There are times I wonder why I bother. Like most I am not adverse to saying and posting stupid things but since this is my blog I reserve the right to do that. Like all of you I am a flawed human being. Being flawed is part of the human experience. Our flaws are why many people strive desperately to discover some kind of spiritual meaning to our seemingly short physical existence. There has to be something else besides this because we all recognize the flaws evident in everyday society. It is what has driven man to religions of all forms.
My opinions are mine and are based on my experience in a life I never thought I would get to live as a child. I know I was born transsexual but firmly believe I was cured in early 1971. I am not a victim nor am I believer that this medical condition should control your entire life. I know how it consumed me as a child. I was both confused, scared and very angry until I met a Physician that began the process of leading me to my salvation. Salvation might be a strong word for some but to me it was salvation because I was saved. It was a long process that lasted slightly over 11 years do to some unforeseen challenges and setbacks which were not uncommon for us in the predawn era of whatever enlightenment has occurred concerning those of us born transsexual.
After my surgery I never really thought about being born transsexual until some situation reared its ugly face. I failed to tell a man I fell in love with within 6 months of my SRS and paid a very steep price when he somehow found out before I could tell him. I can honestly say I am not sure I really had any idea how to tell him or if I ever would have told him. I was kind of consumed with being the girl I finally was and even after a proposal I gleefully accepted I never really broached the subject of telling him. I was told I should by everyone but being young and in love was so thrilling and life was such pure joy I think I believed it would never end because I deserved this.
I was so happy it just did not seem necessary but living in NYC made it a necessity plus where he worked and who he represented made it imperative but nobody ever said kids like us have a lot of common sense when it comes to dealing with men, love, sex, and other issues. I sometimes wonder would it have been different if I had managed to tell him but I cannot honestly say it would have been. What he said and called me cut to the bone and was both bruising and nasty but I told myself I deserved it but none of us really deserve that.
I sometimes wish I could have just moved to another continent and left everything behind including the silliness of having been born transsexual. The problem with that scenario was leaving behind the many people I cared about such as my mom, brothers, Harry, and lose friends. I have a close friend who did this and succeeded wonderfully because she has had a wonderfully normal life as a woman.
I have actually thought of shutting this blog down but have decided not to. I have been threatened by people like June Hingle who has tried desperately to find out who I am so she can hurt me in theory by exposing my identity. June has threatened another blogger and has caused her to back off. Every time I take moderation off June finds her way back to my blog with her hatred of me. I actually received a rather ugly email from June after she commented on the "First Kiss" post.
June seems to believe that if she makes "nice" people will forgive her for her past comments but I am and never will forgive her for what she has done and said openly and done and said behind the scenes. Quite simply I do not want to be "pals" with June Hingle because I could never trust June Hingle and well she makes the insane seem sane. One minute she is posting vicious comments on any blog comment section where she has not been banned aimed at me and then she is trying to make nice with comments and assuming her make nice makes up for what was said.
One thing I will warn all commentators about is that every comment is logged as an email behind the scenes and is part of blogger if you want so despite the fact she deletes her own comments I have them all going back to day one. I have every comment archived. Her delusions go very deep and she has burned her bridges everywhere on the internet. Few people are as openly shunned as June.
She is banned from commenting on this blog and is the only reason moderation is on. June is the classic example of a sock puppet. She has more identities than an identity thief. June is not welcome here.
I have a simple philosophy about this condition we were born with. I actually do not give advice about transition or even to those post other than be safe and that includes the sundry kids I have been involved in helping. We talk with them and if asked will possibly give advice but everyone needs to make their way down this path themselves. Every transition is different and thus no two transitions are the same. It is because people are different.
After one is cured everyone has to live their own life. Go stealth if you want to because it is your right to be happy. Be public if you want because that is your right but just remember you represent yourself and nobody voted you the local know it all. This then gets to my pet peeve which has caused some of my posts and rants.
If you have not transitioned then STFU about the difficulties involved in transitioning. You have no freaking clue. Whether you know it or not you are acting like a typical know it all man which in many cases you still are. If you have not had SRS then please do not try and tell those of us that live as women what it means to be a woman. If you have a freaking penis you will NEVER understand what it means to be a woman. We deal with men as women on a daily basis and I can assure you most of us are as clueless as most women are about men other than realizing most of them are controlled by their penis which means those that kept theirs fall into the same category.
Do not tell me or kids like me you would have done what we did at our ages if given the chance. The problem is quite simply nobody gave us a "chance" we just did it because we could not nor would not continue the way we were. It was our survival mechanism. I never had a gay relationship with all my gay boyfriends like June once threw in my face. I had a boyfriend that loved me as a girl and never pushed it sexually. I had two boyfriends in college after he died and neither pushed it sexually. They knew how I felt about it. Discounting my rape, which i do not remember, my first experience with sex was when I was 25 1/2 with a man as a free girl in NYC.
I find those that have not walked any of this path but post about it like they have to be pathetic. It is a typically male attitude to believe they know better what it means to be either transsexual or a girl/female/woman. Nothing can or could be farther from the truth but then all those transvestite fantasy magazines with their forced feminization themes give them all that expertise they think they need.
Another pet peeve is the belief by many late transitioners that they are Type VI Benjamin transsexuals. I am not denying they are transsexual but I can assure you not one single Type VI transsexual ever made it to 50. Total Psycho Sexual Inversion makes it impossible but then that is something they manage to overlook and truly cannot understand because if they did they would not lie to themselves or would memorize a more accurate narrative for the incompetent therapist they intend to fool. All I will add is unless you have lived through that kind of anguish you cannot possibly understand how ludicrous it is to claim at 50+ that you are Type VI because not one of us would wish what we went through on another single living person. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Another pet peeve is the lengths that some men will go to get the wife to approve of their transgressions into cross-dressing. Is my pal the "bee-sting transsexual" one of these? Yes, but Chloe was transsexual to start with IMHO. I was never married to a woman so I gather it must be rough telling the wife and a little subterfuge is often required.
My real pet peeve is A. E. Brain in Australia who claims to both transsexual, intersexed, and a rocket scientist. Only one of her claims is true. I actually know the person that mentioned to Zoe that she might be intersex based on the wild claims she was making online. Within a few days of this conversation Zoe was intersex and claiming to be 47 XXY despite fathering children which is impossible without fertility aid but why let the facts get in the way. Zoe is also not a Rocket Scientist as she claims because those that know me can attest that I actually was once a Rocket Scientist and Zoe is not. I will give Zoe transsexual because Zoe had SRS but the rest is total bullshit.
Now we get to my newest and best pet peeve. The way child transsexuals are treated in Britain and the absolute insanity of whom and what attempts to claim representation of these kids. I am not going into detail because I am composing a major post on everything and everyone involved from the Portman Clinic to certain supposed charities and groups supposedly helping kids and one particular idiot transgender clown that goes by the name Natacha and claims to be a researcher involved with children. His claims along with multiple idiots in British government promote the idea that no single person can possibly know they are transsexual when they are young. They are led by a post FTM whose positions defy description and are directly opposite of everything learned in multiple studies form the Dutch.
The simple truth is they attempt to coerce and push children from getting help and force them to go through a male puberty. According to reliable sources there is not a single documented case of a child even getting on blockers in Britain. In fact one government official quite openly said parents should go to America for help. My friend and I have two children in Britain we rescued from this fate who were both denied access to any help. There are multiple sources that will be referenced that back this up.
The worst part is if you bring them to America to Boston Children's all you will get is blockers until sixteen. The key is for the child to go through the puberty of their true sex not delay it and then whether all you current transsexuals realize it or not the estrogen dosage they put you on is so ludicrously low it is ineffective. Thus the need for implants.The reason is that great Hippocratic Oath section that promotes saving your ass or covering your ass and my general belief these people would not know a truly transsexual child if the child bit them in the ass. There is some hope at LA Children's but the key is early hormone intervention. The earlier the better and we can see examples of those results.
Enough rants for now. I need to prepare for my birthday, I count backwards now, and a new year. Happy New Year to all and please subtract one year for me this Saturday.