I had to think long and hard about whether I should post this because it is not a pleasant subject to many but this was a very unique situation and in many ways it is sinister what was done in this situation. Hopefully people will not be offended.
I know a girl who thought she had found Mr. Right in 1971 but because she did not know how to tell him she was born transsexual she lost him when he found out. Now she might have lost him if she had told him and most of us know those odds are high but she felt guilty nonetheless and in a classic case of a rebound love affair fell for this other man in 1972 and eventually married him and I know for a fact she made it clear she was born transsexual and she wanted a husband to love and children if possible through adoption. She wanted normalcy.
Initially he could not convince her to marry him and about 6 months into the relationship he drops the bomb he has a daughter from his first marriage and his mom is taking care of her and she is not quite one year old and the baby will be theirs. He knew this young girl wanted children desperately. The thought of having the chance to be the mother she dreamed of her entire childhood overwhelmed her and she immediately said yes and they were married. She was just a young girl born transsexual looking for her dream husband and a child.
She was in heaven in her mind. A husband and a beautiful daughter to nurture and love with all her heart. She knew in her heart there could never have been a better mom. She had money and they bought a business and a home together and she adopted his daughter and there may never have been a happier young girl. Everyone told her not to marry him. Everyone told her she could do better than this man. He was tall and handsome but her friends disliked and distrusted him for reasons none could pinpoint. In her heart she knew she could do better but the need for a baby ruled.
She even loved changing her babies diapers. No cry at night went unanswered without her holding her daughter and sleepless nights were just part of being a good mom. Everyone commented what a wonderful and natural mom she was. She worked managing the business they bought but her daughter came first. The child was beautiful and laughed and smiled which brought her the kind of happiness she had never thought possible. When people commented that her daughter was the happiest baby they could remember she would secretly wipe away her tears of joy with a smile. She was never too busy for her baby and always managed to find the time to play with her child and the little girl toys she had wanted but was never allowed.
Her mother did not really like her husband but she had never seen her daughter so happy and her friends felt the same way. Everything was about Denise and she had started walking, she is talking, she said mommy, and she had a life few of her girl friends from NYC thought possible for any of them. She didn’t notice the distance that had come between her and her husband. She always enjoyed sex but it had never been great with him and she even started dilating again. She thought maybe it was the attention she gave the child but he was distant when she wanted sex. She was puzzled because she knew she was attractive and she tried spicing it up a bit but nothing worked for long.
Like all of us she needed her estrogen at reduced levels for the remainder of her life and something strange began to happen. Her doctor in NYC had given her an open ended prescription for her estrogen but the count seemed wrong and her husband said he accidentally dropped the bottle and pills got wet and he threw them in the toilet and flushed them. This was about 18 months after they were married. It happened again and she felt a red light go on but this could not be true. He was a big man and so macho with his friends it was impossible and she had told him how she felt. The only person wearing a dress in any relationship she had was her.
She confronted him on a weekend and the truth cut deep. He wasn’t sure if he was transsexual but he liked wearing women’s clothes and he wanted small breasts and he had been stealing her hormones and other confessions that sent her reeling in disbelief. She was quite hysterical when he uttered the words ‘I thought you would understand’ and ‘I knew you didn’t mean what you had said’ and she thought about killing the bastard and Denise was crying and she ran to her child because she was more hers than she would ever be his and calmed her down.
He had lied to her and had deliberately deceived her and a lot of money was tied up in the new house and the business and she was so confused and very angry. When her mom talked with her she was so worried by how her daughter sounded she immediately flew to her daughter and called people to help like her doctor in NYC and her girl friend from NYC that her mom knew and liked.
When she got to her daughter she was shocked. She saw the same pain in her child’s eyes she had witnessed every day when her child had begged her to let her be the girl she was. She had always known her child’s mood just by looking in her eyes and he had done something that hurt her very deeply but she would not tell her mother what it was.
Her home was big. It was way too big for them but by covenant in this gated community it had to be this size with a pool house and a pool. It was not the slums for sure and her husband had been adamant about building this house there and paying cash which she had done. California was a community property state so half of everything was by law his except her money which was in a NYC Bank and he couldn’t touch it.
If she threw his ass out and divorced him he would get half of everything right then and there and she would lose what was more precious than any amount of money. She would lose her daughter and he loved his daughter but she did not want Denise raised by him. She also feared if she fought him and brought out what he had done her past would become an open book and he could easily deny everything because there was really no proof. She probably would have won in court because legally they could not marry because she was not born female and gotten everything but the scandal scared her and it would drag out and scar her baby eventually so it was not an option.
Everyone figured he had cheated on her and in many ways thought she was the villain for not giving him another chance but those who knew her best understood she would not be this upset but she was not telling anyone because she was so embarrassed. She had been born transsexual so how could she have missed this was haunting her existence? They reached an agreement which had them divorce but allowed him to stay in the house or more exactly the pool house until their daughter reached a certain age unless they both agreed to sell out. She locked her hormones and they agreed he could dress to his heart’s content in the pool house but not in their presence.
He said it was a mutually agreed upon divorce and they were still friends and she did manage the Company and feigned her friendship with him and everyone thought what sensible adults these two were. He led his life and she led her own life. She was 29 years old when this was all over with and deeply scarred. It was difficult for her to trust any man and she swore she would never marry again and never tell anyone about being born transsexual. It was all so confusing because she had done everything everyone had told her to do to build a successful marriage and she felt like a failure.
She is by nature a very positive girl and she overcame this and the bright smile and the sparkling kind eyes returned. She started dating again and she had many suitors and men often wanted to get serious with her but she just broke it off if that happened. She thought she was scarred for life. She would never divulge her past to another man because she decided celibacy was a better option.
She stopped managing the business and applied to the California Institute of Technology for admittance in the early 80's and went back to grad school there and eventually moved on with her life.Time heals a lot of wounds and she would re-marry but this hurt.
That girl was me.
I wrote this a long time ago when I was very angry but in some ways I have never gotten over the hurt because I was deceived by him. I was very angry with him and what I initially wrote I have deleted because it was not kind because every situation is different but this was a very special case because he knew how I felt before we were married but in retrospect I should have seen it coming. He put the bait out there and it didn't take much of a pull to set the hook in me.
He knew everything about me before we were married and I left out no detail if he asked and he asked and that should have been the red flag. A normal straight guy does not want to talk about the shit people like us went through. Not even a Tranny chaser wants the details. Many of us are so vulnerable we are easy to deceive and use because when something like this is offered I know I could not deny myself. I have always wondered what I would have done if he told me he was a cross-dresser after he told me about Denise and before we were married?
I have honestly never forgiven him but we had to be civil to each other when Denise was married and he did other things that hurt later on because he was a selfish person and he always came first and it was everybody else that had to understand him. He blew through all the money he got when we sold the business and the house and probably would have come back for more but I was married again in the 80's and I think he was afraid of my second husband. I do not know where he is and I don't give a damn which is sad because at one time I did love him a little.
Denise has three children so I am technically a grandmother and I admit I dote on them but I avoid where they live in Florida over the Holidays because I know he will be there with his second wife and it would not be easy for me to be civil.
To this day I do not understand how he could do what he did to me and I never will to be honest.