Thursday, November 3, 2011

Why aren't I out and proud?

The argument that "all" of us should be out and proud was brought up on the  MKIA blog by both June "the loon" Hingle and by Stephanie. Both of these individuals are to put it mildly basically insane but this is a common refrain from many but primarily from later transitioners like June "The Loon" Hingle and Stephanie Flettshock whose claim we should have done this lies somewhere in the self delusion that if a kid like me had been "out and proud" my visibility would have somehow aided them to make a decision earlier to transition and get SRS like June "The Loon" and maybe have helped Stephanie get her drug, booze, and schizophrenia under control so she could have done it earlier.

The problem with this entire scenario is it would require me to be willing to do two things that are an invalidation of my life from my point of view.

Being "out" would imply that I was still transsexual which I am not. I no longer have a split between my brain sex and my body so I am cured. If I was out about being transsexual it would have to be that I was born transsexual and thus I was at one time transsexual which then bleeds into the flawed belief that I was ever proud I was born transsexual. There is nothing proud and wonderful about living a personal nightmare until just after my 25th birthday when I was cured. Now I know some of the loons are going to be on here claiming I was never cured but Harry Benjamin thought I was cured.

The idea of "out and proud" implies that I "owe" something to a community or a group of people who went before me or to someone other than myself for my success in life. There is some truth in this statement but not the truth that the "out and proud" crowd want. I owe a lot to my mother who fought the urge to turn me over to the medical loons and eventually listened to her pen pal Dr. Harry Benjamin. I owe a lot to the mother of a boy who saw past her own prejudices and met the little girl that was me. I owe my life to a boy that forced his way into my life because he saw me for the girl I was.  I owe my brother Raymond more than I can repay in multiple lifetimes for his support and love and acceptance long before anyone one else admitted I was the girl I said I was. I owe my second husband more than I can ever repay and when we hopefully meet again after I am gone I can tell him again how much he meant to me and how he enriched my life.

I would certainly not have had my second husband if I had been "out and proud" although he knew everything about me. Not one of the people who have meant a thing to me in my life would have benefited from my being "out and proud" and for sure I would not have benefited because quite bluntly there is nothing to be "out and proud" about other than the simple facts of my life and on those counts I believe I can hold my head high as a woman because I have set more than a few precedents for women in both business and Engineering. Neither of these loons can say they helped women because they have lived their lives as MEN and in the case of one of them will retain his manhood by choice.

I did my little part in the early 70's on radio and several television shows for the "transsexual cause" and I regret doing even those to be honest. The reason is simple. People will believe what they want to believe and besides that all I ever wanted was to be "normal". from June of 1959 until I moved to NYC basically everyone knew I was the boy that thought she was a girl and wanted to be a girl. Then I was the MTF transsexual and that ended when I moved to NYC. I have always "passed" as a girl and that benefit in many ways gave me the freedom to be the girl I was in NYC.

Wanting a normal life meant eventually leaving my past behind and that was easy because at that age it was not something I wanted to think about. I just wanted to make my way in life as a girl with none of the baggage associated with being born transsexual. Thankfully it was the 50's, 60's and early 70's and there was no social media because my life would have been different today but it was a choice I made and I am actually proud of it. I chose to make it through life as the girl I should have been born as and hoped I would earn the privilege to be considered a woman or as my dear friend Irene said "a girl that figured it out". Irene was a genetic girl and never knew of my past.

I started from scratch as a girl because I chucked the Engineering degrees and my Houston past into the "Way Back When Vault" and moved on with my life as a girl and then a young woman. My first husband, despite an early divorce, let me raise my step-daughter which personally I consider my best achievement in life and the one I enjoyed the most. My life has had its ups and downs with its good times and its bad times but in most ways it has been very normal for the young girl I started out as and the mid 60's woman I have become today.

What these people claiming we should be "out and proud" want is someone they can blame for their own inadequacies or cowardice in facing down a problem in life and defeating it. They would like you to believe it is not their fault they decided to marry a woman and have children in a marriage where they knew they were "transsexual" or more importantly "would have" known they were transsexual if someone like me was "out and proud" or better yet everyone was "out and proud". This is of course a false assumption.

The following comment is from a schizophrenic loon by the name of Stephanie and is taken from MKIA's blog and I hope she forgives me for borrowing it.

Blogger Stephanie said...
As usual, you side-stepped what I said completely. I still maintain that if you and the other older ladies had been open about yourself early in your transition, it would have helped people to understand what a transsexual is. In 1968 at the age of 14, I didn't even know that there were other people in this world that felt like I did. It took a write-up in a Look or Life (?) magazine for me to connect the dots. Had you done something of that nature you could have helped many transsexuals and cis people understand better. Sitting and blasting people here is not helping anything. Come out of your closet and put a face on what it's been like to live a successful life as a transsexual. It would help much more than preaching to the choir here on blogger.

Well Stephanie was able to connect the dots at 14 as she claims yet it did not help Stephanie one bit. Why do I say that one should ask? Quite simply Stephanie went on to live "his" life just the way he was always going to live his life. If Stephanie had read about another 20 or 30 of us would it have changed his life in 1968? No, it would not have because he was more interested in the ass of a girl hanging over a pool table and getting laid like all the rest of the useless redneck white trailer trash boys he grew up with in the Arkansas of 1968. He claims he was diagnosed transsexual in 1968 yet he DID NOTHING about it when it came down to the life mistakes he made but somehow this would have changed if more were out and proud.  That is utter bullshit.

Every transsexual knows it whether they have a word for what they are. They know they are girls of they know they are boys. Stephanie had that information and waited until Stephanie was in her 50's to transition. Was that my fault because I was not "out and proud"? From Stephanie's point of view I gather it is. From my point of view Stephanie just proved he was a coward or more likely made a conscious decision to NOT do what was necessary to be the girl he claims he was. Usually that indicates the person questions themselves but that is my fault and those others that did not "destroy" their own lives like Stephanie did.

People make their own decisions in life and like many bad decisions they need others to blame for their pathetic existence and mistakes.  They were repressed by their parents so they had "no choice" and could not transition back then. A little clue is needed here. None of us had a choice back then because the only way to transition in the 50's and 60's was to head to the streets or actually work towards what you needed. We did what we had to do and you did not. So how is that my fault again?

Okay, so what was the excuse when you became emancipated at 18 or graduated from college? Oh that is correct you had some girl pregnant and were now "doing the right thing" by marrying her and pushing your "dressing" and possible transsexualism into her life. How very kind of you to include others in your misery.

Eventually people like Stephanie and June "The Loon" reach their 50's and "suddenly" the "urge" to be female, a feminist, an all knowing woman, and an example for all becomes irresistible and they need to present themselves to the world as the "women" they always were which they are entitled to because they were men for 50+ years and are all knowing as all men are.  Just ask them! They know what it means to be a woman because they have been both fucking them and fucking over them their entire lives.

Most late transitioners admit they made some bad decisions in life that led them down a path that delayed the inevitable.  Most are what Harry would classify as Type V and I have sympathy and compassion for them. The rest will always be men because even with the lipstick and skirt they are still just plain men.  Male privilege demands their acceptance as women even if they keep their beloved penis. They are all around you.

When I really think about it I am actually "out and proud". I am out and proud that I have been a reasonably good example as both a mother and a woman for my step-daughter and my grandchildren. I am also proud that I made a mark in life for women in my fields of engineering and business.  I am out and proud that I was both a good wife and a good partner to the love of my life. All in all I got the life I wanted as a child when I cried myself to sleep praying to god to wake up a girl.  It took a while longer than i expected but when I woke up after my surgery in January of 1971 I was that little girl even if I had just turned 25 and no fool like Stephanie nor a bigger fool like June "The Loon" has the right nor the "balls" to claim I failed because I was not "out and proud".  I was but it was just I was "out and proud" as a young mother and both a businesswoman and an engineer which was all I ever wanted.

The really sad part is if you listen to June "The Loon" and Stephanie they could have done what I and many others have done before and after.  They could have just been the girls they claim they always were and pushed their way into a "correct" life but like most losers in life they chose the easy path and somehow others are at fault for their bad choices but as usual they miss the truth about being born transsexual.

What is that truth?

The truth is there is no choice involved. You either are and do what ever is necessary to become what you should have been or you make mistakes which pull others into the nightmare that is transsexualism. Those that are true to themselves will solve it eventually and admit the mistakes and correct the mistake.They will not blame others nor believe they suddenly had an epiphany and had a clue about all this.  They will just live and enjoy it. 

The bigger truth is even simpler for people like this.

They will always be trans because their lives revolve around being trans.  They will never be women because that would require them to be something they can never be which is honest with themselves. They are little and they are sad and June "the loon" and Stephanie are classic examples of it.

The final truth is the big one.

The only thing any transsexual should be proud of is curing their transsexualism.  There is not one single damn benefit that growing up transsexual brings other than perseverance and if I could wave my magic wand there would never be another child born transsexual. I would end it permanently because it is a nightmare and I wish it on not one single other living being.


Stephanie said...

And still you preach to the choir from the confines of your closet. Be honest, if you would have not had the support you did and the financial ability to pay for surgery you would have had to wait a lot longer to get your 'cure'. Your good fortune was the ability to be treated by Harry Benjamin. I didn't have a therapist dealing in transsexualism. As you pointed out before, mine was a drug and alcohol abuse therapist, who, by the way, molested me my first visit. I left school after the 10th grade because me being trans got in the way of it. I joined the Army and was thrown out because I was trans. I married my best friend because I fell in love with her daughter, and making money to support them and my other daughter was top priority. By your standards I should have left them and become a sex worker just to get my cure. I'm not that selfish. I'm proud that I made it through all those years of swirling 'pink fog' as it's been called. The only reason my penis is still there is that I never had the extra money it would have taken to rid myself of it. Only privilege made it possible for you to extricate yourself from yours at an early age. You discrediting late transitioners is nothing but being a bully.

Elizabeth said...


Privilege? I was disowned by my family you pathetic little man and fro 17 1/2 on I had nothing from my family and that means not one penny. I was smart and had an academic scholarship that I used to finish my education.

The only money I had was what I earned tutoring from 17 1/2 until I graduated from college. I used that scholarship to attend school year round and graduated very early but I had nothing. I worked for what I got.

I did not even have the money to move to Texas when I got my job but someone helped and I repaid them. I worked and I saved for my surgery and I paid for it myself.

You are just another pathetic old and bitter man talking about some delusional "pink fog" but the fact remains you knew what you were unless of course your "doctor", you are the one that brought him up, was as delusional as the patient seems to have been.

You left school in 1oth grade because being trans got in the way. Was the part about being trans where you showed everyone you were wearing panties and telling them how thrilling it felt?

It is telling you do not say transsexual but then transvestite is a more accurate assessment anyways. You could have still worked to reach your goal but you again contradict yourself.

How could my being "out and proud" have helped you out of your so called pink fog. I love how everything is pink like that somehow makes it more feminine or you a little more realistic.

I do not dislike nor do I discredit most late transitioners. Just losers like you and delusional lying sacks of shit like you.

It is always something with little men like you. Maybe you just should have kept your dick in your pants when you witnessed cute little Peggy Lou or whatever her name was when her ass was displayed on the pool table as she leaned over to play pool. That is quite the male thought process but I guess that must have been part of that "pink fog" brought about by your drug and alcohol usage.

Since when is SRS money extra money? Oh excuse me it is because you made a choice.

Again would you please explain how my being "out and proud" would have helped your situation? That is after all your assertion.

You are pathetic and like most pathetic men it is always someone else at fault for their miserable life.

Anne said...

Closets? Whose closet? Is that the one where you play girl because you are too cowardly to go "out and proud" among your "friends" and neighbors?

Come on Steph. You say it yourself. You are "trans". BE that, LIVE that. BE proud, (and out and loud if you must).

Abby said...

Steph, can I just ask an obvious question here?,

The first TS to ever transition and have SRS ( lilly ebre?...I dunno, I'm not up on the history of it, too busy trying to sort my own condition), who exactly was her "role model"?... How exactly did she know?

Who "wrote the book" on how to "transition" for her?...

Fact is, you just know! You don't need a name for it, you just know! And the fact is steph (best I can tell from what I've read of you) YOU! didn't know.

You can blame older post ops all you like in an effort to justify yourself, but you're only fooling yourself (and by the sounds of things, not very successfully), the truth is obvious to the entire world to see, they aren't idiots.

Deena said...

@ Stephanie. I agree with Liz. I also think you are lucky that there were not thousands or even hundreds of women "out and proud" when you were young because that might have sent you jumping off the nearest tall building from frustration.

I find it absurd that anyone would try to displace their own failure onto either other people or even the circumstances they encountered in life.

And furthermore I have met many people who think they are or "might be" transsexual. Its very easy to sort them out. The ones who rationalize why they are not moving towards surgery belong in one "umbrella" or circus tent. The much smaller number who are doing everything possible to "transition" (I detest that word but it does have a certain utility) don't care about obstacles or rationalizations. They are focused on achieving what they know is their objective. That group doesn't say "I would have except for". They say things like "next I will" or "can you help me find". ET or LT doesn't enter into it because no matter what the age the focus is the same. And that focus is "I know where I'm going and I'll move heaven and earth to get there".

Anne said...

"Consider this. The greatest, most powerful "weapon of mass destruction" that you have hurled against us, is to "label us" as "trans" or "just like YOU"! This is the ultimate slur and "hate-word" used against a woman of history when all reason has failed. Consider what this says about those who accuse us of being "just like them". They hate us so much...they despise us so much...that we are accused of being "just like them". WHAT ARE WE MISSING HERE???"

From the comment stream at

"..when a post-transition woman goes to a store, mall, or bank, she is treated, identified, and described as a woman. When she goes to work, school, church or temple she is treated, identified, and described as a woman. When she goes to an LGBT environment such as a bar or nightclub, charity event, pride parade, or similar function she is now labeled a "tranny." She may be lesbian or bisexual and thus would fit the L and B categories of LGBT but even if she had SRS and a birth certificate change 30 years ago, they still brand her with the label "tranny." That's not what I call freedom, diversity, and acceptance. It is what I call bigotry. And that is what Bil did in this article. And some of these public outings that the LGBT community has done..."
...(this is) what happened to Chrissy Polis can have severe consequences. It seems to me that the people behind this do not want to allow transsexuals to assimilate into mainstream society. I have witnessed these attitudes on multiple occasions. They don't want to see someone assigned male at birth successfully transition and become a respectable business woman living out a successful life as a woman. They want them to forever be a "tranny" and amount to nothing more than someone who turns tricks at a gay bar on the weekends. Ashley Love and plenty of others do not wish to be a part of this ghetto" ~Britney Austen

Anonymous said...

I think there have already been plenty of "out" transsexual women -- Christine Jorgensen, Wendy Carlos, and Renée Richards to name just a few (although I guess Richards is a bit of a "regretter" now). I knew about Carlos a long time ago. It wasn't for lack of role models that I did not change sex long ago when I should have. It was mostly for lack of courage.

Earlier than most, you had the clarity, the courage. and the determination. There is no reason you should ever compromise your hard-won life by being public about a birth defect that was repaired long ago.

Stephanie said...

Delusional fools.
I'll see you in the funny papers.

Oh, and Elizabeth. Get my wife's name right. It's Patty Lou, short for Patricia Louse

stacy said...

Liz - I think both you and Anne are out enough. You've both been out here, blogging, sharing your experiences, educating, cautioning and caring. You never had to do that for strangers - but you both have. I can only say that I appreciate it more than you know.

Anonymous said...

Ah ... privilege! Yes I too have been accused of that. So consider that one day, at the age of 27, having just given up waiting for the National Health Service to grant me free SRS, I found myself 30,000 ft over the Atlantic, on a one way ticket to America, having spent most of my money on the air fare and allowing myself just 1 week to get on my feet in my new country, one that I wouldn't even be legal in.

And yet, not 5 years later, transitioned and having SRS, all by my own hard work, to overcome and to build a home and a life and to follow my goals. From penniless and homeless on Hollywood Boulevard, selling my blood to buy buy food just a few short years earlier, to being an employer and having the means to meet my goals.

privilege ? nah .. it's called work, it's called persistence, it's called courage, it's called being smart, its called having goals, but privilege didn't show up ever then, or ever since.


Deena said...

@ Patricia Louise. Best wishes.

Anne said...

Well said, Leigh. I too was highly "privileged", having been reared by a single, immigrant mom in the Barrios of East LA.

Miz Know-It-All said...


Why is it so many in the "community" espouse this same idea? That if one was in fact actually transsexual, and if one lives long enough to start transition and more so live through the ordeal, makes it to surgery and having bested every imaginable horrible thing ever tossed at them the move on to a happy life... They "owe" it to the community to come forth and be a shining example for all those who for a myriad of reasons cannot summon the where-fore-all to do it themselves!


I count myself fortunate having sought the sage advice of women who had done what I was trying to do and so I followed their advice to the letter... Yet having finished the physical parts of the work and well into the integration that follows... I considered my "debt" Maybe I should out myself to be that "example" after all I owed the women who taught me more than I could possibly ever repay!

To a one they all replied

Are you out of your ever loving mind! Did you not listen to a single thing we said? The ONLY thing you owe us is to go out and live a rich and full life! Hey who am I to argue with such wise women.... and now, years later. having kept my mouth shut but still having done my turn a time or two with ones behind me... I truly see the wisdom in their words... The ONLY debt we owe is to live a rich and full life and that means making your history accessable on a need to know basis... and from where I stand, the only one who needs to know is my doctor...

So June Bug, Stephanie, and the rest of the rest of the "Psychic Vampires!" You can take your "owe"' and stick it deep into where the sun don't shine cause this girl has a life to live and she don't owe you so much as the time of day!

Anonymous said...

To Leigh, Anne, MKIA and Liz all of you whom I consider friends are women I respect and love as friends. I know your life narratives as you know mine. All of you know that sometimes when you do indeed have privilege as I undoubtedly did, it is necessary to relinquish privilege in order to meet those goals that you have all achieved. I don't need to tell you that which you already know. I have my current life solely because of what I have worked at and for since my transition very nearly 30 years ago. I began my life again in a kind of "Genesis" We all of us did that.

Yet constantly we hear the complaints and excuses around the internet blogs and comments that are followed with accusations of perceived "privilege". One might be forgiven for believing that it is a case of the young wanting to be gifted with everything they want without working for it and believing that it is a generational thing. However it isn't that, I see young people all around me working their butts off for what they seek. So I think there is something else at some other dynamic and one that is a part of the mindset that is an intrinsic part of transvestism. The transvestite cross dresser knows they can always remove the clothes and go back to being male. They are either unwilling or simply not prepared to give up that option. Not that any of them would ever admit that of course.

Perhaps what is necessary is for candidates for transition to consider what their real motivation is; what it is that is at the source of what drives them towards transition. It's my belief that there is more than one factor and it is the attempt to make the factors one simple driving force that causes the conflict we see around the blogs.

I just know that when when you see genuine transsexuality even though you may not be able to define and describe it; you do know it when you see it. I just don't see it all that often, except in the choices people make and in the actions with their lives. Transsexuality is then remarkably visible and on display. However you rarely if ever see it in an out and proud activist, do you? Answer this question Stephanie, how would know who I was or whom any of us were have made any difference to YOU, when surely that which you purport to be is all around you to be your role model. That was certainly the only role model I ever needed.


Anonymous said...

Out and proud is stupid, PERIOD.

why? you Tee-Gees ask.
It's simple what are you a man or a woman?
Why do you need to say "I am a transwoman"?

Do you see women in the store saying they are White women, or whatever race they are?
Do you see women saying they are middle class women?
Do you see women say they are SUV or Truck driving women?

Fuck no you don't see any of this.
You Tee-Gees are childish nobody gives a flying fat fuck what your chickenshit identity politics are.

You act like a bunch of children you can't go anywhere or post anything wi8thout blabbing about your genitals or the you are a some creature trapped in the wrong body.

Grow up for fuck sake and get a real fucking life we, the rest of the motherfucking word are sick and tired of your tranny bullshit.

Act your age and not your underwear size for fuck sake.

I'm so fucking tired of this shit.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I am in a good position to comment on this being a late transitioner myself. The simple fact is the things that led me to this point, to delay this long, were a combination of bad circumstances and poor choices. I blame no one for them. I don't feel overly bitter either, I feel fortunate that I an now in my second year of transition and doing fairly well. I am very proud of myself as a person but I don't think I am the sort to be "out and proud". I think if someone chooses that path then it is a personal decision and no one has the right to make anyone feel bad for wanting a normal life. Those of my generation who transitioned much younger than I were sometimes fortunate, sometimes smart, sometimes more determined but none of that gave them an obligation to be public examples and they have every right to live their life as normal people. To say otherwise is stupid, plain and simple.

Anne said...

Now, NOW, NYF...Not everyone can be as grown up as you care. Don't be so intolerant. Try working on your inclusice enabling skills

Anonymous said...

I thought I was fairly restrained in my response.

But face it, people who have to parade around their freakish behavior are truly mentally ill. Look at how many of them are on psych meds.

Amber Powell said...

Having read several other posts I would also like to say that being out and proud is not stupid. It is a fairly brave thing to do - I dont think Lynn Conway is stupid. Some people have the desire to advocate publicly and if you are going to do that being out is really a requirement. Those that choose to do so are often choosing a hard life but also an important one. I dont think it is right to refer to the as stupid.

Anonymous said...


I spent some time reading your blog and the "poor me" pity party, raw deal you got in life. I am not going to give you direct advice, but knowing from my own experience you cannot find self esteem enough to get off your ass from a place of victim politics. Not one of the gals of history "owed you" to show you the way. Yes some got the info early and took action. I see you as a person stuck, unwilling to act, which is very telling this may not be the right path for you.

Once I had the correct info I took action, I worked my ass off for two and half years, 124-128 hours a week, crappy low paying jobs, passed out three times and went to the hospital once from exhaustion. It felt like I was being chased by death and I treated this as a serious medical condition. Once begun there was no stopping me and I never blamed anyone for not revealing the path to me.

I had no expectations--just gratitude.

I found myself caught up in the "out and proud" politics of TG Inc., mostly my own ignorance and desire to belong someplace without family support. As soon as I gained some real girlfriends I blossomed and ran away from the trans-community ghetto as fast as I could.

I was coached out of that ghetto-think and moved to a better place were no excuses are allowed. Got to see the world, worked and saved some more for graduate school. Prior to that was a hell and that 2.5 years of in that middle place was just a blur in my history--never were I belonged.

What I'm hearing from you doesn't vibe your head is in the right place to do this. You are were you are right now because you choose to be. Sans her harsher words I have to agree with Elizabeth about you.


Anne said...

A Painful Truth....

Anonymous said...

Here are the experiences of one who is out and proud.

enjoy and as always comment but do not post links as that will cause your comments to be moderated.

Anonymous said...

One datapoint:

In 1972 I contacted the Erikson Educational Foundation. They told me about new transition group in the midwestern city of my birth. I returned and made contact. (At the time the patient group numbered about 30 souls, I believe.) On the cusp of transition in 1972, my shrink and I gave an interview to reporter, resulting in a large and helpful article in the city's major newspaper. Anyone in town who cared about the subject could have used the information in the article to contacted the group. Or they could have easily gotten a referral from a local shrink or written to the Erikson Educational Foundation for contact information if too closeted to cold-call a shrink.

Fast forward to some years ago when I encountered on-line harassment from someone who envied how "lucky" I was to transition when I did and complained bitterly "there were no resources" in her city at that time. (She was about my age.) It turned out she lived in the same city! I *know* the resources where there. *I* found them. I was out enough at the time to help make the resources PUBLICLY known to anyone who read the daily newspaper or asked a local shrink!

Over the years I helped people transition. I went out with people who weren't passible to give them confidence on their first forays in public, enduring reads by association. Offered advice and a shoulder to cry on when they were needed. I even bough clothes for the poor. Several have thanked me for saving their lives by being there when they needed me. Yet there are those who would retrospectively dis me for the imagined crimes of not being out and not helping *them*. Any surprise I've lost interest in helping?

People grasp for excuses and invent justifications but it would be healthier to admit they feared to make the choice to do something about it. Grow up. Accept responsibility. Forgive yourself. Admit you were afraid. Admit that whatever reason you had was enough for you at the time. Accept responsibility for your life and your choices. Don't blame us for not prying you out of the closet with pliers and ice tongs and forcing you seek help. It never was our job. Still isn't.

- an old aunty

Van Buren said...

On a slightly unrelated note (sorry), I had never heard of The EEF A/O/Aunty, so I took a quick search and had a read up on Reed and it.

I must say, what I found was quite the education in the history of those who studied and helped treat the condition and (in some ways) how the the standards for treatment have come to be as they are now.

I also found it really interesting that resources like those existed back then. For me, now, in 2011 those resources and programs seem pretty much nonexistent locally to me.

I'm not saying it isn't possible and I suspect quite a bit easier to "Transition" these days, but I personally have been responsible for finding every practitioner I need in order to get the things I require (and they don't advertise) and I am/have been responsible for every dollar of every related expense (and for those interested, it ain't cheap).

I grew up in a small country town (pop 1200) and even though I grew up in the 80/90s, there's no knowledge or experience in treatment within a 600mile radius of my original home.

The only program with any government assistance local to me is 1800 miles away in the next state across and when I learned of them, I made contact and was told it was best I stay where I was and try to get treatment here, as their program was already over its extremely limited capacity.

I guess my point is, those that need it, find a way regardless of the where or how (but you know that).

I've still only met two post op TS in real life (quite a few "pre ops", but none with what appears to be solid direction and a plan to get there), and I met them a while after initiating things for myself.

I was talking with a post op friend (I correspond with online) the other night about a "pre op" that I've met.

Most would look at her and me beside each other and tell me I'm kidding myself, she's more delicate, and feminine in every way than me. She's been full time 2 years, has her SRS papers, owns her own business (and so, has the money) yet when I asked her what she's waiting for she says she's saving up because she wants to make sure she can afford FFS as well, or any of a million other excuses.

But she brought her self a new car not 8 months ago.

Fact is (again as you know, and as I said to my online friend) TS's don't make excuses.

Teslagirl said...

I've just found this blog, and thank God, it's like coming home. In the UK we're constantly bombarded by the tg word as a default and I'm sick of being co-opted by delusional heterosexual trans-fetishist males in order to validate their existence.

Anyone saying we should be 'out and proud' is just trying to extend their control over our identities and further validate themselves by association.