I am a native of the Boston area of Massachusetts and I enjoy some sports but we have a funny saying about sports fans in Boston. They are never happy unless they are actually miserable because if they are happy they cannot complain and complaining is more fun than being happy. A famous or infamous basketball coach said Boston fans are "the fellowship of the Miserable" and in many ways it fits. There are more than a few that belong in the transsexual/transgender fellowship of the miserable and the person whose name shall not be spoken is one of them.
I just had a great Thanksgiving with family and I get home on Friday and I find myself being accosted on another blog and rather than do the smart thing which is don't poke the "psychotic animal" I am afraid I find it impossible to not say something because the individual is just a liar. It is my problem I guess but I let it go the first time but not this time. The individual likes to make grandiose accusations and when she is called on them she does exactly what happened this time which is attempt to claim someone is bullying her which is not true or threaten someone with legal action or make even more outrageous claims. That was why I attempted the previous post which I doubt will have any results other than making me feel better because everything I said is out there so make your own judgment. Monster and bully?? I think not.
I express my own personal opinions on this blog and occasionally tell about events from my life but these are my opinions and my stories. I will take on another blogger if I think they have crossed a line and I fully expect someone to take me on if I cross a line but I crossed no such line during this silly incident with the person whose name shall not be spoken and anyone that thinks my initial posts on Mikki or the Gay Transsexual crossed a line is welcome to not read this blog but you are not welcome to make up accusations of me bullying people or being a monster.
I have not attempted nor would I ever attempt to bully anyone and I defy anyone to find one line in any blog posting that I have made that even hints at being a bully. Having strong opinions on a subject is not being a bully. I respect people have strong opinions because diversity in argument is good. I claim to represent only my opinions and I belong to neither the TS nor TG camp. I am my own person.
I have responded to personal insults with what I perceive as appropriate measures and if people do not want me going after them then please do not insult me personally. Argue the post and you can tell me my opinion is bat-shit off the wall and that is cool. Call me a Monster because your psychotropic medication ran out or you over-medicated yourself and ducking will be in order.
I am firmly convinced people like this belong to the fellowship of the miserable within the transsexual community. I have had a wonderfully normal life with lots of ups and downs but believe me happiness trumps sadness ten-fold and I have not a single regret in my life since my surgery. I could spend a week telling you why someone that would identify themselves as NoBody needs serious mental help and I basically dislike psychiatrists.
I am a great believer that your actions can speak as loudly as your words. Well she deleted every post she had made on my blog and they were many. For what reason would anyone spend that much time deleting posts she made unless she was embarrassed or having mental issues.
I may have to rescind my policy regarding moderation of posts which I am disturbed about but I do not want to deal with this lunatic. If she starts in I may have to do it but the only comments that will not be posted will be hers. For the time being it will remain as it is and if she makes relevant comments without resorting to her insanity then I have no problem. I will delete her rants because I have no interest in responding because poking the psychotic animals isn't as much fun as I thought.
The only post on this blog that has ever referenced her was the previous one and this one and it is the last time I am dealing with her. I don't want to be her friend and hopefully it ends but if it doesn't I would hope that anyone else where she posts her rants would delete any comments about me because I just don't want to be tempted to poke the psychotic animal.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Someone has threatened to close my blog down
I guess I am really naive about this blog and internet usage because I have an enemy whose name shall not be spoken that has officially or "tentatively reported me to someone and is threatening to shut me down. Now I do admit I probably should just not respond to the "psycho animals" in the crowd but I just cannot help it. My only comment to the person whose name shall not be mentioned is to come on down and play.
I would never post any of your emails but I am posting public comments you made about me and emails I have sent to you. Do enjoy.
The following is a snippet from a comment I made:
It ends here or I will put it all on my blog and let the blog public make the decision. It was quite unanimous before that you are bonkers.
Thu 7/16/2009 12:04 PM was an email you sent to me which I highly recommend you cross-check before continuing this lunacy.
This is in reference to a decidedly weird email that was sent to me on that date which explained to me why she went bat-shit crazy over a comment I made on HBS which I will get to later. The following is a comment on the blog here.
Again you show your ignorance. Please don't threaten me, or threaten to do another stupid thing. I've already made a "tentative" formal complaint. Please do not push it Elizabeth:
Digital Millennium Copyright Act - Blogger
Infringement notification
Contact Information
First name: *
Last name: *
Company Name: *
Copyright holder you represent: *
Your email address: *
Location of copyrighted work: *
The administrator of this blog site: http://ben-girl-notesfromthetside.blogspot.com/2010/11/is-there-really-only-one-kind-of.html
"Elizabeth Turner" is threatening to post personal copyright material on her site. She made the comment here: http://anna-es-asi.blogspot.com/2010/11/tgs-parsing-of-reasonormy-monthly-rant.html
The comment:
"Elizabeth said...
@Anne
Sorry this crazy person has started on me on your blog. She is constantly checking my blog seeing if I have posted something on her which I find humorous.
As to you xxxx I would suggest you read the terms of service for Google because they specifically say they don't care and unless you can get a court order they will tell you to drop dead. I guess you could falsely accuse me of something which seems to a thing of yours.
It ends here or I will put it all on my blog and let the blog public make the decision. It was quite unanimous before that you are bonkers.
Thu 7/16/2009 12:04 PM was an email you sent to me which I highly recommend you cross-check before continuing this lunacy."
What is the copyrighted work?: *
Personal emails.
LOCATION OF INFRINGING MATERIAL IN THE BLOG: *
http://ben-girl-notesfromthetside.blogspot.com/2010/11/is-there-really-only-one-kind-of.html
Location (URL) of infringing third party content: *
http://anna-es-asi.blogspot.com/2010/11/tgs-parsing-of-reasonormy-monthly-rant.html
You Elizabeth are what many transpeople would refer to as a bully.
Anne began her blog trying to assimilate peace, and unity amongst people who have so much internal struggle within themselves that they find it difficult to trust anyone. She is now venting ire at people who could be allies in the fight to find hope. I doubt very much that you have the ability to do any more than judge people. Your support of anyone unlike you is intermittent, and unrealiable.
I mentioned Lynn Conway because she is one of the main forces of impetus for the tg agenda. I didn't mean to comment about her out of malice. I did it to wake you up. Even though there are many wonderful, and honest people amongst those who follow Lynn's, or people like Andrea James' guidance, there are also those who will undermind anything in order to get their way, and that includes any semblance of what was the work of Harry Benjamin. Many people now scoff at the mere mention of his name, and some are post-ops just like you, and I.
Again, I hope you know what you are fighting for, or against, because the truth that other people may envision, may not be as you, and I see it.
Before you again reiterate that I am "crazy", maybe you should take a closer look at yourself, and where you have been, and where you are actually going with all of this. I am not your enemy, and neither am I Anne's. I wouldn't still be here if I didn't have an open mind, and a caring heart. Think about that before you two denounce another person, who might just be trying to relate to you at the same level.
- One supposed transsexual told me it was the greatest gift he had ever been given to be transsexual and he was blessed by god with his transsexualism. I told him that would be the devil not god.
- A second one related this surreal story about how he had this sudden revelation late in life that he was a girl and transitioned and had surgery. He claimed there were no gender issues before and I told him he was probably blocking memories but he said certainly that he was not and I told him he was nuts for doing what he did and any shrink that passed him should lose their license. Basically he woke up on Thursday and decided at 50+ he was a girl with no gender issues which is bollocks.
Could you have been a Type VI as a child or could even xxxxxxx?? Absolutely, but your decisions blurred the possibilities and confused the issues and trying to redefine it to clearly include late transitioners is quite bad because the kids will be hurt more than they already have been. If I seem insensitive to that possibility then I am so sorry but my focus is kids like I was.
mata ne said...
The are Monsters who are born, and there are Monsters who are made.
Which one are you?
I am going to again risk my name, my reputation, but I will not risk the value of what I believe in. I am going to take you on a ride that goes back some 10 years:
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GWYF,GWYF:2010-24,GWYF:en&q=%22june+hingle%22
http://www.google.com/images?rls=GWYF,GWYF:2010-24,GWYF:en&q=%22june%20hingle%22&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi
http://groups.google.com/groups?rls=GWYF,GWYF:2010-24,GWYF:en&q=%22june%20hingle%22&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wg
Cut and Paste those links please.
Can you find the Monster in those links?
Sorry, I was not born one, and I can't be made into one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What you are doing here is no different than what Aria Blue has been doing. It is just a repetition of the same. :(
What is so odd is that Homophobias, and Transphobias all have roots in the same place. "The human conscience."
It is more often than not that the people who have issues with themselves will end up being their own worst enemies. Their hate can become endless, and spread out to the same people that they may have once respected as equals.
November 13, 2010 7:38 AM
mata ne said...
The majority of those photos of mine came from a video that I made a few days before I was to leave for home 1500 miles away so I could attend my son's wedding. I made the video to show them what I would be wearing. At that time I with living at my sister's home, taking care of her's and her husband's two Yorkies. My brother-in-law had cancer, and both of them were living at a medical center 600 miles from their home. I stayed in their home a total of 8 months. I did my work from their also.
I made the mistake of sending that video to a person I thought was a friend. I later discovered that she was a swindler, traitor, liar...you name it. She took that video and had the voice changed to a man's voice, and published it on the YouTube site. I later had her account with them closed. Her site was filled with things that satisfied her transvestic fetishisms, and yet she was a post-op?
November 13, 2010 7:47 AM
mata ne said...
That same person published photos on her Msn Profile of herself with a married man. The was after she told me about her dirty sex life as a whore. I found that man on Facebook. I also found has wife, and their newborn daughter, and discovered that the person I thought I knew as a friend was there as a friend to the man, and his wife. Can you imagine my fear for the wife and her newborn? The wife knew nothing about the affair, which I believe continues. The husband left a few weeks ago. The wife is devastated, and I am in fear that the whore, with all her deceptions, and betrayals, may have infected that family, in as she had told me that she was very ill for a long time. :(
November 13, 2010 7:54 AM
mata ne said...
Let's forget about her, and go to the Google "Groups" link.
The majority of those postings were written by one person...a demented and obsessed "Transsexual".
She called me everything from an Escort, where she listed me as one in the "Connecticut Jobs Listings", to a Murderer, and whatever her thrills of hate led her to say. I wasn't only person plagued by her. End of Story.
The Spanish transsexuals are some of the most ignorant, and deceptive people.
www.carlaantonelli.com
Carla Antonelli is a self-described TS who is really a TG not-operated. Her site in managed not only by her, and by a male T admirer who delights in mocking God, and what gets in the way of Carla Antonelli's agenda. There is a Clan within the group of people who think nothing of hurting anyone that gets in their way.
Because I am an American, and I support honesty, and I was a friend of the Harry Benjamin Syndrome people, and their basic principles, and that I trusted certain people who deceived me, I also became their victim. That spread into www.figinternet.org where they extended their thorns of hate. :(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So!
What are you? A born Monster, or one in the making?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This whole mess has become so obsessed, and cruel. :(
Not every is like you.
If you don't like how they may be affecting the life that encompasses us, then please stop contributing to what bothers you. You can't change it by becoming a Monster, and spewing out more hate, and scorn!
If the Trans Community continues to get what they want, and if there are no legal boundaries, or protections for people who just want to go on living a normal life outside of the T-world grasp on them, then you lose.
You gain nothing by commenting on things that irk you, if you do nothing about it. You are only demeaning who you are, and what you stand for.
Mata ne
November 13, 2010 8:24 AM
mata ne said...
All this deception and hate has gotten to me too Elizabeth, and much more than you could ever imagine, but I will not let it take away who I am.
If you want to help, then please help to implement laws that protect those who don't want the Trans agenda to take over their lives.
Please look at www.carlaantonelli.com It is a site filled with propaganda, and hate, especially against people who believe in God. That is a perfect example of how society can be torn down to a level where there is no longer any truth. Their mere hate for Americans, God, Politicians, or people who fight against Mob-like intrusions into their lives is enough for a sane person to explode. But you can't stop them. They feel they have the freedom to recreate the truth as they see it, and to put down anyone, or anything that stands in their way. That same group of people have infiltrated www.figinternet.org. They refuse to allow groups like HBS to influence people. The Carla Antonelli people are the ones who influenced Andrea James to denounce Charlotte. That is how far reaching their arm of injustice, and hate has extended.
So?
Are you are born Monster, or are you growing into one?
When does it stop Elizabeth?
:((((((((
Mata ne
November 13, 2010 8:52 AM
mata ne said...
I was also born with a boy's body. My testosterone was also low. Even up into my early twenties I was hit upon by males, and some of them who either were already married, and later married.
Up until my late teens, I pushed the boys and men away. Maybe it was how I was brought up. As I have already said to you and others, I resisted it. I did everything possible to keep it from taking over the male that the body represented. I held it back until it exploded out of me. I was married at that time. It didn't matter any more. I was heterosexual from birth, and I remain heterosexual still.
You don't need to analyze yourself Elizabeth. You know who you are. There was never that "Gay TS". It was just you, and what you felt was inside of you, and the time and the circumstances that brought it all about were just part of your experience in life. Maybe your timing was different than mine, but if you think that it makes you any closer to being anything at all that may make you any more real than me, then you missed something alone the way. Those kinds of thoughts make other people seem to be lesser than us.
:( There is just too much of that kind of thing happening here, isn't there?
It begins with self pride through self-evaluation, and it ends with putting down others because they are vulnerable, and less apt to be as wise and inpenetrable as we are.
Please preserve the little integrity that we all have left, and try to respect the differences. If those differences affect your life, or your gutt feelings, then please find a way to resolve it, without becoming part of the same thing that would end up making us all look pretty bad in the end.
The troublemakers won't go away, but we can overcome their agenda, by finding ways to get around it, and avoiding confrontation. I tried to fight them, but they will forever persist, and grow in numbers.
We need to protect ourselves from within, and through legal channels. Then maybe people like us can spend more time concentrating on the blessings we've been given, rather than the lingering nemeses of our past.
j
November 13, 2010 9:43 AM
I realize in my life I have said stupid hurtful things and have always tried to admit to them but that post was in no way aimed at hurting you or anyone else.Liz
I did not realize the tirade was over the Mikki post also until I got another email and I responded:
What the fuck are you talking about xxxx? I remove no comments xxxx but I have no idea what your problem is. Mikki is a fraud or in my opinion Mikki is a fraud. SO what she won a scrabble event so good for Mikki.There is no relationship between those two posts whatsoever.My past is my past and whether you like it or you do not it helped make me the person I am for better or for worse. I was fortunately or unfortunately there when a lot of what we define as the transsexual community began to form and I was involved with people who thankfully cared about me and I am sorry if you were denied that. It was looking back at those times and harry that made me realize who horrible I had been to you originally and how horrible I felt hurting someone which but for fate could have been me and how wrong and myopic I was.You are worried about the negative feedback I sometimes get yet you label me a MONSTER?? Please forgive me the cynics view but I got the feeling from your lengthy comments that you were just pissed at me for saying something that hurt you deliberately which I did not do and therefore you decided to accuse me of being evil basically.You learn lessons from your past and whether others want to listen to those lessons is up to them. I am very careful who I allow into my personal life which is why I have servers set up remotely that I remote desktop into at a site and city not where I live and why certain friends use them. I trust nobody completely and unfortunately I need to add someone else to the list of do not trust.I would suggest you reread the post but you have made up your mind. You are always welcome to post comments on my blog but this is your freebie.Liz
We are not enemies. Read what you posted in your comments. How else am I supposed to feel?Under normal circumstances I would have ripped you a new asshole.What the hell are you smoking?Liz
I got another email as weird as the other and responded.
Look at what you said xxxx. Monster etc..I am upset but not angry. Hurt but not mad and I do not want your phone number.Liz
She is so delusional she sends another email saying she did not call me a monster and I responded.
**********************************************************************The are Monsters who are born, and there are Monsters who are made.Which one are you?***********************************************************************You posted that as the first two lines of your long series of comments.Get a grip on yourself xxxx. Your posts are staying put. Your comments are slurred and kind of incoherent but you said it so you can live with it.The one who needs to calm down and get a grip is you.I like you but this was over the line.You almost sound like you are over medicated.
She took offense to the medicated comment and I attempted to remember what happened on HBS and she made a comment in her email about "I'm a fake, and never could have been as real as
you. You win." which I have never implied but I was a little worried she was slipping over the end and responded even though she said don't write again.
I was wrong then xxxx because I was ignorant. I would prefer to think maybe it was something else but I have done nothing since those original horrible comments to hurt you. I don't know what your problem with me is but you wrote that and I didn't. You accused me of being a monster and I have no idea where that came from.
There was some other ugly stuff posted by her and deleted that I did not get a chance to save and I admit now I was getting angry. She is like dealing with a petulant child so since she could not be sent to her room I got nasty and commented about her issues with someone named Natasha which was probably wrong but she seems angry at everyone.I am not the one passing out phone numbers.Sorry but none of those posts on my blog were aimed at you so what am I supposed to think when I get this long rant totally off subject?Liz
You are welcome to comment on anything I post. I am still troubled by what you posted and then deleted from my blog. Like I said before I have no idea why there was that outburst and why you felt it was necessary to personally attack me but you are free to do so within reason.I thought we had gotten by our initial issue where I felt remorse for hurting you because it was not right. You called me a monster and I have no idea why. Opinions are just that and are not worth much so you had your free shot at me but after that no more freebies. I will strike back and I admit that is a personal weakness of mine and I did strike back.I have no interest in reading anything additional about those issues and if they hurt you I am sorry for that. As for the rest of what you said about me and deleted I have copies and they were less than kind so I have no interest in discussing anything further with you.
The person who shall not be named then was happy because someone called me a bigot over the Mikki comments which is their right. I have an opinion and I said it and can live by it so I responded to the person who shall not be named.
You should never have offered any information such as photos about anyone and I was hurt and mad about what you said so I struck back. Mikki is a transvestite IMHO and has nothing to do with you and me. Bringing that up is beneath contempt even for you.I have opinions and I state them and only if I am attacked personally like you did do I get personal. You should never have offered photos and after what you said to me in all honesty I was worried and then you send me your phone number. I said what I said about Natasha to basically get back at you for the things you said about me. I find Aria intriguing because she is a good writer and obviously more informed on some issues than I am and was hoping you understood what made her say and write what she does because I think I posted twice there before I was banned for asking a hard question.I said not ONE thing to you or about you in "Gay Transsexual" post and you went off on me like it was a personal insult to you. I was not talking about anyone but myself and you viciously attacked me and I said that was a freeby because I was mean to you once and was apologetic. You then got even more vicious and I struck back with a legit question about you and Natasha. You brought her up not me. It takes two to have a fight.You are the one that needs to look into things a little more closely and you are the one that attacked me and I can provide all the posts if you want to see them or better yet I will re-post them so everyone can see them. I have no idea why you seem so unhappy and right about now I do not give a damn why you are unhappy. You wanted it to be personal and again I have no idea why you were upset about that post and then you were such a coward and deleted your posts but I understand why that happened.You can comment on my posts but if you insult me or make it personal like you did with those comments then you will have to live with the comments.My personal opinion is you a very unhappy person. Why else would you log in as Nobody!!!!Get back on your meds.
It actually turned out I was not mean to her a while back but posted something just like here they she thought was directed at her. In retrospect after some of the emails she sent me the first time around she did fit the story I told.
After the above email she said she writes to me calmly and I go off the deep end which looks quite shallow from my viewpoint but I will leave that to the readers. All of this took place between 11/13 and 11/15 and I figured oh well it is over so forget about it until yesterday when she seems to have gone off her medication again.
For these emails and my comments on the blog I here the person whose name shall not be spoken has threatened me with shutting down my blog. I guess I will leave it to the readers but here are the comments that started this just in case she deletes them again. She is welcome to comment but she needs to be warned comments are public property and I will save the person whose name shall not be spoken comments.
I leave it open to my readers to tell me if I was off the deep end in either my emails or response to the person whose name shall not be spoken. I do not believe I have because I have a right to defend myself from some crazy comments on my blog and derogatory remarks made elsewhere. I will leave to the person whose name shall not be spoken to post her own emails but that will not happen. I apologize for the length of the post but it was necessary to provide as much information as possible and the following comments are added for further factual input. If I am wrong please let me know and I will attempt to no longer play with the "psycho animals" on the internet like the person whose name shall not be spoke.
nobody said...
- @Kathryn,
It is such a curiosity that some people can claim certain things, while completely missing the point on which they based their previous attempts at vindicating their own internally conceived perceptions. (ICP) It's called self-induced ignorance. (SII) :) I think that it has something to do with a combination of inflated self-worth (ISW), and some previously mis-construed thoughts (MCT), coupled with a lack of conscientious observation. (LOCO) lol...I always wondered where that word came from. :)
In other words, I think that AnneRose is a basically good person, with good intentions, but she is becoming caught up in a web conjoined with like minds that begin to become blinded by each others addiction for claiming that they are better than thou. They don't know when to stop. They start off with a purpose, but end up with a "propuse". That word is Spanish, and it means "first-person singular". It becomes all about "I" (EGO).
In all honesty hon, I believe that it is better to just live one's own life, and not stick our noses into other's. The more I discover...the more I grimace. :(
Goodluck sweetheart. Just be yourself. If need be, just kick-ass, and walk away. You'll feel better for it, and it allows time to "reflect", which is something that seems to have been lost to some specially few.
kisses,
jh
- If I hadn't said it, sorry...I hope everyone who celebrated Thanksgiving ate too much. I hate feeling like I'm the only one. :(
For those who feel sad that Thanksgiving is over, I'm very sorry. I know the feeling. You make a beautiful, and delicious Apple Pie, and then it's gone. Demolished! Poof!
For those who still feel the need to oppose the Transgender Agenda after eating so much, I am very sorry also.
Try to understand that the intention is to not change the World, or the circumference of your stomach, but to fit stuff into it. Sometimes it takes a little "twisting", pushing, and forcing some of it down. If you eat too much of it, or if you are still stifled by the TG thingy, then just drink a some Diet Coke, or Sprite. A good "belch" works wonders.
:)
- I would like to make a comment about Your friend Elizabeth Turner. I removed what I wrote in her blogs because she is ignorant. I posted links. Without investigating what those links were about, Elizabeth rebutted with a nasty comment about a person "Natasha". Instead of Liz taking the time to read those links, she again said something stupid. :(
I have fought off many fakes...cruel, horrible people who aren't worth the shit they poop! But instead of Elizabeth taking the time out to read the truth, she again sucked herself into the same fucking ignorant trip she has been on for a very long time.
You Anne have joined that same team. Liz put me down long ago after she misread Harry Benjamin's book. She claimed that I was a fake, and her ignorance cost me some respect from people who otherwise had faith in me.
- You will turn into another Elizabeth Turner if you continue to follow "her" example. She, and you are now close to 65, and now just beginning the attempt to figure out what is happening with the meaning of transsexualism. 8#|
Big Fucking Deal! There is a lot more to worry about, like just living your own life! Why are people just now becoming alarmed about the mess out there? Why weren't you there supporting me, and those who were trying to hold on to the truth for all those years. NOW you all open your mouths??????? What? To become some kind of heroines????
- For your information, and the information of anyone who thinks otherwise...I REMOVED MYSELF FROM LYNN CONWAY's LIST OF SUCCESSES! I did it because I began to learn how mamy of those so-called women were not what they appeared! Many of them are hypocrites. Many of them lied to get where they are. Many of the very people who claimed to be True TS's are actually Autogynephiles...the very thing that Lynn Conway, and Andrea James would eventually reject as the "real thing" in their battle against Blanchard!
Lynn Conway called me personally one day to find out about one of them...a very famous person, who I knew personally. Lynn said things about that person that will forever ring in my ears. Lynn made some of the most transphobic comments I've ever heard. NOW, LYNN AND THAT PERSON ARE JOINED AS TG FRIENDS FIGHTING FOR THE SAME "NORMALIZATION", AND DEPATHOLIZATION OF THE TG CONDITION....WHICH INCLUDES "TRUE TRANSSEXUAL"!!!!!!
Do you really know who the real enemy is, or are you going to be just as ignorant as your friend "Elizabeth" or whoever she is really called?????
Why in Hell are you here now, when you really don't know what you are fighting for?
:(
To nobody,
I guess this is your attempt to out me so I appreciate that but then I guess it had to be expected since you are probably off your medication. Posting my full name is quite sad and you are quite pathetic.
I have avoided you at all cost because I wish you no harm. I have no time to read links about you and Natasha and the initial conflict a while back was not because I misread Harry Benjamin and since you have asked for it I may actually.
Out of the blue you attacked me over a posting that had nothing to do with me and now I will post all your comments because I saved them.
Anne I have no idea why this very sick individual has brought her issues with me to your blog.
She is a complete coward attempting to out me is beneath contempt and if she wants a war she has it.
- I didn't out you Liz. Your full name has appeared in several places which I will not mention. You figure it out if you feel you are so brilliant.
You never told me your name. When you emailed me, your full name appeared. I didn't out you. You out yourself. I blocked your email after you kept talking like an obsessed nutcase, just because I posted that your rants could turn you into a Monster (that is if you already aren't one).
Sorry hon, but you got my real name wrong.
I have issues? Your ignorance is your worse enemy. You can't justify it by saying that you have no time. ROTFLMFAO
You said: "Out of the blue you attacked me over a posting that had nothing to do with me and now I will post all your comments because I saved them."
Before you do that, you had better read the fine print of your blog account, and what happens if you personally break the agreement you accepted with them. :)
- @Liz
After I removed all my comments on your blog you made a comment that I must have been embarrassed, and that was why I removed them. I was not embarrassed sweetie, and if "you choose" to repost my comments for public view, then I will certainly embarrass you if that is your tactic.
- @Kathryn,
Anne urged me to keep blogging after I pretty much gave up on Liz (last posting):
http://ben-girl-notesfromthetside.blogspot.com/2010/11/why-is-there-such-anger.html
Anne claimed several times that she is one to put people down. Here's one:
http://ben-girl-notesfromthetside.blogspot.com/2010/11/gay-transsexual.html
"OK...Te following is just ne old woman's opinion so you can all take it for what it is worth.
First of all, I have NO CLUE what this current donnybrook or little 'dust-up' is about, and I reallt don't want to know. What I DO know, is that the majority of those involved have been around this very ame block MORE than once and recognize what a self destructive waste of time and energy it is."
....and this: "Since it is my belief that we all share a common goal, like the betterment or smoothing of the path for future generations of childen who share our plight, might I suggest that rather than continue prticipating in the cicular firing squad we move on to more productive endeavors."
I wonder now why she bothered to say those things. Talk about Hypocrisy! :(
- "Anne claimed several times that she is one to put people down."
Oops! :( Sorry for the error: Anne claimed several times that she is NOT one to put people down.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Transgender Day of Remembrance and a jerk.
I admit there are times I get ticked off at the term transgender because well I am human and have my failings and one is being too associated with certain gender benders or gender queer people although I will say it again I do not hate or wish any harm on anyone but when you are approaching 65 and have stayed out of touch with this part of the world because it never has consumed me since I have worked and lived as best I could as the girl/woman I so desperately had to be I might not get some of it.
Do certain people go overboard on the Transgender Day of Remembrance? Possibly but I need to ask a question and it is a simple question.
How can anyone be against preventing prejudice, physical harm, abuse, rape, murder, and god knows what else of any person because they are different? Remembering those lost is how you do that. It is like never forgetting about the holocaust. How can you really go too overboard remembering people that were murdered for no reason other than being different?
This rather loathsome person on the View from nine feet up calls it The Transgender Day of Victimhood or the Transgender Day of Forgettance and I would love to give her a dope slap but I am sure she could beat the crap out of me.
I had a dear friend murdered because she was a transsexual and lost several to suicide. I had a dear friend Lana who had 2 of her best friends murdered because they were transsexual. None of them worked in the sex trades. They are among the many that have died because of this crap and for anyone to trivialize this is not only beneath contempt but an individual whose very essence and decency I must question.
If you think we should just forget about all the people that were murdered because they may be transgendered please try and remember a very high percentage of them were transsexual and you could have been one of them. Has that ever crossed your mind? Probably not because independent thought is not one of your strong suits. In fact the process of thinking on your part should be limited to changing gears on your truck.
I do realize as one of the Aria crowd you must post controversial comments to get an appropriate pat on the head like she gave you in an earlier compliment but deliberately diminishing those murdered or harmed by hate and intolerance is even beneath a tattooed neanderthal like you. Well at least I thought it was but then people like you continue to amaze me with your hate and intolerance.
Remembering does not mean going out and having a party or anything public but even a short thought is better than this kind of intolerance. I guess when you have never been touched by this kind of hate it makes it easier to dismiss it and then using the term Transgender makes it easier for fools like her to dismiss it but I can assure you not ONE of the people wanted to be a victim whether they were murdered or even took their own lives out of despair.
Maybe it is because of my fast approaching 65th birthday but I remember all my friends that were transsexual and even gay that were murdered because they were different or even took their own lives because of despair but then I guess for me to expect that of this person would require me to accept her as a human being, a woman, and not a total loser which is debatable on all counts.
Do certain people go overboard on the Transgender Day of Remembrance? Possibly but I need to ask a question and it is a simple question.
How can anyone be against preventing prejudice, physical harm, abuse, rape, murder, and god knows what else of any person because they are different? Remembering those lost is how you do that. It is like never forgetting about the holocaust. How can you really go too overboard remembering people that were murdered for no reason other than being different?
This rather loathsome person on the View from nine feet up calls it The Transgender Day of Victimhood or the Transgender Day of Forgettance and I would love to give her a dope slap but I am sure she could beat the crap out of me.
I had a dear friend murdered because she was a transsexual and lost several to suicide. I had a dear friend Lana who had 2 of her best friends murdered because they were transsexual. None of them worked in the sex trades. They are among the many that have died because of this crap and for anyone to trivialize this is not only beneath contempt but an individual whose very essence and decency I must question.
If you think we should just forget about all the people that were murdered because they may be transgendered please try and remember a very high percentage of them were transsexual and you could have been one of them. Has that ever crossed your mind? Probably not because independent thought is not one of your strong suits. In fact the process of thinking on your part should be limited to changing gears on your truck.
I do realize as one of the Aria crowd you must post controversial comments to get an appropriate pat on the head like she gave you in an earlier compliment but deliberately diminishing those murdered or harmed by hate and intolerance is even beneath a tattooed neanderthal like you. Well at least I thought it was but then people like you continue to amaze me with your hate and intolerance.
Remembering does not mean going out and having a party or anything public but even a short thought is better than this kind of intolerance. I guess when you have never been touched by this kind of hate it makes it easier to dismiss it and then using the term Transgender makes it easier for fools like her to dismiss it but I can assure you not ONE of the people wanted to be a victim whether they were murdered or even took their own lives out of despair.
Maybe it is because of my fast approaching 65th birthday but I remember all my friends that were transsexual and even gay that were murdered because they were different or even took their own lives because of despair but then I guess for me to expect that of this person would require me to accept her as a human being, a woman, and not a total loser which is debatable on all counts.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Is there really only one kind of transsexual?
I thought I was finished with my friend (sic) and her personal mission to make her point of view the only point of view because she is of course the only one that "understands" the transsexual condition because after all she is a "primary" transsexual as defined in the very limited and flawed Person-Ovesey study and she and all her minions are the only true transsexuals which quite conveniently fits her symptoms and of course she and her minions reserve the right to classify who is and who isn't and call others who oppose their myopic views transvestites frauds etc..
Of course one could say the same thing about me but the only mission I have is not my flawed opinions but the simple belief if you read Harry Benjamin's The Transsexual Phenomenon you will have a better and more honest idea of what transsexualism is because Harry was and is to this day the only Physician of note in the United States that ever gave a damn about transsexuals and had absolutely no monetary interest in any area of the lucrative business of transsexualism. Harry did what he did because he cared without bias or preconceived notions of who or what we were or are.
This time it is a post called The HTS Myth and as is her normal process she manipulates the truth to fit her myopic view of the world and the paranoid beliefs of her and her minions that they as the only "true" transsexuals are under attack by gay men, transvestites, lesbians, phonies, frauds, transsexuals that are transgendered only, and all manner of other paranoid delusions too numerous and hard to remember. She has what can best be described as a personal "hate list" but of course she is not a "bigot". Everyone else is.
The following comment stretches credulity.
Unlike Aria I actually was around when most of this started and she is per usual off course. Benjamin did the first comprehensive study of transsexuals and even after his book was published in 1966 there was no TS narrative and this certainly carried through until the 70's. If Aria had ever bothered to read Harry's book with her mind in comprehension mode she would realize that few of his first 152 patients were anything like her "narrative" of what a transsexual was or the supposed plot to turn replace poor Aria with gay men and transvestites. I doubt there would be any volunteers for such a perilous thought.
The transsexual Aria describes above is what Benjamin classified as a Type VI total psycho-sexual inversion transsexual of extremely high intensity and totally driven at all costs towards surgery. Harry found very few kids like this and I believe I was the second he came into contact with personally at a young age when we met in late 1959 although the number did increase during the 60's and peaked around 1970 and Harry felt remained consistent at around 1 in 200-300,000 births in the United States based on his understanding. Type VI is very rare which does lead strong credence to the belief most feminine or effeminate boys are NOT transsexual but there just are not that many Type VI transsexuals anyway.
Of the 152 transsexuals Benjamin had met none shared a narrative just a shared experience of pain, suffering, and gender dysphoria. I had never even heard the term transsexual when I met Dr. Benjamin in 1959 so where did my narrative come from? It came from my very existence. Of the friends I had only one of them knew another transsexual until they made it to New York City and that was from a very short time in San Francisco where she met Harry and none of them had a "learned" narrative. In fact none of our stories were remotely alike other than we knew at a young age something was wrong and we either should have been girls, felt we were girls, or wanted to be girls. Some were feminine, some were anything but feminine, and one was exceedingly effeminate.
I was feminine because of very low testosterone but in no way effeminate in a "gay" way as Aria likes to put it. I had no issues and no desires to cross-dress until around 9-10 when I was sure I needed to "practice" since "god" would turn me into a girl and I needed to be ready. That was not a high percentage thought process though and I was basically clueless. This despite being tormented by Psychiatrists and being told I would "turn out" gay or worse. When I realized I liked boys as a girl when I entered High School is when it got rough.
My friend Lana didn't understand her dysphoria until she was around 8 or 9. She just felt wrong was how she put it. Her life went south when she was 13 and realized she liked boys as a girl. Another friend was so masculine yet far more effeminate than either of us and she is the girl that committed suicide off the George Washington Bridge. She was my friend and it was a terrible loss.
Other than realizing as children we were not boys or something was wrong there was never a shared narrative and I defy you to find something in Harry's book that implies there is such a shared narrative at least from the early days and that is the only place that a narrative could have come from in the "early days" as you claim. The myth you want to support and feel has harmed you as a transsexual and has resulted in gay men subverting the transsexual world you believe in is the biggest myth of all. If there was a stereotypical concept of a transsexual it was the one Person-Ovesey proposed as the Primary Transsexual or YOU!! You belong to the largest group of transsexuals and that is the Type V Benjamin transsexual or the stereotypical "trapped in a woman's body" syndrome or did you magically awaken some day and realize you were a girl?. That is also a myth since few fit neatly into any type of transsexual mold unless of course you get to define your own mold which is quite convenient.
Do I believe certain people learned what they had to say to get help? Yes, I absolutely do because when you are desperate for help as any transsexual is rejection is not an option regardless of the age but then of course we have to assume you know this. I would be interested in Aria's narrative as in the Aria story but then I bet it fits neatly into the window you have defined for yourself. I would really like to know when she transitioned and how many years post she is so we have a clue how she has gained this great experience in all things transsexual.
Do I believe there are differences? Yes I do and I do not want those differences lost but only the shallow and weak of mind believe someone can steal their womanhood from them. If you are a woman how does one steal it from you?? Do they repossess your vagina? Do they reprogram your mind? I guess maybe when you are nearing 65 it looks different for the old folk like me. I lived it and had no desire to rule it like others today. I had the life I wanted and have lived it without regret. Instead of worrying about some mythical paranoid collusion to destroy the transsexual you might want to try living for a while.
There is no way to guarantee that someone cannot slip threw the cracks and get surgery that should not but the presumptuous nature of your beliefs make it seem you believe a high percentage of post operative women are transgendered and thus not transsexual and do not measure up to you because you are one of the few "true" primary transsexuals based on you obvious medical expertise as an online savant in transsexualism.If they live and function as women just what is the difference again?
Nobody knows a single thing about you yet everyone must take your word on how everyone should live their lives, decide their alliances, whom to trust, who is transsexual, who is a sock puppet, and everything else related to your paranoia.
All I see is a bunch of liberal elite know-it-all pseudo feminist fools like you and Sandeen masquerading as leaders of the transsexual or transgender niches you seem to have carved out for yourself with both of you fools worrying about who is what and why I am right and you are wrong. You are both nuts!
Now some pertinent information and facts from Harry's book..
Dr. Benjamin put these paragraphs in his book:
I find this quite fitting today. Even in 1966 Harry Benjamin realized this is not black and white and it is not singular in definition because the human species is so diverse and no two are the same so why would some fool believe there is only one type of transsexual? Could it be a self doubt issue in the complainant?
The following is what Harry wrote about concerning motives for surgery.
Of the 152 patients Dr. Benjamin had actually treated in both New York and San Francisco at the publishing date 51 had surgery performed. they crossed the following age boundaries with the youngest being 20 and the oldest 58 so lets end this BULLSHIT about late transitioners spouted
In the 51 that had surgery the first evidence of transsexualism is as follows with added information:
The following were Harry's conclusions.
For the losers of the world that would dismiss some because they have had surgery but do not fit the "image" or the "personal" belief of what a transsexual is because they identify transgender I give you this paragraph from Harry's book.
In other words you and I are no better nor any worse than anyone else that has had surgery. I am not better because I was the young feminine boy and neither is Aria and her self described non-feminine transsexual. We all swim in the ocean of transsexuals.
The following was part of Dr. Benjamin's conclusion in Appendix A.
For the tools of the world this is what scientific research entails and is about. facts, facts, facts, and more facts not the preconceived ideas of pseudo scientists like Money, Zucker, Blanchard, and others trying to prove preconceived concepts about the relationships between gay boys and feminine transsexuals or whatever pet peeve some lay person has.
Again there is not ONE specific type of transsexual. It would be and is convenient for some to propose such hypothesis and they do for their own myopic and prejudicial belief that it makes them better. They will tell you they are not elitists and will rail against old timer elitists because it is what they do to defer closer analysis of who is the elitist. They probably do it because they have serious inferiority complexes based on the self-belief they have been persecuted because they are transsexual.
I have yet to meet a transsexual that has not faced some issues but we survive and we carry on. At least in my time we did not try to crap on others because we thought we were better. Maybe the old days in some ways were better and maybe we should get back to basics and use the understanding Harry had for us verses the loons of today.
Aria's last paragraph is interesting.
Somehow I think Harry is looking down and shaking his head at this stupidity. There are people out there that care and understand. Dr. Spack at Children's Boston is certainly one such person who deals with children. Not talking to Blanchard or someone of that ilk may delay things but the more relevant information available means there is more information available to refute the myth purveyors but then again if you are a myth purveyor I guess information is your enemy.
Of course one could say the same thing about me but the only mission I have is not my flawed opinions but the simple belief if you read Harry Benjamin's The Transsexual Phenomenon you will have a better and more honest idea of what transsexualism is because Harry was and is to this day the only Physician of note in the United States that ever gave a damn about transsexuals and had absolutely no monetary interest in any area of the lucrative business of transsexualism. Harry did what he did because he cared without bias or preconceived notions of who or what we were or are.
This time it is a post called The HTS Myth and as is her normal process she manipulates the truth to fit her myopic view of the world and the paranoid beliefs of her and her minions that they as the only "true" transsexuals are under attack by gay men, transvestites, lesbians, phonies, frauds, transsexuals that are transgendered only, and all manner of other paranoid delusions too numerous and hard to remember. She has what can best be described as a personal "hate list" but of course she is not a "bigot". Everyone else is.
The following comment stretches credulity.
.....
Now it’s time to deal with the other weapon the sexologists use against us; the blending of youthful “effeminate” behavior with the TS narrative in order to erase the actual TS condition from the books and finish replacing us with gay and transvestite men.
The standard TS narrative is a mantra that goes something like this: I was a feminine child who played only with girls’ toys. I wore my mother’s clothes when I could, until my parents came down on me and forced me to stop. I thought I was a girl until other people told me I wasn’t. I was often bullied for being gay as a child because I was so feminine I couldn’t control my behavior.
This is what TS clients learned to tell their doctors and psychs, because that is what they wanted to hear. Back when this story was passed from one “TS” to another in the early days, it was recited as a litany so that a person could get treatment. So the common feeling among psychs at the time reflected this, and clients parroted back what the psychs wanted to hear. This led to the condition later becoming conflated with being gay. This is the problem as it stands. The psychs (sexologists really) currently involved with the TS area want to mislabel us as gay or transvestite, and nobody outside that little clique in the APA seems interested in putting a stop to their shenanigans.
Unlike Aria I actually was around when most of this started and she is per usual off course. Benjamin did the first comprehensive study of transsexuals and even after his book was published in 1966 there was no TS narrative and this certainly carried through until the 70's. If Aria had ever bothered to read Harry's book with her mind in comprehension mode she would realize that few of his first 152 patients were anything like her "narrative" of what a transsexual was or the supposed plot to turn replace poor Aria with gay men and transvestites. I doubt there would be any volunteers for such a perilous thought.
The transsexual Aria describes above is what Benjamin classified as a Type VI total psycho-sexual inversion transsexual of extremely high intensity and totally driven at all costs towards surgery. Harry found very few kids like this and I believe I was the second he came into contact with personally at a young age when we met in late 1959 although the number did increase during the 60's and peaked around 1970 and Harry felt remained consistent at around 1 in 200-300,000 births in the United States based on his understanding. Type VI is very rare which does lead strong credence to the belief most feminine or effeminate boys are NOT transsexual but there just are not that many Type VI transsexuals anyway.
Of the 152 transsexuals Benjamin had met none shared a narrative just a shared experience of pain, suffering, and gender dysphoria. I had never even heard the term transsexual when I met Dr. Benjamin in 1959 so where did my narrative come from? It came from my very existence. Of the friends I had only one of them knew another transsexual until they made it to New York City and that was from a very short time in San Francisco where she met Harry and none of them had a "learned" narrative. In fact none of our stories were remotely alike other than we knew at a young age something was wrong and we either should have been girls, felt we were girls, or wanted to be girls. Some were feminine, some were anything but feminine, and one was exceedingly effeminate.
I was feminine because of very low testosterone but in no way effeminate in a "gay" way as Aria likes to put it. I had no issues and no desires to cross-dress until around 9-10 when I was sure I needed to "practice" since "god" would turn me into a girl and I needed to be ready. That was not a high percentage thought process though and I was basically clueless. This despite being tormented by Psychiatrists and being told I would "turn out" gay or worse. When I realized I liked boys as a girl when I entered High School is when it got rough.
My friend Lana didn't understand her dysphoria until she was around 8 or 9. She just felt wrong was how she put it. Her life went south when she was 13 and realized she liked boys as a girl. Another friend was so masculine yet far more effeminate than either of us and she is the girl that committed suicide off the George Washington Bridge. She was my friend and it was a terrible loss.
Other than realizing as children we were not boys or something was wrong there was never a shared narrative and I defy you to find something in Harry's book that implies there is such a shared narrative at least from the early days and that is the only place that a narrative could have come from in the "early days" as you claim. The myth you want to support and feel has harmed you as a transsexual and has resulted in gay men subverting the transsexual world you believe in is the biggest myth of all. If there was a stereotypical concept of a transsexual it was the one Person-Ovesey proposed as the Primary Transsexual or YOU!! You belong to the largest group of transsexuals and that is the Type V Benjamin transsexual or the stereotypical "trapped in a woman's body" syndrome or did you magically awaken some day and realize you were a girl?. That is also a myth since few fit neatly into any type of transsexual mold unless of course you get to define your own mold which is quite convenient.
Do I believe certain people learned what they had to say to get help? Yes, I absolutely do because when you are desperate for help as any transsexual is rejection is not an option regardless of the age but then of course we have to assume you know this. I would be interested in Aria's narrative as in the Aria story but then I bet it fits neatly into the window you have defined for yourself. I would really like to know when she transitioned and how many years post she is so we have a clue how she has gained this great experience in all things transsexual.
Do I believe there are differences? Yes I do and I do not want those differences lost but only the shallow and weak of mind believe someone can steal their womanhood from them. If you are a woman how does one steal it from you?? Do they repossess your vagina? Do they reprogram your mind? I guess maybe when you are nearing 65 it looks different for the old folk like me. I lived it and had no desire to rule it like others today. I had the life I wanted and have lived it without regret. Instead of worrying about some mythical paranoid collusion to destroy the transsexual you might want to try living for a while.
There is no way to guarantee that someone cannot slip threw the cracks and get surgery that should not but the presumptuous nature of your beliefs make it seem you believe a high percentage of post operative women are transgendered and thus not transsexual and do not measure up to you because you are one of the few "true" primary transsexuals based on you obvious medical expertise as an online savant in transsexualism.If they live and function as women just what is the difference again?
Nobody knows a single thing about you yet everyone must take your word on how everyone should live their lives, decide their alliances, whom to trust, who is transsexual, who is a sock puppet, and everything else related to your paranoia.
All I see is a bunch of liberal elite know-it-all pseudo feminist fools like you and Sandeen masquerading as leaders of the transsexual or transgender niches you seem to have carved out for yourself with both of you fools worrying about who is what and why I am right and you are wrong. You are both nuts!
Now some pertinent information and facts from Harry's book..
Dr. Benjamin put these paragraphs in his book:
The transvestitic urge (fetishistic or transsexual) contains an element of addiction. Larger "doses" may be required for certain individuals as time goes on. Therein may lie a "progressive" nature of TVism in some instances. If untreated and uncontrolled, "dressing" may be desired more and more frequently and even the idea of physical changes through hormone treatment or through an operation may be gaining ground, particularly in unfavorable - that is to say, constantly stimulating - surroundings. Here psychotherapy and proper guidance at the right time may help, provided a transsexual tendency is not too deep-seated.Such seemingly progressive aggravation of transvestism was rarely noticed under treatment, although it did apparently occur in a few cases. However, later on, these patients proved to be initially unrecognized transsexuals. The opposite was more frequently observed: under estrogen medication, the desire to "dress" became often less demanding and less sexual and the inability to indulge grew somewhat less frustrating. The explanation probably is that the libido was reduced in its intensity through estrogen and since the transvestitic urge is part of the libido, it was likewise lowered. But I am anticipating a later discussion.
The foregoing paragraphs (if repetition may be permitted) apply chiefly to that form of transvestism that is its own purpose, which is to say that it is not the chief symptom of transsexualism. As soon as physical changes are desired, it ceases to be true transvestism, and inclines toward transsexualism (Type IV of S.O.S.; table on page 22). The full and complete transsexual (S.O.S. V and VI) finds only temporary and partial relief through "dressing." I have even met transsexuals who would not "dress" at all."What good is it?" they said; "it does not make me a woman. I am not interested in her clothes; I am only interested in being a woman." That is the true transsexual sentiment.
If the transsexual does find relief in "dressing," to do so would be the first logical advice to be given therapeutically. Its permissive character can be questioned by those who may think of the law before they think of the patient, or who may have insufficient experience along these lines, or who are the type that, automatically, favors prohibition. Too many individuals are that way; what they do not like must be forbidden and punished. Then they are satisfied. I have even met transvestites who dislike (or pretend to dislike) transsexualism so much that they are against estrogen treatment and operation (for reasons of self-protection?). There are also transsexuals who dislike transvestites as well as homosexuals. Intolerance can be found in strange quarters.
I find this quite fitting today. Even in 1966 Harry Benjamin realized this is not black and white and it is not singular in definition because the human species is so diverse and no two are the same so why would some fool believe there is only one type of transsexual? Could it be a self doubt issue in the complainant?
The following is what Harry wrote about concerning motives for surgery.
Four Motives for the Conversion Operation
My clinical impression of the more specific reasons why transsexual men want conversion surgery caused me to identify four principal, fundamental motives within the general picture of sex and gender disorientation.
The first, foremost, and most frequent is the sexual motive. It concerns particularly the younger transsexuals. Their sex drive is not that of a homosexual man but that of a woman who is strongly attracted to normal heterosexual men. In love-making, their male sex organs are in the way and must be altered so that the lover can be accommodated in as normal a manner as possible. A wellfunctioning vagina is therefore indispensable. Marriage with the adoption of children is the goal for most. But not infrequently, promiscuity, prostitutional or nonprostitutional, appears tempting for a period of time. "Let me try out my new toy for a while," one very attractive young "convert" pleaded with me when I pointed out to her the disadvantages and risks of promiscuity and prostitution.
The second motive, always present, but often overshadowed by the sexual, is the gender motive. Especially for the older transsexuals, the urgent need to relieve their gender unhappiness can be powerful and impressive. "Would you want the operation," I frequently asked, "if there could never be a chance for any sex relations with a normal man?" Some hesitated to answer, then said they would have to think it over. Those were the younger ones in whom the sex motive predominated. But others replied unhesitatingly, "Yes." They admitted they might lose something of their future happiness, but the gain would still be much greater than the loss. "I will feel free for the first time in my life," said one forty-year-old, referring to her "imprisonment" in a male body.
The third motive is even more universal. It is the legal motive. The constant fear of discovery, arrest, and prosecution when "dressing" or living as women is a nightmare for many. They want to be women legitimately and have a legal change of their sex status. Alas, red tape, if not personal antagonism of some bureaucrats, is their powerful enemy. The impossibility (in the great majority of cases) of changing name and status (on the birth certificate) while male genitalia are still present, is a strong incentive for surgery. The legal change is somewhat easier afterward, but by no means easy. Red tape is a rather enduring adversary, especially in some states of the Union. (See Chapter 9. )
The fourth motive is a social one and applies only if the transsexual patient happens to have a conspicuous feminine physique, appearance, and manners. It may constantly embarrass him through snickering, pointed remarks, and knowing looks. It has even endangered some of them through physical attacks by moronic, would-be "he-men," sometimes undoubtedly latent homosexuals who were "protesting too much." The appearance of the very feminine-looking young man could also be a serious handicap in procuring a job.
"I hated to go out with my son," a mother once remarked to me. "He embarrassed me no end by his looks. Now he made the change and lives and works as a girl (waiting and hoping for the operation). Now I am proud of my new and attractive 'daughter.' A former nasty remark from someone is now - if anything a wolf whistle. I love to be seen with her."
From personal observation, I could certainly verify the attractiveness of this otherwise completely inconspicuous "young lady."
In many patients, all four motives, especially the first three, play a part, merging and overlapping according to individual traits and circumstances.
Of the 152 patients Dr. Benjamin had actually treated in both New York and San Francisco at the publishing date 51 had surgery performed. they crossed the following age boundaries with the youngest being 20 and the oldest 58 so lets end this BULLSHIT about late transitioners spouted
23 in their 20's
14 in their 30's
11 in their 40's
3 in their 50's
In the 51 that had surgery the first evidence of transsexualism is as follows with added information:
Early childhood 43
Puberty 2
Unknown 6
Evidence of childhood conditioning was as follows:
Positive conditioning 12
No evidence 28
Doubtful evidence 10
Early history unknown 1
In perhaps twenty-three patients, the sexual motive appeared to be dominant. The gender motive seemed to prevail in twenty-eight cases. A sharp separation is not possible. As explained previously, the legal motive exists in all cases and the social motive has to be thought of in only a minority.
Of these 51 patients, twelve married as women. Also, twelve were married previously as men. Five have experienced married life from both sex angles (as a male, unsuccessful, some not even consummated); five were divorced as females and three remarried one or more times.
The following were Harry's conclusions.
Conclusions
My observations have forced upon me the conclusion that most patients operated upon, no matter how disturbed they still may be, are better off afterward than they were before: some subjectively, some objectively, some both ways. I have become convinced from what I have seen that a miserable, unhappy male transsexual can, with the help of surgery and endocrinology, attain a happier future as a woman. In this way, the individual as well as society can be served. The rejection of the operation and/or treatment as a matter of principle is therefore not justified.
For the losers of the world that would dismiss some because they have had surgery but do not fit the "image" or the "personal" belief of what a transsexual is because they identify transgender I give you this paragraph from Harry's book.
One thing seems certain. While great conservatism should prevail in advising, consenting to, and performing a conversion operation, all possible help should be given those who present a fait accompli by having undergone the irrevocable step of surgery. It seems to me to be the duty not only of physicians, but also of the community, to pave the way as much as possible for such persons so that they can succeed in their new pattern of life as members of the opposite sex.
Please read the last paragraph again
In other words you and I are no better nor any worse than anyone else that has had surgery. I am not better because I was the young feminine boy and neither is Aria and her self described non-feminine transsexual. We all swim in the ocean of transsexuals.
The following was part of Dr. Benjamin's conclusion in Appendix A.
Concluding Remarks and Outlook (December 15, 1965)
The collection of statistical data in the preceding pages was closed at the end of 1964. Toward the end of 1965, a total Of 307 cases of the transvestite-transsexual phenomenon were observed. Among them were 193 males (S.O.S. IV, V, and VI); 62 of them were operated upon. Besides, there were 27 female transsexuals; 11 of them had either hysterectomies or mastectomies or both performed. The rest of the males were transvestites.
The additional number of clinical observations has not materially changed a tentative facit drawn from the clinical material presented in this book. A few definite factors seem to have emerged.
The etiology of the transsexual state is still largely obscure, but a light seems to blink here and there in publications from the laboratories of brain physiologists.
Childhood conditioning and possible imprinting undoubtedly have a connection with the development and the intensity of the transsexual phenomenon, but can only be considered as contributory or as one of several possible causes. The presence of an inborn, organic, but not necessarily hereditary origin or predisposition appears more and more probable. Further research, aside from psychological and endocrine studies, will most likely have to concern itself primarily with work in two areas: genetics and neurophysiology.
For the tools of the world this is what scientific research entails and is about. facts, facts, facts, and more facts not the preconceived ideas of pseudo scientists like Money, Zucker, Blanchard, and others trying to prove preconceived concepts about the relationships between gay boys and feminine transsexuals or whatever pet peeve some lay person has.
Again there is not ONE specific type of transsexual. It would be and is convenient for some to propose such hypothesis and they do for their own myopic and prejudicial belief that it makes them better. They will tell you they are not elitists and will rail against old timer elitists because it is what they do to defer closer analysis of who is the elitist. They probably do it because they have serious inferiority complexes based on the self-belief they have been persecuted because they are transsexual.
I have yet to meet a transsexual that has not faced some issues but we survive and we carry on. At least in my time we did not try to crap on others because we thought we were better. Maybe the old days in some ways were better and maybe we should get back to basics and use the understanding Harry had for us verses the loons of today.
Aria's last paragraph is interesting.
Don’t tell your childhood experiences to these people. Don’t speak to them of anything. Deprive them of their research subjects. We must maintain this information blackout until this group is gone from the scene and are replaced by people who don’t want us destroyed. And make no mistake, if these people get their way they will do their best to wipe us from the face of the earth.
Resist.
Somehow I think Harry is looking down and shaking his head at this stupidity. There are people out there that care and understand. Dr. Spack at Children's Boston is certainly one such person who deals with children. Not talking to Blanchard or someone of that ilk may delay things but the more relevant information available means there is more information available to refute the myth purveyors but then again if you are a myth purveyor I guess information is your enemy.
The following items have been added
1. Appointment card from Dr. Harry Benjamin for May 25 a Thursday in 1972.
2. Picture taken in 1978 in Beverly Hills before a nose job which I admit to. I was 32.
3. The card for Roberto C. Granato my surgeon.
4. Address of Yonkers Professional in Granato's hand.
This is for Aria and her gang because I do believe the post that will follow shortly will scorch a few feathers and I am sure I will be called a transvestite, fraud, phony and so forth
I might post my letter from Granato also with names blanked out.
2. Picture taken in 1978 in Beverly Hills before a nose job which I admit to. I was 32.
3. The card for Roberto C. Granato my surgeon.
4. Address of Yonkers Professional in Granato's hand.
This is for Aria and her gang because I do believe the post that will follow shortly will scorch a few feathers and I am sure I will be called a transvestite, fraud, phony and so forth
I might post my letter from Granato also with names blanked out.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
How could he do that ?
I had to think long and hard about whether I should post this because it is not a pleasant subject to many but this was a very unique situation and in many ways it is sinister what was done in this situation. Hopefully people will not be offended.
I know a girl who thought she had found Mr. Right in 1971 but because she did not know how to tell him she was born transsexual she lost him when he found out. Now she might have lost him if she had told him and most of us know those odds are high but she felt guilty nonetheless and in a classic case of a rebound love affair fell for this other man in 1972 and eventually married him and I know for a fact she made it clear she was born transsexual and she wanted a husband to love and children if possible through adoption. She wanted normalcy.
Initially he could not convince her to marry him and about 6 months into the relationship he drops the bomb he has a daughter from his first marriage and his mom is taking care of her and she is not quite one year old and the baby will be theirs. He knew this young girl wanted children desperately. The thought of having the chance to be the mother she dreamed of her entire childhood overwhelmed her and she immediately said yes and they were married. She was just a young girl born transsexual looking for her dream husband and a child.
She was in heaven in her mind. A husband and a beautiful daughter to nurture and love with all her heart. She knew in her heart there could never have been a better mom. She had money and they bought a business and a home together and she adopted his daughter and there may never have been a happier young girl. Everyone told her not to marry him. Everyone told her she could do better than this man. He was tall and handsome but her friends disliked and distrusted him for reasons none could pinpoint. In her heart she knew she could do better but the need for a baby ruled.
She even loved changing her babies diapers. No cry at night went unanswered without her holding her daughter and sleepless nights were just part of being a good mom. Everyone commented what a wonderful and natural mom she was. She worked managing the business they bought but her daughter came first. The child was beautiful and laughed and smiled which brought her the kind of happiness she had never thought possible. When people commented that her daughter was the happiest baby they could remember she would secretly wipe away her tears of joy with a smile. She was never too busy for her baby and always managed to find the time to play with her child and the little girl toys she had wanted but was never allowed.
Her mother did not really like her husband but she had never seen her daughter so happy and her friends felt the same way. Everything was about Denise and she had started walking, she is talking, she said mommy, and she had a life few of her girl friends from NYC thought possible for any of them. She didn’t notice the distance that had come between her and her husband. She always enjoyed sex but it had never been great with him and she even started dilating again. She thought maybe it was the attention she gave the child but he was distant when she wanted sex. She was puzzled because she knew she was attractive and she tried spicing it up a bit but nothing worked for long.
Like all of us she needed her estrogen at reduced levels for the remainder of her life and something strange began to happen. Her doctor in NYC had given her an open ended prescription for her estrogen but the count seemed wrong and her husband said he accidentally dropped the bottle and pills got wet and he threw them in the toilet and flushed them. This was about 18 months after they were married. It happened again and she felt a red light go on but this could not be true. He was a big man and so macho with his friends it was impossible and she had told him how she felt. The only person wearing a dress in any relationship she had was her.
She confronted him on a weekend and the truth cut deep. He wasn’t sure if he was transsexual but he liked wearing women’s clothes and he wanted small breasts and he had been stealing her hormones and other confessions that sent her reeling in disbelief. She was quite hysterical when he uttered the words ‘I thought you would understand’ and ‘I knew you didn’t mean what you had said’ and she thought about killing the bastard and Denise was crying and she ran to her child because she was more hers than she would ever be his and calmed her down.
He had lied to her and had deliberately deceived her and a lot of money was tied up in the new house and the business and she was so confused and very angry. When her mom talked with her she was so worried by how her daughter sounded she immediately flew to her daughter and called people to help like her doctor in NYC and her girl friend from NYC that her mom knew and liked.
When she got to her daughter she was shocked. She saw the same pain in her child’s eyes she had witnessed every day when her child had begged her to let her be the girl she was. She had always known her child’s mood just by looking in her eyes and he had done something that hurt her very deeply but she would not tell her mother what it was.
Her home was big. It was way too big for them but by covenant in this gated community it had to be this size with a pool house and a pool. It was not the slums for sure and her husband had been adamant about building this house there and paying cash which she had done. California was a community property state so half of everything was by law his except her money which was in a NYC Bank and he couldn’t touch it.
If she threw his ass out and divorced him he would get half of everything right then and there and she would lose what was more precious than any amount of money. She would lose her daughter and he loved his daughter but she did not want Denise raised by him. She also feared if she fought him and brought out what he had done her past would become an open book and he could easily deny everything because there was really no proof. She probably would have won in court because legally they could not marry because she was not born female and gotten everything but the scandal scared her and it would drag out and scar her baby eventually so it was not an option.
Everyone figured he had cheated on her and in many ways thought she was the villain for not giving him another chance but those who knew her best understood she would not be this upset but she was not telling anyone because she was so embarrassed. She had been born transsexual so how could she have missed this was haunting her existence? They reached an agreement which had them divorce but allowed him to stay in the house or more exactly the pool house until their daughter reached a certain age unless they both agreed to sell out. She locked her hormones and they agreed he could dress to his heart’s content in the pool house but not in their presence.
He said it was a mutually agreed upon divorce and they were still friends and she did manage the Company and feigned her friendship with him and everyone thought what sensible adults these two were. He led his life and she led her own life. She was 29 years old when this was all over with and deeply scarred. It was difficult for her to trust any man and she swore she would never marry again and never tell anyone about being born transsexual. It was all so confusing because she had done everything everyone had told her to do to build a successful marriage and she felt like a failure.
She is by nature a very positive girl and she overcame this and the bright smile and the sparkling kind eyes returned. She started dating again and she had many suitors and men often wanted to get serious with her but she just broke it off if that happened. She thought she was scarred for life. She would never divulge her past to another man because she decided celibacy was a better option.
She stopped managing the business and applied to the California Institute of Technology for admittance in the early 80's and went back to grad school there and eventually moved on with her life.Time heals a lot of wounds and she would re-marry but this hurt.
That girl was me.
I wrote this a long time ago when I was very angry but in some ways I have never gotten over the hurt because I was deceived by him. I was very angry with him and what I initially wrote I have deleted because it was not kind because every situation is different but this was a very special case because he knew how I felt before we were married but in retrospect I should have seen it coming. He put the bait out there and it didn't take much of a pull to set the hook in me.
He knew everything about me before we were married and I left out no detail if he asked and he asked and that should have been the red flag. A normal straight guy does not want to talk about the shit people like us went through. Not even a Tranny chaser wants the details. Many of us are so vulnerable we are easy to deceive and use because when something like this is offered I know I could not deny myself. I have always wondered what I would have done if he told me he was a cross-dresser after he told me about Denise and before we were married?
I have honestly never forgiven him but we had to be civil to each other when Denise was married and he did other things that hurt later on because he was a selfish person and he always came first and it was everybody else that had to understand him. He blew through all the money he got when we sold the business and the house and probably would have come back for more but I was married again in the 80's and I think he was afraid of my second husband. I do not know where he is and I don't give a damn which is sad because at one time I did love him a little.
Denise has three children so I am technically a grandmother and I admit I dote on them but I avoid where they live in Florida over the Holidays because I know he will be there with his second wife and it would not be easy for me to be civil.
To this day I do not understand how he could do what he did to me and I never will to be honest.
I know a girl who thought she had found Mr. Right in 1971 but because she did not know how to tell him she was born transsexual she lost him when he found out. Now she might have lost him if she had told him and most of us know those odds are high but she felt guilty nonetheless and in a classic case of a rebound love affair fell for this other man in 1972 and eventually married him and I know for a fact she made it clear she was born transsexual and she wanted a husband to love and children if possible through adoption. She wanted normalcy.
Initially he could not convince her to marry him and about 6 months into the relationship he drops the bomb he has a daughter from his first marriage and his mom is taking care of her and she is not quite one year old and the baby will be theirs. He knew this young girl wanted children desperately. The thought of having the chance to be the mother she dreamed of her entire childhood overwhelmed her and she immediately said yes and they were married. She was just a young girl born transsexual looking for her dream husband and a child.
She was in heaven in her mind. A husband and a beautiful daughter to nurture and love with all her heart. She knew in her heart there could never have been a better mom. She had money and they bought a business and a home together and she adopted his daughter and there may never have been a happier young girl. Everyone told her not to marry him. Everyone told her she could do better than this man. He was tall and handsome but her friends disliked and distrusted him for reasons none could pinpoint. In her heart she knew she could do better but the need for a baby ruled.
She even loved changing her babies diapers. No cry at night went unanswered without her holding her daughter and sleepless nights were just part of being a good mom. Everyone commented what a wonderful and natural mom she was. She worked managing the business they bought but her daughter came first. The child was beautiful and laughed and smiled which brought her the kind of happiness she had never thought possible. When people commented that her daughter was the happiest baby they could remember she would secretly wipe away her tears of joy with a smile. She was never too busy for her baby and always managed to find the time to play with her child and the little girl toys she had wanted but was never allowed.
Her mother did not really like her husband but she had never seen her daughter so happy and her friends felt the same way. Everything was about Denise and she had started walking, she is talking, she said mommy, and she had a life few of her girl friends from NYC thought possible for any of them. She didn’t notice the distance that had come between her and her husband. She always enjoyed sex but it had never been great with him and she even started dilating again. She thought maybe it was the attention she gave the child but he was distant when she wanted sex. She was puzzled because she knew she was attractive and she tried spicing it up a bit but nothing worked for long.
Like all of us she needed her estrogen at reduced levels for the remainder of her life and something strange began to happen. Her doctor in NYC had given her an open ended prescription for her estrogen but the count seemed wrong and her husband said he accidentally dropped the bottle and pills got wet and he threw them in the toilet and flushed them. This was about 18 months after they were married. It happened again and she felt a red light go on but this could not be true. He was a big man and so macho with his friends it was impossible and she had told him how she felt. The only person wearing a dress in any relationship she had was her.
She confronted him on a weekend and the truth cut deep. He wasn’t sure if he was transsexual but he liked wearing women’s clothes and he wanted small breasts and he had been stealing her hormones and other confessions that sent her reeling in disbelief. She was quite hysterical when he uttered the words ‘I thought you would understand’ and ‘I knew you didn’t mean what you had said’ and she thought about killing the bastard and Denise was crying and she ran to her child because she was more hers than she would ever be his and calmed her down.
He had lied to her and had deliberately deceived her and a lot of money was tied up in the new house and the business and she was so confused and very angry. When her mom talked with her she was so worried by how her daughter sounded she immediately flew to her daughter and called people to help like her doctor in NYC and her girl friend from NYC that her mom knew and liked.
When she got to her daughter she was shocked. She saw the same pain in her child’s eyes she had witnessed every day when her child had begged her to let her be the girl she was. She had always known her child’s mood just by looking in her eyes and he had done something that hurt her very deeply but she would not tell her mother what it was.
Her home was big. It was way too big for them but by covenant in this gated community it had to be this size with a pool house and a pool. It was not the slums for sure and her husband had been adamant about building this house there and paying cash which she had done. California was a community property state so half of everything was by law his except her money which was in a NYC Bank and he couldn’t touch it.
If she threw his ass out and divorced him he would get half of everything right then and there and she would lose what was more precious than any amount of money. She would lose her daughter and he loved his daughter but she did not want Denise raised by him. She also feared if she fought him and brought out what he had done her past would become an open book and he could easily deny everything because there was really no proof. She probably would have won in court because legally they could not marry because she was not born female and gotten everything but the scandal scared her and it would drag out and scar her baby eventually so it was not an option.
Everyone figured he had cheated on her and in many ways thought she was the villain for not giving him another chance but those who knew her best understood she would not be this upset but she was not telling anyone because she was so embarrassed. She had been born transsexual so how could she have missed this was haunting her existence? They reached an agreement which had them divorce but allowed him to stay in the house or more exactly the pool house until their daughter reached a certain age unless they both agreed to sell out. She locked her hormones and they agreed he could dress to his heart’s content in the pool house but not in their presence.
He said it was a mutually agreed upon divorce and they were still friends and she did manage the Company and feigned her friendship with him and everyone thought what sensible adults these two were. He led his life and she led her own life. She was 29 years old when this was all over with and deeply scarred. It was difficult for her to trust any man and she swore she would never marry again and never tell anyone about being born transsexual. It was all so confusing because she had done everything everyone had told her to do to build a successful marriage and she felt like a failure.
She is by nature a very positive girl and she overcame this and the bright smile and the sparkling kind eyes returned. She started dating again and she had many suitors and men often wanted to get serious with her but she just broke it off if that happened. She thought she was scarred for life. She would never divulge her past to another man because she decided celibacy was a better option.
She stopped managing the business and applied to the California Institute of Technology for admittance in the early 80's and went back to grad school there and eventually moved on with her life.Time heals a lot of wounds and she would re-marry but this hurt.
That girl was me.
I wrote this a long time ago when I was very angry but in some ways I have never gotten over the hurt because I was deceived by him. I was very angry with him and what I initially wrote I have deleted because it was not kind because every situation is different but this was a very special case because he knew how I felt before we were married but in retrospect I should have seen it coming. He put the bait out there and it didn't take much of a pull to set the hook in me.
He knew everything about me before we were married and I left out no detail if he asked and he asked and that should have been the red flag. A normal straight guy does not want to talk about the shit people like us went through. Not even a Tranny chaser wants the details. Many of us are so vulnerable we are easy to deceive and use because when something like this is offered I know I could not deny myself. I have always wondered what I would have done if he told me he was a cross-dresser after he told me about Denise and before we were married?
I have honestly never forgiven him but we had to be civil to each other when Denise was married and he did other things that hurt later on because he was a selfish person and he always came first and it was everybody else that had to understand him. He blew through all the money he got when we sold the business and the house and probably would have come back for more but I was married again in the 80's and I think he was afraid of my second husband. I do not know where he is and I don't give a damn which is sad because at one time I did love him a little.
Denise has three children so I am technically a grandmother and I admit I dote on them but I avoid where they live in Florida over the Holidays because I know he will be there with his second wife and it would not be easy for me to be civil.
To this day I do not understand how he could do what he did to me and I never will to be honest.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Why I blog.
I blog because it helps remind me of the past and remind me where I came from and how lucky I was and am. All of my posts are my personal opinions and sometimes they grate people the wrong way and well that is what happens when one blogs. I had an issue with another blogger, Aria Blue, over an opinion of hers and hopefully that is over because her last few posts have been less filled with vitriol and she is such a good writer I enjoy reading what she posts whether I agree or not. It may not seem it to some but I am open to other opinions.
Sometimes when I get upset it may seem personal but I try not to be that way but I am human and I can be hurt and I will respond in kind when attacked. I have received quite a bit of criticism about Mikki the Scrabble player but I do not wish her any ill will. I just simply cannot accept what I saw as a transsexual and would like to be wrong but fetish attire kind of doesn't fit but then that is my view. It does not mean one is a bigot if one does not believe a story that by its very appearance questions its validity.
I wrote a post about "The Gay Transsexual" or what Benjamin called the Type VI transsexual or classic feminine transsexual or what others have defined as the effeminate transsexual. The post was about my reflections on being one of those kids defined as the "feminine boy transsexual" and believe me I was not bragging about being that type of transsexual because it wasn't a lot of fun. There are actually people that believe if they can get themselves labeled as a Type VI that it is some badge of honor. Normally they would call such people masochists but personally I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
It was confusing and caused me a lot of pain and I never have understood why I was lucky and friends were not and died. It was strictly about me and nobody else and was not a reflection on anybody or the meaning of life or the truth about their life nor a reflection on "how" transsexual someone is or was yet one individual took it that way and she had some ugly things to say about me which I let pass at first because I still have no idea why this individual was upset.
She deleted her posts, I have copies, which can only indicate to me she was embarrassed by what she posted. I eventually retaliated after she continued her nastiness and that is like I have said a personal weakness because turning the other cheek is not something I am very good at.
I am proud of the fact I managed to overcome a lot and have lived a productive life as a woman. All of my accomplishments in life came after surgery. My life before surgery was a daily living nightmare for a lot of it even after I was introduced to Harry. That said I think kids like I was are lucky. My heart goes out to those that have suffered for years before resolving these issues. I make no claim that I understand how they do it but I go back to Harry's book and re-read it and most of his patients transitioned rather late and he cared about them all. Sometimes I have been insensitive to it but I have worked on understanding it better. I do understand how the mind can make people wait and can trick you and how society can push you into a corner. In my mind the courageous transsexuals are not kids like I was but those that suffered, lived good lives, and resolved it when it became unbearable. I had it easy in comparison.
Some might find that offensive but when you are arguably the dumbest smart person as a child it is an accomplishment. I was dumb because smart kids do not try suicide but then I was and am emotional. I reflect a lot on my early years because I was finally given the letters between my mother and Dr. Benjamin over four years after my mom died in 2005. I never knew they wrote to each other and it is decidedly weird reading about yourself from the point of view of your mother and your doctor. I learned things I never knew and some things I wish I didn't know now. It has been revealing as I translated the letters.
I learned a lot of what happened to me was carefully planned by people that cared about a very confused child that just didn't understand why others didn't believe her. I learned that there were more people that cared about me than I realized and I learned I was a lot closer to success at suicide than I thought which is scary.
I have blogged about some of what happened to me as a child and I have posts ready to go that discuss some very ugly events in my early life that bear witness to how in the dark the world was about transsexuals and also how dark the world could be for us. I was deliberately physically scarred by a doctor twice and had a horrible encounter with psychiatrists when I was 17 1/2. The worst part of it is friends of mine had similar instances.
If some of you are bothered or hurt by what I post please do not read the blog because I really have no interest in hurting others. All others are welcome to comment.
Sometimes when I get upset it may seem personal but I try not to be that way but I am human and I can be hurt and I will respond in kind when attacked. I have received quite a bit of criticism about Mikki the Scrabble player but I do not wish her any ill will. I just simply cannot accept what I saw as a transsexual and would like to be wrong but fetish attire kind of doesn't fit but then that is my view. It does not mean one is a bigot if one does not believe a story that by its very appearance questions its validity.
I wrote a post about "The Gay Transsexual" or what Benjamin called the Type VI transsexual or classic feminine transsexual or what others have defined as the effeminate transsexual. The post was about my reflections on being one of those kids defined as the "feminine boy transsexual" and believe me I was not bragging about being that type of transsexual because it wasn't a lot of fun. There are actually people that believe if they can get themselves labeled as a Type VI that it is some badge of honor. Normally they would call such people masochists but personally I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
It was confusing and caused me a lot of pain and I never have understood why I was lucky and friends were not and died. It was strictly about me and nobody else and was not a reflection on anybody or the meaning of life or the truth about their life nor a reflection on "how" transsexual someone is or was yet one individual took it that way and she had some ugly things to say about me which I let pass at first because I still have no idea why this individual was upset.
She deleted her posts, I have copies, which can only indicate to me she was embarrassed by what she posted. I eventually retaliated after she continued her nastiness and that is like I have said a personal weakness because turning the other cheek is not something I am very good at.
I am proud of the fact I managed to overcome a lot and have lived a productive life as a woman. All of my accomplishments in life came after surgery. My life before surgery was a daily living nightmare for a lot of it even after I was introduced to Harry. That said I think kids like I was are lucky. My heart goes out to those that have suffered for years before resolving these issues. I make no claim that I understand how they do it but I go back to Harry's book and re-read it and most of his patients transitioned rather late and he cared about them all. Sometimes I have been insensitive to it but I have worked on understanding it better. I do understand how the mind can make people wait and can trick you and how society can push you into a corner. In my mind the courageous transsexuals are not kids like I was but those that suffered, lived good lives, and resolved it when it became unbearable. I had it easy in comparison.
Some might find that offensive but when you are arguably the dumbest smart person as a child it is an accomplishment. I was dumb because smart kids do not try suicide but then I was and am emotional. I reflect a lot on my early years because I was finally given the letters between my mother and Dr. Benjamin over four years after my mom died in 2005. I never knew they wrote to each other and it is decidedly weird reading about yourself from the point of view of your mother and your doctor. I learned things I never knew and some things I wish I didn't know now. It has been revealing as I translated the letters.
I learned a lot of what happened to me was carefully planned by people that cared about a very confused child that just didn't understand why others didn't believe her. I learned that there were more people that cared about me than I realized and I learned I was a lot closer to success at suicide than I thought which is scary.
I have blogged about some of what happened to me as a child and I have posts ready to go that discuss some very ugly events in my early life that bear witness to how in the dark the world was about transsexuals and also how dark the world could be for us. I was deliberately physically scarred by a doctor twice and had a horrible encounter with psychiatrists when I was 17 1/2. The worst part of it is friends of mine had similar instances.
If some of you are bothered or hurt by what I post please do not read the blog because I really have no interest in hurting others. All others are welcome to comment.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Gay Transsexual
The term Gay Transsexual has always confused me or more accurately upset me once I realized it was specifically aimed at a kid like I was. I admit I was a pretty screwed up kid because well being transsexual in the 50's was not exactly a recipe for growing old or surviving. Dr. Benjamin once told me he thought possibly 1 in 5 kids like me made it to 20 years old because without family help, basically non-existent in 50's, the only option was to run away to the streets and that usually meant the sex trades.
I saw too much of this when I moved to New York City in August of 1969. My best friend Lana was a drag star in the village and she had started on the streets after running away from an abusive father that figured beating her half to death weekly would make a boy out of her. She was only 14 when she left her upper Midwest roots and moved to the "big city" as she called New York. She got off a bus and was grabbed by a pimp and was on the streets within a week. She survived but she once reluctantly told me none of the other girls like her were "around" any longer. She made a deal with the devil to get off the streets.
In one of my mom's early letters to Benjamin she asked is my "son" gay? He tells me he is a girl and he likes boys. This was in late 1958 when I was still 12 and outside of Harry who had a clue about us. Harry had never met me so he couched his response because I believe he did not want to scare my mother away. I was of course oblivious to these written conversations and probably secretly planning my next attempt at suicide which is a sad commentary but true.
I had no idea help was available and I was a sophomore in High School and the bullying was getting worse and every single time I saw my neighbor Chuck I felt he was planning another attempt to rape me and I was on my third shrink for 1958 and my grandmother was making life hell for my mom because when I refused to dance with a girl in a dance lesson class her friends got wind of it and nobody including me wanted her any more hateful than she was towards me. Her tool of choice on me was a shillelagh or the knotty torture stick. She never dared use it when mom was around but I was chased many a time with that flailing in her hand and threatening my ass and legs. Sometimes I probably deserved it but I am not confessing too much.
The gay transsexual is what Blanchard, Ovesey-Person, and even Harry used homosexual initially, thought feminine or effeminate boy transsexuals were. I was feminine because my body produced less testosterone than most women but I was not effeminate and certainly did not initially flaunt it or demand to dress as a girl because it wasn't going to happen and I might have been nuts as I was constantly told but I was pragmatic enough not to push that boundary at least initially because the consequences could have been quite ugly. The refusal to dance with the girl was the beginning and yes I know girls dance with other girls but I was not exactly thinking straight right about then because of a vicious encounter with another in a long line of incompetent idiots in the field of Psychiatry. I attempted suicide about a week after that incident.
If someone had told me who I respected like Benjamin that I was a gay transsexual I am not sure what I would have done but I doubt if it would be constructive. I liked boys because I was a girl not because I was a boy. It would be a very long time before I understood gender identity is between the ears and not between the legs. Benjamin began to realize that early on but it was common practice to use the term "homosexual" for kids like me. Thankfully I never heard that from Harry because once I was diagnosed as Type VI with total psycho-sexual inversion things were different, He told my mother it was as natural for me to like boys as it was for any heterosexual girl.
I would have been very upset if I had been a Type V and because I liked boys they called me gay. I am unclear how they can call someone a heterosexual transsexual because they are asexual or not interested in boys because if gender is between the ears then liking boys for a MTF transsexual of any type is normal heterosexual behavior and liking girls is lesbian and liking both is bi-sexual and who cares really except many of these assholes, Blanchard and pals, still love using that term as one of the two types of transsexuals and some claiming to be "true" or "primary" like to use that term to denigrate the kids like me of my era who were labeled with it by people like Person-Ovesey and and to label the young kids today that are like we were.
Thankfully there are people like Dr. Spack at Childrens Hospital Boston Gender Clinic for kids that avoid that term and help children in a careful manner without labeling them. I remember when I first read Harry's book in 60's I asked him about the terminology and he sheepishly said you are not gay and I know he felt differently and was not pleased with the results of the Person-Ovesey study.
It is quite difficult dealing with kids defined as gay transsexuals because there are not that many around. Harry estimated maybe 1 in 200,000 to 300,000 kids are total psycho-sexual inversion transsexuals which kind of defies the odds because of what I read in the media but then I am unsure how many have been correctly diagnosed. I will leave that issue to someone more qualified than me. When I met Harry he might have dealt with one or two kids but not a lot because it required parental help and most kids on the streets would not go to a doctor out of fear of being returned home. A lot of kids were also so physically or psychologically abused at home they pushed things deep into the recesses of their minds in order to survive.
The single thing that I always come back to was how confusing it all was. I asked Harry more than once why did I think I was a girl? To be honest I don't even think he knew why other than psycho-sexual inversion but how does that happen? Before my first meeting with Harry mom asked Harry many times why does he insist he is a girl? Initially because it was around September of 1958 when they started communicating I don't think even Harry knew why. It was part of what drove me emotionally because it seemed logical if I was a girl people should just let me be a girl but as we all know it just does not work that way. Therefore the multiple suicide attempts because as a girl how could I possibly live as a boy?
My older brother Ray was my best friend and still is. Until I got upset at some things when I entered High School I never pushed boundaries between boy-girl but Ray has always told me it was just so obvious but that was just who I was and how I looked and how I moved and how I spoke. I guess you are what you are whether you try to be or not. I certainly couldn't have changed because I didn't know I was acting like a girl if that makes sense. I thought I was bullied and bloodied because physically I did look female because of the low testosterone levels but Ray says it was not that but everything sort of "said" girl and that caused the confusion. I guess I can believe that but I am certainly no expert.
If you haven't figured it out by now I am still searching for answers. One of my best friends in NYC was an Italian girl and I hope I am half the girl she was. She always thought she was a girl and I loved her to death as a friend but she looked like Dick Butkus, her words not mine, and it broke my heart because she will always be beautiful to me. She had total psych-sexual inversion and was another Type VI but why did she look like she did and not like me. Everything she did was feminine and she killed herself because she felt doomed and that was a week worth of crying for all of us. I just don't understand the vagaries of this transsexual crap sometimes. It just seems so freaking unfair to so many.
If I could snap my fingers and there would never be another transsexual brought into this world I would do it in a heartbeat.
I saw too much of this when I moved to New York City in August of 1969. My best friend Lana was a drag star in the village and she had started on the streets after running away from an abusive father that figured beating her half to death weekly would make a boy out of her. She was only 14 when she left her upper Midwest roots and moved to the "big city" as she called New York. She got off a bus and was grabbed by a pimp and was on the streets within a week. She survived but she once reluctantly told me none of the other girls like her were "around" any longer. She made a deal with the devil to get off the streets.
In one of my mom's early letters to Benjamin she asked is my "son" gay? He tells me he is a girl and he likes boys. This was in late 1958 when I was still 12 and outside of Harry who had a clue about us. Harry had never met me so he couched his response because I believe he did not want to scare my mother away. I was of course oblivious to these written conversations and probably secretly planning my next attempt at suicide which is a sad commentary but true.
I had no idea help was available and I was a sophomore in High School and the bullying was getting worse and every single time I saw my neighbor Chuck I felt he was planning another attempt to rape me and I was on my third shrink for 1958 and my grandmother was making life hell for my mom because when I refused to dance with a girl in a dance lesson class her friends got wind of it and nobody including me wanted her any more hateful than she was towards me. Her tool of choice on me was a shillelagh or the knotty torture stick. She never dared use it when mom was around but I was chased many a time with that flailing in her hand and threatening my ass and legs. Sometimes I probably deserved it but I am not confessing too much.
The gay transsexual is what Blanchard, Ovesey-Person, and even Harry used homosexual initially, thought feminine or effeminate boy transsexuals were. I was feminine because my body produced less testosterone than most women but I was not effeminate and certainly did not initially flaunt it or demand to dress as a girl because it wasn't going to happen and I might have been nuts as I was constantly told but I was pragmatic enough not to push that boundary at least initially because the consequences could have been quite ugly. The refusal to dance with the girl was the beginning and yes I know girls dance with other girls but I was not exactly thinking straight right about then because of a vicious encounter with another in a long line of incompetent idiots in the field of Psychiatry. I attempted suicide about a week after that incident.
If someone had told me who I respected like Benjamin that I was a gay transsexual I am not sure what I would have done but I doubt if it would be constructive. I liked boys because I was a girl not because I was a boy. It would be a very long time before I understood gender identity is between the ears and not between the legs. Benjamin began to realize that early on but it was common practice to use the term "homosexual" for kids like me. Thankfully I never heard that from Harry because once I was diagnosed as Type VI with total psycho-sexual inversion things were different, He told my mother it was as natural for me to like boys as it was for any heterosexual girl.
I would have been very upset if I had been a Type V and because I liked boys they called me gay. I am unclear how they can call someone a heterosexual transsexual because they are asexual or not interested in boys because if gender is between the ears then liking boys for a MTF transsexual of any type is normal heterosexual behavior and liking girls is lesbian and liking both is bi-sexual and who cares really except many of these assholes, Blanchard and pals, still love using that term as one of the two types of transsexuals and some claiming to be "true" or "primary" like to use that term to denigrate the kids like me of my era who were labeled with it by people like Person-Ovesey and and to label the young kids today that are like we were.
Thankfully there are people like Dr. Spack at Childrens Hospital Boston Gender Clinic for kids that avoid that term and help children in a careful manner without labeling them. I remember when I first read Harry's book in 60's I asked him about the terminology and he sheepishly said you are not gay and I know he felt differently and was not pleased with the results of the Person-Ovesey study.
It is quite difficult dealing with kids defined as gay transsexuals because there are not that many around. Harry estimated maybe 1 in 200,000 to 300,000 kids are total psycho-sexual inversion transsexuals which kind of defies the odds because of what I read in the media but then I am unsure how many have been correctly diagnosed. I will leave that issue to someone more qualified than me. When I met Harry he might have dealt with one or two kids but not a lot because it required parental help and most kids on the streets would not go to a doctor out of fear of being returned home. A lot of kids were also so physically or psychologically abused at home they pushed things deep into the recesses of their minds in order to survive.
The single thing that I always come back to was how confusing it all was. I asked Harry more than once why did I think I was a girl? To be honest I don't even think he knew why other than psycho-sexual inversion but how does that happen? Before my first meeting with Harry mom asked Harry many times why does he insist he is a girl? Initially because it was around September of 1958 when they started communicating I don't think even Harry knew why. It was part of what drove me emotionally because it seemed logical if I was a girl people should just let me be a girl but as we all know it just does not work that way. Therefore the multiple suicide attempts because as a girl how could I possibly live as a boy?
My older brother Ray was my best friend and still is. Until I got upset at some things when I entered High School I never pushed boundaries between boy-girl but Ray has always told me it was just so obvious but that was just who I was and how I looked and how I moved and how I spoke. I guess you are what you are whether you try to be or not. I certainly couldn't have changed because I didn't know I was acting like a girl if that makes sense. I thought I was bullied and bloodied because physically I did look female because of the low testosterone levels but Ray says it was not that but everything sort of "said" girl and that caused the confusion. I guess I can believe that but I am certainly no expert.
If you haven't figured it out by now I am still searching for answers. One of my best friends in NYC was an Italian girl and I hope I am half the girl she was. She always thought she was a girl and I loved her to death as a friend but she looked like Dick Butkus, her words not mine, and it broke my heart because she will always be beautiful to me. She had total psych-sexual inversion and was another Type VI but why did she look like she did and not like me. Everything she did was feminine and she killed herself because she felt doomed and that was a week worth of crying for all of us. I just don't understand the vagaries of this transsexual crap sometimes. It just seems so freaking unfair to so many.
If I could snap my fingers and there would never be another transsexual brought into this world I would do it in a heartbeat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)