Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Elderly Plastic Surgery Survivor

One of the bloggers that started T-Central has reached a new personal low. Calie recently had a post called Closed Minds in the T World which was aimed at what Calie perceives as us older early transitioners or the elite. Calie has every right to her opinion and expressed it quite vehemently in the blog post which generated a lot of comments whereupon Calie edited her post and changed the entire tenor of what was said. Why?

In the original post Calie called some of us "Elderly Plastic Surgery Survivors" which produced a new acronym EPSS. Calie is not the first person to say something like that and along with his comments that we would never be "real" women it was quite typical of what certain Butch Dyke radical feminists say and certain transvestites. To anyone that was truly born transsexual it is hurtful because believe me we already know that internally we will never be female and as much as I wanted to menstruate, yes I did, and have the ability to become pregnant so I could provide children for my husband it was not going to happen at least in my lifetime. We know this.

Not one single person born transsexual can or will deny that we can never be completely female or male. It is the one horrific result of being born transsexual that we can never get around. As a onetime MTF transsexual I can never bear children and neither can any FTM transsexual ever father children after surgery. It is a fact of our lives but we can only match the external sex characteristics of the sex we know we belong to. Using the terminology "plastic surgery" implies it was some cosmetic need and not the brutally insistent internal need to be at least externally able to match the sex we should have been born. I needed a functional vagina for sex. SRS was not and never is a choice for those truly born transsexual. It is how we are and if I want to be honest with myself and others when an older transitioner has SRS it shows amazing courage and it took me time to actually get that point. There really is no decision. For 99.9% of us surgery means life.

The intent of Calie's post was to take aim at people like me that question certain older transitioners but the irony is that with this post Calie has categorically defined Calie as what he truly is and that is not transsexual. No transsexual would ever write or post such drivel. Calie must have realized he had screwed up because Calie "edited" the post and removed all references to EPSS in either its acronym or full form. An act of total cowardice with only a comment note to inform anyone he had a change of heart or possibly felt he had crossed a line or exposed what he truly is. Part of blogging for better or worse, is having the courage of your convictions and to read the comments of your readers and if you are wrong change your opinion and admit it but never edit something out unless it was requested because a line was crossed. Calie did not cross a line. Calie described his feelings about us so he should be a "real" man, which you are Calie, and stand up and take the criticism.

Comments by my readers has helped me change my mind on certain subjects. I cannot say honestly I will ever understand late transitioners but I have a new rule which is simple. If anyone has had SRS then questions are over and they have a right to be addressed as women or men. If an individual has the courage to go through SRS then I will not question their sex. Now, I might question their opinions, positions, and concepts about what all this crap means but in the world of being born transsexual that is the semantics of the situation.

I have written posts I wish I could change now because I have a different perspective but I will not because it was how I felt at the time and maybe it shows some change in me over time. I have a post called "Nikki Araguz is a fraud" and the use of the word fraud is wrong. It implies Nikki was not born transsexual nor now a girl after surgery. That was not the intent which was to point out that she married a man before SRS which put her and other transsexuals in a difficult position in Texas and possibly elsewhere. Nikki is a beautiful girl with issues and has always had issues not related to transsexualism. She made a silly mistake but one I understand because I loved a boy before my SRS and I would have married him in a heartbeat if possible back then.

Calie has always wanted to appear as a martyr in my humble opinion. Poor brave Calie who always knew she was a girl but never acted on it and now has responsibilities to a family and an oh so important career. Calie was such a brave transsexual. She made the choice of fatherhood, being a husband, and being an important person at work. Poor brave Calie is such a role model and if "she" could "only" transition she would. I would actually explain the dichotomy in the picture Calie has painted of Calie but I honestly believe even Calie knows it is bullshit.

Just look at the blog. What transsexual would ever write a post title "Should I femulate"???? Nothing else needs to be said. Calie and his ilk would like people to believe transsexuals have choices.  This puts Calie in the Autumn Sandeen camp and the camp of those that believe transsexualism can be controlled which by its very nature implies somehow that it can be cured or prevented from consuming your life.  Those truly born transsexual realize this is a crock of shit or fantasy that those in the Transgender community want everyone to believe.

Here is my prediction for Calie. I am guessing Calie is around 50 so here goes. At around 58 Calie will have enough money and retirement to live his fantasy and the following will happen . Actually the groundwork for it has been laid in some previous posts but it is classic male. Calie has already claimed he is 47 XXY yet he has children which without fertility intervention is patently impossible for any male born 47 XXY.  We are now approaching Chloe Prince and A.E. Brain territory with Calie where fantasy and delusion rule.

Calie has no excuses. Calie knows help is available yet Calie believes he controls his transsexualism. Being born transsexual is like being born with a malignant cancerous tumor. Unless treated it will eat you alive. Calie is like a snake oil salesman telling other transsexuals that he somehow has an elixir or holistic medicine that cures the cancer or holds it at bay until he decides the time is correct to take action. That single concept alone disqualifies Calie as transsexual.

Calie will suddenly transition and of course his wife will love him but it will be a decision he had to make because he could not take it any more. Calie will immediately know even more about being "transsexual" than he currently claims to. Everyone will accept and love the "new" Calie they see and meet. Calie will be adored by all. Calie will spend tons of cash on FFS, implants, and all things needed to fulfill the fantasy. Calie will jump into SRS as quickly as possible. After his surgery Calie will be a she and then in a moment of pure irony will literally qualify as an "Elderly Plastic Surgery Survivor" because in "her" case it will be cosmetic surgery.

Ironically if Calie ever does transition I will use female pronouns for Calie. Sad but true.

Friday, November 18, 2011

A Sandeen Public Service Announcement for the Trans Community

First I need to thank Not Your Friend for bringing this to my attention but that aside Trans people need to understand where they stand under the law based on their actions.

I've got coffee; and I'm not afraid to use it 

is a link to the latest Autumn Sandeen post on San Diego LGBT Weekly.

No one has ever accused Autumn Sandeen of being the brightest light bulb in the string but that post took the cake. In this post Sandeen makes a mockery of someone I hold in high esteem. It is not the first time Sandeen has referenced Martin Luther King and Sandeen's pathetic attempt to equate her actions as a violation of a Martin Luther King belief and the attempt to link herself to him, somehow, is even beyond Sandeen's normal self aggrandizing belief that she has standards.  If Sandeen does have standards they are at the level of a snake's belly since her main aim in life is perpetrating the belief she is important. Sandeen is actually more like a pimple on the ass of all transsexuals and it would be nice if someone popped that pimple but then Sandeen would still be "transgender forever" which are Sandeen's words since in reality all transsexuals know Sandeen was never anything but marginally transsexual but that is not the focus of this post.

The focus of this post is regardless of your situation in the trans community do not be as big of a dummy as Sandeen was by admitting in writing that you committed multiple crimes under California Law.

First things first. It is not a crime to use racial or trans pejoratives since that is covered under the !st Amendment to Constitution as free speech. Being a foul mouthed racist or transphobic idiot is not illegal just dumb.

First Violation. It is assault to throw any fluid, including water or coffee, in anyone's face in the State of California.

Violation. It is a felony under California law to throw ANYTHING at a moving vehicle so throwing her coffee at a car violated the law and even if the car driver committed a moving violation under California Law it is a  misdemeanor.

Autumn should be careful because despite her self professed belief she is a woman the Sand Diego Police will put her in the male holding cell if she is arrested. If those neanderthals recognized her as male the Police will also and that would be a rather unpleasant situation for even Sandeen.

I think any trans person needs to understand where they stand with the Law and allowing some neanderthal to anger you enough verbally to commit an assault or a felony is just plain stupid.

Autumn's stupidity is beyond comprehension. If either person came forward now and went to the police poor Autumn has admitted her guilt in writing in a public forum. Even worse could have happened. Since the neanderthal was assaulted he could have physically retaliated and assaulted Sandeen. I wonder if subconsciously that was not Sandeen's actual intent.

Can you imagine how proud Sandeen would be if Sandeen had been assaulted because Sandeen was trans. Good lord that would be worth multiple posts and tons of "street cred" in the Professional Trans brigade. I get this feeling Sandeen has always wanted to be a martyr and this was Sandeen's chance. Then again maybe she scared the crap out of this neanderthal with Sandeen's brazen act of courage.

Either way no trans person should ever be stupid enough to physically retaliate for words.  In that respect Sandeen has given us a clear example of how not to respond to words whether one feels "justified" or that the individual "deserved" to be drowned in coffee saturated with Sandeen's oral germs which is why it may actually be a felony and not simple assault in California.

I was shocked when Sandeen used the "pass" word since I obviously was mistaken in my belief that "pass" was something only us "old timers" considered important and was a rule or concept that should be discouraged because it is not required to either look like a woman, act like a woman, or physically to have one's sex characteristics corrected to be a woman. It is a big part of the "transgender forever" mantra Sandeen lives her life by along with her "Trans and Proud" lifestyle.

Sandeen gave into her base male instincts for physical retaliation when Sandeen should have simply followed the Sandeen mantra and calmly said "I am Trans and Proud and Transgender Forever" and kept on walking. It does make me wonder if Sandeen actually believes her own bullshit in so many ways. Sandeen actually wanted to "pass" and was hurt because the neanderthal  recognized Sandeen as a man in a dress which hurt Sandeen's self esteem. Funny how that works for even some of the "Trans and Proud" crowd.

I guess Sandeen wants everyone to realize that weaponizing your coffee and assaulting a neanderthal and a car with it is not justified even if one is "justified" and the perpetrator "deserved" it. Somehow that does not equate to anything King believed in unless one is as delusional as Autumn Sandeen.

Somehow I rather doubt this was the first, nor last, time Autumn has been picked out of a crowd.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Why aren't I out and proud?

The argument that "all" of us should be out and proud was brought up on the  MKIA blog by both June "the loon" Hingle and by Stephanie. Both of these individuals are to put it mildly basically insane but this is a common refrain from many but primarily from later transitioners like June "The Loon" Hingle and Stephanie Flettshock whose claim we should have done this lies somewhere in the self delusion that if a kid like me had been "out and proud" my visibility would have somehow aided them to make a decision earlier to transition and get SRS like June "The Loon" and maybe have helped Stephanie get her drug, booze, and schizophrenia under control so she could have done it earlier.

The problem with this entire scenario is it would require me to be willing to do two things that are an invalidation of my life from my point of view.

Being "out" would imply that I was still transsexual which I am not. I no longer have a split between my brain sex and my body so I am cured. If I was out about being transsexual it would have to be that I was born transsexual and thus I was at one time transsexual which then bleeds into the flawed belief that I was ever proud I was born transsexual. There is nothing proud and wonderful about living a personal nightmare until just after my 25th birthday when I was cured. Now I know some of the loons are going to be on here claiming I was never cured but Harry Benjamin thought I was cured.

The idea of "out and proud" implies that I "owe" something to a community or a group of people who went before me or to someone other than myself for my success in life. There is some truth in this statement but not the truth that the "out and proud" crowd want. I owe a lot to my mother who fought the urge to turn me over to the medical loons and eventually listened to her pen pal Dr. Harry Benjamin. I owe a lot to the mother of a boy who saw past her own prejudices and met the little girl that was me. I owe my life to a boy that forced his way into my life because he saw me for the girl I was.  I owe my brother Raymond more than I can repay in multiple lifetimes for his support and love and acceptance long before anyone one else admitted I was the girl I said I was. I owe my second husband more than I can ever repay and when we hopefully meet again after I am gone I can tell him again how much he meant to me and how he enriched my life.

I would certainly not have had my second husband if I had been "out and proud" although he knew everything about me. Not one of the people who have meant a thing to me in my life would have benefited from my being "out and proud" and for sure I would not have benefited because quite bluntly there is nothing to be "out and proud" about other than the simple facts of my life and on those counts I believe I can hold my head high as a woman because I have set more than a few precedents for women in both business and Engineering. Neither of these loons can say they helped women because they have lived their lives as MEN and in the case of one of them will retain his manhood by choice.

I did my little part in the early 70's on radio and several television shows for the "transsexual cause" and I regret doing even those to be honest. The reason is simple. People will believe what they want to believe and besides that all I ever wanted was to be "normal". from June of 1959 until I moved to NYC basically everyone knew I was the boy that thought she was a girl and wanted to be a girl. Then I was the MTF transsexual and that ended when I moved to NYC. I have always "passed" as a girl and that benefit in many ways gave me the freedom to be the girl I was in NYC.

Wanting a normal life meant eventually leaving my past behind and that was easy because at that age it was not something I wanted to think about. I just wanted to make my way in life as a girl with none of the baggage associated with being born transsexual. Thankfully it was the 50's, 60's and early 70's and there was no social media because my life would have been different today but it was a choice I made and I am actually proud of it. I chose to make it through life as the girl I should have been born as and hoped I would earn the privilege to be considered a woman or as my dear friend Irene said "a girl that figured it out". Irene was a genetic girl and never knew of my past.

I started from scratch as a girl because I chucked the Engineering degrees and my Houston past into the "Way Back When Vault" and moved on with my life as a girl and then a young woman. My first husband, despite an early divorce, let me raise my step-daughter which personally I consider my best achievement in life and the one I enjoyed the most. My life has had its ups and downs with its good times and its bad times but in most ways it has been very normal for the young girl I started out as and the mid 60's woman I have become today.

What these people claiming we should be "out and proud" want is someone they can blame for their own inadequacies or cowardice in facing down a problem in life and defeating it. They would like you to believe it is not their fault they decided to marry a woman and have children in a marriage where they knew they were "transsexual" or more importantly "would have" known they were transsexual if someone like me was "out and proud" or better yet everyone was "out and proud". This is of course a false assumption.

The following comment is from a schizophrenic loon by the name of Stephanie and is taken from MKIA's blog and I hope she forgives me for borrowing it.

Blogger Stephanie said...
As usual, you side-stepped what I said completely. I still maintain that if you and the other older ladies had been open about yourself early in your transition, it would have helped people to understand what a transsexual is. In 1968 at the age of 14, I didn't even know that there were other people in this world that felt like I did. It took a write-up in a Look or Life (?) magazine for me to connect the dots. Had you done something of that nature you could have helped many transsexuals and cis people understand better. Sitting and blasting people here is not helping anything. Come out of your closet and put a face on what it's been like to live a successful life as a transsexual. It would help much more than preaching to the choir here on blogger.

Well Stephanie was able to connect the dots at 14 as she claims yet it did not help Stephanie one bit. Why do I say that one should ask? Quite simply Stephanie went on to live "his" life just the way he was always going to live his life. If Stephanie had read about another 20 or 30 of us would it have changed his life in 1968? No, it would not have because he was more interested in the ass of a girl hanging over a pool table and getting laid like all the rest of the useless redneck white trailer trash boys he grew up with in the Arkansas of 1968. He claims he was diagnosed transsexual in 1968 yet he DID NOTHING about it when it came down to the life mistakes he made but somehow this would have changed if more were out and proud.  That is utter bullshit.

Every transsexual knows it whether they have a word for what they are. They know they are girls of they know they are boys. Stephanie had that information and waited until Stephanie was in her 50's to transition. Was that my fault because I was not "out and proud"? From Stephanie's point of view I gather it is. From my point of view Stephanie just proved he was a coward or more likely made a conscious decision to NOT do what was necessary to be the girl he claims he was. Usually that indicates the person questions themselves but that is my fault and those others that did not "destroy" their own lives like Stephanie did.

People make their own decisions in life and like many bad decisions they need others to blame for their pathetic existence and mistakes.  They were repressed by their parents so they had "no choice" and could not transition back then. A little clue is needed here. None of us had a choice back then because the only way to transition in the 50's and 60's was to head to the streets or actually work towards what you needed. We did what we had to do and you did not. So how is that my fault again?

Okay, so what was the excuse when you became emancipated at 18 or graduated from college? Oh that is correct you had some girl pregnant and were now "doing the right thing" by marrying her and pushing your "dressing" and possible transsexualism into her life. How very kind of you to include others in your misery.

Eventually people like Stephanie and June "The Loon" reach their 50's and "suddenly" the "urge" to be female, a feminist, an all knowing woman, and an example for all becomes irresistible and they need to present themselves to the world as the "women" they always were which they are entitled to because they were men for 50+ years and are all knowing as all men are.  Just ask them! They know what it means to be a woman because they have been both fucking them and fucking over them their entire lives.

Most late transitioners admit they made some bad decisions in life that led them down a path that delayed the inevitable.  Most are what Harry would classify as Type V and I have sympathy and compassion for them. The rest will always be men because even with the lipstick and skirt they are still just plain men.  Male privilege demands their acceptance as women even if they keep their beloved penis. They are all around you.

When I really think about it I am actually "out and proud". I am out and proud that I have been a reasonably good example as both a mother and a woman for my step-daughter and my grandchildren. I am also proud that I made a mark in life for women in my fields of engineering and business.  I am out and proud that I was both a good wife and a good partner to the love of my life. All in all I got the life I wanted as a child when I cried myself to sleep praying to god to wake up a girl.  It took a while longer than i expected but when I woke up after my surgery in January of 1971 I was that little girl even if I had just turned 25 and no fool like Stephanie nor a bigger fool like June "The Loon" has the right nor the "balls" to claim I failed because I was not "out and proud".  I was but it was just I was "out and proud" as a young mother and both a businesswoman and an engineer which was all I ever wanted.

The really sad part is if you listen to June "The Loon" and Stephanie they could have done what I and many others have done before and after.  They could have just been the girls they claim they always were and pushed their way into a "correct" life but like most losers in life they chose the easy path and somehow others are at fault for their bad choices but as usual they miss the truth about being born transsexual.

What is that truth?

The truth is there is no choice involved. You either are and do what ever is necessary to become what you should have been or you make mistakes which pull others into the nightmare that is transsexualism. Those that are true to themselves will solve it eventually and admit the mistakes and correct the mistake.They will not blame others nor believe they suddenly had an epiphany and had a clue about all this.  They will just live and enjoy it. 

The bigger truth is even simpler for people like this.

They will always be trans because their lives revolve around being trans.  They will never be women because that would require them to be something they can never be which is honest with themselves. They are little and they are sad and June "the loon" and Stephanie are classic examples of it.

The final truth is the big one.

The only thing any transsexual should be proud of is curing their transsexualism.  There is not one single damn benefit that growing up transsexual brings other than perseverance and if I could wave my magic wand there would never be another child born transsexual. I would end it permanently because it is a nightmare and I wish it on not one single other living being.