Believe it or not I actually spend little time on this blog or much of anything related to the issues discussed and argued on here. It has really never been that important to me and in some ways that was and is a fault of mine. Some of us old timers have tried to give back as best we can while maintaining as much anonymity as possible. Some of us are so stealth few people know who we are and others, I am one of these, have people who know the truth about their past who remain supportive, loving, and most importantly quiet. Most of that has to do with the early stages in our lives when we transitioned.
Almost everyone I know that was born transsexual is either an old timer from my era or the 10 or so kids I was involved in helping over the decades. We always provided the financial aid to the children and let some very competent professionals help them but we did keep our eye on how the kids did. We are involved from a distance but we are involved because we have lived what they are living and sometimes we are the only ones that have an answer to a particular question. Most of those happen to involve boys. Funny how that works.
It is rather an odd experience to interview a therapist about whether they are competent or more importantly qualified to handle a very intense Type VI child transsexual. Most of the ones my friend and I have interviewed failed miserably because they did not understand the differences between these children and every other trans person they treated. I even had one tell me all trans people were the same which is a total fallacy. Finding the therapist has been the singularly most difficult problem we have had.
The other issue is hormones and we absolutely do not follow the SOC when it comes to hormones. All of the kids are on blockers and estrogen very early, before puberty hopefully, and we have the results to prove the correctness of the methodology. All have surgery by 18 and hopefully the two now can have surgery at 16. It just makes life easier and besides going to University as a girl is just plain a lot of fun.
Between the few friends I have online and actually do know on a personal basis, yes I do by the way, my old friends from NYC, and the kids we have helped I have known about 16-20 Type VI transsexuals before and after correction which falls in line with the rarity of that condition. In my time a Type VI could make it into their 30's and survive but they usually were indulging in booze or drugs to dull the pain until they found a way out. All of us fought our entire early lives to be the girls we should have been born and there was a driving force behind that which might surprise all of you.
I will qualify what I am about to say by stating I actually do know of one person, Anna, in England that was a Type VI and lesbian but she is the only one, initially she liked boys. I have actually never met a Type VI that married but it might have happened in the 50's and 60's. All but two of the Type VI transsexuals Harry met before he published his book were in their late teens or twenties and they were his toughest cases and he lost more than a few. I was the second teenager he had met but in the 60's he began to care for a lot more as the kids started finding him in NYC and San Francisco.He was our savior and often took major personal risks to supply us with the scripts needed to get hormones.
I will reiterate my belief that being Type VI is not a better type of transsexual but a different type of transsexual from all the others. In many ways it is so far worse it is debilitating with a much higher chance one might not survive and that is still true today. There is a reason for this and it is psycho-sexual inversion which means the transsexual is actually convinced they are a girl and believes they are a girl and that inner turmoil leads to serious and potentially deadly consequences for the children because universally all Type VI transsexuals are so intensely transsexual there is little chance they will not seriously push boundaries.
One can see that with Kim Petras and other new age Type VI girls born transsexual. We all fight to be girls and in many cases take the kind of chances that cause trouble or bring trouble right into our life. Even in my time those kids like me that were street smart found ways to get hormones early. My best friend Lena was on hormones at 12 in Spanish Harlem. Another friend was on hormones by 15 when she ran from her abusive home in the Midwest and initially sold herself in the sex trades. We did what we had to do to survive. I was the lucky one since I had a mother's support and found Benjamin early on but the confusion and pain caused multiple suicide attempts before I met Harry.
The turning point for every Type VI I have know over the years is the moment we realize how attracted we are to boys. The key here is we are attracted to boys only if we are a girl which might be confusing to some but unless one was turning tricks to survive we never, I mean never, tried to attract boys. It was and is what drove us and drives the kids today toward surgery and transition at as early an age as possible. We need to be girls so boys will like us and not a one of us could initially conceive the idea a boy could like as as a girl before surgery.
I pushed every single boundary I could as a child and if someone had asked me then why I did what I did I would not have had an answer other than I "need" to be the girl I should have been born. No beating by parents or relatives or boys could sway us from what we wanted even before most of us knew we could have a surgery that at least allowed us to function as girls. For us the surgery was the end all and be all of our very existence. It was never a decision to have surgery as many claim today. It was a need that drove us almost insane. We all felt the same way. How can a boy love me if I am not a "real" girl and by "real" that meant we were equipped with a functioning vagina.
If any of you have read Benjamen's book the one comment under Type VI that should have struck like a lightening bolt was the intense desire to have sex with a boy as a girl. We all had that most primal of desires that most women have. We needed to be able to mate with a male and that was a straight male by the way. Many of us stupidly thought we could have children because personally I was clueless until I met Harry. Silly? Not really when one considers we all believed we were already girls. I would have preferred death over being a male in a relationship and I have met few that had sex with women that I would identify as Type VI but the few I do know somehow functioned but never truly understood how. If you are truly a girl in your very soul using that thing on another girl is as alien as it gets. Well, at least it was to us.
The boyfriends I had before my surgery pursued me and I was reticent and in all cases actually ignored obvious hints they liked me as a girl. I admit I didn't do boy well but they all knew anatomically L was male but for some reason all thought of me as a girl. I know some will say that is bullshit but it is true. My first boyfriend, Kevin, was one of the loves of my life yet we never had the chance to make love. His mother is one of my best friends here in the Carolina and she has let me read her diary which describes the confusion her son felt towards me. I always shoot back I was more confused but in reality that boy was confused by me and somehow he got by it and accepted me as his girlfriend. I have shared some of what was said by Kevin to his mother with a friend and it was eerily similar to what two boys I dated in college said to me and what someone said to me once that I fell head over heels for knowing initially nothing could ever happen.
I could never have dated any boy I thought was gay and I could never have had sex with a girl as a boy. The thought of it was disgusting. It is this dichotomy that is one of the major differences between Type VI and all other transsexuals. The other is the intensity of the dysphoria. None of us could have survived to 40. The few that survived to their 30's were quite scarred by the process of survival. It was booze or drugs that allowed them to survive and it was lack of help and the availability of help that forced them into the booze and drugs. None of them married women or had interest in women. It is a small sample set but it is a strong sample set and diverse across racial boundaries.
To those of us like this gender identity and sexual orientation are linked just like it is linked in the 90+ percent of genetic women in this world. In many ways we evolved similarly. We saw ourselves as young girls; initially we hated boys or were confused by them; we began to realize they were cute; and eventually were just sexually attracted to boys like the majority of girls are. It is really that simple and it is the major reason I will truly never understand late transitioners. What do we have in common? Very little actually.
Most if not all of us have worked our entire adult lives as women and even when we did not we were never in the boys club. I am totally assimilated into the world of women I think that is a primary reason I am disturbed by the late transitioner. It just seems to me they are men that were successful men now wanting to join the girls club after they have amassed financial wealth as men and often at the expense of women. Right or wrong it is how I feel and I find it difficult to understand because I see so many that are truly not transsexual but the hard part is I also see many that are transsexual.
My problem is it just seems too convenient and I understand I am biased but I cannot put that bias aside. It is our narrative that many of you copy and copy very poorly because you never lived it yet you profess it. There was no known narrative when I met Harry or my friends and I met in NYC and others met in Frisco or New Orleans or London or anywhere back then. Our narrative was survival and our narratives were filled with desperation with some distinct similarities if we were type VI. I did have multiple friends that were clearly Type V and the differences were obvious even in the late 60's and early 70's before people began to "learn" a narrative in order to get surgery. By the 70's people deluded themselves by believing that was their narrative and fooled many people including Harry. Harry was fooled by Rene Richards and she has admitted it in her second autobiography.
I do wish there was some way for me to understand the really late transitioners. I can understand being trapped by a decision early in life and that is possible for many Type V transsexuals. The problem is even Type V's have such inner turmoil I find it hard to believe many had that turmoil when I read their blogs and narratives. It is almost like they are presenting a PowerPoint presentation for work and if there is one thing being born transsexual is not it is that.
I realize my acceptance is not important and I wish them no harm but I do wonder if they truly understand what they are getting themselves into. I read the narratives of some 50 something transitioners and I want to laugh and I have and in too many ways that is cruel. I should be sorry for that attitude but I find it hard. They spout the rhetoric but they are missing the key elements and they will just never understand what they are missing in their narrative because they did not truly live it. It makes them stick out like a red flag.
We really have nothing in common with late transitioners and for that I am glad. The children we have helped have universally been accepted as girls and then women because only the loons of the world cannot understand the mistake made when they were born. The problem arises with the late transitioners. If this is truly a medical condition, it is in my opinion, and truly a birth defect than someone needs to come up with a rational explanation why some man at 50+ has a birth defect as debilitating as transsexualism is normally yet survives. It just seems like it is just so convenient as I said earlier.
To me it appears to be just another power play by men infringing on the little space we women have. They want to fulfill some fantasy and be one of the girls and they never will be. Maybe it is that male obsession with lesbians. Men get a thrill when two women kiss passionately and maybe it is a bigger thrill if they fantasize about being one of the women.
If I ever think of something we have in common I will be surprised.