It seems that I should feel guilty because I somehow got to live my life as a girl and a woman. Somehow, I did something wrong by not being "out" and "proud" to be "trans". Some of the many loons that promote this theme, Stephanie for one, have been losers their entire lives. Rather than living life they delved into drugs and booze and unlike those courageous enough to defeat those demons they prefer to blame people like me for living a quiet and successful life.
We all face those demons when we are born transsexual. There is a lot of negativity surrounding us and in my era that negativity was compounded by lack of knowledge about transsexualism and in my case complete lack of realization that it existed. One does not choose transsexualism, it chooses you, despite what some would like you to believe. Anyone that would "claim" they choose transsexualism is insane. It is that simple but then some people will latch onto anything if it gives their pathetic lives meaning.
Whether you are 13, 25, 35, or 45 dealing with transsexualism is not a walk in the park, it is a lot of hard work and unfortunately sometimes luck is involved. I certainly did not have the roof of my garage lift off and reveal to me that I was "transsexual" late in life as one particular loon describes her awakening which was of course later altered to present better picture. I and most like me lived this nightmare every single day and believe me the movie "Groundhog Day" is what we lived every single day except ours was a nightmare not somewhere where we get to enlighten ourselves.
Our enlightenment is the salvation of SRS and the potential new life it can lead to and that is a key point. We have the potential to have the life we want and have prayed for but it takes a lot of courage to work for that life. Initially I tried to bow out of life because I felt helpless and that is a problem for many children and young adults.
I have had multiple people tell me if I had been more open about my life it would have helped them back in the day. Well, I actually was kind of open about this for a short while after SRS on radio in NYC and several Television shows out of the city but it was not the life i wanted. I did not fight my way through this crap to play activist. I fought my way through this crap to live and by live I mean live as just an ordinary woman in everyday American life. I believe I succeeded at that.
Somehow I am not supposed to be proud that I actually set precedents for women in multiple areas of Business and Engineering. No, I am not going to tell you what but those that know me as close friends understand the circumstances. I and many like me have done similar things over the years not because we were somehow still "tarns", we thankfully leave that behind us, but because we are women and circumstances gave us a chance to succeed and we did.
Now, the simple concept of staying "trans" is where we differ. I was not "crossing" or "changing" or "playing" or "femulating" after SRS, I was just living as me and no longer "trans" because SRS ended that.
When I woke up completely after making it back to my room in the late afternoon there was a friendly hand holding my hand. It was Dr. Benjamin and he asked me "how do you feel", which I am sure was about the pain but my comment started with, "I feel complete", and we ended up in a hazy conversation about why it was finally over but the key was what Harry said before he left. He said, "It will only be over if you let it be over", and it took a while for that to sink into my thick Welsh gray matter but eventually it did.
In order to live you have to let go of the past. It does not mean you forget about what you went through and all the pain and anguish. It means you have to finally accept the fact you are a girl, a woman, a female, and a complete person. You are no longer transsexual, transgender, or trans because that is just a crutch many find convenient to lean on. One does not have to work so hard at living if one has a crutch.
The thing I found amazing was I actually never thought about being born male after SRS. Do not get me wrong, I remembered, because I had some seriously ugly shit done to me but I won and they lost because I survived and made it.
Yes, I won the genetic lottery at birth because I was feminine but as a child it was genetic hell in so many ways. Believe me, I am not sorry about that, I was lucky and for that I am thankful. I am in awe of those born transsexual that lost the genetic lottery yet still worked their ass off to succeed and make themselves presentable as women, because they earned it and they will cherish it. I am appalled when so-called activists say negative things about what they have done to make it. It is actually jealousy because when you are a complete loser in life then it makes your life more livable to believe someone else got all the breaks, when in fact, like all of us, they worked their ass off to get there.
These so-called activists that claim that unless you are "out" and "proud" your life has no meaning are the real losers in life. Many of these activists are still packing a penis and are deluding themselves into believing they are actually female and a woman. They support crazies like Colleen Francis because it benefits their delusional world view and are incapable of realizing it actually harms women because they understand they are not women so like all "men" they want to change the world definition of "female" to fit them and their penis. They even like to claim, if they like men, that the men that like them are straight. I actually watched a video where one said "her" straight boyfriends liked to suck her penis. Sorry pal but any man that sucks a dick is gay or bisexual and most certainly not straight, but then they do live in a delusional world. Also, if you want your "dick" sucked you are not a woman so get over it. By the way I have no issue if this is what they enjoy but please do not tell me I have to believe your delusion!
I have a friend in England that I am in awe of in so many ways. She is an activist but the quiet type who still lives a rather mundane to normal life but fights for kids. She has helped kids I would have run from because we have set requirements including parental support. In so many ways we are cowards compared to her. She takes on cases and causes that would cause me to shudder. Another mutual friend of ours does the same thing in the Philadelphia area of the United States. She is a Saint because she not only helps them, she rescues them and moves them into her home for safety as has my friend in England. They are both quiet about their lives yet they give back in ways none of these new activists ever could.
There are some activists I disagree with vehemently about many issues but they do things I am in awe of. Dysonnance runs a shelter in Arizona and deserves to be commended for that. Black Swan has helped many with legal briefs relating to insurance and other issues in Los Angeles including those children at Children's Hospital of LA. We agree to disagree, she hates me, but she gets kudos for trying to help.
There are many others that have done similar good deeds. The problem is that all too many are activists for their own needs and do not give a damn about anyone but themselves. The list is too long and it would be a disservice to even mention one name.
Many of these fools are simply transvestites looking to legitimize their existence by claiming they are no longer "crossdressers" but are transgendered. It is part of the delusional world they live in where they are obsessed with "womenless" pageants and sundry other issues where boys are pretending to be girls which is what they do in their daily lives.
The funny thing about activists is there are two types. Those that chose to be activists and those that were outed and had it chosen for them. I really have little issue with those that had it chosen for them like Lynn Conway because we might disagree but she lived life as a woman and has a clue unlike some that have played at it and think they are owed something because they are permanently "trans".
So to put it bluntly I am not sorry for living my life as just an ordinary woman. If that is not what you wanted then you were not born transsexual. Sometimes circumstances intervene but I have never met anyone born transsexual that wanted anything other than normalcy in their life. All the rest of you are just plain frauds and should change you mantra from "trans woman" to "fraudulent woman" because it fits better. Until you have lived as a woman with your past unknown you cannot truly understand what it means to be a woman. It is why there are feminists and sadly you frauds will never understand that.
You will never have a fellow Engineer ask; "why is a pretty girl like you not home having babies?"; you will never be told you get less pay because men need to support their wife and children; you will never be denied promotions because you might get pregnant; you will never be told you are a girl so emotionally you cannot possibly handle the position; and you will never be told you fucked your way to the top if you actually do move up the Corporate ladder.
You assholes will have your "trans" protections that women do not have but you will also claim the same rights as women that many of us have fought for and earned over the years. You keep your male privilege gained on the job as a man with your "trans rights" and still demand to be accepted as a woman. You are so clueless you cannot see how badly that galls most women in the workforce but then you are a special kind of woman aren't you? You are a "trans woman" and are so naive you cannot realize how silly that sounds but then men just do not get it.
On the other hand you will never know what the joys of being a woman are. That first kiss from a boy that literally blows you mind because it is everything you dreamed of. That first date with a boy when he holds your hand and you feel protected. That first true relationship with a guy that changes your life forever. The first time you have sex when you are actually nervous and scared at the same time yet the man that is making love to you leads you gently through your first experience. The incredible sensual joy of your first female orgasm during sex, it is mind altering. They joy of possibly getting the chance of being a stepmother and learning that maternal instincts are within you along with some help from mom. Finally meeting your soul mate and the wedding you dreamed of and the realization that the man waiting for you with the Minister is someone you want to spend your life with, who loves you and will protect you which is a base instinct for all women.
There are so many more and all of them are apropos of any lesbian relationship. So all of you "fraudulent women" out there just remember you will always be what you were before you decided to be trans and we will always be what we should have been and regardless of what you say your penis defines you and in some cases your words define you as mine do me. I am comfortable with who I am and my life while you are a misfit and always will be because you will always be "trans" in your own mind.
Sadly you are what you were born and no legislation and no amount of pandering will ever change the simple fact we won and you lost and in so many ways it is sad how lost you really are. You can learn the story but when you deny the life the story demands then you lose.
53 comments:
Thanks for another well written, and clearly well thought out article. Ours was not an easy road, and it takes longer for some of us than others. I first realized I was a transsexual in my mid-twenties, but there were few resources available where I lived (Alabama) and worse, the information I found in the library at the University of Alabama led me to believe I would never be able to have surgery. I buried my feelings, rather poorly unfortunately, and lived a very miserable life for a bit over 10 years. Things came to a head, but by then I had made the mistake of getting married (literally to escape from living with my parents...its a long story) and after a couple of years of transition, I allowed that to interfere. That added another seven years to my misery, before I finally realized I was not only hurting myself, but I was hurting those who loved me. It took a few more years, but I finally completely my transition. I read the whiny posts where people claim they would have the surgery, but they can't afford it. Most of them have better jobs, and have had long term careers, that escaped me because I was a very dysfunctional person much of my life. No, I didn't fall into the trap of drugs or alcohol. I just stumbled through life trying to pretend to be something I was not, and kept failing at it miserably.
Now, I am happy, and taking care of things I should have done years ago. I have regrets, but I know there is no way I can change the past. But I do get tired of people trying to co-opt my experience when they haven't a clue.
I agree completely. I wrote a piece about those who claim that they are "Proud to be Trans?"
I don't get the need to live a life of permanent transition. It seems that those that choose to live that way need to be special.
So, thanks for writing this post. It did my heart good.
Bitch, your a real fucktard, aren't you. First I never blamed you for living your life in stealth. What I said was that if you would have been open about your life in those early years it would have been a good example to people who didn't even know that there were people called transsexual. Here in Arkansas in the late 1960's, there was not a mention about such a thing. Not even gay people, not drag queens, nothing that was related to gender diverse people. If it wasn't for an article in either Look or Life magazine in 1967 ? maybe '68, I would have not known anything about being a transsexual. For you to classify me as a loon that isn't a transsexual just because I never had the resources to have SRS is just making you a judgemental ass. You were very lucky that your mother had the resources to find Dr. Ben. If you had lived in Arkansas with the resources that I had, your life would have been much different. My mother, after taking me to the only psychiatrist she could afford, was told to contact John Hopkins Hospital. She wrote a letter, found out that there was no way it was affordable to seek help there, and that was as far as I got help. EVERYTHING that I have been able to achieve in the way of help has been on the VERY cheep, below poverty level. You try it. My wife and I are living on less than $1200 a month with bills that take most of that. You seem to think that everyone has resources to become whole. I just wish you had the life I had. You wouldn't be so fast to ridicule.
IF YOU CAN"T SAY NOTHING NICE ABOUT ME, DO NOT BRING MY NAME UP AGAIN!!!
Stephanie
I'm complaining to Blogger about you!
@Stephanie
Why are you so sure the Stephanie mentioned in the post is you?
Letting go?
I don't know what relevance anyone will be able to take from this, however, things and people, their perspective what they sell themselves as and the life they live aren't always what they may appear to others to be.
It's VERY interesting the things humans will do when they think they can get away with it, especially the things MEN will do when they think there are no women around, or that if there are! Women around, they'd be ignored or dismissed.
a woman who is alone and unsupported (as I have been and AM)is a woman who is easily dismissed and overlooked (he said she said!), and so I have been subjected first hand, to the uncensored behaviours of men.
I'd love to be able to simply let go and walk away as you write about Liz, and I'm working very hard on that, but my core beliefs and morals as a woman, my conscience, currently prevents me from doing that. I see injustice going completely un-noticed and as yet I am unable to bury my head in the sand (as much as I'd like to be able to).
I would never intentionally disrespect this woman and her family, and I have never shared this link and my theories due to my respect for her pain and struggle, but can someone please tell me the likelihood of what it is that REALLY happened to this girl?
Use your imagination! why might someone (a man) supply drugs to a beautiful young 15 year old girl? a girl with a history of drug use that might be "conveniently" used to justify her end by law enforcement officials?
http://laurustina.com/12-27-09/
http://laurustina.com/its-not-important-that-you-read-only-that-i-write/
I’m confident her mother suspects, but the pain of that is too great (and I can’t blame her, what could she do anyway?)
What keeps me here? what fuels the "passion" in the things I write about? and the comments I leave
it is the hurt I've felt and feel first hand at what I've experienced, it is the smouldering ball of helplessness in the pit of my stomach, it is that maternal instinct you mention liz.
these blogs, the comment sections on them, they are the ONLY way I can attempt to get a message to other women, mothers, about the dangers their child faces due to their inability and unwillingness to question EVERTHING (whilst still maintaining some level of my own privacy, and still having SOME degree of the life I have endured so much to try and have)
It SUCKS to be a woman if you ask me (at least the kind who've lived the life I've lived), I'd rather be anything and ANYONE else.
I can only hope that time will change me and my life, heaven knows I'm desperate for that.
I don’t know if there are any mothers out there with transsexual daughters who might read this, but if there are, I implore you; PLEASE! Question EVERYTHING! Would you send a natal daughter to spend time with a group of 40/50/60 year old crossdressers? Why should the fact that she was unlucky enough to have been born with a penis, change that?
I know you’re probably scared and trying to do the best thing you can personally manage for a child you’re having difficulty understanding right now, but PLEASE! Think about it! HAVE FAITH and know that in spite of what your teenager THINKS they know about being a girl and being “transgender” they are STILL a teenager and they know NOTHING of the adult world.
“Transgender” is a fetish, TRANSSEXUAL is a congenital birth defect, a medical condition.
Sorry for the derail Liz.
Signed:
A very sad and hurt woman
Elizabeth, you certainly have nothing to feel guilty about, for living a normal life. Isn't that what transition is really about... fixing your problem and then going on to live a normal life?
Had she been "open" in the 60's it would not have been reported in Arkansas and it wouldn't have helped you one little bit. What could have helped you was getting in touch with the Erikson Educational Foundation, founded in 1964. (They assembled, collated and distributed all the information about doctors and the necessary professional help.) But you didn't know about that just like you wouldn't have known anything about Liz, had she been public. By the early 1970's if you make a serious effort and could get past your fears, information and help was available.
- an old aunty
So "Stephanie" learned about transsexuals in in the late 60's. Gee. I did not learn about that until 1970. I was a fully functional female by late 1973.
I receieved absolutely NO HELP from anybody. I struggled and skimped and saved and then I sold EVERYTHING I owned. Why? So I could stay alive.
Take your bitterness and regret elsewhere. You do not belong here. You are not one of us.
@Stephanie
The only fool around this comment section or blog is you.
Oh Dear it would seem that Stephanies have their Stephanies confused! A little paranoia to to go with the, what does the new DSM call it? Oh yes "Gender Dysphoria" A Transvestite condition of course since Transsexuality is all about which sex you are and not which gender you are.
Those who know me understand just what my sex change cost in terms of emotional, social and financial loss and I don't propose to reveal personal details publicly; I don't become a contestant in such pissing contests. Not that I am suggesting this is one. I got a lucky break genetically post op and post transition if you consider my life now. However if you consider my life from four onwards what I got was a total nightmare right up until my transition. So as far as it goes and relates to the likes of the Stephanie Liz mentions and not the one who sticks their beak in on this thread, frankly neither I nor Liz have any need to feel guilt. I got what I currently have because I worked and sacrificed far more than anyone could ever imagine and I would pay twice what I did for what I have. Some people seem to expect everything for free.
Reality is as harsh as it can be on those who attempt transition on the cheap, or who attempt to redefine what transition is in order to make it easy.
Cassandraspeaks
Oh I see. Humans with similar problems don't fit into your elitist group. Shame on you.
Similar how stephanie? show yourself for who you are and just how "similar" you are to most of the people here.
@Stephanie
The only group I belong to is the female of the species. Is that an elitist group? Oops, forgot they I labeled cis and privileged by your fellow loons.
Who is to blame for your current station in life Stephanie. Things are tough in the US based on our economy but that has cost everyone but your life was set down a long time ago and it was set by you.
I believe in redemption and second chances but I see no references anywhere in your musings, I have read both blogs, where you ever actually set your mind to being what you claim you are or kept trying harder to reach any goals. Why is that?
All I read and all your comments are whiny examples of the poor mes. Well anyone born transsexual has the right to claim the poor mes but I wonder why your poor mes didn't come to so late in your life. I guess the addictions were more important to feed.
I would feel sorry for you and empathize with your situation if you had ever shown the slightest inclination to do something about other than cross-dress. You are the one that belongs to an elitist group and that is the Transgender mob.
I do not have a problem Stephanie. You are the one with the problem and in so many ways it is of your own making.
I always find it interesting when someone starts in about how they cannot afford to transition properly. Because of my transsexualism, my life was royally messed up. Most jobs I had before transition lasted less than a year. I spent most of my married life being supported by my spouse, and keeping house. When I transitioned, I was in the situation that many women are after divorce. The term used by some is a "displaced homemaker." I wound up moving to San Francisco, which turned out to be a very wise move. Now, I had started my transition with my hormones and mental health care being covered by my ex's insurance, but after the divorce, I was on my on. I pretty much stopped seeing my therapist for a while, and paid for hormones out of my pocket. In San Francisco, I was covered, at first, by the City. They provided excellent care for those who could not afford it. My prescriptions, doctor's visits, and even my therapist (someone with excellent credentials in the field) were all provided for free. I was able to start attending school, which led indirectly to me getting a job with half-time hours. Fortunately, that provided medical coverage which, after a few months, included SRS. Now, before you call me "privileged" anyone could probably get a job with that employer, and get the same coverage. Even janitorial staff would have the same insurance. At the time I got my surgery, I was living on about $1200 a month, and that in one of the most expensive cities in country. It was not easy, but I had a goal, and I made it. Others have done it with less. Shoot, I had been making $1200 a month before I moved to San Francisco, and I had worked out a plan to save the money. The situation that led to my moving ended that plan just as it was starting, and that probably moved my surgery up by a year or so, so I can't complain. And after my surgery, my financial situation improved considerably. Which, I might add, it should for anyone who is truly a transsexual. If surgery, and before that, transition, don't improve your life, then you are on the wrong path.
NYF said
I have to agree with Jennifer, prople why cry about not having money to transition are not trying hard enough. Take a roommate, a second job, if transition is that important you will find a way.
There is a post op I am acquainted with who is physically handicapped and managed to pay for her transition. So I ask Stephanie,
Do you want a little cheese to go with all that whine?
More to the topic at hand we don't owe any community anything, not a god damned thing. Pull your heads out of your collective butts and get on with your lives instead of whining about how bad things are. That is all in your paranoid little heads.
NYF
(shakes head and wonders where you people come from) compassion is not in your vocabulary. Apparently I should have abandoned my family so I could achieve my selfish desires. Instead, I now have a family that cares about me, most of you don't.
From what I can see on this blog is attack everyone that has not had the surgery or just like you. Congrats to the ones that have had the means to "correct" their lives. But lets take a look at the prices for everything that is included and might be needed for those that have not had the surgery yet.
There are several more cost involved then just the genital surgery. Therapy, minimum of one year. $100.00 - $200.00 per session. And don't forget that you will need 2 different therapists.
Facial Female surgery $25,000.00 - $50,000.00 for those that do not have feminine features already.Hormone Replacement Therapy, up to $200.00 a month for the rest of your life, hopefully you do not have to many other Medical issues that require regular medicines.
At some point you need to enter the legal system. Legal name change, all documents changed to new name with correct sex marker change. Don't forget you need to also go to Motor Vehicle for your new licence too. Also if traveling abroad you need a pass port, there not free.
Oh and don't forget to factor in the money you will need just to live on while you recover from the surgeries. Also you will need medical supplies for post op care, you can look that up yourself as I don't feel like going into that right now. Don't forget to add in the cost of what you need to live on right now, rent/mortgage, groceries, insurance, car payment and maintaining it, maybe child support, heat, electricity, water. Maybe you also have a child that lives with you like I do. Don't forget to figure in there needs. School supplies, clothes, they may want to also talk to a therapist to better understand what is happening. You may also have a divorce to factor in, not many marriages survive this.(I hope you have a damn good job, assuming you have not been fired yet because you are Transsexual.)
Have i forgot anything.I think we are finely to the big day. Gender Reassignment Surgery, Sex Reassignment Surgery, Genital Reconstructive Surgery, Genital Corrective Surgery, Vaginplasty. Pick a name and go with it, I don't care what you call it to be honest. Call it the Big Op if you want. Where are you going for this Medical Procedure, what Doctor will do it. Asia, Europe, North America. Remember you will have to pay in advance. This is not cut now pay later. I assume the transition has taken 3 to 5 years where you likely lost friends and family also, whats that worth. But you need this more then any thing right. Were not playing dress up here. It isn't, Gee I wish I could be a girl, or I wonder what it would be like to be a girl. This is irreversible so you better be sure. Whats the cost been in emotional stress. Depending on where you go, who does it, when you are ready plan on paying another $10,000.00 to $50,000.00. (Now I bet you're bankrupt.)
How many people have that kind of money laying around? Or hell, better yet, how many people living pay check to pay check could afford that? Most insurance companies will not pay for this.SO for any of you to sit here and say that someone is a "loon" just because they don't have close to $100,000 laying around is being a racist bitch. Instead of "hating" on people that are not exactly like you try helping them to get the information you have already found. Oh and you would think that since you have been through this you of all people would understand the difficulties someone might have getting everything together to have the surgery!!
@Stephanie
Selfish desire? Thanks for identifying yourself as a transvestite with that comment.
@Anon 2:11 PM
Many people have faced all those obstacles and made it through the process. Why would someone born transsexual be worried about the fact SRS is irreversible?
All you have done here is list possible reasons why one should not have SRS and they are certainly relevant for those not born transsexual but they have little relevance for someone that has been born transsexual.
If you get married knowing you are transsexual this is a bad decision. O worked for 5 years after college to ge the money for my SRS and that was 1966 until 1971.
Oh and I have had long dealing with Stephanie and Stephanie is as loony as June the Loon and that has nothing to do with being racist. Where do you transgender apologists come up with this bullshit.
I know the mantra you profess. We are all the same and your excuse is SRS is too expensive and thus out of their reach which is bullshit.
You of course miss the single most important point which simply stated is SRS is a necessity if you were born transsexual and fighting for the money is part of the ordeal we are cursed with. Taking the easy way out is based on your words acceptable because one might have to actually get off their ass and work for it.
The simple truth is transsexuals overcome everything you have said all the time and never complain about it but then to others the concept of earning it is alien.
Stephanie,
A family that loves YOU?
For the woman YOU are?
Penis and all?
careful now, we're getting dangerously close to the crux of the issue here!
I'm confused! YOU have a family that loves YOU for who you *obviously* are, and those who (apparently) have no-one, are supposed to be "compassionate" towards you and those like you?
compassionate because you were so "cursed" as to have been born Trans-GENDER
Well, ok! you have our word, we'll "try"
Stephanie has done all that can be done at this time. Also Steph has been living the female life for7 years now full time.And for some of you supposedly women (ELIZABETH)unless you know the person you are being one hateful bitch. Stephanie has been happier after she has been transitioning and our marriage is even stronger. We have been married 391/2 years. How long have you been able to keep a man with all your womanly ways.Stephanie"s wife
I really don't get the money aspect, you can find the money. If you are born with our condition you are driven to find a way to come up with the money. Some have even moonlighted as prostitutes, that is how badly they hate their preoperative condition. Those of you transvestites who chose to indulge your midlife crisis with a set of fake boobs and some facial surgery instead of a Harley Davidson have to deal with what you have brought upon your selves. We can't help if you were not really born transsexual and you see this as a kinky lifestyle, that's your bent thinking.
If you are really and truly transsexual you are doing yourself a disservice by putting your wife and children through the embarrassment of having a transvestite head of household. The very best thing you could do for them and yourself is get the hell out and transition,and only visit them on weekends.
As far as Anon goes;
You are just making excuses, when questioned by legitimate transsexuals it turns out you people feel that if you can't look knock out stunningly gorgeous you won't transition that is the MAN in you speaking. You might as well be saying If I can't have the best looking all tricked out Harley I don't want any, I'll just keep hanging out in biker bars and being the loud mouthed Poser I am now.
I guess you might need glasses because only a small portion of the female population is knock out good looking. The rest of us are plain looking or frumpy. I use to know a Post Op who went from 0-post op in 6 months. This person had that male attitude that goes with a high paying job and a sense of I can do anything I set my mind to. The problem is she took it too far, ended up working as a stripper and because of her narrow hips got laughed off stage one evening and raped on the way home. She is still with us, and has realized the error of her ways. By the way she had over $150,000.00 worth of work done, she was knock out gorgeous. The only problem was, at 45 she looked like she was 23 and stood out like a blister on the end of someone's nose.
You guys are all alike.
NYF
"The simple truth is transsexuals overcome everything you have said, [and ten some!], all the time and never complain about it but then to others the concept of earning it is alien".
Extremely well said.
I would add that SRS is covered for nearly everyone in the Peoples' Republic of San Fransisco, as well as most of Canada. Beyond that the cost of SRS is comparable to the cost of reasonably priced late model used car.
As for all those "other costs", they are imposed upon the TeeGee by your own purveyors of LGB-Tg Dogma for their own edification. They have nothng to do with what is vitally crucial to a real TS.
It's never been affordable, but if you must do it, you must get the money. Considering inflation and relative to incomes, treatment is cheaper now than it was then. For example, in the early 1970's my cheapest clinic shrink sessions were $125/hour. My surgical approval shrink charged twice that and those were big fat pre-great inflation dollars. In 1973 the national median family income was between 10 and 11 thousand dollars. Where I lived the median income was significantly below the national average. That year Dr. Biber raised his price to over $3300, if I remember correctly.
- an old aunty
Yes you have to earn it if you were not one to be born lucky enough to afford it. In my case, I was the latter of the two, growing up relatively poor on a council estate in the UK, where was I ever going to get the money?
Well, I did start out with the NHS, charing cross hospital, and I would have eventually made it through to free surgery, but I wasn't going to wait the several years it would have taken, so one day I got on a plane and went to seek my fortune in America. how hard could it be?
Well after selling my blood, then selling myself, and finding a few other ways that were never going to work, I went and got into business, taking money from a loan shark at 100% interest over 2 years, I purchased a telephone answering service and went to work, 24/7 sleeping on a cot in the back room whenever I could.
It's a tough road, tougher life and I am a tough cookie, but I made it, I took all the money, I paid off the loan shark, paid for surgery and I was right back to nothing.
Then life began ...
@Stephanie's wife I think
I actually have nothing against Stephanie except her silly comments on here and sweetie you can have your "man" because Step certainly is a "man".
Now go back and be the dutiful little submissive wife to your "man".
Between "selfish desire" and your comment about "keeping" your "man" you two are a matched pair for sure.
@An old Aunty
My surgery was $4000 paid in full and not including 2 weeks in the hospital in NYC which is not cheap and considering inflation and time it surely is cheaper today but it is still expensive.
People are always looking for excuses to explain why they cannot do something when in reality it is really not willing to do it because they are not traanssexual.
Damn! I feel like I got taken to the cleaners! Mine cost $5,000, but that included eveything including the post-op care and a nice BA.
@anonymous 2:05
I know who you are and you are one of very few women on these blogs who have my full respect and trust. It's about time we chatted again. Always good to talk with you. You have my addy!
Cassandraspeaks
"Also Steph has been living the female life for7 years now full time."
This is so sad. It is the subtle affirmation that Steph is not what she lived for the last seven years.
you dont know me . I am anything but submissive. And Steph is certainly no man.And hasnt been for a long time, I have no desire to get into alot of crap with you. But you do have to admit not everybody is the same, and only you know how you feel. So everyone has their own tribulations about their transitions.Every human being has feelings, so who are you to say your feelings are better than anyone elses. Not everyone will agree with 100% with everybody, but everyone is entitled to their own personal feelings.I love my spouse and that is all that matters. Not what you think or anybody else for that matter.I just dont agree with your line of thinking, and I am sure I am not the only one. Stephs wife
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@ Anon 2:11 PM, (and you too Steph!)
I've simply had it up to here with these grandiose numbers y'all toss about like candy as the main reason for your "I can'ts!" So, rather than impinge upon Liz's good humor and put them all down here as one long winded reply. I went the extra mile and broke it down line by line for ya over on MKIA...
But for the record? Anon? Your numbers are totally whack!
Injectable HRT from an online compounding pharmacy, $12.OO a month, (this is what it cost me out of pocket no insurance needed!)
FFS in Thailand? $10,000.00 to $30,000.00 tops!
SRS in Thailand? $5,000.00 to $14,000.00 tops!
Counseling? Sliding scale at a Teaching University or a Community Program... $0.00 to whatever you can reasonably afford like say $10.00 to $40.00 a session!
There are many many less expensive and actually better options than going to the high dollar celebrity docs! Which means that if you really want it, you can have the full monty for less than the cost of a new car!
So now! What have you got to say about all these reasons why YOU... "Can't???"
MKIA
there are a great many people Kathryn, who's life is NOT what they SAY or THINK (tell themselves) it is.
@Stephanie and Stephanie's wife
Your husband and spouse has continually commented on issues he has not one single clue about. The simple statement that being born transsexual is some kind of selfish desire is beneath contempt. Transvestism is a selfish desire sweetie and based on both of your comments I would gather neither of you is the brightest light in the universe.
Your husband can dress to his heart's content for all I care but he is not transsexual and never has been because one is born transsexual and is not some selfish desire.
Now go away and stop making a fool out of yourself because you husband does a good enough job for both of you.
@Steph and wife: "Take your bitterness and regret elsewhere. You do not belong here. You are not one of us".
@ Buren
"there are a great many people Kathryn, who's life is NOT what they SAY or THINK (tell themselves) it is."
Indeed, but that is trite is it not?
"Asses, all asses! I have more respect for myself than to sell myself on the street." -stephanie
Actually, if you wanted something bad enough, yes you would! If you were hungry enough you would eat from a garbage can. History shows this to be true over and over. So obviously, you didn't want SRS bad enough.
Now, I don't care for all this ganging up on folks. Stephanie done what stephanie could and she has every right to stay with the wife if she wants to. That she did it for the right or wrong reason matters not a bit to me, nor should it to anyone else. She is the one that has to live with it and I don't see any reason to pillary her. I think all this vitriol toward her is very bad manners.
Call it whatever you'd like Kathryn (if it helps you get to sleep at night), it is still the truth, and one thing that is plain to see from what can be found in blog land (too anyone NOT kidding themselves), is that the truth more often than not HURTS!
"End of Discussion" Now take your ball and go home and sulk like the little kid you are.
I've done my best to achieve SRS. You've done your best to put me down. Shove that dildo in a little deeper. It hasn't reached the spot that gives you the knowledge to be a woman. Or did you stop using it a long time ago. That would explain a lot! Silly twit!
@Stephanie
Well saying you are "as as dumb as a fence post" is not a literal comment but in your case it might be.
You dumb shit I have read your blog, as in all of it, and you have never saved a penny towards SRS nor have you ever worked towards it. You are so addled by the damage done to your brain from decades of drug and alcohol abuse you cannot remember what you posted in the last day.
ROFLMAO. Ironically I still do dilate but the only place your dildo goes is up your ass and I bet your wife enjoys doing that to you but then of course you are just living the "female life" for the last 7 years.
There is nothing like an argument with illiterate white trailer trash from Arkansas although I might be putting down trailer trash by including you within them as a group.
Just for your addled brain dipshit "End of Discussion" was also not literal but was a statement that you and your dipshit wife are both too illiterate and stupid to argue with but since you insist on it lets have a go at it.
By the way even Trump does a better comb over than you due with your male pattern baldness.
"Women show compassion."
Some do. Some don't. Your stereotypes of women are predictable transvestite drivel.
- an old aunty
Women DO show compassion, in my opinion/experience.
When it is justified.
When it is NOT justified on the other hand, is a VERY different matter/response
Come on Liz! Show a little compassion! Why not offer some "feminization" tips on how to fix that gawd awful paint job on sweet Stevie's face. It looks like something out of the Walking Dead.
As for the hair, the poor guy is doing the best he can with what he's got.
Hell hath no fury ..
Curious isn't it? How since basic PhotoShop started to come pre-installed on all computers these days that every single one of these "started but will never get past go," very very late transtioning retiree's has the complexion of a twenty something?
As for compassion? I'd be happy to show some... if these clowns would simply own up to being men! This really is an either or situation ya know! If you are female and you are going to transition then do it! Seven years "in transtion" and surgery is no where near happening? Time to move on! Or as my Mother would have said it "Shit or get off the pot!" Being the demure southern belle she was these home spun homilies of her's were all the more pointed!
Anyway... As the rad fems are happy to point out, we all know the biology... which is why it is all the more galling when having done all that can humanly be done to correct the wrong, the narrative is stolen, twisted then spit back at us and the world so some old fart can hide from being a dude who likes to play dress up... I mean putting on women's clothing and playing girl? Ewwww! That might make him... I dunno? Queer? Can't have that now can we?
Stephanie
How maie of you to order the end of a discussion on a blog that doesn't belong to you.
NYF
Funny, there are more nuts on this page than Mr. Peanut owns. Count 'em. Then count the real world. Seems your in the minority by millions. Says a lot, doesn't it. Your bared from respectable sites. Could it be your crazy? ....Must be. Get together and take a picture. Looney goons all in one place. It will be epic! ......Poke 'em with a stick and watch 'em buzz. So much fun!
Here's one story that will make your head turn and scream male privilege
GLAAD celebrates Women’s Junior College Basketball player Gabrielle Ludwig: because He’s a 6 foot 8, 230 pound, 50 year-old Man
http://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2012/12/06/glaad-celebrates-womens-junior-college-basketball-player-gabrielle-ludwig-because-hes-a-6-foot-8-230-pound-50-year-old-man/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/06/gabrielle-ludwig-transgender-basketball-player-debut_n_2250548.html
Dear Elizabeth:
"[S]he hates me..." Do you want me to hate you? What gives you that crazy idea? Is this some kind of transference or autosuggestion? Should you feel guilty or shameful? No. Being legitimate as a women does not require one to blend in as a women based on the idealism of patriarchal definitions. You are either lucky to be passable or not. Those that were out; either by choice or circumstance of transition have done more for young transitioners than those that choose an undisclosed life. The undisclosed ("Stealth") life helps no-one. It is a selfish choice. You were not selfish and helped as much as you could--you've done enough, and should be commended for it. Do you feel you have more to do?
In your blog you have spoke of a 6'3" transitioner who committed suicide long before my time and you watched her psychologically deteriorate if I recall from your blog correctly. This was at a time when pretty and passible = legitimacy or survivability. Do you think she should hate you for having something she wanted? Do you think she was envious of you? Please forgive my potentially feckless comment: Do you want ME to hate YOU for HER?
If I listened to that Old-Think (OT) I'd be dead. This whole blog is still infected with that OT. If you can't be a pencil to write someone's happiness then be a nice eraser to remove their sadness. That OT said to me that I would never be successful. I worked my ass off and had lots of help from others who supported me, yet it was on me to help-myself. I'm very blessed with my results; a Taleb "BlackSwan" happened.
Have you seen the movie "God's and Monsters?" Ian McKellen quite profoundly portrays a man that transfers his guilt and shame of the past into his present and the dysfunction of living in the closet. Frankly Elizabeth I don't know you well enough to hate you. However your blog appears to me to be a search for legitimacy for your legacy. I represent something to you and you just don't come out and say it. I created an Eve, I created a Monster, but didn't expect the results to be what they are--Monstrum: Devine portent of misfortune; an omen. I defied misfortune that took your 6'3" friends life--that's my legacy.
Now I have a chance to finish law school; made some good coin in my travels. Saw the world, yet I have a tempting chance to obtain what I've always wanted; what do I do? Two doors--both very jealous mistresses (metaphor). Both professions mutually exclusive. Filled with ego's. One feeds my heart, while the other my intellect. I can entertain my muse with both, I can rage against the dying of the light as my friend Tony Serra suggested to me, becoming a Jedi of Jurisprudence. Or an artist. Both will require a degree of "outness" eschewing the OT. What to do?
I am not barred from any site Stephanie, I can post anywhere I wish, I choose not to post to trannie sites because of the lack of acceptance of my views. You Tee-Gees want acceptance from the general population but you are not willing to be accepting of those who disagree with your view on life.
You go anywhere else on the Internet outside of your Tee-Gee ghetto and try and convince normal people a woman can have a penis, you will be laughed off the site. The majority of the men and women on the planet qualify male and female by their genitals. When they hear of a man with a 38D chest and a penis they call it what it is a freak.
You come here and try and pass this bullcrap that the rest of the world somehow accepts you, what a joke.
Some of us were born in the morning but it wasn't yesterday morning, give me a break dude.
NYF
@Anonymous December 11, 2012 3:12 PM:
This isn't an argument for for male privilege, a rebuttalable presumption. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If so no such privilege exist in the context you mention.
Google "Gabi Garcia BJJ"
http://www.bjjheroes.com/bjj-fighters/gabrielle-garcia-bjj
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJe7Zg8EO5I
Is she using performance enhancing drugs to gain an upper hand? Busted for double standard: Ok for Gabi not OK for Monika.
Grace
Oh for the record? (and back on topic) You are in the wrong by the TG mind because being young and not readable as male... you did not offer yourself as fodder for the men in dresses to hide behind. You were not there for them to out, and to then point to as being "just like them!" That is your sin Liz! That is why they are angry with you! After all it is just one bit happy family, with the real women on the bottom as God (male) intended!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joy-ladin/gender-transition_b_2442460.html
Might want to read Ladin's next and ongoing attempt to rewrite history.
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