Saturday, October 22, 2011

What about love, sex, and relationships?

One of the big taboos in talking about transsexualism is mentioning the word sex as in "doing the nasty" as some would say. If you jump around the trans blogosphere the most common word is asexual and that I find bizarre. I am amused by that concept because if there is one thing we humans are it is sexual by nature and anyone that says otherwise is lying to themselves. Sex has been important for both procreation and as important pleasure and here is where we get to the interesting part of those of us born transsexual.

For girls and women sex is about penetration. I always thought this was a heterosexual girl thing but one of my best friends in England is a lesbian and tells me it is most certainly not. I have received an education from her on the subject because like me she was a child when she realized she was a girl and despite her attraction to girls she wanted to be penetrated.

The big taboo for both of us was we could never have sex with a girl as a boy.  In fact it was so abhorrent to us it frightened us because like most young transsexuals we hated that thing and using it on another girl was disgusting. I honestly believe a high percentage of women are bi-sexual in a way. We have no issues showing extreme affection for each other.

Since I was born in the mid 40's I sort of grew up or was raised in an era or repressed sexual expression but was lucky enough to have parents that loved each other openly and warmly. I knew as a child I wanted my Prince Charming to Ride in on his great white steed and take me off to happiness.  Like most kids of my era I really had no clue about sex but by 12 I knew I liked boys which was weird because most boys seemed to want to hurt me.

The first time I saw a vagina was in one of my brother's porn books when I was around 11-12 and I knew that was what I needed and my brother gently told me what boys did with the thing I despised and it both shocked and intrigued me. It shocked me because my initial thought was why would god give me this thing I had when I was a girl and needed one of those vaginas to be a "real" girl. It intrigued me because my instincts before that moment told me I wanted a boy inside me. Don't ask me where that came from because I had no clue. The irony of the porn book was my brother hid my girl fashion and teen magazines with his porn and my grandmother, a sleuth of amazing ability, found the full stash and left the porn and threw out my fashion magazines.

My brother's playboys and other porn was okay because it made him a healthy young male but my magazines marked me as something significantly less. Eventually my mother let me hide my magazines in her room where not even Inspector Grandmother would tread. The concept that a boy would stick his "thing" in me was weird at first but as I became sexually aware that I liked boys and they were cute it actually increased my intense need to just be a "normal" girl with the correct body parts which included breasts, hips, and this vagina that I needed to be complete.

The other weird thing was my almost instantaneous realization that no boy was touching that thing between my legs nor was  any boy going to have access to me unless I was a girl or treated as such. The sick irony about a lot of this is that these feelings would precipitate the one suicide attempt I had where pills of some sort were not involved.

I was with a noted Psychiatrist in Massachusetts who had told my mother he could help me.  She was writing to Harry but she wanted me cured somehow because what Harry told her seemed impossible to grasp and in all honesty I really understand her rationale. My life would have been a lot easier if I was just a normal boy and even though mom was thinking of me more as her daughter she did have this one last hope.  Harry had told her not to do it but she did.

I was 13 at the time and I had a boyfriend. My belief that nobody knew about us was a myth because everyone in both families knew about us and maybe that was my mothers reasoning for this new Psychiatrist. I will not go into details but I told this man all my desires and feelings about boys and the fact I was "really" a girl and that somehow I needed to get "corrected" and lets just say he was less than kind to me. He was appalled when I told him I wanted to be able to have sex with a boy like girls can and if I remember correctly this was what he said.

"What man would want to have sex with a freak like you? You will always be a boy to everyone."

In my world that was crushing and after some not so gentle pushing a week later on Thanksgiving I did my best to kill myself and came damn close despite the failure of my initial attempt. By this time in my life I knew how wonderful it felt to be held by a boy and kissed by a boy.  I also knew that was not enough.

When I learned from Dr. Benjamin that doctors could create a vagina for me it was liberating in so many ways. My boyfriend was a complete gentleman, I was far from ladylike at times, and we had a deal that the second I had my surgery wherever he was I was going there when ready and we would have sex. It is kind of a weird thought process but by then he knew or at least we felt we would be together forever. Teenage love seems that way but it was not to be.

After his death while I was in college I had two other boyfriends that knew everything about me and dated me despite the obvious issues. I was a sucker for seduction in the stacks of the large on campus Library. I found not being complete very frustrating but they were gentleman also and I do thank them for that.

Working in Houston was even worse because those flyboys are gorgeous and I went from one secret crush to another until I met one particular man and I eventually needed to leave because what I wanted I could not have and despite the fact they all knew about my state relationships were not possible.

When I eventually arrived in NYC it actually got worse. Now I was totally transitioned and to be honest boys for some reason found me attractive and I found myself frustrated beyond words. Well, Harry would not say beyond words because I talked about sex a lot and he often commented on it in his amusing way.

I was so put off by the Tranny Chasers I stopped going to the Tranny clubs quickly. It was weird because I had young men constantly hitting on me while I was trying to push them away because it was becoming more and more frustrating for me. Eventually I had surgery in January of 1971and in my little girl way I had this dream of finding Mr. Right. Lord was I wrong!

I no longer had to worry about a guy touching me somewhere I didn't want to be touched but things got weird because I suddenly realized a lot of the guys I looked at fondly were cretins. There was also the thoughts about would a guy know it was not "real". My guitar playing friend ended that worry when in his usual brash manner he showed up at my place about 2 months after surgery and bluntly asked to see it. With his 'seal of approval" that it passed muster that thought was gone. I will admit I would have liked him to be the first but they were off touring or recording so I was still looking.

Every genetic girl dreams about her first sexual encounter. My girlfriends and I have talked a lot about this and it turned out my feelings were the same as theirs. I was nervous and scared I would not please a guy but I was also so anticipating it and dreamed it would be magical which it unfortunately is often not.

I think this need for sex as a girl might be part of the internal belief I was always a girl and sex with a guy is a natural part of being a girl in my world. It was actually getting weirder because I wanted the first guy to be someone I wanted to be with and my first choice was off doing what he did best. Like most girls I wanted to be romanced but by June of 1971 I just wanted a decent guy to take my girl virginity.

I met that man at a Cuban party and he really did seduce me and that part might have been the most amazing event in the evening. I was so scared and so nervous at first I did what came naturally, I sort of blathered about silly things and said some dumb stuff. I started with "I am a virgin" and ended with "I am not sure what to do" and you can fill in the blanks with sillier things like "I am not sure how well I lubricate" but Rico was on a mission to deflower me, his words, and he did. In reality it exceeded everything I ever wanted in many ways but it was disappointing because I thought I had small orgasms of some kind but not "the big one". In retrospect I was just too tense to have one and in the back of my mind I was wondering was the surgeon right that an orgasm was something I would probably never have or was the other surgeon correct that I would be fine.

I pushed Rico into a second try or at least initially I thought I did and by the time I dozed off there was no orgasm but damn it sex was so much fun. I got kissed and held and fondled and everything I could imagine and then I was penetrated by this man's beautiful warm penis that felt so much better than that stupid dilator. Even if an orgasm never came I loved the process of making love or having sex. Heck, I loved the foreplay a lot but being held and caressed afterwards was just as amazing.  The one feeling I distinctly remember was that I wanted him deeper when he was in as far as he could go.

I fell asleep naked in his arms and that was as amazing.  I no longer had to be ashamed of my body and Enrique or Rico made me feel amazing.  The first feeling I had the next morning after nearly two hours of sex the previous evening was that every part of my being seemed to ache. It seemed like it took an hour to make it to the bathroom and I might have needed crutches except for a long hot shower.

I did have my first orgasm during our next liaison and that was so cool and amazing. The orgasm actually got more and more intense as I healed and they were the first orgasms I had ever had. Rico initially did not know of my transsexual past and when he found out it ended badly and that was my fault.

I thought all sex would be like that but it of course is not. For the time we were together sex was a big part of our life but not the only part of the relationship. The intimacy that two lovers have is a key thing for me. I like the feeling of giving myself to him knowing he will love me and not hurt me. I loved the hardness of the male body in contrast to the softness that was me. I love being his girlfriend and his lover. I love everything about the relationship that develops between partners when they connect.

Sex is very important in a healthy marriage or relationship. It is along with the interpersonal relationship that develops the glue that initially binds a couple. I have no concept how anyone could exist in a relationship without the intimacy of sex. My only sexual experiences are those I have had as a girl and woman. I never wanted to or thought about sex as a boy with a girl and most of my friends are similar.

I do have a friend who was married and had kids very young and she has told me she has no idea how she did it. Harry said they had sex by pretending they were the girl but it is all beyond me what fantasy let it happen but it did and does. Immediately after her SRS she met a guy and as she says fucked his brains out and felt correct for the first time. Maybe it was the chemistry of estrogen at work but she never looked back.

This brings me to those individuals that like to claim  being transsexual has nothing to do with sex as in physical sex between adults. In Harry's vision of transsexuality the Type V transsexual was often asexual before SRS but not afterwards. Many were married as both men and women which might relate to the belief that women are inherently bisexual. Maybe my friend in England is correct.

The ones I do find a bit humorous are those that have SRS and stay with the wife and claim they are asexual. The asexual part comes before the SRS and it can get a little interesting after SRS. I can name more than a few that are now expressing interest in men and sex.

I have been thinking about those that stay with their wives after SRS and I wonder if it has to do with the female need for a relationship of some kind and maybe even an asexual relationship is better than no relationship at all. I just have a hard time understand the dynamics of a relationship that seems so static but then I was an early transitioner and they are late transitioners. we are so very different in many ways but alike in some and if they have SRS I will not deny them any longer.

After Enrique I learned the hard lesson many girls and women learn. Most men are so clueless about how to make love to a woman it is pathetic. I went from bad sex in a first marriage to indifferent sex in relationships, some were great also, til I reached the point where I decided love would never come into my life again.  I was of course wrong.

When that man swept me off my feet I learned what love really was. He was the one and I knew it from day one. Sex was a big part of our marriage but it was far more than that. It was so much more than sex it is hard to put into words. The only way I can put it is to say that when he died from a stroke I thought my soul had been ripped from my body and crushed. I felt my very being had no meaning. He was as much a part of my being as I was. It took over two years to partially recover and maybe that is why some transsexuals stay with their wives after SRS. It is hard to lose something that is so much a part of your being.

This brings me to the bigger question. How can some claim they are transsexual and keep a penis. Of what value is a penis to those that claim they are transsexual and women while keeping their male parts on purpose? There is one noted loon that claims men like her 7" neoclit during sex which implies she uses it on them which means she penetrates them I assume. Sounds more like the local she-male hooker on the corners in certain areas of NYC than the actions of a woman.

I get this feeling that these individuals do not want to give up the concept of penetration from a male perspective. I'll even give Sandeen points for having an orchiectomy since I assume that makes her penis less than functional. In most cases the only reason you keep the male bits is because you want to use them as a man does and unless I missed the class that makes you still a man because women are penetrated even in most lesbian relationships.

Who do these self described women with a penis get intimate with? Are there women out there that find a woman with a  functioning penis attractive? Isn't someone living as a woman with a penis and liking women really a heterosexual transvestite? What kind of relationships can they have? Do you really believe them when they tell you they are asexual?

Just seems to me it is another way for men to invade women's spaces yet keep his penis, yet delude others into giving them rights as women, yet leaving them the option to return to functionality as men if they want. Typical man actually.

I do understand some just cannot have surgery but the concept of not wanting surgery and then claiming womanhood with a penis when they have not even gone through the process of girl to woman is infuriating.

These are the ones that claim sex is not part of the transsexual equation but like their penis they are deluding themselves in both cases.

21 comments:

Anne said...

Hi Liz. Fun and informative read. I appreciate you broaching this subject as of course it does open a huge can of wiggly worms for those TG that claim all sorts of esoterisms to explain....well, frankly, the unexplainabe.

Like you, I knew I was girl from "day one" of sentient self-awareness. I realize that this might be a difficult concept for folks like your pal "Stephanie" and those like her to grasp, but that was just the way it was for me.

The thing about sex started pretty early for me, even before puberty. My childhood ideation always involved a strong man as the source of this "mysterious" pleasure. I had no idea how these things "worked", but I new that this was just they way things were. The fact that I had been "informed" around age 5 that I was NOT a girl because of my external plumbing was a problem that only grew as puberty ensued.

By the time I was in High School, I knew that I was in MAJOR, BIG TIME TROUBLE. I knew about Christine Jorgenson, but I had no idea HOW that could be possible and if as it seemed that it obviously WAS, HOW I was going to make that happen.

Remember, my MOm had just left it in "God's hands" and my stepfather would simply beat me if I even mentioned it, so I had things seriously locked down TIGHT.

Nevertheless, after years and years and years of having to deal with this "MADNESS", I just KNEW, that I was going to have to find help.

I started my research in my senior year in high school. Because of my grades I was taking college lvel courses which granted me access to the Library research
"stacks at the University near my home.

Anne said...

This must have been around 1964 or '65. There were only two references. One were some old newspaper clippings about C. Jorgenson, and the other somekind of research study by a Dr. named Hirshfield. Nothing about Harry Benjamin, although I vaguely remember that there *might* have been something about a Dr. Barbour in some exotic place called Casablanca in N. Africa.

Can you imagine just how UNREAL this seemed to a street kid from East LA? Anyway, I just "decided" that this waas all just TOO fantastic, and I would just "work harder" on my "man-role", and things would be fine.

Well we all know how that works out, and no matter how much I faked it with women my age, IT JUST DID NOT WORK. I KNEW without ANY doubt that I was lying to myself and those women that I penetrated in my efforts to "cure" myself.

I lasted another 4 years, which got me through college with the aid of lots of women and lots of drugs. It was not a pretty time but it forced me to face the truth that there was no way to avoid this. Believe me when I say that I tried everything. There was just NO WAY around this. Things were just not "working out". I was NOT getting better or cured". I was toast. I was "finito".

I can only attribute exceedingly good fortune or divine intervetion for what ever it was that got me into that one office of a man that actually believed what I was telling him and got me pointed in the right direction.

I will spare you the bloody details of my transition, but I will tell you that my surgeon's parting words to me, after a horrowingly difficult and extremely painful and extended period of recovery were, "Remember, You MUST use it, or...you will lose it."

Never has better advice been given. It did not take me long to figure out just how this new puppy functioned and just how easy it was to get some friendly "co-operation" from a virtually inexhaustable supply of willing MEN.

I mean even in my advancing years, I am still very fortunate to be enjoying a very satisfying sex life with my loving husband. I KNOW...I am extremely blessed.

So yes, I agree....this "screed" of "transbian asexuality" just makes NO SENSE to me. Maybe that is why they, (the TG) don't want or NEED SRS. Maybe that is why they don't want to tqlk about it or try to "poo poo" it, or shame us into silence. I just don't know. I just don't "get it". I mean, what..."different strokes for different folks"? I guess...

Anonymous said...

Just one of the many things I love about you Sis. You raise and then discuss the issues no-one else will touch. This hits the nail right on the head.

CS

Deena said...

Liz who did your surgery?

Miz Know-It-All said...

Gee wiz Liz! Didn't you hear? Who puts what and where with whom is like so ten minutes ago! Get with the program Grandma! Gender and genitals have nothing to do with each other!

Well anyway! Thats what ~I~ heard!

Though I often wonder... How exactly do you think these lived as dominate men of industry for fifty or sixty years with their wedding tackle tucked into their wives panties would feel... if their brand new lesbian girlfriend on opening night whipped out a really big fat hard stiffy and a full set of kiwis instead of that expected nice cute little pink vulva?

I reckon they'd be Johnny OK with it cause it's all the same right? Innie, Outtie? All the same! I mean by the rest of what I've heard it's what's between their lovers ears and not what's between their lovers thighs that their lover is endeavoring to stuff into them that matters yes?

For me personally? Among the myriad of thoughts swirling through my poor punkin head the night I lost my virginity. There was one though in particular that really stood out. (besides I want him in me like NOW) As my body arched up to meet his, right then and right there I KNEW beyond all possible doubt that until that very moment, though I had had sex before and though I'd kinda liked it, I'd NEVER... EVER... in all my years had the least clue what sex between a man and a woman really was!


You know I often think of that when I hear these voices from those still holding onto their penis', their marriages and their wives while they say so loud and proud and stupidly that it doesn't matter...

Like hell it doesn't matter! Might as well stand up and espouse on the nuances of what it means to be a bird when one is clearly a turtle!

Oh well! I guess I should be happy for everyone but the suffering wife as they are weeding themselves out of the pool of available men!

Not your friend said...

This was a great post Liz.
A nice change from the usual fare.

NYF

Anonymous said...

@Elizabeth,

Why is it that celibacy or single status is considered abnormal?

BlackSwan

Elizabeth said...

@BlackSwan

Single status is perfectly normal. Celibacy is up to the individual and usually that is religious in nature but in truth I have no idea why anyone would be celibate.

What a boring life. Are you celibate BlackSwan?

By the way have you finally figured what transgender means???

Anonymous said...

Good morning Elizabeth,

I understand your definition of what transgender means.

Its funny I gather being celibate is just about as boring as being an engineer or accountant. I’m the first to admit I do crave a good poke in the whiskers, yet have a few deficiencies that have made finding that “romantic partner” a bit of a challenge. I need a Brobdingnagian fellow with an average sized willy. At the moment I don’t have an active sex life and waiting for Mr. Right to come along. However, I have a few booty call’s on speed dial just in case natures calls.

I’m a bit concerned because of my height finding Mr. Right will be a challenge before the Wile E. Coyote syndrome sets in and my vagina power expires. I date regularly, and only those whom I find attractive. I have managed to date a handful of men who are taller than I, and much more shorter, whom I’ve figured I was with just to get it out of my system; men who are shorter don‘t have anywhere near the chemistry I desire. A taller guy has the edge.

I’m reluctant to admit I’ve not known romantic love in my life, and I’m beginning to lose hope I will never find him. There is something to be said about early transition that has a huge edge on those that transition late. What is a man going to think of a sexually inexperienced woman at 40 in this day and age?

A quandary; most men will date you, after you disclose, if they feel their peer status will not be challenged with homosexual pejoratives. Do you agree with this? What is your stance on disclosing your TS status to a partner? I feel its necessary for a relationship to grow past superficial dating. The thing that hurts is when you do disclose you go from a 10 to a zero and you watch him pull away. This has the unintended effect in my life by maintaining dating relationships with men only through detachment.

We learn to love from our parents and mirror their coupling behaviors. Sex is hotwired into the system. Love isn’t sex but if you didn’t come from a healthy loving home life you will more than likely be challenged developing romantic attachments.

BlackSwan

A said...

@BlackSwan :

----

Note : I write this partly in jest, but mostly with sober interest over your point of view, please do not get offended by this. That is certainly not my intention.

----

I believe [1] in a lot of things that most people would find nutty, such as using cryonic suspension of terminally ill patients as a means of humane care (if the legal definition of death isn't information theoretic, then using a combination of such suspension with sufficiently advanced technology, we will be able to treat these patients in the longer term) , a revolution in regenerative medicine will happen in a clinically relevant time scale, radical life extension is around the corner, one day a lifespan of 600 years will be trivial, the possibility of space travel cheaper than the current cost of flying from New York to Tokyo, the mining of asteroids, that the human brain is inherently flawed and it needs to be augmented with processes and technology (we do that everyday btw) , that a world without a market economy is possible with the right way to convert energy (both capitalism and communism assume that a market exists, they simply differ in what governs the market. Drawing from what I've read and observations by people smarter than me, I think that the paradigm of having a market where the consumer and producer are separate is running out of gas and a better way to see things is needed, so that we don't oscillate between a constant cycle of boom and bust) , robotics and artificial intelligence will be so pervasive one day that you will be a robot, that the next major evolutionary step for our species won't be biological but technological , using simple rules you can simulate an entire universe on a computer and maybe even evolve life, the life thus evolved will be 'alive', it is likely our universe itself evolved out of similar rules i.e. all of the rules that seem to govern nature may have originated from such a simple program... and so on.

I also believe in a lot of other stranger things that most people would consider insane, but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around celibacy.

Why would anyone who isn't truly asexual choose not to have sex? Even if you are asexual, why would anyone not choose to have a partner? I don't have a boyfriend right now, but that isn't a decision I made. It's been dictated to me via my circumstances and I intend to change that the minute I am free.

I just can't grok this.

I think that in a lot of ways the decisions we make boil down to social signaling, but what on earth can you signal by such a choice? What's rationally wrong with having someone to share your life with, to let into your crazy little world and let them invite you to theirs? Why shouldn't you love someone like that?

Can you please explain your choice to me? I'm sorry, but I just don't understand.

[1] I use the term belief very carefully. It just means it is extremely probable that these things are true.

Elizabeth said...

@BlackSwan

My Engineering career was quite far from boring and I do find the concept of celibacy boring but then I have a friend who is a good man and a priest who has managed it for nearly 50 years.

It was your vision of what transgender meant that I found unusual. I guess if you do not want to admit your vision was wrong then so be it.

Well you are quite beautiful so that is a major benefit. There are tall girls playing basketball who are not as beautiful as you so keep trying.

I do not believe if people do not learn to love from their parents that it will be difficult for them to love. It will be hard for them to trust at first but love is wonderful and usually is found unexpectedly.

I was so damaged by my first husband and his lying to me and his transvestism that I basically gave up on ever finding someone to love. I loved my high school boyfriend deeply and I did love my first lover but that might have been infatuation.

I dated guys in California after my divorce and for several years after I moved back to Massachusetts. My second husband came into my life again and just flat refused to let me push him away. Our love was transcendental for me.

The process of telling is difficult. My early philosophy had always been I will only tell if I fall in love with him but I tried that with my first lover and found out I did not know how to tell him. I told my first husband early and that was a disaster because he used it against me. My second husband knew of my past but had never pictured me as anything but a girl.

If I had any answers about love and men I could make millions. I have always looked at it simply. I judge the person and his ability to accept my past if he does not know. If I think he will I might tell him if love ensues. I have friends whose husbands have no clue of their past. Everyone has to make their own decisions on that.

In a permanent relationship or marriage love is very important but sex is also important because initially a lot of love affairs start that way and then people fall in love. Being celibate because some husband wants to wear my panties is not my idea of love particularly if you were lied to initially and most relationships involving women and transvestites and even transsexuals are based on lying to the woman.

That is not my idea of love. It is my idea of a needy, manipulative, greedy, and pushy man in the case of transvestites and the inability of some transsexuals to understand the harm they might cause a wife and kids by not being honest to the wife or more important to themselves. That is a selfish act.

Love usually finds the couple that fall in love. It is not something you pick from a tree or find under a tree or find in a bar. Often they might love you and you do not love them.

Every little girl wants her Knight in Shining Armor to ride in and rescue her from danger. In many ways we want our Knight to rescue us from the past we were forced to survive because of how we were born.

I have done things as an Engineer and a woman I am very proud of because they were historic but the single best moment of my life, other than SRS, was when that boy was holding me and told me "I love you" when he knew fully we could not consummate our love until after surgery which was not to be. That was my period of celibacy which lasted until I was 25 which drove me NUTS.

Foxfire said...

Another great article, and I can so relate. From my very first sexual encounter with a boy when I was only 11 years old, I knew it was right for me to love boys but I also knew I was a girl, NOT a homosexual, which obviously caused much grief for me as time went on. Now I am complete, and sex with my boyfriend is more wonderful than I could have ever imagined it to be, before I had the right parts to please him. I love it when he takes me and penetrates me... There's no better feeling in this world, and that goes far beyond the physical sensation.

Which brings to mind how I would just like to say to these penis packing freaks who claim to be women and then say they don't want or need surgery: Kkay, next time you're with a hunky, heterosexual guy you've been swapping spit with and now he's all hot and bothered and reaches down between your legs, go ahead and try that "Oh I'm just as much a woman with my penis" line on him and see how well that flies. Like a lead brick. Upside your head.

Of course you are absolutely right; these people haven't got a clue, and certainly no claim to womanhood.

I know their are a lot of decent, professional, heterosexual men out there of all ages looking to find not just sex, but love. Sure, I dated some real toads before I found my prince, but the princes are out there, guys who can know your past and still see you only as the desirable woman they want to be with. I know they are there because I found one; you just can't give up looking for them. Oh, and none of them think a penis makes anyone "just as much a woman".

Anonymous said...

@Elizabeth

At the moment I don't have an active sex life. I'm waiting for Mr. Right to come along. Given the population of men taller than I on this planet at 1:50,000 I may be waiting awhile.

BlackSwan

Miz Know-It-All said...

What Foxfire said!

"I love it when he takes me and penetrates me... There's no better feeling in this world, and that goes far beyond the physical sensation."

The other day I was having a conversation with a dear friend and sister of many many years, and as we compared notes about those years, I brought up another women of history we both once knew. This woman was a truly gifted write, a woman of history and also an avowed lesbian (one of the few that I would say really was)... but even she, lover of women said that lesbian or not, a woman of history simply has to have a relationship with a man! If for no other reason than the reset in perspective that comes with it!

When a man is playing your body like a fine instrument and when you find your body hypnotically arching up to take him into you! Ummmmm! Well lets just say in that moment the sheer reality of who's Jane (and what is Jane) and who's Tarzan is simply beyond question! All those years of angst set to rights with something so simple and primal!

So yes... when "they" espouse at such great length on the wondrous properties of womanhood to be found despite the wrong body parts, I cannot help but laugh because the true reality of woman is never going to be found inside a text book or tome, but out here deep in the sweat and slime of sexual congress!

Deena said...

I know this is off topic but has anyone else noticed the recent escalating exodus of bloggers who can't seem to handle conflicting opinions? Bless their hearts I wish them well in the real world.

Anne said...

Yumm, Yumm!!! Sexual Congress. Yumm Yumm!

Anonymous said...

Nobody liked my "poke in the whiskers" bit? Poo!

BlackSwan

Anonymous said...

@Elizabeth,

Much has been said here about transitioning and the benefits of being post-operative to your sex life--no question. One thing I don’t see discussed much is the draw backs of late transition and body dysmorphia that still remains as a result of testosterone damage and how that effects our relationships. My height for example has posed a huge challenge for me.

We live primarily in a sexually dimorphic culture. Examples of such differences include differences in morphology. Generally, Men are larger then women and prefer female partners smaller then themselves, women are smaller than men and prefer male partners larger than themselves.


Most women tend to agree that it looks odd to see the woman larger than a man in a couple. Its statistically skewed this way. If you randomly take 100 men and 100 women of a random height sampling and pare them up the results show 15-20% women taller than men, 15-20% men and women are the same height, and the rest of the women are shorter than the men.

However, if you take a look at actual couples in America it shows the skewing that only in 1% of the couples in relationship that last more than a year the women are taller than the men. Only 2% of women are taller than 5ft 10inches. Since men’s average height is 5’9” (+- 2.5”) it shows that a good sampling of the women, who average at 5’4” (+-2”) the possibility is there for couples to be of equal height if it wasn’t for women’s biological imperative to reproduce that there is a distinct preference for taller mates. Are we slaves to biology?

Women who are polled generally say that they would never date a men shorter than them, and will date men who are their height or taller. However, in some non-Western cultures, height is irrelevant in choosing a mate, which suggests that the preference among Western men for women shorter than themselves may be sociocultural in nature.

Given this rational there are only < 200 men in the US that would be available for me to date if I follow this standard. Is my attraction to men taller based on biology or social pressure?

BlackSwan

Elizabeth said...

@BlackSwan

Huh?

I do not discuss late transitioners and their issues because I have absolutely no right to discuss their particular problems because I write about basically my life when i was transsexual. When I come across one acting like a man telling everyone what it means to be a woman when they have ZERO experience and presenting a story that is farfetched I will question them but I am going to make something clear here and now.

After they have had their SRS, complete SRS, they have the right to be considered women and that include K Martin and all the ones I get into arguments with. Arguing over semantics and terminology aside whether transsexual or transgender once SRS is gone through I do not feel I have the right to deny them their womanhood.

I am mystified by you BlackSwan in so many ways. You basically have told everyone on the blogosphere your issues which in my opinion basically has outed you kind of like Susan did on Enough Nonsense with her boat stuff. It is your right but come on why not tell everyone who you really are. I will not but it is sort of silly.

As for issues like you have I have no experience except from my own life. I was mortified at being 5-8 but it turned out okay. In essence you are a very beautiful tall girl that is bothered by her height. My experiences with men tells me that will intrigue them but hanging around with people that know is not the best way to find men.

Can you play basketball? You have a great body and some appropriately skimpy basketball attire could help you find a guy. I am actually surprised men are not knocking down the door based on your exotic beauty.

As for the late transitioner and their issues most have the money for their FFS and SRS and whatever else their hearts desire but it does all go back to personal decision making when they were younger. They all claim they knew they were girls yet managed to marry a woman. Sometimes karma is a bitch.

Anne said...

I think what might be taken from this is how much more difficult it is for the Type IV TS. These are the one's that I consider "wobblers" in that their level of intensity is not such that they MUST do "whatever is humanly possible to correct/fix theit psycho-sexual disconnect". The truth is that many, if not most Type V's and VI's do not make it to maturity. Faced with almost insurmountable opposition to their needs, the "choice" is obvious.

"Wobblers" on the other hand, lacking that INTENSITY of need, are able to seek and occasionally find other avenues of relief. The most common being marriage and closeted, followed by open, cross dressing.

Ariel said...

As you know, I changed sex rather late in life. Since I haven't been anything close to asexual since puberty (except when I was pre-op), I had sex with women. The curious thing is that once I had the right equipment, who I was drawn to sexually also changed. I think that's because "normal" for me, the dynamic I understood, was always boy-girl. Once I was physically female, having sex with a guy seemed perfectly natural. In fact, I was surprised at how natural it felt even the first time--as though I'd been doing it (that way) all my life.

Sex has always been important to me. If someone feels themselves to be asexual, either before or after sex change, that's them. It certainly isn't me.