I noticed the posts this week on many blogs that it was National Coming Out Day or Week or something like that. I find it quite interesting that those that are out want to encourage others to come out. Are they lonely? Does misery want company? Is it very important that more transsexuals are out so regular people have more to gawk at or point out? If more transsexual/transgender people are out will it make it better for everyone?
I have more questions and no answers to most because I am not sure why anyone would come out if they don't have to and why anyone would ask someone to come out. Coming out was always related to coming out about one's sexual preference and if per chance I happened to like girls I would be open a about if asked but again I am always puzzled when someone asks about an individuals sexual preference. Do gays and lesbians go around asking people if they are heterosexual? Can you imagine the outrage at that?
Could you imagine the outrage if a transsexual walked up to a genetic women and asked them if they were transsexual or why she wasn't out and proud of being transsexual. Now comes the crux of the entire concept of transsexuals coming out. It is valid to come out as a transsexual before surgery but I am sorry but I don't consider myself transsexual or transgendered or anything like that after surgery. I consider myself a woman that had the misfortune of being born transsexual that I corrected by having surgery.
At one time I was a transsexual or transgender or a tranny and I really could care less if anyone who knows my past asks me if I was once one of those terms. Those names mean something to my past but not my present. If someone uses those terms I am not getting upset because it is what it is as a famous coach says. In this case words cannot hurt me.
When I exited the recovery room and was taken to my room in a comfortable haze Harry was there and he didn't ask me how it felt to be a complete transsexual. Harry asked the most simple of questions.
"How does it feel to finally be you?"
Being the horny young girl I truly was I said. "It feels wonderful. How soon can I have sex?"
Harry had a good laugh at that one but once surgery is done you were a girl because either the psycho-sexual inversion or born in the wrong body syndrome you were in is no longer viable. It is over and now it is time to live your life. If you want to be known as a women who was born transsexual that is your right. That is a key distinction we need to be adamant about.
In my life from 13 1/2 on most people knew I wanted to be a girl right through to the day I moved to NYC. I had little choice because the endocrine gods played both a cruel trick on me yet in the long run a kindness but when you are a kid you do not realize that. In fact my life was easier once people knew even in the 50s and 60's because it just sort of made sense as one boy said.
Living one's adult life out is another thing. I guess it depends on what you want from life and nobody lives the same or wants the same but I wanted to be a normal girl. I could not be normal if I was out and I could not live back home if I wanted to be private so I chose to abandon home except for special occasions.
The permutation of issues involved with being out or not are beyond the scope of anything I could possibly argue in print because there is not enough paper or cloud storage available and I am not sure I have the time. In my life I prefer to consider myself private about my past but not stealth which has become an evil word which is weird. I have gay and lesbian friends that know nothing of my past but I have supported financially and walked to support issues relevant to their cause.
When mom was still alive and still lived in my childhood home I would still have people pissing me off with the same stupid questions because they were new to the neighborhood and new to me.
The direct slap in the face: "Were you once a guy?". Why ask since you obviously know because someone told you. Is this a verification process?
The backhanded slap in the face : "There is no way you were once a guy, were you?" You believe I was or there is no need for the question.
The one from the neighbor you knew: "You make a nice girl." I guess this is better than you are uglier than dog shit but not by much. You are pretty is more complimentary dummy.
The one I found the best was: "Did the surgery hurt?" I always wanted to pull out the checkbook and ask them if they wanted to find out.
The best was: "I always knew you were a beautiful girl." Then why the heck did you beat the crap out of me? Do you beat other girls up? Got that one at my High School reunion from a guy that tormented me as a boy.
The issues for us are totally different and as far as I can personally tell the only reason to be out as transsexual is to be an activist which is another pet peeve of mine or to be a roll model for other transsexuals and I don't want to be anyone's roll model.
If you want to be out go for it but don't tell those that prefer a quieter existence they are betraying their sisters if we are not out and besides I only have two brothers and I'll pick who my sisters are myself. We are just being true to ourselves and what works best for us the same as you are to yourself.