I have no illusions that I am some leading expert on being born transsexual and I do not want to be involved in deciding who is and isn’t transsexual. I really find the entire scene a pain in the ass. I do not believe any transsexual whether they are post GRS or before GRS has the right to tell any other person how to live their life.
I look at my life quite simply. I was; I won; and I am.
I was born transsexual; I transitioned and had surgery; and I have become the girl I thought I was and the woman I wanted to be over time. It is really and truly that simple.
Most people are just happy to get through this crap and come out the other side whole. They may comment on the internet but they have no desire to be professional anything and certainly not self proclaimed experts on who is and who is not transsexual and it does not matter the age of the transition and surgery if applicable. Having a decent life is all they want.
I understand how love can bind people together for a lifetime.
I realize a confused and hiding transsexual can marry; have children; and be so in love they stay together. I may never truly understand things like this because it was not me but I cannot deny people happiness by denying them
I realize it must be horrible to be married; have to leave your spouse to be you; and the pain one must feel leaving your children. I will never know that feeling because that was not me but I cannot deny people happiness by denying them.
I realize a transsexual can have surgery and can be gay if FTM and lesbian if MTF. Sexual preference is mutually exclusive with gender identity. I will never know that feeling because that is not me but I cannot deny them their happiness by denying them.
I realize transsexuals can be trapped and especially from my generation wait until they are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s before they take action. Being transsexual is a complicated happening and is not something anyone in their sane mind chooses. I will never know that feeling because that was not me but I cannot deny them their happiness by denying them.
I realize an MTF transsexual can love a man before surgery and the pure joy of the acceptance one feels when a man loves you for the girl you are even if you were married as a man or dated women. I know parts of these feelings but not all of them but I cannot deny someone happiness by denying them.
I realize there are non-op transsexuals. I will never understand why one of them would run around screaming I have a penis if they want to be accepted as a woman. I know nothing of this because I was certainly never one.
I believe being transsexual is not simply a black and white issue. There are grey areas and I believe Benjamin had a better grasp on the differences than anyone ever but if somebody has a better answer I am open to understanding it but I am not open to total bullshit.
Unfortunately it is not that simple for a lot of people in this so called Trans community. There are some that believe it is their right to judge everyone and the pure irony of it is most of the people doing the judging fall into a rather unusual category and I find it very interesting and disturbing.
According to them I wasn’t, I didn’t, and I am not. According to them a lot of my readers fall into the: you weren’t; you didn’t; and you never will be.
Quite conveniently they fall into their own special category. They were the only ones; are the only winners; and are the only women. How convenient.
It must be amazing to be that omnipotent.
11 comments:
Thank you for such a thoughtful post.
I commented well on this in my blog - there are some people that just love to fight but I think the main problem is fragile egos which only feel good with itself when it is putting down others.
All the fighting is BS and a serious waste of time and energy.
Thanks Liz for this post. I think this was the most humbling thing I have read in a while. You have such a good way with words. I wish I could write half as well as you.
xoxoxoxoxox
Elizabeth you confuse me. One day you cuss like a testosterone laden sailor at an anonymous poster who dares to question your authenticity and the next day you are all sugar and molasses. I live in south Florida and can drive to Jacksonville in about 4 and a half hours. You say you are in South Carolina which is a lot closer to Jacksonville. Would you consider getting together for lunch next week? Thursday would work for me.
I think it would put some of this confusion to rest if we met and could mutually testify that the representations here on the net were not simply cyber illusion.
@Deena:
Why would you think I need to meet with you to prove my existence and validity?
Liz
Nice post Liz. Very well said.
Anne,
Yes, but they still come out of the woodwork with their accusations and now they have some stooge believing them and wanting to help them prove I am real. I really believe the only way to get them off my back is either blow them all up which I can with just what they have posted because stupid is a gift that keeps on giving or try to ignore them which does not work.
Appeasement is out of the question. I do find it difficult to take crap from some phony that failed transtion twice and then claims to be a real and classic transsexual. How would you feel?
I feel violated by men in frocks is how I feel. I guess if you scream it long enough and loud enough people believe it. First I was Arune and then someone named Cloudy neither of whom I had ever heard of. I have heard even you had questions.
Right about now I trust nobody but the few 3D friends I have had for 40+ years but I will have my say. What would you like me to do? I can describe Harry's office and talk about Virginia who ran Harry's office but I am sure I bought that from someone.
Funny thing is last time someone did this to me I was 13 and it was a shrink.
Liz
I really like this post. I don't understand this constant fighting on the blogosphere at all. I come to this after a lengthy period of just living my life after SRS without reading anything about this subject on the internet; I was ready to get on with my life and so I missed the whole past decade of online discourse about transsexuality. It is dizzying trying to catch up and follow the whole back and forth on who is a "real woman" and who is a poseur and the HBS/HSTS/AGP/etc. alphabet soup of labels and subcategories that I've never heard of before. I'm an outsider to all of this but have had a mild curiosity as to why this is happening and how this is playing out. I don't care if some stranger on the internet thinks I am or am not a woman because I know that the people who love me see me the way I see myself and that is what really counts. Anyway we each have our own individual transsexual experience and I can only best understand what I lived through. That is why I am really interested in learning about others' experiences, and why I love reading Liz' fascinating stories (moar please :)).
@ Elizabeth .... I did not mean to infer that you needed to prove anything. I, like you, have learned that much on the net is concocted. The reality of meeting face to face is my preferred way to easily get beyond all that. Over the years I have noticed that some people leap at the chance to meet while others refuse for a variety of reasons.
Across this country there is a "chain" of people who have "transitioned" who know each other IRL. I can pick up my phone, make a few calls and often find out if anyone in the 3D line of connections actually knows another person. Perhaps you are already linked in and I just am not aware of it. I haven't checked.
Sorry if you took offense. None was intended.
Liz. I am unclear as to your meaning here..."I have heard even you had questions."
I can interpret this one of two ways. Have I had questions about you or your authenticity? No. I HAVE wondered about the amount of energy devoted to 'beating a dead horse'. Aria offended you and you effectively 'ate her lunch'. More than once. Ok. End of conversation.
The other interpretation of the same question is, have I had my authenticity questioned? Yes. More than once by Aria and her minions on the one hand, and the various and sundry varieties of TG's that I encounter on my own blog and those of others.
Their favorite question, after they weary of ACCUSING me of 'elitism' or 'looking down my $7,000 nose at them', is WHY after living happily in the mainstream for over forty years, have I suddenly appeared to question the veracity of their sacred "TG DOGMA".
Well...I do because it is blantantly UNTRUE. Despite the fact that I have no problem with MOST people all across the TG spectrum, I DO have an issue with their proclaiming that
"I am just like them". I clearly am not.
Like Traci, I emerged from the mainstream and was totally overwhelmed by the industrial grade commercialisation of TG-ism and the awesome marketing skills of the Gay/Lesbian/TG alliance.
What I found MOST offensive, and what spurred me to look further into this maelstorm was the Susan Stanton Media Debacle and then the endless parade of tragedy like Mike Penner/Christine Daniels and the Nikki Arragus NIGHTMARE.
I lay ALL of this squarely at the feet of TG Inc. Sorry about hi-jacking your thread, but sometimes I get angry too.
Anne,
The implication was they questioned you.
Liz
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