Saturday, May 28, 2011

Sex/Nature verses Gender/Nurture

That is really the question that all of transsexualism revolves around. Are those of us that believe in nature and sex correct or are those that believe in gender and nurture correct? It is really that simple. I have been receiving comments from someone calling themselves "an old auntie" and I was sort of taken to task over the we change sex not gender and she based it on a belief that all publications classify sex and gender as the same. I was accused of social engineering or changing the meanings of a word.

Usage Note: Traditionally, gender has been used primarily to refer to the grammatical categories of "masculine," "feminine," and "neuter," but in recent years the word has become well established in its use to refer to sex-based categories, as in phrases such as gender gap and the politics of gender. This usage is supported by the practice of many anthropologists, who reserve sex for reference to biological categories, while using gender to refer to social or cultural categories. According to this rule, one would say The effectiveness of the medication appears to depend on the sex (not gender) of the patient, but In peasant societies, gender (not sex) roles are likely to be more clearly defined. This distinction is useful in principle, but it is by no means widely observed, and considerable variation in usage occurs at all levels

Most define gender as an and/or link to the sex of the person. The difference between and/or is monumental.
The correct definition is that sex clearly defines the characteristics both physically and biologically of one of the two binary sexes. Gender defines the cultural and social roles a group of people live by and the masculine and feminine gender may map to the male and female sex but it does not have to. Any other definition is 100% incorrect for some obvious reasons.
If masculine and feminine map 100% to male and female it is thus impossible for there to be a feminine male and a masculine female based directly on your definition. It becomes a dichotomy or a mutually exclusive condition bound by the clear definition that sex and gender are the same. They may be but more importantly they may not be and that is our primary issue.

Sex is not fluid. One is either male, female or possibly intersex but intersex is a combination of one of the binary sex types and the individual will understand which sex they belong to in short order.  David Reimer is a classic example of that.

Because one dresses as a woman and appears feminine does not mean one is female physically. The individual is playing a gender role defined as feminine or transvestite or cross-dresser. This becomes a social issue and not an issue of one's sex. This is not possible if sex and gender are the same and thus transvestites and their ilk are just perverts verses someone with a gender/social issue at times. I prefer the someone with gender issues at time verses pervert but that is just me.

Because sex is binary in reality even if one is intersex it precludes the possibility of one being gender variant.  How can I say that? Variant by definition means varied while intersex means nothing or the sort.  It means a combination of male or female and the individual will know which one they are based on brain sex. The people born intersex will also grow up appearing more like one of the two primary sex types based on the hormonal patterns of their bodies.

Combining sex and gender as one and the same implies that nature and nurture are one and the same. Nature defines the sex characteristics of a male or a female.  There are some species that can change sex and I have to admit I am jealous of that. Sure would have been easier. Nurture defines the social constructs that define one as feminine or masculine and some believe they are. Nurture is how one learns the appropriate gender roles in a specific society.

The correct definitions for sex and gender are clearly defined if reading comprehension is minimally available.

Sex defines the sex characteristics of a male or female and the biological specifics of a male or female but those biological specifics may not be apparent on all of a specified sex. Not all women menstruate or can become pregnant. Not all men are strong and can father children because they are possibly infertile. Only 1 in 20,000 live births in the US is that of a hermaphrodite or a child born with the sex characteristics of both male and female and their brain sex will determine which sex they belong to and not what gender they are raised as.

Gender defines the social and cultural constructs that define masculine and feminine in a particular society and may map directly to the specific sex of a person but not necessarily. Thus feminine men and masculine women are not only possible but as we know exist in significant numbers within society.

The entire argument that sex and gender are the same falls apart based simply on the conjunction "or".

In logic and mathematics, or, also known as logical disjunction or inclusive disjunction, is a logical operator that results in true whenever one or more of its operands are true. E.g. in this context, "A or B" is true if A is true, or if B is true, or if both A and B are true.

If sex or gender have the exact same meaning then male means masculine and female means feminine. It is logically undeniable. They do NOT. What all this bad logic enforces is the paradigm that if one is feminine one is female and if one is masculine one is male and also if one is male then one is masculine and if one is female one is feminine and everyone of sane mind knows this is not true.

The only absolutely assured definition of sex is physiological characteristics such as vagina or penis. Sex crosses all species known to man with few exceptions and homo sapien is not one of the exceptions. 

The only absolutely assured definition of gender is the social or cultural norms that define feminine and masculine in a specific society and they differ based on the society and its belief system.  In other words gender is different for many societies if they even have the concept of gender. All societies have the concept of sex.

I am as guilty as everyone in misusing gender and sex because like most I was partially brainwashed by the same blurred lines. The more important thing is something I remembered from a conversation I had 40 years ago with a noted psychiatrist I have discussed a lot. We were discussing, reluctantly on my part by the way, when I was raped in February of 1960 shortly after I started hormones by a neighbor. She said he was a pedophile and then added he was probably born that way because it was incurable. Maybe just an off-handed remark but it leads me to another thought.

I rest my case based on this article by Milton Diamond of the University of Hawaii.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Nikki Araguz is a fraud

I have always been bothered by Nikki Araguz. It is not related to her sex or gender.  She was clearly transsexual and according to her intersexed but the transsexual part is rather obvious. What has always been obvious, but totally ignored by most sycophants genuflecting at her feet, is that quite simply Nikki Araguz is not a very nice person and I base this on a criminal past and a pattern of behavior that only the deaf, dumb, and blind could miss and ignore.

The GLB crowd jumped on her bandwagon as did the transgender crowd and then many in the transsexual community. Everyone wanted a role model for their particular vision of their ideal world. The problem was everybody ignored the simple truths about Nikki Araguz.  Nikki has always been a manipulative, conniving, dishonest, and sadly a criminally active person. Her criminal record as a male and as a woman is undeniable and it is not short nor is it inconsistent with the current arrest for theft of a Rolex. She has been a thief for a long time.

From my perspective there could not have been a single worse choice to represent Transsexuals in the State of Texas or anywhere for that matter. Nikki is not a nice person and never has been if anyone wants to be honest with the facts. Even if we drop all the facts about her criminal past Nikki Araguz could not have been a worse choice for those of us born Transsexual.  The facts are irrefutable and undeniable. Nikki Araguz was still packing a penis when she married her late husband and he knew it so whether we like it or not under Texas law and under the laws of most of the United States this was a marriage between two men. You can argue semantics all you want but the only argument Nikki has is against gay marriage which I happen to support.

Of course all the activists jumped on her bandwagon and are still on it in most cases.  Under Texas law she does not have a single iota of legal precedent to stand on and she is screwing everyone born transsexual in the State of Texas because it has now supposedly about us. Ironically in a Houston poll, unscientific by a local paper, Texans overwhelming supported the right of transsexuals to legally marry with the implied belief they were post surgical.

I guess I have a little stake in this because I was married in central Texas in the late 80's but unlike Nikki I was17 years post operative. Now the nut-jobs are even after that right and we can thank Nikki Araguz for that.  Nikki has never met a microphone, camera, or reporter she didn't like and even had plans for some foolish reality show about her which i hope is permanently shelved because of this.

Nikki even tried to lie about her surgery date and only after she was exposed did she admit she was not post-op when she married her husband. Nikki Araguz has been a liar, a thief, a drug user, a drug pusher, and god knows what else yet nobody wants to believe she did not take a Rolex. Maybe she didn't but with her criminal past what choice do the Police have. They have to believe the woman making the claim and the woman claimed she was "drugged" which is another interesting tidbit.

If Nikki had been a non-criminal and post operative at the time of her marriage she would have been an excellent candidate to fight the cause all the way to the Supreme Court. She is none of the above and is just doing what she did when she lived as a male. She is using people for her benefit and committing crimes to supplement her income. It is who and what Nikki Araguz is.

Nikki Araguz is not a role model for anyone born transsexual nor is she for anyone that considers themselves transgendered and most certainly not for those in the gay community seeking the legalization of gay marriage. Nikki Araguz is a walking nightmare for anyone and everyone trying to legitimize anything. If anything Nikki Araguz is the anti-role-model but those desperate for a piece of her limelight will never see that.

Find someone worthwhile as a role model and that is NOT Nikki Araguz. Even if she did not steal the Rolex she is a disaster for all born transsexual in the State of Texas.

In my eyes Nikki is just playing another con-game but this time it is on those in the trans and gay communities. Nikki Araguz was and is just a fraud.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

We change sex not gender

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum thanks to Teagan. I woke up and realized how totally screwed up everything really is.  These assholes running around pretending to represent transsexuals have slowly but surely been usurping what being born transsexual is all about. By simply pushing the topic from "sex" to "gender", as in gender dysphoria, they have actually almost won.

A few definitions first so forgive me and these were copied from elsewhere.

"Sex" refers to the biological and physiological characteristics that define men and women.

"Gender" refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for men and women.

To put it another way:

"Male" and "female" are sex categories, while "masculine" and "feminine" are gender categories.

The concepts of sex and gender are really dimorphic in many ways or in plain English truly distinctly different. Gender is dependent on where you live and what culture influences you. Sex is male or female and there are distinct sex characteristics for male and female. Those of us born transsexual truly want to change those sex characteristics or we want breasts and a vagina verses a penis and a flat hairy chest. We ant curves verses muscles in general. We want to truly be the sex we should have been at birth.

Since gender is a social construct that defines roles for the masculine and the feminine it does not necessarily have anything to do with being transsexual. Many of us are willing to take on those social roles because we feel it is part of what defines one as male or female but it really is what defines one as masculine or feminine and that may or may not be independent of your sex characteristics.

When I was growing up if someone assumed I was a female they would have looked at me as a "tomboy" while if they assumed or knew I was male they looked at me as feminine. That is a gender issue or a gender role issue.  Physically because of hormonal issues at I guess one could say I tended toward female but under the cloth I still had one male sex characteristic and it drove me crazy.  I needed to change my sex because my body was just plain wrong down there. 

The DSM uses gender dysphoria in order to cover a broad spectrum in society but when they inserted that term in 1980 they shafted everyone born transsexual.  We do not suffer from gender dysphoria we suffer from sex characteristic dysphoria.  Now I realize some will scream this cannot be right but look at it clearly. I and many like me knew I was a girl and firmly believed it. What drove me crazy was not that I could not dress and live as a girl but the simple fact as I approached puberty like every "normal" girl I wanted my breasts, my curves, boys, and this was exacerbated by the fact I now knew I was male. It is what drives many of us that hated that organ we were cursed with. It was just plain wrong.  It did not belong on us. Our bodies were wrong with it.

What has happened is many have been perverted by assholes like Blanchard and Bailey and forced to change how they truly feel about themselves. Wanting a female body for a transsexual is as normal as a woman wanting a female body.  There is nothing wrong with this although some would want us to feel that way. Woman like their bodies and being female or there would not be a billion dollar cosmetic surgery business. As long as transsexuals want their female body for the simple reason a girl then one is not some category defined by some stupid men like Bailey and Blanchard. I needed my body corrected because I liked boys "a lot" and I wanted to be with a boy but only as a girl and that meant a girl's body.

Ironically in my day, a long time ago, we all thought like this and gender roles is a part of it for the majority of us but not for all of us.  I wanted to be beautiful and desirable to men and wanted a family, a husband, and the house with the white picket fence which was how girls from the 50's were programmed. I change over time and became liberated a lot but quite simply if I had been told I could live as a girl but NOT have my sex characteristics changed to female i would have preferred death.  Most of my friends felt the same way.  Fixing my body was the most important thing to me.

By pushing the issue towards gender the DSM and the idiots managing it have built themselves a nice cottage industry out of all those that want to push gender boundaries and not change the most important sex characteristic there is for a transsexual. They want to keep the genitalia they were born with.  If that is the case you are transgender and not transsexual.  It is the reason the term transsexual was chosen originally. We cross sex boundaries by wanting to change our sex characteristics to the opposite of those we were born with. It is this that drives us not cross-dressing to change our sex. Changing gender is easy comparatively. Dressing as a female does not make one transsexual.

One does not decide to "become" transsexual. It is either there or it isn't because it is part of the very core of one's being. There is nothing more confusing to a child than looking at themselves and realizing their body has the wrong parts.  Innately we humans know what is right and what is wrong with our bodies when it comes to our sex. Being transsexual is not something that shows up "late" in life on a weekday evening.  It is born into the core of our being and it is what drives us.  It drives some of us harder than others but it drives us all to fix this horrible mistake. Quite simply a girl does not have a penis and a boy does not have a vagina. It really truly is that simple.

Now those in the transgender community cannot allow that to stand because the transvestites and cross-dressers could not walk the streets freely in essence pretending to be transsexual when they really have a social condition and in most cases not a gender condition but they want you to think they do. How many transvestites or cross-dressers really want to take on the gender role characteristics mentioned in the definition above? None that I know of.  They would shit bricks before they got paid like women got paid or had to be subservient in some societies like women are required to be or be restricted like women are at certain country clubs or be barred from certain exclusive men only clubs like there are in NYC or lord forbid face that glass ceiling in business many of us felt.  They want the best of both worlds and they manage to get it by infringing on what few areas we women have.

It all comes down to money and power and men are more accustom to wielding it although some of us women have learned the game but it is an uphill battle. Now these same men want those born transsexual to allow them to cloud the picture as to who is and who is not transsexual by simply usurping our category and pulling it under transgender which is totally NOT WHAT transsexual is about. We change sex.  Changing gender roles may or may not be part of that depending on one's station in life. For most born transsexual slipping into the feminine gender role is easy if done early in life and more difficult later in life but many of us can flip between being feminine to tomboy in a second like many genetic women can.  A transvestite or a cross-dresser would be appalled at the thought of being a tomboy or acting like one when en-femme. They emulate women and that means heels, bras, skirts, and pantyhose and not cutoffs, your husband's tee-shirt, and a game of softball with friends.

Girls both genetic and those born transsexual go through stages in life. Early on genetic girls are what we kids in NYC called "high maintenance" when they are learning to become girls. Most girls crave makeup, hair, cloths and girly things early on and this is typical of those born transsexual. Having your nails perfect is important. Having your makeup perfect is important. All girls and women go through this and some never stop being this way but many can flip between high and "low maintenance" and I learned that through the genetic girlfriends I have been fortunate to have that knew nothing of my past. It is those friendships I treasure above all because I learned being a girl and a woman was not all heels, dresses, makeup, nails, and girly.

I remember as a child how appalled I was when forced to play boy sports.  I also remember how much fun I had playing flag football with my husband and his friends and their wives.  How much fun we had playing softball or I had as he tried to teach me to fly. How much fun we had rooting for our sports teams. How appalled he was when I dragged him and my nephew to his first Metallica concert and how hard I laughed when he admitted he enjoyed it.

We change our sex because we know it is wrong. The gender role we live is fluid like life. Some days we like being girly and some days we do not. It does not mean we are bending the gender boundaries.  It simply means we are living life. Bending gender boundaries deliberately is akin to acting out frustrations. 

Transsexuals do not play with gender. We change our sex so we can live the gender role we want and it may or may not be girly over time. Transvestites, cross-dressers, and those under the gender variant banner play with their gender which is completely different from playing with one's sex although they would like everyone to overlook that. Changing sex is what differentiates us from them and it is the single idea they want to hide from society when they are playing their chosen gender role for the day.

They play a gender role and we live in our correct sex.  That is a very big difference and let us not forget it.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Changing your birth certificate should require GRS

This is another one of my pet peeves.  If one has not had corrective surgery then one should not be able to change a birth certificate to F for female. In a ways this is a difficult position for me to take because I have several friends that have not had surgery and cannot change their birth certificates. One does not believe she should be able to and the other will be madder than a hatter at me for saying what I am about to say but so be it.

If a MTF transsexual has not had GRS then they should not be able to change their birth certificates. If a FTM transsexual has not had a hysterectomy and top surgery they should not be able to change their birth certificate.

This kid in Canada named Lana seems like a good kid but she has no interest in GRS and is only interested in a bigger pair of breasts. She is certainly not a transsexual and I assume identifies as transgender. We are heading down a very slippery slope if we allow non-op transsexuals or transgenders to change their respective birth certificates without GRS. This is what the transgender crowd dribble all over themselves over. If they can do this then they can pretend they are girls with peckers or penis packing women. It is also why we end up with pregnant FTM transsexuals which should not happen. The thought of a pregnant man, as in FTM man, is a wet dream the transgender crowd loves. Blur the lines between genders and then there is no longer just the male and the female but the new "it" category or is that gender variant, gender-queer, or gender fucked up. I am sure someone can explain it using "zir", "hir", and "it" which I prefer.

Allowing someone to change their birth certificates while they are still suffering from male penis envy, they really want a bigger one, is both a sacrilege to genetic women and those that have been corrected. We end up with idiots claiming to be "male-lesbians" and men with peckers claiming they are feminists because they  wear a frock and the worst of all when end up with men in frocks and a functioning penis claiming womanhood.

The last time I thought about this the only analogy I could come up with is these losers want us to allow she-males the right to change a birth certificate and claim they are fully functioning women, that is what F means on a birth certificate by the way, yet still maintain that glorious penis they love and use on women and men. These people are certainly not transsexual and the only term i can think of is she-male which is derogatory to everyone involved unless it is what they desire.

One must ask the question. What use is a penis on a woman? Of course one could also ask the question what good is a vagina on a transvestite so maybe it is coming full circle.

I know what a penis on someone calling themselves a woman with no intention of having GRS is. It is WRONG!! Unless of course medical issues prevent surgery.

I cannot say I am opposed to someone getting an F on their driving license for safety sake and I firmly believe a temporary short term passport with F should be issued again for safety and convenience. But, and it is a big BUT, nobody should get a free F on the birth certificate because one wants it. A set of breasts and a hair piece does not make a woman if you have a penis and want to keep it. That is ludicrous but I am sure I will be shouted down.

Why will I be shouted down? The transgender crowd needs pee packing men classified as women so all the non transsexual transgender crowd can play girl whenever they want to.  Pretty soon they will be issuing two birth certificates in loony countries like Canada and Spain and England. One with an F and another with M plus duplicate driving licenses and passports just so Johnny can be Jane whenever Johnny wants to be. The transgender crowd has to be drooling over this. Businesses have to be sick to their stomachs if they were ever foolish enough to use transgender instead of transsexual.

They won in Canada, England and Spain and I am sure other places. We now live in a world where penis packing men can be now classified as penis packing women and if anyone says he or him they are degrading them. Maybe "it" is more appropriate.  You know the hairy "it" in a box from the Addams Family Television show and movie. Actually a capitalized "IT" is more realistic but then I guess i am out of touch with the political correctness of the Transgender crowd.  After all why should anyone have the right to tell an FTM they should no longer be able to bear children if they are a man and an MTF they should not be packing a penis they can impregnate women with?

Just another example of how Transsexual has been perverted into a cliche and I have a post about that coming soon. I expect Transsexual to be banned as a pejorative in my lifetime. Very sad in my humble opinion.

Monday, May 16, 2011

We really have nothing in Common do we?

Believe it or not I actually spend little time on this blog or much of anything related to the issues discussed and argued on here. It has really never been that important to me and in some ways that was and is a fault of mine. Some of us old timers have tried to give back as best we can while maintaining as much anonymity as possible. Some of us are so stealth few people know who we are and others, I am one of these, have people who know the truth about their past who remain supportive, loving, and most importantly quiet. Most of that has to do with the early stages in our lives when we transitioned.

Almost everyone I know that was born transsexual is either an old timer from my era or the 10 or so kids I was involved in helping over the decades. We always provided the financial aid to the children and let some very competent professionals help them but we did keep our eye on how the kids did. We are involved from a distance but we are involved because we have lived what they are living and sometimes we are the only ones that have an answer to a particular question. Most of those happen to involve boys. Funny how that works.

It is rather an odd experience to interview a therapist about whether they are competent or more importantly qualified to handle a very intense Type VI child transsexual.  Most of the ones my friend and I have interviewed failed miserably because they did not understand the differences between these children and every other trans person they treated. I even had one tell me all trans people were the same which is a total fallacy. Finding the therapist has been the singularly most difficult problem we have had.

The other issue is hormones and we absolutely do not follow the SOC when it comes to hormones. All of the kids are on blockers and estrogen very early, before puberty hopefully, and we have the results to prove the correctness of the methodology. All have surgery by 18 and hopefully the two now can have surgery at 16. It just makes life easier and besides going to University as a girl is just plain a  lot of fun.

Between the few friends I have online and actually do know on a personal basis, yes I do by the way, my old friends from NYC, and the kids we have helped I have known about 16-20 Type VI transsexuals before and after correction which falls in line with the rarity of that condition. In my time a Type VI could make it into their 30's and survive but they usually were indulging in booze or drugs to dull the pain until they found a way out.  All of us fought our entire early lives to be the girls we should have been born and there was a driving force behind that which might surprise all of you.

I will qualify what I am about to say by stating I actually do know of one person, Anna,  in England that was a Type VI and lesbian but she is the only one, initially she liked boys. I have actually never met a Type VI that married but it might have happened in the 50's and 60's. All but two of the Type VI transsexuals Harry met before he published his book were in their late teens or twenties and they were his toughest cases and he lost more than a few. I was the second teenager he had met but in the 60's he began to care for a lot more as the kids started finding him in NYC and San Francisco.He was our savior and often took major personal risks to supply us with the scripts needed to get hormones.

I will reiterate my belief that being Type VI is not a better type of transsexual but a different type of transsexual from all the others. In many ways it is so far worse it is debilitating with a much higher chance one might not survive and that is still true today. There is a reason for this and it is psycho-sexual inversion  which means the transsexual is actually convinced they are a girl and believes they are a girl and that inner turmoil leads to serious and potentially deadly consequences for the children because universally all Type VI transsexuals are so intensely transsexual there is little chance they will not seriously push boundaries.

One can see that with Kim Petras and other new age Type VI girls born transsexual. We all fight to be girls and in many cases take the kind of chances that cause trouble or bring trouble right into our life. Even in my time those kids like me that were street smart found ways to get hormones early. My best friend Lena was on hormones at 12 in Spanish Harlem. Another friend was on hormones by 15 when she ran from her abusive home in the Midwest and initially sold herself in the sex trades. We did what we had to do to survive.  I was the lucky one since I had a mother's support and found Benjamin early on but the confusion and pain caused multiple suicide attempts before I met Harry.

The turning point for every Type VI I have know over the years is the moment we realize how attracted we are to boys.  The key here is we are attracted to boys only if we are a girl which might be confusing to some but unless one was turning tricks to survive we never, I mean never, tried to attract boys. It was and is what drove us and drives the kids today toward surgery and transition at as early an age as possible. We need to be girls so boys will like us and not a one of us could initially conceive the idea a boy could like as as a girl before surgery.

I pushed every single boundary I could as a child and if someone had asked me then why I did what I did I would not have had an answer other than I "need" to be the girl I should have been born. No beating by parents or relatives or boys could sway us from what we wanted even before most of us knew we could have a surgery that at least allowed us to function as girls. For us the surgery was the end all and be all of our very existence.  It was never a decision to have surgery as many claim today. It was a need that drove us almost insane. We all felt the same way. How can a boy love me if I am not a "real" girl and by "real" that meant we were equipped with a functioning vagina.

If any of you have read Benjamen's book the one comment under Type VI that should have struck like a lightening bolt was the intense desire to have sex with a boy as a girl. We all had that most primal of desires that most women have. We needed to be able to mate with a male and that was a straight male by the way. Many of us stupidly thought we could have children because personally I was clueless until I met Harry. Silly? Not really when one considers we all believed we were already girls. I would have preferred death over being a male in a relationship and I have met few that had sex with women that I would identify as Type VI but the few I do know somehow functioned but never truly understood how. If you are truly a girl in your very soul using that thing on another girl is as alien as it gets. Well, at least it was to us.

The boyfriends I had before my surgery pursued me and I was reticent and in all cases actually ignored obvious hints they liked me as a girl. I admit I didn't do boy well but they all knew anatomically L was male but for some reason all thought of me as a girl. I know some will say that is bullshit but it is true. My first boyfriend, Kevin, was one of the loves of my life yet we never had the chance to make love. His mother is one of my best friends here in the Carolina and she has let me read her diary which describes the confusion her son felt towards me. I always shoot back I was more confused but in reality that boy was confused by me and somehow he got by it and accepted me as his girlfriend. I have shared some of what was said by Kevin to his mother with a friend and it was eerily similar to what two boys I dated in college said to me and what someone said to me once that I fell head over heels for knowing initially nothing could ever happen.

I could never have dated any boy I thought was gay and I could never have had sex with a girl as a boy. The thought of it was disgusting. It is this dichotomy that is one of the major differences between Type VI and all other transsexuals. The other is the intensity of the dysphoria. None of us could have survived to 40.  The few that survived to their 30's were quite scarred by the process of survival.  It was booze or drugs that allowed them to survive and it was lack of help and the availability of help that forced them into  the booze and drugs. None of them married women or had interest in women. It is a small sample set but it is a strong sample set and diverse across racial boundaries.

To those of us like this gender identity and sexual orientation are linked just like it is linked in the 90+ percent of genetic women in this world.  In many ways we evolved similarly. We saw ourselves as young girls; initially we hated boys or were confused by them; we began to realize they were cute; and eventually were just sexually attracted to boys like the majority of girls are. It is really that simple and it is the major reason I will truly never understand late transitioners. What do we have in common? Very little actually.

Most if not all of us have worked our entire adult lives as women and even when we did not we were never in the boys club. I am totally assimilated into the world of women I think that is a primary reason I am disturbed by the late transitioner. It just seems to me they are men that were successful men now wanting to join the girls club after they have amassed financial wealth as men and often at the expense of women. Right or wrong it is how I feel and I find it difficult to understand because I see so many that are truly not transsexual but the hard part is I also see many that are transsexual. 

My problem is it just seems too convenient and I understand I am biased but I cannot put that bias aside. It is our narrative that many of you copy and copy very poorly because you never lived it yet you profess it. There was no known narrative when I met Harry or my friends and I met in NYC and others met in Frisco or New Orleans or London or anywhere back then. Our narrative was survival and our narratives were filled with desperation with some distinct similarities if we were type VI. I did have multiple friends that were clearly Type V and the differences were obvious even in the late 60's and early 70's before people began to "learn" a narrative in order to get surgery. By the 70's people deluded themselves by believing that was their narrative and fooled many people including Harry. Harry was fooled by Rene Richards and she has admitted it in her second autobiography.

I do wish there was some way for me to understand the really late transitioners. I can understand being trapped by a decision early in life and that is possible for many Type V transsexuals. The problem is even Type V's have such inner turmoil I find it hard to believe many had that turmoil when I read their blogs and narratives. It is almost like they are presenting a PowerPoint presentation for work and if there is one thing being born transsexual is not it is that.

I realize my acceptance is not important and I wish them no harm but I do wonder if they truly understand what they are getting themselves into. I read the narratives of some 50 something transitioners and I want to laugh and I have and in too many ways that is cruel. I should be sorry for that attitude but I find it hard. They spout the rhetoric but they are missing the key elements and they will just never understand what they are missing in their narrative because they did not truly live it. It makes them stick out like a red flag.

We really have nothing in common with late transitioners and for that I am glad. The children we have helped have universally been accepted as girls and then women because only the loons of the world cannot understand the mistake made when they were born. The problem arises with the late transitioners.  If this is truly a medical condition, it is in my opinion, and truly a birth defect than someone needs to come up with a rational explanation why some man at 50+ has a birth defect as debilitating as transsexualism is normally yet survives. It just seems like it is just so convenient as I said earlier.

To me it appears to be just another power play by men infringing on the little space we women have. They want to fulfill some fantasy and be one of the girls and they never will be. Maybe it is that male obsession with lesbians. Men get a thrill when two women kiss passionately and maybe it is a bigger thrill if they fantasize about being one of the women.

If I ever think of something we have in common I will be surprised.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Thanks Mom

I tried to write this on Mother's Day and emotionally could not do it.  I try again.

I lost my mom 6 years ago this last February.  It was not unexpected since she was in her late 80's. I know she passed on with no regrets.  Her beloved Boston Red Sox had embarrassed the dastardly Yankees and won the 2004 World Series and her kids were happy and productive. I owe her my very existence for so many reasons I do not think I have ever really written them down so I will try on this Mother's Day.

I was the second of her children and everyone thought I was going to be born a girl and they were a little surprised.  I was a small baby which may have led to the belief I would be born a girl. Another brother was born 2 years later and we were a happy family from what I was told until that fateful day I told my grandfather I was a girl. I have no rationale or reason why I felt that way but even at 4+ I thought I was a girl. Those prophetic words, "Grandpa I am not a boy, I am a girl", would lead my Mom down a path I am sure nobody was prepared for in 1950. I was just convinced I was a girl and nobody could change my mind.

Rather than screaming and yelling, like many would, my parents were calm, it was passed off as a phase and forgotten when Mom came down with Polio and the worst kind, Paralytic. She survived and I just seemed to get worse but I kept my mouth shut until mom was healthy again and somehow she beat it. She would always walk with a little limp but she beat it.

By the early 50s my Mom noticed how quiet and sad I was and asked why and again I told my parents I was not a boy and again rather than get upset she decided they would get me help. My parents wanted me cured and I understand that was what Mom wanted.  Nobody in the early 50's wanted a son to become a daughter and it is not much better today.

There was no question they wanted me cured so I could just be the boy I supposedly was.  The Psychiatrists I met with destroyed what little self esteem I might have had and I became self destructive. I was confused, scared, and felt there was nothing anyone could do for me so I tried suicide and I kept trying because I was never really good at it.

When I look back at it she never once got mad at me or was angry with me but more important she never made me feel like a freak which seemed to be the aim of every Psychiatrist I met. My father almost punched one of them out when he said some particularly horrible things to me. We lost my dad in 1956 and it was hard on everyone but she always told me we could get through this. I realized even then how much I hurt her when I attempted suicide but she never said anything negative. I would never have survived if she had turned on me.

When she took me to Children's in Boston because I looked so different than my brothers she could have ignored the Physician that told her she might want to talk with a certain Dr. Benjamin in NYC in August 1958 but she wrote to him hoping she could get me cured or maybe find some help. They would end up writing to each other for over 30 years and became friends. I never knew about this when it was happening.

I realize it was not easy from her to deal with me. I pushed gender boundaries in my home town in my dress because simply I refused to try and be something I was not in the summer of 1958. I was oblivious to so much in my youth. My mom knew I had a boyfriend and before she died I asked her why she was not upset by that and her reply was simple. "You seemed so happy and Kevin was a good boy."

She was not easily convinced by Dr. Benjamin but when she finally was my mom was all in to help me. There was no halfway in her when it came to her children. She helped arrange the first meeting with Harry and flew with me to NYC for my second visit with Harry. She never once mis-gendered me when she realized Harry was correct.  i was her daughter.

When Kevin died in 1963 she had a stroke that hospitalized her and that was when I was subjected to Aversion Therapy. When I was released I thought it was my brother Ray that had me released but it was her.  She burned many a family bridge to force my release. I thought she did it and was so hurt I ran back to my scholarship in college and did not talk to her for almost 6 years. Mom told Harry, "It is better she hate me than hate herself", when I know she was hurting. Unconditional love is all I can think of.

When I called from Houston distraught over a situation at work she was the one that arranged for my Uncle to hire me for work in NYC. Something else I never knew about until she was gone. She suffered through my bad decisions involving men with a smile and when I had questions about raising my step-daughter,  I really had no clue by the way initially, she was there with sage motherly advice including how to handle diaper changes.

When my first husband broke my heart she was in California in a heartbeat. I was confused as a child because there was no information about what I was but my mom always loved me which was lifesaving important. There is no way to count the number of times she found me crying and just held me while telling me we would get through this together. She was always there when I survived the multiple suicide attempts reminding me not to be silly and telling me I could talk to her about ANYTHING.

I know I would never have survived my childhood without my mother.

Thanks Mom for being so perfect.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Transitioning is NOT a Decision.

There has to be something in the water because there is another expert coming forward on T-Central to give a dissertation on transitioning and it is of such importance the resident nitwits at T-Central have featured it. There is only one problem with the resident expert. This person has not transitioned yet unless it is after May 24, 2011 which is their official transition date.

Plenty of us that will tell you they made a right decision.
How does this person know it was the right decision and will end up being the correct decision when they have not even made their fateful plunge into the world as a woman? Silly me, it is because this person is an expert even though they have not lived one second of what they talk about unless it is fantasy play in the house with the wife or maybe at a PINK Essence transvestite party. I can understand why several of the top honchos at T-Central featured this post. Several have not transitioned but are experts on all things transsexual because they either stayed at a Holiday Inn Express or read a book.

It is the typical mumbo jumbo one gets when lawyers try and speak "down" to the rest of the none legalize folk. It is such a total pile of bullshit s/he should provide wading boots to plow through it. The people forced into the decision to transition do not have a choice nor is it right or eventually correct. It is a simple matter of existence. They cannot exist being what they are not and if they were truly born transsexual it does not have to be right or correct nor is it an exercise in logic.  It is a fight for the very soul of their existence.

Transitioning is not a choice or even a decision nor is it ever right or correct for those born transsexual. It is a need.  It is necessity so we can actually live and in many cases survive. There is no "decision process" involved because it is not really a rational thing to do in a man's world. Why would a male want to be considered a female?  I got that question when I was seeing a multitude of shrinks from 8 to nearly 14 before I met Benjamin.

Then, those of us that take the decision and at some point down the road feel that they have become second class citizens, superficial acceptance is wearing thin, they find themselves back in the usual game of life with competitions and with everyday survival and find that they have become disadvantaged or have not improved on advantages by their decision.  They find they have lost their place in the gender binary and can be neither man nor woman, they are lost. Some hopeful, that the path they have taken will improve their life outside the immediate issues of gender dysphoria and they will find better work, better relationships, better partners and a better life. 
How would you know if you have not transitioned? Did you fail at transition before? Is life really a game like being transsexual seems to be for you? This nightmare called transsexualism is something most clinicians and frauds can never understand nor can they express it well in words because they look at it analytically and have never lived one second as a transsexual, barely able to function as a member of the human species, because when a transsexual reaches that point there is no logic, no decision necessary, and no right or correct there is just an I need to do this because my life is a lie, my being is a lie, and they are suffocating. Being born transsexual may be a medical condition but there is an emotional side this fool will never understand and it is the emotional side that drives us.

Transsexualism is emotionally debilitating to the point where it can consume your very essence. Being born transsexual eats at your very soul and makes the next day worse than the previous day because it never backs off.  It is why we sometimes do stupid things and we all do.  It is why we take chances to just make the pain go away and the only way it ever goes away is with surgery. If the pain stops with dressing then you are a transvestite.

Why would anyone transition because they thought they would improve on their advantages? That is both a baffling and disturbing comment.

At issue is the degree of illusion in the assessment of our experiences. Very often being in this situation we tend to form our own stories to occasion an outcome. That is, I believe the greatest danger, and does in some cases lead to ill-considered and even incorrect decisions.  There is an element of this in almost every narrative.  The question is how much.   If I look across the board of transsexual and transgendered persons that decide to transition, there appears to be an intersection of aspects which I feel determines correctness of the decision. 

You are obviously speaking about yourself with this broad brush comment. Wow, someone that has not transitioned can now determine the correctness of the decisions others have made as transsexuals.  It must be those 58 years of experience as a alpha male attorney that give you this insight.  What a load of rubbish.

Clearly, if you decide at a young age, motivations driving your decision is most often not a sober reflection but a spontaneous, in the moment, passionate process.  You throw your lot into a dark future, and you hope it returns to you the benefit that you hoped for.  The personality is unformed, very malleable and capable of a large degree of adaptation, that often the correctness of the decision is determined when the person has fully developed as a human being; hopefully. 

Now you think you understand what those of us felt when we went through this as kids or very young adults. You are a complete idiot. There is no "dark future" you fracking fool.  There is only light at the end of that nightmarish tunnel we have been desperately trying to drag ourselves out of. Anything female was always better than everything male we left behind and you will just never understand that because you will always be male.

 Not so for the so called late comers.  Our decisions are often sober, weighing all factors that by our experience, the impact on our world, family, friends and our work, our financial and social well being etc. Our personalities are fully formed, we have created a life for ourselves and we rest with confidence within ourselves; hopefully.
 Well I should say thank you because this self description paints "fraud" right on your forehead. So your well formed male personality is a benefit as a woman. I would really like that one to be explained but it cannot because it is total and utter bullshit and a comment only a male transvestite would consider cogent. You have reached the pinnacle of your life as a man with money, power, a wife, etc. and now it is time to play girl.

Young transitioners are adaptable.  They have the chance to make their decision correct by becoming who they are in time, working on themselves.  If they do not, they usually do not survive.  It is in this that convictions of women of history seem to lie that living firmly in the gender binary is the only way to live, and that those that don't meet the "normality" rules of general society in this regard  cannot be true transsexuals. I believe young transitioners successes have their foundation in who they become.

The only word I could initially come up with for this paragraph was absurd. So it is because we are adaptable that helps us young ones. How the heck would you know anything about that? Just for your knowledge we usually die before we are allowed to transition if under parental control or we run away and end up on the streets and die from the wrong decisions or despair. Somehow I knew you were into this concept of gender not being binary.

Just another little clue. Ones success is based on how hard you work at life and the funny thing is after transition and surgery life is this fresh path that we can finally follow as we should have been.  Life is a pleasure and yes it has its ups and downs but compared to being born transsexual it is a beautiful walk in Central Park on a warm and sunny Spring day.

Late comers have developed, we are often less adaptable by the time we reach our decision. We have made the best of our present life and cannot continue without being true to ourselves.  When successful, we build our new life on who we have become.  I believe our success has it's foundation in who we are.
So basically your success afterwards is based on your fully formed male personality so you really are just a "man in a dress" and thus will always be a man. Thanks for the clarification. By the way just where is your success if you have not transitioned yet?

Monty Python had "The Ministry of Silly Walks" and I am beginning to think we need "The Ministry of Silly Transvestites" for people like this.

The sad part about this post and other posts like this is people actually think like this.  It is now part of the process in some countries in dealing with transsexuals. A transsexual should never be emotional about this. Emotions are a sign of instability. Where did this come from? It came from fools like this that think it is some analytical and sober thought process that leads to transitioning and obtaining the surgical goal.

It is that total lack of emotional investment or emotional pain that is like a giant red flag to many of us when discussing late transitioners or in the case of this fool a very late 58 year old transitioner. There is nothing sober, logical, analytical, or clinical about being born transsexual. We consciously know we need to fix this and the intensity of that pain and drive to fix what is wrong stems from our very essence as a human and in the case of a transsexual it is that essence that tells you if you are male or female.

Transsexualism does not ever go away until after surgery.  It is there every single day of our lives and it is not something easily subsumed like this fool thinks it is. It is not something you have even the slightest control over. It is uncontrollable and totally consuming but then maybe that is "old school".

This 58 year old man has it all planned out. Transition on May 24, 2011. Surgery 14 months later, Role model for transsexuals. How nice and neat and convenient and surgical and soberly clinical and totally bogus it all is. He makes it sound like it is as logical as getting a flu shot. For him I guess it truly is. That does make one wonder. Doesn't it?

How can you write about transitioning if you have not experienced it? Damn Holiday Inn Express must have done it again!!!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Sometimes people really tick me off

Sometimes people really tick me off and this is one of those times. A certain transgender individual has made a comment on another blog   that just reminds me again why some people should just STFU about things they know absolutely nothing about. It is the second comment and said individual is in the process of detransitioning which by itself should be  enough of a clue to this fool that they should just shut their blog down and go back to man-world where they belong.

This fool is a walking advertisement why transsexuals need to be de-listed under the transgender banner because he would have been perceived as transsexual and my best guess is, based on his posts, he was always just a transvestite with delusions and now he wants everyone that believes they are transsexual or were born transsexual and fixed it to feel his own stupidity by running around telling everyone that posts that they are as big an asshole as he was to his family and are possibly making the same mistake he made.

This fool abused the system to get a driver's license with a female name and F under gender  in California. Instead of being embarrassed that he made a mistake and was detransitioning everyone else must know of it and he must continue his bizarre opinions of how no transsexual will ever be a woman. That has been going on with him for a long time on his blog and his incessant need to push his personal failures as something relevant.

His first paragraph in the comment is a sizzler.

Sometimes the only way to tell if something is going to be the right fit is to try it on. Of course looking good and feeling good in woman's clothes is way different that living a full time life as a woman.

Typical transvestite talk. This is not a game and unless one is 100% sure they are transsexual "trying it out" is not even a relevant concept. Somehow this fool deceived a therapist into believing they were transsexual/transgender and got on hormones and transitioned. I guess it is another example of a well learned narrative or in his case a well learned lie.

The next paragraph in the comment is really pathetic.

Even feeling comfortable working and interacting as a woman comes up short of really being a woman. The acknowledgment that you a differently made from a woman born female may seem trifle now, but one day maybe years from now that difference which we so often dismiss as a birth anomaly can hit you like a ton of bricks.

What kind of bizarreness is this?  You fracking fool it is that desire to be the girl you should have been born that drives you to this path because quite simply being born transsexual is NOT A CHOICE and in those truly born transsexual there is no chance of stopping the internal strife and pain unless you do transition and get surgery. No transsexual has the illusion they will ever be natal born female but we can be fully functioning women which simply put you never understood and never will understand. You were always a transvestite and you made a transvestite mistake. You thought it would be more fun to be a girl. Surprise asshole, it is harder to be a woman and now you know it.

It hit you like a ton of bricks because you are and were always a fraud. If that sounds cruel it was and is intended that way. You are what is wrong with the term transgender and everyone will think there goes another fucked up man in a dress like all those transsexuals. Your personal failings and your personal social problems are not what face transsexuals.

The next paragraph is priceless.

If we were suppose to be a woman then how come we married and fathered children? There's some logic missing here. Yes I understand trying to live up to the expectations of others is difficult. There seems to be nothing in it for us.

In your case it is simple.  You were always a heterosexual transsexual and banging girls was what guys like you did and hurting women is what careless self-centered transvestites do and often it is under the guise of claiming they are transsexual or transgender to blur the lines and get the boobs they want. I have no idea how it happens but even Benjamin recognized that many transsexuals can deceive themselves into marrying a woman and lord knows I have come down on some of them hard but making a blanket statement like that first line is harsh.

The only missing logic is the fact you were a typically arrogant male transvestite that lied to himself and his family and now regrets it. Tough shit.

The last line is pathetic. Whom do you mean with the pronoun "us"? All the other delusional transvestites like you?

He did save the best or worst for his final paragraph.

I understand the need to transition because I did it. No one could have stopped me and I'm not here to try and stop you. But if you at some point say to yourself, "sh#t what have I done?" "How could I hurt those I love?" Know you are not alone. It's a journey of self discovery and sometimes the roads we choose aren't the easy ones.

How the hell does a transvestite understand the need to "transition"? The only people that should be able to transition are transsexuals.  Now that may be controversial but transvestites and cross-dresser's do not "transition" they simply play girl for a day or so and some do it quite well. You are correct that no one could have stopped you because you lied to a therapist, to yourself, and to your family because like most transvestites the fetish took over and you needed a bigger thrill.

It is just so easy for clowns like you today. The SOC was written so all you need is to "think" you were transsexual, oops transgender, to get hormones and clearance for real life experience. It is a game of chicken that foolish men play and when they suddenly realize being a girl is not as much fun as they thought it now becomes everyone's problem. The fact that you hurt every transsexual in progress on this path mean nothing to you because like most selfish men you needed to get your "girl fix" and now that it was not quite what you thought nobody else could possibly really ever be women if they were not natal born women.

Coming from an asshole and a fool like you it is the equivalent of an idiot telling Einstein "Special Relativity" is a mistake because he does not understand what is special about relatives. You were dead wrong about everything you commented about before you decided to detransition and you are even more dead wrong after you started to detransition. The old joke that two wrongs doesn't make it right is an understatement for you. You are perpetually wrong starting with the life you have led to your opinions and thoughts about those born transsexual.

Hell you should not even give yourself advice let along someone that is transsexual like April. The "Life of Teri" is a perfect example of why transsexuals want nothing to do with delusional transvestites.  Unfortunately getting rid of fools like you is like wart removal.  Painful and sometimes time consuming.

Now be a good little man and trot off to Home Depot, get some tools, dig out a cave, crawl in it, and cave it in so your drivel stays there with you.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Irony of it All

I sometimes wonder why people do certain things and why certain groups, transgender, try and obfuscate their true intentions but every once in a while one of the crowd lets it slip in a post or a comment.  Only then do many of us really see what is at work behind the scenes as they try and weasel their fetish or social problem into mainstream life.  They will always talk about issues and problems using the term trans or transgender because that covers their personal fetish.

Now, I do not wish any of them harm or wish them ill will but, a really large butt, they have no right to many of the rights they are pushing for. It is interesting to watch as a transvestite or a cross-dresser crosses that line where they no longer claim they femulate or emulate women but have an identity problem. What that identity problem is baffles me but the one I would hang on them is not identity. In many case you will notice they omit the gender part of "gender identity" because that is a red flag.

There is a quite good poster on T-Central that has started crossing that line. He is a very good writer and I have enjoyed some of his humor but his last post crossed a line. Instead of being a cross-dresser he referred to himself as trans and someone with an identity problem. Under normal circumstances this would not really mean much and I would put it down to the delusions of a super cross-dresser or super transvestite but several comments gave me the creeps.

The first was that this individual was representing "trans" people in some "show and tell" at a local University where around 8 of them arrive and are introduced with short bios and then answer questions. I would like to ask how many are "actually" transsexual but I doubt I want to know the answer but I am sure they are "sisters" or more3 correctly "misters" in arms. This by itself is no big issue because most college kids know a transvestite from a transsexual hopefully but I wonder how many know the difference between a transsexual and transgender? I am sure this emulator is being sure to use the "we are all the same" transgender line because right after mentioning this they go into "gender identification" rights at work.

Well more correctly he goes into gender identification or transgender rights at work or lack thereof in his workplace.  From previous posts I believe they know he is a cross-dresser but there is absolutely no question where this is headed. He wants transgender rights that should be reserved for those born transsexual at work. The key behind the entire use of transgender is so transvestites, cross-dressers, and the gender variant crowd can decide on a daily basis how they want to present. They want to include themselves with those born transsexual and it is a travesty that many sit around and say nothing.

Transvestites and cross-dressers have become brazen and quite aggressive over the years about presenting in public.  One only has to read some of the transvestite blogs about their public excursions but there is one common thread in all of them. If questioned they say they are transgendered and never admit to being a transvestite or a cross-dresser. The term transgender to mny means transsexual or certainly blurs the lines so John Q Public thinks they are dealing with someone with a gender identity issue with the implications inherent. This probably a generalization but I have never read anywhere that one identified themselves as a transvestite or cross-dresser.  Transgender is good because it obfuscates what they r3eally are which is someone with a fetish that gets a major sexual rush out of being perceived as a woman.

As they have tried to remove the use of transsexual from society with the term transgender, they have that ulterior motive of justifying their fetish as something other than what it is. It is a fetish and not in any way related to gender identity until they reach that point in life where the fetish cannot give them the thrill and many head nto the chopping block so Ed can be permanently Edna and we have the regrets we have read about.

The person I mentioned above is setting up his workplace or hoping to push them into using the term transgender which will eventually lead to him being able to go "part time" of "full time" or whatever transvestites call it.  When you read of transvestites talking about "transition' then you know this world is screwed up. If corporations use any word other than transsexual or transgender with a clear path to sex change surgery then they are opening Pandora's box for themselves with the fetish crowd.

The irony of it all is many of these people appear on T-Central and attempt to hide under the transgender banner and claim to understand what it means to be a woman and are experts in all things female or worse; yet they claim those of us that have passed through this nightmare will never be accepted as women because genetically we are not women; but genetics deals with whether one is gentically female which I will never be unfortunately; but it does not mean I am not a woman. The real irony is they cannot see that in society one is considered female if one is thought of as a woman.  Thankfully that is the one thing the transgender crowd cannot do. No matter what they do they cannot legislate themselves into be recognized as women because the public and women determine that and you fail miserably.