I have debated writing about this since I started this blog. It has been mentioned in multiple posts but based on the misconceptions of certain people and the transgender intent to define all transsexuals as the same it has become sort of a litmus test or badge of honor for some to claim they are. To be truthful some are that do not know they are and others are, to be blunt, delusional. It doesn't mean they are not transsexual it just means they were thankfully not born transsexuals that fall under the Benjamin category Type VI.
Over the decades the Benjamin scale has come under fire because certain want-to-be-transsexual people seem to not fit and others want to be the best which they perceive to be Type VI. First, if you are a late transitioner and transsexual you are a Type V. There is absolutely zero chance that a Type VI transsexual will have married, fathered children, and waited until they are 50+ to transition. One particular individual had an "Awakening" at 50+ where she had a vision in her garage and discovered she was transsexual. I believe this person was born transsexual but is Type V not Type VI.
The first question one must ask is what makes you "Elizabeth" so seemingly knowledgeable about what defines or characterizes a Type VI transsexual. First I was diagnosed by Dr. Benjamin as type VI but since 1971 I have been deeply involved in helping young transsexuals, all Type VI, through the nightmare that is their childhood. At present we have funded completely 7 children and 2 more are in the process right now. I have also helped several others financially before I retired. It was my closest friend and myself and it was our way of giving back. We were both successful as women and it seemed the right thing to do. We could afford to help and we did because we saw ourselves in the children.
Benjamin recognized the difference between transsexuals based on intensity. He used the term "total psycho sexual inversion" for Type VI transsexuals because they were simply convinced they were girls and to be blunt almost all of us push boundaries. You can see it today in a Kim Petras or the young children that are truly transsexual that have the courage to transition as early as they can. One of the bravest I know of was a teenager who transitioned in high school despite being arguably the best "male" athlete in her school and if I remember correctly a highly recruited football player.
I spent a lot of time on the phone with this child. Her father had groomed her to be a football star and refused to help. It tells a story that her mother was gone and she did it on her own. She was a classic Type VI transsexual. Only another Type VI can understand the intensity that forces a child to simply say no more. I am going to be the girl I should have been and to hell with all of you. I paid for that child's surgery and she is a happy well adjusted young girl.
The key with complete or total psycho sexual inversion is the simple fact that since you already believe you are a girl there is no pushing it behind door number one until you are 53. There is no pushing it behind door number two until you have an "awakening" later in life. In Harry's book he mentions a young MTF transsexual that Harry believed killed herself with references to letters he received. The anguish and pain put into words by that 20 something transsexual is what being Type VI is about. By the way Harry found out after the book was published that she did kill himself.
Another Type VI and a good friend of mine killed herself as I mentioned in another post. Dr. Benjamin believed possibly 1 in 300,000 were Type VI transsexuals with the numbers that were Type V probably 10 time higher. Harry had only met one other young transsexual before he met me primarily because for the era it was almost impossible to find help. The suicide rates both successful and attempted are very high among young Type VI transsexuals. I have known approximately 20 Type VI transsexuals. The oldest I have know in in her mid 30's now but ran from home in her teens and sold herself on the streets of Europe.
Another close friend drowned herself in booze to make it to 30 but the second she sobered up she transitioned. Another one I know tried to transition in 50's but that was not easy and fooled herself into a marriage that lasted a couple years but was transitioned and on her way to surgery in her mid 20's. Most if not all I have know are like me. They pushed gender boundaries even like I did in the 50's. One ran from a home in the upper Midwest where her Reverend father beat the daylights out of her and physically tried to kill her when he found out she liked boys and actually had a boyfriend. She ran to the streets of NYC to become a hooker out of survival until discovered by the drag world where she became world famous but walked from that at 25 when she had the money with some help from a good friend.
Another one grew up in Spanish Harlem and was so effeminate her life was a challenge to survive. She ran numbers for Bumpy Johnson to pay for the hormones she started at 12. She ran to Frisco when her sadistic father was about to be released from Sing Sing after serving 8 years for nearly killing her when she was 6. She actually went to school as a girl and was thrown out of the NYC school system for doing it.
Another dear friend was caught by her mother and threatened to send her to her all boy school in a dress she was wearing. When she saw how her child's face lit up like a Christmas tree she dropped that mode of punishment although I speak with certainty when I say my friend would have gleefully gone to her English Boy's school in a second as a girl.
We of course faced many of the pressures that others faced but to a Type VI there is no choice. You either deal with it or you will eventually succumb to it. It is not something you control. It is not something that makes you more transsexual than any other transsexual. It is a condition that basically forces you to deal with it very early on in life. It is a state that doesn't allow you to make it to 50 let own even 40.
A Type VI transsexual may be a heterosexual woman or a lesbian woman but Type VI transsexuals follow typical genetic female percentages when it comes to sexual orientation. In other words there is not a higher percentage of lesbians like is seen in late transitioners. There is a Dutch Study that proves this irrefutably which cannot be linked to because I do not have access although I have a copy which I also cannot legally post. There was an earlier post on this blog concerning it.
There is an ongoing attempt to claim intensity is not relevant in transsexualism which is primarily fronted by late transitioners and others that refute its truth. Dr Benjamin recognized it as did a Dr. Pauly and others. In order to refute intensity the term "homosexual transsexual" was coined which labeled those transsexuals attracted to boys as gay even though only those transsexuals that ended up as prostitutes ever had gay sex. There has been a concerted effort by many in the Transgender world to redefine what transsexual means and if you want to be inclusive you cannot have layers of intensity that Benjamin noted. We are all the same after all.
A high percentage of Type VI transsexuals seem to have a hormonal imbalance. In Benjamin's cases it ran quite high and was around 30-40 percent if memory serves me. I had very low testosterone levels as did many of my friends. Whether it was from something that happened in the womb or some other abnormality it was how it was. There were no 47XXY inter-sexed Type VI that I knew of but I could not exclude that from happening.
Someone asked me what it was like. It is very difficult to put into words. The first thing I would say is I would not wish it on even my worst enemy or anyone for that matter. It is a combination of pain, sorrow, anger, and confusion that gets worse as time goes by. It is like groundhog day only as each day goes by it does not stay the same, it gets worse. Every day is a repetition of the combination of pain, sorrow, anger, and confusion.
The combination of pain, sorrow, anger, and confusion combine to create a feeling of suffocation. You believe you are a girl and it is difficult to understand why people will not listen to you. Every single day is a struggle to get through and it gets worse if there is any bullying. You feel helpless and angry eventually. The anger comes from the realization nobody will listen or help but also because deep down inside there is always that one question. "Why am I like this?"
There were adults that tried to support me but were ill equipped and not knowledgeable about what was happening. My parents tried to help by sending me to the best Psychiatrists available in the Boston Massachusetts area. In retrospect it was a horrible decision because their rejection precipitated all the suicide attempts. All of my friends that went to Psychiatrists had similar results. How much better it is today is debatable.
The only lucky thing I had was the simple fact I did not look like a boy. If I had looked like a boy with my mannerisms it would have been worse than it was. Many of my friends were the same as I was. The unlucky ones were the Type VI that were not feminine and in one case I knew decidedly non feminine. She was as female as any woman I have ever known right to her soul but she killed herself. I think I know why but I offered to help financially any way she needed.
Transsexualism is not something you can control. Transsexualism controls you and consumes your very existence. Transsexuals do not "recognize" they have a gender issue at 55. Transsexuals do not decide to be transsexual, they just are transsexual. Look around the blog world and read what is said today.
I remember one quote which made me sick. It was, "I think I will decide to be transsexual". Since when is being born transsexual a decision we get to make? I certainly would have preferred normal. The Transgender Activists promote inclusion not to help transsexuals but to help transvestites and cross-dressers. Transvestites no longer have a social problem they have a gender identity problem. The problem with this claim is it is simply incorrect. Gender identity implies one is uncomfortable with the gender one was born as. Transvestites are not uncomfortable or at odds with being born men. They like being men they just like to wear women's cloths. This was a fetish until the political correctness of the transgender activists made it otherwise.
Intensity defines transsexualism and it categorizes the type of transsexual one is but does not define one form or another as a better "form" of transsexualism although some think it does. Intensity determines how early one decides enough is enough. It is why we have early, young, and older transitioners. It is both worse and better to have high intensity. At least you deal with it earlier.
If one is transsexual whether one is 4, 15, 24, 35, 45 or 55 you do not control it. It controls you. Anyone that claims they control transsexualism is a fraud. There are plenty of them blogging on T-Central.
28 comments:
I really don't have issues with anyone who is exploring gender - I don't. If you live as “you” during the week and the “other you” when you can - good for you. You have to be true to yourself, and do what makes you happy, or so I'm told. I wouldn't really know anything about that, though.. I don't know what that's like, really, the 'doing something to make yourself happy' thing..
If you're reading this and you're about to tell Elizabeth that we're all the same - that we're all 'sisters' under the umbrella - then read what I'm about to say and give me a list of things we have in common. Dare ya.
I've been blessed with an amazing circle of family and friends that have done their best to understand me. One of the hardest things for them to grasp is the conflict that I describe:
The daily battle from earliest memory to simply make it through each day the way I am.
No obsessive urge to 'dress'. To see that is as painful as looking at what I'm stuck with.
I don't dream of wearing an amazing gown next New Year's Eve - I resolve to live another year.
I became so good at coping my way through a day at a time that it became an old habit that had no point to it.
In my 30's, I accepted that I didn't enjoy living. I'm literally saying I wasn't enjoying being alive. At 41, I admitted I was suicidal. I sought help.
I told people. I apologized to my siblings - for shutting them out for decades and not getting to know their children like I could have. I explained that I always expected I would give up and that I thought it would have been easier if I wasn't someone they'd miss.
But they love me.. thank God. I fought through a private, solitary hell until I'd had enough - and then I reached out and learned that they loved me. They want me to do what I need to do to live - and to be happy about it. I've promised them (and myself) that I’ll do whatever it takes.
SO here I am. A lifetime lived like I've lived it leaves you so used to the constant companion of conflict that you don't know if ANYTHING can fix it. There’s only the choice to continue to live in conflict with some measure of support - or to move on to the existence you want without knowing if can even learn HOW to simply live.
I'm actually unbelievably HAPPY that my life is at least THAT good right now.
Imagine being the happiest you've ever been because you've arrived at a point where you have at least decided that you're not going to end it. Imagine that.
Pain, damage, brokenness, doubt, hopelessness and fear. That's transsexuality.
So, yeah... don't bother making any room for me under the tee-gee umbrella, please. I don't have much in common with someone who decides who they're gonna be come Friday night.
You'll keep fighting for the right to use the ladies room when you're 'en-femme' - never having experienced the anxiety of feeling you don't correspond to either little blue person on the door signs.
You'll keep championing "all inclusive transgender rights" legislation never realizing the damage it causes. Yeah, it'd be just super for you if everyone could pretend to be Dick or Jane at work - after all, the weekends just aren't long enough to fit in all the dressing up, are they? Problem is, you make it impossible for someone who's fighting through day after day of pretending to be someone they're not to ever be taken seriously.
Not so much in common there, I'm guessing..
I stood at the back door of our suburban house in Greater London in the dress my cousin had grown out of and had been passed down because it was too good to be thrown out. In post war working class Britain it was very common. I was 14 years old and it was probably around 8 30am and I was due at school a ten minute walk away by 9 am. I put the dress on at 7 30 and a few minutes later my Mother had walked in without my hearing. That was not in itself unusual. I was found like this pretty much weekly by either my Mother my Father or younger sister (for whom the clothes were intended.) This morning however my Mother had decided to take a different tact and after the usual inquisition as to “why” after I had promised not to do this again and had ushered me out of the back door still wearing the dress ordering me off to school. The look of sheer joy on my face spoke volumes that the “punishment” was anything but and I was physically dragged back in the house. I was told later that my face had lit up like a Xmas tree and I was about to skip off to school as happy as could be.
Many years later and from with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight I’ve see pictures of myself as a child and in archive photographs and films and it is quite obvious I was actually fooling only myself. Colleagues confided they had been convinced for a time I was a dyke pretending to be male, kind of ironic when you think about it.
The day to day pain confusion self loathing and constant questioning of “why am I like this, why do I feel like this”? is precisely as Liz has just described here. Its intensity cannot be controlled. I tried, so hard, believe me when I say, I tried. It only went down to a tolerable level after copious and constant medications of Jim Beam, Gordon’s or occasionally Scotch whiskey. Even then its ravages are all consuming and cannot be wholly suppressed.
Type VI is not a condition to be aspired to but rather a condition to be eternally grateful you never have to endure at all, never mind witness. I put my parents, sibling and friends and colleagues through as much hell as I was in myself. So when I hear and read about so many of the “stories” and claims out there in blogland and on the media, it really is very obvious that claims of “Type VI” are pure fantasy. As Liz says doesn’t mean you’re not TS.
"The close friend Liz was referring too"trismeco
One datapoint:
When your innate femininity seeps out no matter how much you try to fake "boy", you are harassed as a "sissy" as a youngster and then assumed to be gay by everyone once you reach your teens. You don't have the option to be a "normal" male. I could never fake "boy" long enough or well enough to pass as one. Being a woman has always felt honest in a way pretending to be male never did.
Transition didn't damage my life, it saved it, and let me build a good one.
- an old aunty
There was some discussion in my blog about intensity versus severity. I submitted that it was possible for a birth defect, in general, to have varying levels of severity. A baby can be born with a slight cleft lip, a more serious cleft lip, or an even more serious double cleft lip. I don't know if the same holds true for transsexualism, but since transsexualism is a congenital disorder, I imagine it's possible.
I considered the term intensity to be a measure of how strongly the birth defect is experienced. That would seem to vary as well, and perhaps there is a correspondence between high intensity and high severity.
Certainly there is a difference between someone who is compelled to change sex when young, and as you say never even entertains the notion that their anatomical sex is correct, and someone who muddles through life until finally changing sex when older. I don't know how anyone could say those situations are the same.
I don't know why anyone would claim to have a more severe birth defect than they do. It doesn't matter. A double cleft lip is not more "legitimate" than a single one. They both need to be repaired.
Sagebrush
I was a contributor to the discussion at sage's blog and I wrote my own post on a similar topic. I have a different veiw to most.
My stance is this:
There is no varying level of femaleness in natal women. They just ARE, no late onset, no sudden realization. In my mind, the same applies to FEMALES born with TSism we are female, there is no varying degree. Those who father children, who "muddle" through life simply are not. Which in my mind leaves only one condition and one "intensity" making the concept of "intensity" irrelevant in the first place.
Why some make it to their late twenties/early thirties? Social and physical circumstances.
JMO
Bring out the pitch-forks!
I have to wonder how many of those that experience *transsexuality* as "pain, damage, brokenness, doubt, hopelessness and fear", insisted on wearing dresses to school and "could never fake "boy" long enough or well enough to pass as one", actually ever DID anything to remedy these "issues".
How can it be that so many of these self-described "victims" of *transsexuality* actually married women and fathered children?
@Sagebrush. This argument that you use here by raising what I refer too as "The Cleft Foot" argument (people either use cleft palate or club foot in these arguments) amounts to "reductio absurdum" where the debater puts up a unrelated extreme and claims the point is won because the scenario is so ridiculous Being type VI is so unlike either a club foot or cleft palate its rcrazy to compare the two. Both conditions while unpleasant and debilitating are surviveable. Type VI is not. Intensity" v "Severity" seems to me little more than word play and unrelated to the point that is being made here in this essay.
The point being that "High Intensity Transsexuality" is claimed by late transitioners to somehow make themselves appear somehow more legitimate or that they experienced a condition they perceive as carrying less "stigma" or is in some way more "prestigious". Why is inexplicable but then remember we are in many cases dealing with men who do have an addiction to hierarchy.
So we are clear sagebrush I am not implying you are guilty of these beliefs, I'm simply commenting on the arguments you made in your post.
@Unknown
I would not call it "degrees of femaleness" but intensity and levels of intensity are evident across the board. Benjamin saw this in his clients as did Pauly and others. The level of "discomfort" at being the wrong sex is different in people.
To claim that "we are all the same" is what the transgender want. The "new" argument is "I would have done what you did if I had a chance" which is total bullshit. Intensity drove all the Type VI's I have known. An intense desire to fix what was wrong.
Your argument would then make the generalization that all transsexuals are the same. The simple truth is we are not natal women and they do not face the issue of being the wrong sex.
The question I would ask you then is why do Type VI's push the gender/sex identity issues and universally "get it over with" early while some do not until 55? The simple truth is the level or intensity of the gender/sex identity is not as intense.
I can assure you that no kid like me or others like me could have made it until 55, let alone 45, or even 35. The analogy of natal women and their femaleness does not hold because in point of fact each woman is different and defining "femaleness" depends on the Culture you live in.
I agree with much of what you say, but I suspect you might mid understand me, I'm not saying 40-50 year olds are "the same" quite the oposite, everyone, Benjamin included, suggested they where a lower intensity, all i'm saying is that I personally think they aren't a lower intensity, they are a different condition all together.
They aren't the same, not even close.
I for one, could never have been a father, that is NOT my role in life, not who I am, that fact alone means they're nothing like me.
Let-alone done what it takes to become a father!
Liz you have taken great pains in some of your other posts to point out that late transitioners who complete the process of surgeries and living 24/7 etc. are in fact transsexuals. Harry also went to great lengths to emphasize that his work was just a beginning and should not be viewed as definitive.
Your point about intensity seems, to me, very accurate. However to avoid the appearance of it being some kind of value judgment or legitimacy test there is another way to view it. Personality types come in infinite flavors. Some people are more balanced and capable of dealing with the complications and absurdities of life and the society they find themselves in than others. Others obsess on one or another facet and refuse to engage in any activity that doesn't unfold according to their perceptions. At the point of being absurd its like giving lemons to 2 children. One will figure out how to make lemonade and the other will throw the lemons out the window and demand milk or koolaid.
You have stated at various times that you would not wish type VI on your worst enemy or best friend. Perhaps another way to put that is to hope that if a person is born transsexual that they have the skill, ability and intelligence to move forward as a type V.
No two people are ever faced with the exact same set of life circumstances. I think it would be wrong for me to judge your life. I wouldn't even know how to construct a good score card. What I can do is enjoy your thoughts and interactions and say "you appear to have faced many challenges and done well".
On another note much of what I see on the web these days from the cross gender groupies strikes me as misogynistic. I often want to respond on some other sites with a simple "yes sir" but I'd rather avoid the trashing and piling on that would result from doing that.
I hope some of what I have said makes at least a bit of sense.
Elizabeth, I enjoy and appreciate your blog. Thank you for writing it.
Nuff said.
Sagebrush
"I have to wonder how many of those that experience *transsexuality* as "pain, damage, brokenness, doubt, hopelessness and fear", ...actually ever DID anything to remedy these "issues"."
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I explained transsexuality to my mother when I was 5. She tried, but simply wasn't equipped to comprehend it. There was correction, the "God doesn't make mistakes conversation" and a lot of running interference between my father and I on her part. She protected me while I figured out how to deny it.. I coped. I learned to be as normal as I could.. I'm not a type VI. Truth be told, I don't know what I am.
Your guess is as good as mine.
What I know is that for 6 of the 7 months that she was pregnant with me, my mother was pumped full of synthetic estrogens to prevent miscarriage. I was born two months premature with a host of medical issues. Maybe it's related, maybe it isn't - but when she was terminally ill 13 years ago, one of the last lucid conversations she had with me was an apology for 'ruining me'. She cried. I told her she was crazy and thanked her for being the one person who tried to understand me.
I just want to live... I'm not trying to earn a special patch or anything.. I'm just facing a reality that has always scared me and made me feel broken beyond belief. That's good, right?
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" How can it be that so many of these self-described "victims" of *transsexuality* actually married women and fathered children? "
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Somehow, I thought I could simply overcome the issue.
I married at 20. I'm a parent - my daughter's in her 20's and was born when I was 22. My wife saved me from a suicide a year later and then left. I sought some therapy, and vowed that I wouldn't leave my child without a parent. I've managed to keep that promise.
So, I'm a parent, and I love my daughter with all my heart.
I don't really care how she got here... should I?
I married again, and it lasted about 15 years. I found out she was never faithful to me - and we're divorced. She was woman, like my first wife, so apparently, Im attracted to women.
I'm also, apparently, no good at being married.
I guess I'm not clear on how having utterly failed in two long term relationships undermines the fact that I've been a mess my entire life.. It kind of supports the fact that I'm a total misfit, doesn't it??
One datapoint:
- I didn't marry a woman or father any children.
- I started hormone and transitioned in my early 20's.
- I had SRS in my mid twenties...a very long time ago.
- An old Aunty
Aunty, just curious, wouldn't that tecnically be three data points ;-)
@Stacy
I am guessing here but I believe you are in your middle 40s which means you were born around 1965-1967. I find it amazing that a 5 year old could understand transsexuality well enough at 5 to explain it to a parent. Don't you really mean you told your mom you should be a girl?
Just lumping my life as one datapoint. I observe others, but I only live mine. Figure the info about my life is rolled on a small scale within the point, like most dimensions in string theory. :)
- an old aunty
Elizabeth - yes, exactly.. Really meant that she got a surprise education in the subject because of me..
We were having the "what do you you want to be when you grow up" conversation, and I simply told her what I wanted to be. I thought she was literally asking me what I was going to be.
I chose "a mommmy".
Made all of my odd behavior up until then make a little more sense.
But it was really awkward, hearing her tell me that wasn't quite what she meant. I was devastated.
My brother remembers it very clearly, too..
Elizabeth,
You wrote that your father, and grandfather died when you were around ten years old. You also said that your mother had been corresponding when H.B. without your knowledge.
I was speaking by phone with an old friend who knew you personally. She said that you told her that your grandmother paid for your surgery.
The "chain of events" in your life seemed to have contributed to an early transition. Is that not so?
A few days ago, when I was commenting in your blog, "Human Rights Transgender Style", you blocked the rest of what I was writing. I mentioned what was written in Harry Benjamin's book: "Transsexual Phenomenon", Appendix A, where Harry mentioned; "Childhood conditioning and possible imprinting undoubtedly have a connection with the development and the intensity of the transsexual phenomenon...."
I guess that you feel those words do not apply to you? That you are unique? Please explain.
When I commented in that blog, I was being respectful. Was it respectful of you to simply "cut all communication" when you had enough? Did I ask too much of you?
June
@June
First off you do not know anybody that knew me personally. You are a complete and total liar. I have never told anyone that my grandmother paid for my surgery you loony bitch. My grandmother still hated me then, The only thing that happened around that time was my Trust Fund set up by my grandfather for me was released by my grandmother well after I had paid for my surgery because I got it on my 25th birthday.
I paid for my surgery with cash I earned. Once you claimed I was a college professor. Then I was someone in Canada. Now you have a "friend" who knew me. That is a lie because there is no way on this god's earth anyone would be a friend to an asshole like you.
You are a delusional and deranged psychopath that is obsessed with me and somehow you seem to think you are Type VI, which you are NOT.
I did not post your comments because as usual they devolved into your personal hatred for me. I took moderation off but just for you it is going back on.
Go back to your garage and maybe when the roof magically floats into the ethos and you have an epiphany it will be an epiphany where you are a snake because you most certainly crawled out from under a rock. Either that or I am correct that you are the spawn of Satan.
Now go away.
Blocked?
@June
If you have a friend that knew me then you would have my real name so just publish it in a comment. I will let it through.
I do not know anyone named Rochelle Dxxxxx and have actually never know anyone with the first name Rochelle but I do know a June Hingle of Connecticut whose name I can Google and retrieve her home address and phone number.
The comment I blocked was as pathetic as you are. You were a 53 year old late transitioner that had a delusion in your garage and fooled yourself into thinking you were a transsexual. You were a loon before that and you are a complete loon after it.
You do not have a friend of yours that knew me because quite simply I have associated carefully with others born like me and I can assure you that not one of them would hurt me or be associated with some snake like you.
My opinions are mine and if you disagree be my guest and do so but it always devolves into "being about June". Let me make it simple June. You mean nothing to me and you know that I know you are a bullshit transvestite that went too far.
Now get back on those psychotropic meds you old bat and crawl back under the rock where the devil spawned you. I would tell you to drop dead but since you were spawned by the devil that is useless.
karma
I see that you have already "half outed" your friend. I wouldn't "out" her if I were you...that would be a very stupid thing to do on your part.
@Anonymous aka June
So Rochelle is the name of someone online that YOU wanted to out so used that incoherent comment I deleted in an attempt to OUT her. You are an especially devious little worm of a man aren't you!!
Why would you send me that persons real name? Of course this assumes it really is that persons real name because it could be a figment of your furtive imagination. That is quite pathetic but then that is June Hingle isn't it.
@June
I did not out her June. You outed her to me which is sick but then you are sick aren't you? It is bad enough being 66 but I am not 68 like you.
Lardo ass??? You should not talk about yourself like that.
June I assume if you are STUPID enough to post a comment they want it posted. If not why post it.
The only wannabe is you June and you and every single person that has ever had the misfortune of knowing you in person or online knows it.
Poor little boy.
The problem with the internet is that things stick around. I'd delete this mess before it enters Google's cache. This person isn't worth it.
For me, I knew for sure I wanted to be a girl at 14. However, we where in a fundamentalist church, and I was spanked really bad when I was 10, for what might have been me "touching" another boy on the sholder. I was really fucked up from all that. I kinda tried to be a guy, but failed really bad. After high school I got super depressed and just basically existed until I made it to 33, and started taking hormones illegally as a suicide mission.
I now have a therapist, and getting on the right path.
I've never had sex, but the one time I was jokenlly offered sex was by my male roommate, and I got excited.
Even the thought of donating sperm was just wrong and gross.
The crazy thing is I'm craving sex but I can't have it yet until surgery.
I never saw myself as a father, I barely almost tried to date twice, but was not ever broken up over it.
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