting questions and Harry answered every one of them.
If anyone has any misconceptions or questions about him i would be glad to answer the question if I know the answer.
It would be easier if everyone just sat down and took the time to actually read The Transsexual Phenomenon but when people have agendas why bother with the facts.
- Harry Benjamin did not understand or treat the FTM transsexual. In point of fact he was the first person in the US to actually give a damn about them and in the book he mentions he had 13 FTM patients. He prescribed testosterone and cared for them like he cared for everyone else with a warm understanding heart.
- Harry Benjamin dealt primarily with young effeminate or feminine transsexuals and did not understand the late transitioner. Read his book. The majority of the 152 MTF transsexuals he treated were late transitioners. He didn't care if you were 14 or 55.
- Benjamin did not understand or support MTF transsexuals that were attracted to women or lesbian. Read the book carefully. He fully understood the differences between gender identity and sexual preference. He was as at ease with me and my boyfriends as he was with my friend and her girlfriends. He just wanted to see us happy.
- The transsexual had to pass for Harry to recommend surgery. Read the book.He had many heartbreaking cases and he mentions several. It was the surgeons and the hospitals that were the issue.
- Harry thought our problems were psychological. Read the book. Harry was an Endocrinologist and believed something happened in the endocrine system like maybe a hormone wash. In several places he thought it might even be sort of an intersex condition. He debunked people like John Money and I know because I was on a TV show with both of them. He knew Freud and even Freud believed this is not a mental illness.
- The Standards of Care were Harry's idea. Harry believed everyone was different and the process for everyone by definition was different. Harry preferred one to be on hormones before contemplating transition but Real Life Experience was not a requirement based on a specific time frame. I knew a girl that because of work had to be boy for money and girl for life and she had surgery and had a good life and ironically from my same home town. What was in the water??
- Harry only treated transsexuals. Harry treated everyone that fit into his Gender Disorientation Scale from transvestites to Type VI transsexuals. He cared about us all and did feel there was some connection between transvestism and transsexualism. That might tick off the transsexual only crowd and probably explains some of their dislike for him but he cared for us all. If you read his book he explains he had an inkling but no proof transvestism was a very mild form of transsexualism and I know of several transvestites that had "The Letter" in case it might help.
- Harry considered kids like me homosexual transsexuals. Read the book. To the contrary he considered us heterosexual girls. If the mind says girl then boys are the heterosexual sex target unless the MTF transsexual was lesbian which fit a small percentage of early transitioners although it must be noted Harry dealt with very few kids as young as me and several of my friends. We were atypical of those that sought his help.
- Harry would have been upset with transsexuals being under the umbrella term transgender. Read the book. Harry believed in inclusion not exclusion and recognized there were very distinct differences but what was the GLB to do? They needed an inclusive term and at times I get irked being categorized under it but that is usually because of personal reasons.
- Harry would support The Harry Benjamin Syndrome crowd. I must admit I agree with the intersex premise but after spending a short time on the site I think Harry would scream "take my name off" because too many are homophobic and if there is an elitist group it is them. It is ironic because I know and really like Charlotte and it has gotten away from her original intention of promoting transsexualism as intersex. I could go on for two months about some of the nice people and the far too many loons I met there.
- Harry wanted you to be Stealth. Harry wanted what was best for you. Harry knew some would never be able to easily pass and it was out of the question. I was a child or girl of the 50's. I wanted a husband, a family, a baby, a home with a white picket fence and all the programmed nonsense we were fed in those days. Harry thought I should have gone back to school and gotten my Doctorate and taught.
I don't have all the answers but I do have several boxes full of letters between Harry and my mother including my mom's copies of her letters to him and the majority were written in German to avoid her mother realizing what they were which is another story. Mom was a noted linguist and thought German was safe but was amused Harry called her Marta rather than Martha. My mother was an inquisitive woman and asked a lot of interesting questions and Harry answered every one of them.
If anyone has any misconceptions or questions about him i would be glad to answer the question if I know the answer.
Monday, October 4, 2010
To Whom it may concern or The Letter.
Working and living in NYC in the late 60's as a young transsexual was interesting. If you were read and someone screamed "OMG it is a Tranny" (couldn't resist that Elizabeth) one of many possible outcomes occurred.
1. If a cop was around they could arrest you for "impersonating" and that meant the male holding cell at the local precinct. Not a very good outcome.
2. If no cop was around one could get get out of the area and avoid the issue.
3. If a cop was arresting you "The Letter" might help. If the cop had a heart "The Letter" might result in him just telling you to move on.
What was "The letter"? If you were one of Harry's girls, as we called ourselves, Harry provided us with a letter that hopefully would engender some sympathy and avoid one ending up in the slammer. We were to carry it with us at all times upon penalty of Harry getting upset if we got bagged and didn't at least give it a try.
Below is what one of my letter said. It seemed to change every time I managed to lose it. Thankfully I never had to use it.
The last line is funny because Harry knew my penchant for dating musicians and being drawn to bad boys. They were exciting, sexy, and fun and didn't care we were transsexual. Everyone I dated knew about me and musicians seemed quite understanding and particularly the British ones. A lot of them dated transsexuals or had affairs with one. I know of many really famous musicians that had no issues dating one of us. I'm not sure this could or would happen today.
*****************************************************************************
Harry Benjamin M. D.
44 East 67th Street
New York, NY 19921
(212) 427 427-4455
To Whom it May Concern:
This is to certify that the bearer, ____ ____, is under my professional care and observation. This patient belongs to the rather rare group of transsexuals, also referred to in the medical literature as psychic hermaphrodites. Their anatomical sex, that is to say, the body, is male. Their psychological sex, that is to say, the mind, is female.
Therefore they feel as women, and if they live and dress as such, they do so out of an irrepressible inner urge, and not to commit a crime, to "masquerade," or to "impersonate" illegally.It is my considered opinion, based on many years' experience, that transsexuals are mostly introverted and nonaggressive and therefore no threat to society. In their feminine role they can live happier lives and they are usually less neurotic than if they were forced to live as men. I do not think that society is endangered when it assumes a permissive attitude, and grants these people the right to their particular pursuit of happiness.Like all patients of this type, ____ ____ has been strictly advised to behave well and inconspicuously at all times and to be careful in choosing friends.
Dr. Harry Benjamin
Signature
*****************************************************************************
1. If a cop was around they could arrest you for "impersonating" and that meant the male holding cell at the local precinct. Not a very good outcome.
2. If no cop was around one could get get out of the area and avoid the issue.
3. If a cop was arresting you "The Letter" might help. If the cop had a heart "The Letter" might result in him just telling you to move on.
What was "The letter"? If you were one of Harry's girls, as we called ourselves, Harry provided us with a letter that hopefully would engender some sympathy and avoid one ending up in the slammer. We were to carry it with us at all times upon penalty of Harry getting upset if we got bagged and didn't at least give it a try.
Below is what one of my letter said. It seemed to change every time I managed to lose it. Thankfully I never had to use it.
The last line is funny because Harry knew my penchant for dating musicians and being drawn to bad boys. They were exciting, sexy, and fun and didn't care we were transsexual. Everyone I dated knew about me and musicians seemed quite understanding and particularly the British ones. A lot of them dated transsexuals or had affairs with one. I know of many really famous musicians that had no issues dating one of us. I'm not sure this could or would happen today.
*****************************************************************************
Harry Benjamin M. D.
44 East 67th Street
New York, NY 19921
(212) 427 427-4455
To Whom it May Concern:
This is to certify that the bearer, ____ ____, is under my professional care and observation. This patient belongs to the rather rare group of transsexuals, also referred to in the medical literature as psychic hermaphrodites. Their anatomical sex, that is to say, the body, is male. Their psychological sex, that is to say, the mind, is female.
Therefore they feel as women, and if they live and dress as such, they do so out of an irrepressible inner urge, and not to commit a crime, to "masquerade," or to "impersonate" illegally.It is my considered opinion, based on many years' experience, that transsexuals are mostly introverted and nonaggressive and therefore no threat to society. In their feminine role they can live happier lives and they are usually less neurotic than if they were forced to live as men. I do not think that society is endangered when it assumes a permissive attitude, and grants these people the right to their particular pursuit of happiness.Like all patients of this type, ____ ____ has been strictly advised to behave well and inconspicuously at all times and to be careful in choosing friends.
Dr. Harry Benjamin
Signature
*****************************************************************************
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