Christine Benvenuto vs Joy (Jay) Ladin

A funny thing happened when Jay Ladin decided to become Joy Ladin in the middle of his very dominant male life as the husband in an Orthodox Jewish Marriage, his wife woke up. I am sure Mr. Ladin never thought that would happen because he knew his wife, as a timid and supportive woman that single handed was raising their three children while substitute teaching in their locale of South Hadley Massachusetts, plus doing part time editing work for publishers. This enclave just off I-91 is a bastion of Liberalism in the midst of a group of elite small colleges and the University of Massachusetts. It is a beautiful place to live and raise a family but god help you if you stray from the politically correctness of the left.

If you have read any of Joy Ladin's self aggrandizing articles and her memoir it becomes quite apparent she is obsessed with describing herself as brave, courageous, steadfast, heroic, strong, and conveniently a transsexual when use of the word carries importance. Joy Ladin described Christine as a stay at home wife who did not work which is the first of his many lies.  There is no question he was the primary bread winner but substitute teaching in 3 local school systems, editing manuscripts for publishers while raising 3 children while hubby was teaching at Yeshiva in New York City, is far from not working. Only a man would assume that Christine  Benvenuto was not working twice as hard as any man but then mothers never are appreciated by certain men.

In this article in the Mail Online Joy Ladin brings forth the ultimate nightmarish image for any Jew when she claims she lived in "her own concentration camp" and somehow escaped and became a "heroine of the transgender community". This article was okay even though they used the he word for pre Joy. Typical of all of his comments, articles and his memoir he took nasty shots at his ex-wife. Notice the political correctness when saying "her wife" yet a slip-up using he later but alas this was a positive review and was soothing to his male ego. Don't you think "her wife" is kind of insulting to Christine? After all she is a heterosexual woman and is not nor has she ever been lesbian but then non trans people have no rights any longer when dealing with the transgendered.

During arguments with her wife, she recalls wanting to explain: 'This isn’t a typical male midlife crisis - it’s a typical transsexual midlife crisis.'

As a man, Jay Ladin always knew he liked to dress in women's clothing and was honest about his tendencies with his then girlfriend in college. 

Joy has come up with a new and better narrative by now.  It was not his fault because he told the girlfriend he was transsexual and a cross-dresser before they were married. The simple truth is based on what happened that is a complete lie. No woman would accept a man under those conditions and then dump him and be as angry as she was when it happened.  Someone is lying here and even in this he said-she said I believe Christine Benvenuto.  Why would a catholic girl convert to Judaism under those circumstances? They would not.

The following excerpt from this interview says it all.

When the walls of her 'private concentration camp finally collapsed' in 2005, Ms Ladin's wife refused to approve of what she saw as the destruction and erasure of their lives together. 

'Most literature on transsexuality implies that there is a moral obligation for others to recognize the supremacy of the transsexual’s needs,' writes the professor. 

But her wife was not like everyone else. Her 'courage' as a young adult to resist the moral decree that a woman should always put others' needs before her own - that had once been the object of her husband's admiration - now stood in the way of her acceptance of his true identity. 

'Rather than swallowing her pain and focusing on my mine, she decided to fight for her life,' Ms Ladin explains in the book. 'If I had been faithless, she would be faithful.
'If I denied the reality of the man she loved, she would mourn and defend him.'

There is a moral obligation for others to recognize the supremacy of the transsexual's needs? Actually he means it was his Jewish Wife's moral obligation to support her "trans" husband! Where the heck did that drivel come from? First rule of men in a dress is their needs are supreme over every one else's needs and there is nothing like an arrogant late transitioner that has had time to line up his narrative and learn it well and his wife be damned if she decides to burst his bubble and tell the truth. These words are from Christine's ex-husband and they condemn him for what he is and it is not transsexual.

The real problem is Christine Benvenuto is contradicting her ex-husbands grandiose opinion of himself and is calling into open question the veracity of his claims and then this self-described intellectual opens his mouth and proceeds to prove to anyone truly born transsexual, early or late transition, that he is so full of shit he should provide hip-boots to wade through his crap.

Jay Ladin's arrogance knows no bounds and he is a good writer with an abounding ability to emphasize his bravery and his wife's cowardice for not accepting him and fearing for the worst. After all a wife in a good Jewish marriage supports her husband at all costs.

In this New Haven News essay Joy Ladin discusses going through adolescence in mid-life and of course his bravery and courage are at the forefront and he often comments how he proves his wife "wrong" when he walks down streets in a dress and high heels with his new friend Nancy, she helps dress him and encourages him, as he struts his stuff as a woman. It reads like something written by the transvestites on T-Central except it is well written with his grandiose style.  You have to realize that he was a literary nobody before he became  the celebrity transgender heroine of his dreams.  Now he is praised by former Pulitzer prize winners because he is the current flavor of the month.

This is the same man that tried to gain custody of his middle daughter because his wife was not teaching her to be feminine enough. This is the man that admitted he had dressup dates with this same daughter where he asked his then 7-8 year old daughter how she thought he would look in certain outfits. This is verified by the son who is the oldest. This is a man that cross-dressed in front of his 2 year old when still living with the wife for the two years after his announcement. She was kinder than I would have been and was. I would have thrown his worthless ass out then and there but she actually did try and be a good wife or spouse.

Christine's memoir of what happened is how she viewed it and is told from the viewpoint of a woman conflicted by her love for this man who has suddenly decided to be a woman and the need to keep her family together and to protect her children. Joy Lain wrote a memoir with his view of the events but his wife is not allowed such a privilege even though she is a better writer than this self-absorbed man in a dress which he technically still is.

I wonder how they would feel at Yeshiva University if he decided to shower and get naked with the coeds?

There was nothing intolerant about the the article Christine Benvenuto wrote.  The Gazette commissioned it and approved it and PAID for it and it was at their suggestion she write the article. They were bullied into pulling it based on the claims of some that it was transphobic. Please point out the transphobic part of the article. Margaret Cerullo led a protest when Ms Benvenuto had a book reading at Amherst Books. They were loud and extremely vulgar despite the fact young children where in the store and the protest was violent enough for the Police Department to be called. Like a bunch of angry men they screamed and yelled in protest of a book not one single member of the protest group has admitted to reading. Excerpts were enough to censor a book and I am sure they would have held a book burning if given the chance.

Cerullo is a Sociology Professor at Hampshire College and teaches "Queer Studies" which is odd because being trans has nothing to do with "Queer Studies" but then Joy Ladin teaches English in the Women's college at Yeshiva and he has not one thing in common with women including packing and keeping his penis. If you read his musings you will find little to no reference to undergoing a "sex change" because after all it is not necessary for a man in touch with his frilly dress and heels side. Isn't it ironic that so-called feminists jump to the side of man who claims to be a woman yet requires his penis to function. They must have a new breed of feminists at Hampshire College.

I would recommend certain commenters actually read a lot of what Joy Ladin has written but then most make up their opinion based on their stance on the TG mafia which has certainly reared its ugly head in the Christine Benvenuto assault. Read his claims that he was in his own "private" concentration camp because he was "trans".  Funny thing is those interned in concentration camps had no chance to "escape", they only had to die.  Joy Ladin could escape her "self-described" private concentration camp at any time by simply doing what was necessary but unlike her self belief she is a heroine she is actually a callous coward that destroyed a family and then pretended it was the wife's fault.  How so very manly of Joy Ladin.

Joy Ladin is a typical delusional transgender nitwit that grasped onto the term "transsexual" because he felt it would get him sympathy. He has changed his narrative more times than one can count and he becomes brave and more heroic with every nuance he adds yet it reads like the narrative of a child transsexual just trying to survive her living nightmare but brave Jay managed to hold out tell he was in his mid forties. Has anyone ever read where a transsexual has said they would "die" if they could not wear a dress? We might die but it will be because we cannot somehow obtain SRS which Joy Ladin seems not to need.

As a woman that went through something similar it shook me to the core because I was deeply hurt also but not as deeply as Christine.  I was independent enough to tell mine to move out right now but he was like a bad cold because I could not get rid of him.  Christine does not speak with her ex and I wish I was in that position but I am not.

As a woman I side with Christine because what she has written is from the heart and as accurate as one can make it when a family is torn apart. The only ones that treat the wife like Jay Ladin are his fellow transvestites. Every late transitioner I know or have read about that was transsexual had a lot of guilt over what happened to their wife.  Some wives seem to be strong enough to stay with the new spouse but the spouse has the right to be upset and angry of this type of betrayal and only those with no experience in life as a woman and a mother could possibly side with Joy Ladin but then some support the Transgender regardless of what they do.

It really does make you wonder what kind of a woman does that. Jay Ladin is now a heroic spokesperson for the Transgender Mafia and like all good male thugs he expects no objections and that includes from his wife. After all women should be seen and not heard and this is a classic example.

I would tell you to go frak yourself but the only place your dilator will find a home is up your ass and that is kind of fitting.

Transgender Censorship At Work

The article below was brought to my attention by a reader and was copied from Gender Trender so it can be read here.  The above link is to an excellent article describing the censorship imposed or coerced by trans activists on the Kveller website trying to explain why it was removed.

Following the article is the rationale by Kveller which in reality is based on specious comments and a vicious attack on the former wife of Joy Ladin who is a Professor at Yeshiva University who so conveniently waited until he was tenured before changing genders which led to divorce.

Ms Benvenuto is far kinder than I would be to this piece of shit who feels he can write about his wife and family in his autobiography but his wife cannot write about some of the issues she faces on a daily basis. Christine Benevenuto is a published author of note and is well respected yet her words were censored and she was actually attacked verbally in NYC at a book reading by the transgender mafia that required police intervention and this is the real reason for her ex's anger.

Christine Benvenuto has written a book titled:

Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On

Amazon Link

This is the reason for the censorship and the further attempted censorship of her book by the transgender mafia. How dare anyone write a book that describes what the wife goes through when a husband that has never cross-dressed suddenly decides to change genders and in her case becomes hostile to her in subtle ways that nearly broke this shy Jewish woman. There are some indications he had father issues and said occassionally he wished he was a girl when they first met but it ended there. The book should give unsight into this.

How dare she write about her feelings and what this did to her.  I have purchased the Kindle version of her book and am reading it and will publish a review.

Read this and tell me why you would censor this article. Now you know why.  Now even Gender Trender knows the rationale behind the attacks on Christine Benevenuto. So now you know the rest of the story behind this attempt at censorship.


Reprinted unedited under Fair Use.


Dec 3 2012

Staying in the Same Town as My Ex

By Christine Benvenuto at 9:54 am

Recently, one of my children was referred to a new doctor. Somewhat unusually, my ex came along to the appointment.

The doctor entered the room where we sat waiting, introduced herself, and greeted my child. I introduced myself as my child’s mother. “And who are you?” the doctor asked my ex. “I’m the other parent,” my ex replied stiffly. “The other parent,” the doctor echoed, laughing and nodding. I could see her assessing the situation, making the obvious assumption about our family composition: I had given birth to my child. Her “other parent” was my former lesbian partner. Half right. Sketching in our child’s medical profile the doctor asked some questions about her brother and sister, and we provided the necessary information.

“But do they have the same father?” the doctor inquired. What she meant but didn’t say was, “Do they have the same sperm donor?”

“Yes,” we said in unison. What we meant but didn’t say was, “Yes, and you are looking at him.”

A funny thing happened on the way to my becoming a single mom.

My husband and I got together in our teens. More than 20 years and three children later, he decided to live the rest of his life as a woman. Our marriage melted along with his masculinity. I went through the anguish any woman might over the unexpected demise of a long and happy marriage. I faced the usual potpourri of dread–of penury, isolation–when I contemplated raising three children alone, the youngest still in diapers. Worse, I felt crushed by a sense that the reason for my marriage’s demise said something so terrible about me it would be intolerable to remain in a place in which it was public knowledge. Exactly what it said, I wasn’t sure. Maybe that was part of what made it so awful.

Everything was changing. I thought that where my children and I lived would have to change right along with it. But I love where I live. More importantly, my children are fiercely attached to it. They like that when my friends spot them in town without me, they want to know who they are with and what they are up to. They like knowing the trees that are tapped for our syrup and the chickens providing our eggs. They like noticing the way the flocks of turkeys who usually tie up traffic on our roads seem to go into hiding just before Thanksgiving each year only to reappear when it’s safely over.

Still. Weren’t we fighting a losing battle, hanging onto a place just because it was where we had once been happy? I couldn’t go, but how could I stay?

Finally someone offered the most profound insight into my situation I have heard to date, uttering the words that set me free from this stalemate: “You aren’t the first woman to marry a jerk, and you won’t be the last.”

Ah!

She was saying I had nothing to be ashamed of. My ex’s choices didn’t reflect badly on me. When a guy dumps a wife and young children for another woman, people–the wife in question, certainly–are more likely to think, “What a jerk!” than, “What a hero!” Why should it be any different just because the other woman is the guy?

I’ve stayed–so far. As long I remain I can’t ever get entirely away from my past, but then maybe I don’t want to. It’s mine, after all. Everything my eyes rest on, every Fall Foliage banner, every coffee shop and playground, recalls some moment of my children’s lives, some treasure I never want to lose. I was happy before. I’m happy now. I’ve made a new life without leaving. Astoundingly, I’ve moved on without leaving home.

On the other hand, I also can’t get entirely away from my ex’s presence. There’s no upside to that one. I can’t know when, not if but when, my ex will pop up somewhere or sometime I least expect him.

Last December I was behind the wheel of a pickup truck, a little before 9 in the morning, after delivering my children to their schools. I was headed downhill on a narrow winding road, a horse pasture on the other side of the fence on my left. There is an entrance to the pasture at the bottom of the hill but few vehicles stop there. I was expecting a 40 mile an hour shot down the hill, through the tiny town center and up another hill to where I live, what National Public Radio calls my local member station muttering sedately at the outskirts of my attention all the while. Then two things happened.

My former husband was in the truck. That is, his voice was in the truck. His odd, grown-male-straining-for-the-uppermost-register-of-his-voice voice. Saying his name. Saying, “What the holidays mean to me is–.”

I reached the knob in time to spare myself anything further. I didn’t learn what the holidays mean to my ex. Presumably not celebrating with his family. Not the intention, unfulfilled yearly, to make it to the lighting of the town menorah. Not the intention, always fulfilled, to light every menorah we own at least one night of Hanukkah. Not the turns around a frozen pond in skates bought long ago for other feet. Not New Year’s Eve in front of the fire, at least one child struggling to remain head up and eyes open. Not these things he isn’t around for.

The radio station was engaged in a December campaign, trite but previously benign, of playing the voices of area residents saying Feliz Navidad or Happy Solstice. I was engaged in a December campaign of tuning them out. Why my former husband? How did they choose him? In their efforts to be inclusive did they feel that merely by airing his voice, regardless of what he said, they could have a demographic covered? I couldn’t think about it right then. I was too busy stomping on the brake, trying not to rear-end the truck in front of me that had, in the split second I was devoting to my radio knob, stopped at the pasture gate. I just made it.

Usually the omnipresence of Bing Crosby and the Chipmunks is enough reason to avoid the radio this time of year. Now I had another. In subsequent days I had several opportunities to lunge for the dial. Friends caught the spot and shared their unique takes on it. “My husband said he heard your ex on the radio advertising himself,” one reported. “Why would he be advertising himself?” she wondered. “My husband said whatever the reason was, if he gets any money out of it he hopes he will give some of it to his family.”

So yes, my ex recurs like Christmas carols. But I don’t have to let him drown out the rest of my life. I knew the holidays would soon be over, and the echoes of his voice along with them.



The following is the notice of censorship published by the Kveller website:

Dec 5 2012

A Note to Our Readers

By Kveller at 12:07 pm

Kveller has always prided itself on being a place where people can discuss the most challenging parts of life and parenting—infertility, death, and yes, divorce.

We have seen how much support, encouragement, and affirmation people feel when their voices are heard and their deepest disappointments and difficulties are shared and discussed.

The honesty and courage of our writers are what have made Kveller such a compelling and valuable website.

At the same time, the social utility of our articles is something we take seriously. We want Kveller to help people feel more confident, more secure, more understood. Unfortunately, our decision to publish “Staying in the Same Town as My Ex” in the form that it was in has undermined that effort, and thus we have decided to remove it from the website.

When it comes to issues that impact a historically (and currently) persecuted community it is our responsibility as editors to be extra sensitive to the exact language being used. Kveller and its parent organization MyJewishLearning are committed to honoring the identities and life experience of all people, including transgender people. We do not believe that this article was meant to be transphobic, but we do believe that our failures in the editing process created an article that could be read that way, which is not good for the writer, Kveller, and most importantly, the LGBT community, which Kveller and MyJewishLearning are dedicated to supporting and working with to create a more inclusive Jewish community.

So, Why Am I Supposed to Feel Guilty?

It seems that I should feel guilty because I somehow got to live my life as a girl and a woman. Somehow, I did something wrong by not being "out" and "proud" to be "trans".  Some of the many loons that promote this theme, Stephanie for one, have been losers their entire lives. Rather than living life they delved into drugs and booze and unlike those courageous enough to defeat those demons they prefer to blame people like me for living a quiet and successful life.

We all face those demons when we are born transsexual. There is a lot of negativity surrounding us and in my era that negativity was compounded by lack of knowledge about transsexualism and in my case complete lack of realization that it existed. One does not choose transsexualism, it chooses you, despite what some would like you to believe. Anyone that would "claim" they choose transsexualism is insane. It is that simple but then some people will latch onto anything if it gives their pathetic lives meaning.

Whether you are 13, 25, 35, or 45 dealing with transsexualism is not a walk in the park, it is a lot of hard work and unfortunately sometimes luck is involved. I certainly did not have the roof of my garage lift off and reveal to me that I was "transsexual" late in life as one particular loon describes her awakening which was of course later altered to present  better picture. I and most like me lived this nightmare every single day and believe me the movie "Groundhog Day" is what we lived every single day except ours was a nightmare not somewhere where we get to enlighten ourselves.

Our enlightenment is the salvation of SRS and the potential new life it can lead to and that is a key point. We have the potential to have the life we want and have prayed for but it takes a lot of courage to  work for that life. Initially I tried to bow out of life because I felt helpless and that is a problem for many children and young adults.

I have had multiple people tell me if I had been more open about my life it would have helped them back in the day. Well, I actually was kind of open about this for a short while after SRS on radio in NYC and several Television shows out of the city but it was not the life i wanted. I did not fight my way through this crap to play activist. I fought my way through this crap to live and by live I mean live as just an ordinary woman in everyday American life. I believe I succeeded at that.

Somehow I am not supposed to be proud that I actually set precedents for women in multiple areas of Business and Engineering. No, I am not going to tell you what but those that know me as close friends understand the circumstances. I and many like me have done similar things over the years not because we were somehow still "tarns", we thankfully leave that behind us, but because we are women and circumstances gave us a chance to succeed and we did.

Now, the simple concept of staying "trans" is where we differ. I was not "crossing" or "changing" or "playing" or "femulating" after SRS, I was just living as me and no longer "trans" because SRS ended that.

When I woke up completely after making it back to my room in the late afternoon there was a friendly hand holding my hand. It was Dr. Benjamin and he asked me "how do you feel", which I am sure was about the pain but my comment started with, "I feel complete", and we ended up in  a hazy conversation about why it was finally over but the key was what Harry said before he left.  He said, "It will only be over if you let it be over", and it took a while for that to sink into my thick Welsh gray matter but eventually it did.

In order to live you have to let go of the past.  It does not mean you forget about  what you went through and all the pain and anguish.  It means you have to finally accept the fact you are a girl, a woman, a female, and a complete person. You are no longer transsexual, transgender, or trans because that is just a crutch many find convenient to lean on. One does not have to work so hard at living if one has a crutch.

The thing I found amazing was I actually never thought about being born male after SRS.  Do not get me wrong, I remembered, because I had some seriously ugly shit done to me but I won and they lost because I survived and made it.

Yes, I won the genetic lottery at birth because I was feminine but as a child it was genetic hell in so many ways. Believe me, I am not sorry about that, I was lucky and for that I am thankful. I am in awe of those born transsexual that lost the genetic lottery yet still worked their ass off to succeed and make themselves presentable as women, because they earned it and they will cherish it. I am appalled when so-called activists say negative things about what they have done to make it. It is actually jealousy because when you are a complete loser in life then it makes your life more livable to believe someone else got all the breaks, when in fact, like all of us, they worked their ass off to get there.

These so-called activists that claim that unless you are "out" and "proud" your life has no meaning are the real losers in life.  Many of these activists are still packing a penis and are deluding themselves into believing they are actually female and a woman. They support crazies like Colleen Francis because it benefits their delusional world view and are incapable of realizing it actually harms women because they understand they are not women so like all "men" they want to change the world definition of "female" to fit them and their penis. They even like to claim, if they like men, that the men that like them are straight.  I actually watched a video where one said "her" straight boyfriends liked to suck her penis.  Sorry pal but any man that sucks a dick is gay or bisexual and most certainly not straight, but then they do live in a delusional world. Also, if you want your "dick" sucked you are not a woman so get over it. By the way I have no issue if this is what they enjoy but please do not tell me I have to believe your delusion!

I have a friend in England that I am in awe of in so many ways.  She is an activist but the quiet type who still lives a rather mundane to normal life but fights for kids. She has helped kids I would have run from because we have set requirements including parental support.  In so many ways we are cowards compared to her. She takes on cases and causes that would cause me to shudder. Another mutual friend of ours does the same thing in the Philadelphia area of the United States.  She is a Saint because she not only helps them, she rescues them and moves them into her home for safety as has my friend in England. They are both quiet about their lives yet they  give back in ways none of these new activists ever could.

There are some activists I disagree with vehemently about many issues but they do things I am in awe of. Dysonnance runs a shelter in Arizona and deserves to be commended for that. Black Swan has helped many with legal briefs relating to insurance and other issues in Los Angeles including those children at Children's Hospital of LA. We agree to disagree, she hates me, but she gets kudos for trying to help.

There are many others that have done similar good deeds.  The problem is that all too many are activists for their own needs and do not give a damn about anyone but themselves. The list is too long and it would be a disservice to even mention one name.

Many of these fools are simply transvestites looking to legitimize their existence by claiming they are no longer "crossdressers" but are transgendered. It is part of the delusional world they live in where they are obsessed with "womenless" pageants and sundry other issues where boys are pretending to be girls which is what they do in their daily lives.

The funny thing about activists is there are two types. Those that chose to be activists and those that were outed and had it chosen for them. I really have little issue with those that had it chosen for them like Lynn Conway because we might disagree but she lived life as a woman and has a clue unlike some that have played at it and think they are owed something because they are permanently "trans".

So to put it bluntly I am not sorry for living my life as just an ordinary woman. If that is not what you wanted then you were not born transsexual. Sometimes circumstances intervene but I have never met anyone born transsexual that wanted anything other than normalcy in their life. All the rest of you are just plain frauds and should change you mantra from "trans woman" to "fraudulent woman" because it fits better. Until you have lived as a woman with your past unknown you cannot truly understand what it means to be a woman. It is why there are feminists and sadly you frauds will never understand that.

You will never have a fellow Engineer ask; "why is a pretty girl like you not home having babies?"; you will never be told you get less pay because men need to support their wife and children; you will never be denied promotions because you might get pregnant; you will never be told you are a girl so emotionally you cannot possibly handle the position; and you will never be told you fucked your way to the top if you actually do move up the Corporate ladder.

You assholes will have your "trans" protections that women do not have but you will also claim the same rights as women that many of us have fought for and earned over the years. You keep your male privilege gained on the job as a man with your "trans rights" and still demand to be accepted as a woman.  You are so clueless you cannot see how badly that galls most women in the workforce but then you are a special kind of woman aren't you?  You are a "trans woman" and are so naive you cannot realize how silly that sounds but then men just do not get it.

On the other hand you will never know what the joys of being a woman are. That first kiss from a boy that literally blows you mind because it is everything you dreamed of. That first date with a boy when he holds your hand and you feel protected.  That first true relationship with a guy that changes your life forever. The first time you have sex when you are actually nervous and scared at the same time yet the man that is making love to you leads you gently through your first experience. The incredible sensual joy of your first female orgasm during sex, it is mind altering. They joy of possibly getting the chance of being a stepmother and learning that maternal instincts are within you along with some help from mom. Finally meeting your soul mate and the wedding you dreamed of and the realization that the man waiting for you with the Minister is someone you want to spend your life with, who loves you and will protect you which is a base instinct for all women.

There are so many more and all of them are apropos of any lesbian relationship.  So all of you "fraudulent women" out there just remember you will always be what you were before you decided to be trans and we will always be what we should have been and regardless of what you say your penis defines you and in some cases your words define you as mine do me.  I am comfortable with who I am and my life while you are a misfit and always will be because you will always be "trans" in your own mind.

Sadly you are what you were born and no legislation and no amount of pandering will ever change the simple fact we won and you lost and in so many ways it is sad how lost you really are. You can learn the story but when you deny the life the story demands then you lose.