To a Love Lost

Well I am totally pissed as a British friend would say. Earlier this evening I nearly finished off a bottle of fine Jim Beam Black with the 90 year old mother of the boy that saved my life. Today is or would have been his birthday and she figured it was better we do it the evening before because she will not be here tomorrow and I cannot be trusted. She is asleep in a spare bedroom but I cannot sleep which is what happens normally for me regardless, but if I drink I certainly will not fall asleep.

His beautiful life was extinguished in a gruesome helicopter crash in Southeast Asia on a clandestine trip into some forbidden country we have never been privileged to know. Cambodia, Laos, or wherever shit hole it makes no difference because he died May 15, 1963 in the predawn of the Vietnam War with 6 other Green Berets, two of whom I had met. His team and the helicopter crew went down and despite some serious inquiries by people with a lot of pull we have never been privy to where and why or even how they went down. Heck, we don't even know if the little remains we buried are his.

At one time I thought or felt I should have marched into some Army base as "me" and gotten him thrown out of the service but I know that would have broken his heart. His dad was a US Ranger on D-Day and he wanted to follow in his fathers footsteps. A son following his father but Kevin did not want to be an officer.

He visited me in college in February of 1963 just days before he shipped out and we had it all planned out. Surgery with Burou at the turn of the year was scheduled by Dr. Benjamin and my Mother and was I going to be free to do with him what I wanted to do from basically the first time I met him. I figured I had my husband and my house with the white picket fence ready and waiting but sometimes dreams become nightmares as this one did.

I am sitting here and I realize how lucky I have been.  My second marriage was perfect in so many ways. I am looking at pictures his Mother took of us together right this moment and as much as I adored my second husband I have to.W hat if? Maybe it is the Bourbon talking but he had already asked me to marry him, a fast yes by the way, and I will always wonder a bit how different my life would have been. There are no assurances in life but I know in my heart we would have been good together.

I believe there is something after death, I need to, because I want him to hold me one more time and maybe if sex is allowed in heaven I can have him like I dreamed. If not then I suggest god send me straight to hell cause I am going to be a pain in your ass. Please don't.

This last sip is for you my love. May god bless you and I hope to see you again sometime later in a better place.

Love.

Sandeen had her orchiectomy and is now a woman?

Well all is good in the world of our transgender prince or is it princess Autumn Sandeen. She had her castration, oops orchiectomy , done by one Dr. Nguyen which according to Sandeen is very brave on hir part which I will actually agree with her on.

"I know a lot of gay and straight men who would shudder at the thought of having their testicles removed...it's a cringe worthy moment. But that's a difference between genital surgery for transsexual women and genital surgery for gay and straight men (such as losing one or both testicles due to testicular cancer). Transsexual women feel no sense of loss at having their genitalia reshaped, and most often feel joy, a sense of relief, and/or no significant emotional response at the loss of one's testicles and/or the inversion of the penis to create a vagina."

Of course the part Sandeen misses continually is the simple fact no gay or straight man would ever consider getting their balls cut off willingly unless they were insane which Sandeen sort of admits to or claims to be although I thought being bi-polar was a condition that could be controlled. Your genitalia were not reshaped Autumn they were kind of trimmed and it in no way qualifies as GRS unless you openly LIE to the State of California on your petition which I assume you have no problem doing.

Do you notice the another important message in this entire farce? I bet you will all miss it but I will clue you in again. Autumn does not mention the term transgender at any time in the article and refers to herself as a transsexual and considers getting her balls cut off "Gender Affirmation Surgery". Funny thing about that orchiectomy.  In the old days it was the first step before SRS or Sex Reassignment Surgery which is actually what facilitates or more accurately is  what Sandeen is implying she had. Actually I do agree that Autumn has Gender Reassignment Surgery" as in the acronym which is GAS.

Is it not convenient that Sandeen deems herself transsexual in order to get her birth sex changed when she is transgender forever. I wonder if the lesbians in the L part of GLBT will now accept her as one of them cause she got her balls removed. I bet they will all jump to her side telling her "now you are a woman" and welcome to the club. Well maybe not cause lesbians do have this thing about girls with dicks or men pretending to be lesbians as they like to call it.

Autumn has enough gas for everyone and if ever an acronym fit a scenario this one does. It takes a lot of balls, oops GAS, to claim getting your balls cut off makes you a female as Autumn says later in the article.

"Where I'm beginning to feel some emotion is at the reality that in my birth state of California, I'll now be able to petition the courts to change my legal sex, and once the petition is granted be able to change my name and sex marker on my birth certificate. Per the state of California records, I'll be a female-born-female. That is an wondrous, amazing, and welcome outcome I'm really, really looking forward to.

So the short term "ow" is for long term benefit on so many levels, the most important benefit in my mind being the soon government recognition that my female gender identity is my sex...that I'm a woman. That gets a 'Yay!" from me."

No Autumn Sandeen you are not a woman.  You are still just a rather sick penis packing no balls whatever in a dress but thankfully not wearing those silly berets any longer. Transsexual women or Women Born Transsexual do not willingly keep their penis and claim their insanity makes taking care of a penis easier than taking care of a new vagina. Please read an earlier article where Sandeen claimed that as an excuse for not having surgery.

Here is the link to what-genital-reconstruction-surgery-and-when.



Here is the link to the full article or  I got my balls cut off so I am now legally female.

Now many of you will read this and see it as nasty and an attack on Sandeen and in many ways you are correct.  What it really is is an attack on the lunacy of this kumbaya where I as a Woman who was once transsexual am required to accept this as just another form of transsexualism and accept this clown as one of us. Well making oneself a eunuch without the intention of completing SRS is rather a foolish concept but there is something more insidious behind this and everyone needs to be warned.

This is just another attempt to redefine what a woman is or more importantly what a Woman Born Transsexual is. Sandeen and the Transgender crowd will parade this imbecile around like she is a new hero with hir fraudulent California birth certificate which will eventually find its way into the hands of certain groups and used against us. They will see this fool as a representative of what is transsexual and it will scare the shit out of them.

I would hope that anyone that lives in California would write to the State of California and ask if this is what they intended with the legal changes made there.  I cannot believe it was. What was intended for post-operative transsexuals to ease their burden and give them some freedom from accusation will now mean NOTHING because they will all ask "well we know you can still have a penis" and get your birth certificate changed.

Welcome to the new transgender forever world where one will have to drop their linen and keep on grinning to prove they are women. Welcome to the new world of Women Born Transsexual. It is enough to make one puke.

A guest post

                                                                     The Truth Hurts

When I posted essays on my blog Cassandraspeaks I was very keen to present the truth as I saw it and not to “pretty things up”. It didn’t make my blog a popular read for most TG’s and I am sure made a lot of self identified TS’s feel uncomfortable. An obvious fact about life changing transitioning is that whatever the out come the effects are permanent and are indelible on and within a person’s life as well as upon those whose lives we touch and affect. Of course that is stating the obvious. I don’t believe for a second that anyone begins such an action without first giving at least a modicum of consideration to the effects their actions will have on family and friends alike. That effect will always reflect back at the transitioner both emotionally and practically. The most damaging aspect though are the actions, thoughts and words spoken that a transitioner does not hear, either because they do not want to hear or because they are said out of their earshot and presence.

One of the things that I experience, living as I do in total anonymity, is the private reactions of people, friends, acquaintances etc. as well as my own husband, to the occasional news story or documentary involving transsexual, or transgender for that matter. In the course of my work I have encountered three transsexuals (that I know of) in the last 15 years. There may have been others of course and I have not known but isn’t that the point? I mean, if as so many claim and this was certainly true in my case while growing up, that we are indeed female, why would we look or behave any different to other women or appear distinct from other women. All I/We ever sought or asked for was to be treated in the same way all other girls were treated. I certainly experienced the same desires as other girls in that I longed for the boys I liked to take my hand when we walked together and steal the occasional kiss and even kiss me farewell when we parted. I yearned and dreamed of the courtship, a wedding, a marriage and yes, sex. When the issue of transsexuals come up in conversations today or in a documentary or news story or even a chance encounter with a transsexual, I get to witness the unedited, uninhibited and honest reaction and usually “politically incorrect” views of my friends and acquaintances. I always stay out of the ensuing discussion since I am neither courageous nor stupid.

There is a striking dichotomy that people around the blogs will almost certainly find uncomfortable but dichotomy there is; it is undeniable and you can be certain it exists. It exists, despite, what is it now, more than 30 years of transgenderist activist’s attempts to “educate Joe Public” Joe Public remains stoically of the opinion that they don’t “get” transgender at all. Yet 40/50 years ago they did indeed “get” Christine Jorgensen, April Ashley, Caroline Cossey, Adele Anderson and more recently Kim Petras. The list goes on but I think you get the picture. The actions and behaviour of what might be termed “marginal transsexuals” has in no way benefitted transsexuals who experience transsexuality in its most intense form. In a manner very typical of male attitude towards women we are expected to “put up or shut up” for the greater good of the more masculine and less intense transsexual. I have to ask is that fair and reasonable? I think not. On the other hand I don’t believe less intense transsexuals should “put up or shut up” either but their actions and behaviour have made things worse not better. One only has to look at the history to see that things have indeed become worse not better. In Britain, up until the Corbett v Corbett case birth certificates were quietly changed and our marriages legal. Not that April Ashley was in any way a marginal transsexual but taking the issue public changed the law and it was not for the better good. This is just one instance in what amounts to a litany.

So what is going on here and what exactly is the dichotomy that I witness? My friends were unkind about Stephanie Anne Lloyd (in UK) they were extremely unkind about the Aussie retiree who loved to sail Australia’s West coast and it has to be said, in some amazing outfits. They speak their mind to me and once the subject of the conversation approaches, they immediately adopt a “politically correct” stance. I am sure a great many of you will deny that this happens to you and that everyone accepts you as you are. Yes, sure they do; to your face but once your back is turned and you are out of earshot the numbers of your detractors escalates. I hate to tell you this guys but I have witnessed it. This happens; believe me although I cannot tell you it makes me happy. Interestingly the likes of Kim and Holly (the young girl who was the subject of a documentary recently) they “get” they understand. Even Niki Araguz up until the revelation of Niki’s criminal past and behaviour they understood that she could well be, a woman born with some medical issues. Were it not for the fact Nikki was pre op when she tried to marry, people would have supported her.

What people don’t understand and will probably never understand or “get’ is someone who after 30 years plus of marriage and fathering multiple children suddenly claim they are women and have always been women. “Undercover woman” is a phrase that had me rolling on the floor laughing when I first heard it. Credit where credit is due transvestites can come up with some doozies when it comes to excuses for late transition. They can also get extremely aggressive when challenged on the validity of their claims to the transsexual condition.

I’ve said this in the past but it will not hurt for me to say it again, I feel a great deal of sympathy for transvestites and the transgendered because it seems that there is no cure for them, while transsexuality is cured by a successful transition that includes SRS; transgendered or “super transvestites” to all intent and purpose get trapped in a “no man’s land” between the binary that is male and female. Many TG’s appear to do an imitation of the whirly twirly bird whose sole defence is to fly round and around in ever decreasing circles until it disappears with a slight POP and puff of blue smoke up it’s own rectal orifice from which safe abode it hurls abuse and excreta at it’s pursuers which in most cases is transsexuals who are protesting at the theft of their once valid and exclusive narrative.

Speaking personally now I emphatically do not hate any individual transvestite and neither do I hate the transvestite paradigm. I find it interesting however that as a collective multiple terns and so called identities have been created that are supposed to separate an individual from the term. “Crossdresser” “Gender Queer” the list seems endless and I have to ask why. What is it about transvestite that they find so objectionable or distasteful that a new term needs to be created, Not simply one term but an array of terms with apparently quite different aetiologies. 

I’ve stopped presenting parts of my life and past events as illustrations of points I wish to make for a reason and that reason relates to the accusation that I base my opinions on my own life and if others don’t conform I reject their validity if it does not parallel my own. The reality is that I’ve witnessed a lot of successful transitions and proud to say that a high percentage were successful as a result of my counsel. A successful transition has only one valid measurement and that is; is the individual happy and self perpetuating? Has the damage caused to the lives of others the transition affects been either minimised or reparations made good. Along with a caveat that transition is for the right reasons i.e. honest and the candidate is not making false claims I would not be critical. So often though, the holes in the claims made, are large enough to drive a double decked bus through. Those of us who experienced the symptoms of type VI or high intensity transsexuality can see the absence of truth from a distance of ten miles or more. I will not tell you why because your stories would all change each and every one of you. The anonymous internet I.D “She Said” has asked for documented proof of how original narratives have been co-opted by present day transitioning individuals. The examples are legion and it surprises me that academics have mistaken the repetitions and economies with fact, for consistent or common traits in a syndrome. How often do these academics either bother to check stories with relatives or their friends? Admittedly the task would be time consuming and not an easy task. There is neither money nor glamour in research on this subject.

Let us for a moment take a look at just one statement made in Jan Morris’s Book on her life “Conundrum” published in 1974 She states often that she is a “Woman trapped in a man’s body” and ever since that time the phrase has been trotted out each and every time you read about a transsexual. I have never used the phrase in reference to myself and when I first read the phrase in the book did not relate to it in any way. The reason is simple; until the age of six or seven I had no idea I was not a girl not because my Mother or Father treated me like their daughter in any way it just never occurred to me I was not a girl. When I did realise the physical aspects of sex difference I desperately wanted to be like other girls. This was what I explained to the very first psychiatrist I was able to consult. All the other women like myself I have ever encountered (there has not been that many it has to be said) have come at the issue from the same angle I did. We share other similarities in the way our attraction to boys and males affected development during puberty. My own puberty was virtually non existent. No growth spurt no voice change and certainly no development of muscle mass.

Time and again however we hear this Jan Morris conundrum phrase “Woman trapped in a man’s body” It’s the one the medical professionals seem to long to hear and yet I don’t place much significance to it as a diagnosis tool. Neither do I place much store by the policy that says the patient is transsexual if they say they are. I don’t believe in reparative therapy either. I am also aware that often transition and even surgery on some marginal patients will result in a person living useful and happy lives if they can find a tolerant niche in society. A tolerant niche in society is not what transsexuals who fit the Benjamin type VI mould seek however! Full acceptance as the women we are and no, 90% will not do even 95% feels inadequate. It is this factor that will often tell you which intensity you deal with. Intensity in whatever way you view or measure it is paramount in deciding where a person lays and what type they are.   

To all intent and purpose the ideological war that raged between transsexuals and transgender (transvestites) is over and most have accepted that transsexuality is indeed an independent and separate paradigm. However what we now are beginning to witness is very similar to what I saw in the UK during the mid 80’s and that was transvestites who have become so hooked on the narcotic that is transvestism they have begun to call themselves transsexual and not transgender. Those who would once have identified as transgender are now seeking to redefine transsexuality in order to make themselves fit. It will be done with the change of term here and the change of term there and the use of “political correctness” and censorship of genuine transsexuals or detractors. In fact if anyone cares to read T Central right now the nature of how the censorship will appear can be seen in all its glory. If someone claims they are transsexual and another person for whatever reason the detractor will be in effect deemed to be making a personal attack and will either be barred or the comment relegated to where it will not be seen. Neat isn’t it!  

So the TS v TG war is not in point of fact ended but has simply entered a new phase.  It isn’t a war in the strict sense of the word no one is firing missiles or shooting at each other unless you care to describe vitriol as missiles. I described the TS v TG war as a “War of Independence” It was a battle transsexuals won ideologically speaking. This new phase is essentially colonisation and migration in other words “theft” of the condition itself. I believe it will be no less a fight for all that.

  

Calie at T-Central

My lord Calie at least have the balls you still use and have the courage to place my name next to the quote from one of my blog posts you highlighted as a reason for the shift in "rules". Everyone that goes on T-Central knows the rules. Just where are they laid out anyway? I think your profile says everything about you. It reads:

I'm trans, non-transitioning, MtF, currently living in California, although I have lived many other places. I'm happily married. I love people, and enjoy meeting folks from around the world.

 Here is his blog entry.

Calie's blog post.

I think it is offensive having to use a female name for a man. What a freaking joke.

 Now this means we are required to only use female pronouns for some fool man that claims to be trans and a MTF, what kind we are not sure, but has not transitioned and as far as anyone knows has no intention of transitioning. What I wrote in that post was rants about the stupidity and idiocy of what is going on and I stand by every single word and what was said about Chloe Prince was taken straight from her own blog and writings which hopefully her new transbian partner will encourage her to delete. Yes our dear Chloe has left the wife or more aptly the wife left her but she will never admit that and dear Chloe has found love with another post mid-life transitioner who is post thus the new terminology of transbian. You have to love the craziness of some people.

Just to be sure here is my blog post link.

Comments, a few rants, observations, and pet peeves

I did not like it when they remove Jamie and his "Play Girl" blog because I believe in freedom of speech but Calie and Jenny and others believe in freedom of speech as long as you follow the basic guidelines of the transgender mantra. The rules are simple.

1. Never question whether someone is a transsexual or not. Afterall they are the best judge of it. Actually NO they are not.
2. Never make fun of someone like Zoe or Chloe Prince.  Bee sting and sudden feminization play well in the media and we must believe them. Despite the fact it is scientifically impossible for an adult male to spontaneously feminize unless they lived next to an estrogen factory but then that takes years to happen. Bullshit.
3. Never question a transitioner that claims they suddenly realized they were transsexual and never had any belief they were girls or wanted to be girls.  This is particularly nasty if one questions a late transitioner.
4. All men that transition later in life instantly know more about being women than women do and even those that have lived and worked as women their entire lives.
5. Never ask the real big question which is simply if a wife stays with her husband through surgery then is that not a lesbian relationship.  Turns out it isn't according to them so it must still be a husband and a wife but that question nobody will ask or answer.
6. Never question a seemingly know it all transsexual about whether they have had surgery. What they have for genitals is not relevant because they are still women. Well actually in most cases they are still just men in dresses playing girl and acting like men who know it all.  There are more than a few on T-Central
7. Never question anyone that claims womanhood but denies that surgery is required. It is 3-1 they have not had surgery.
8. Never question some fool that thinks they may "become" transsexual.  Doesn't work that way but do not say it.

I could go on forever but the men running T-Central prefer good happy Transgender stuff like "when I wore heels for the first time  it was wonderful and I got aroused" or the transvestite that eagerly posts every picture of some man in a dress.  Actually they make more sense than many of the nutcases claiming transsexuality.

Just to make things clear I read Chloe Prince's blog from her first post to her last post. Prince started as a transvestite and morphed into a "transsexual". If it is still there and I suggest reading it.  I actually read everything I could about Zoe Brain and what I said was factual and was meant to be sarcastic because low and behold I actually was a "real" Rocket Scientist unlike Zoe who is smart but decidedly not what she claims. I then checked with friends in the medical community that had to control their laughter in both cases.  I know Chloe now claims the "bee sting" was taken out of context but doesn't Chloe also claim intersex. They make so many bizarre claims one does lose track.


Just change T-Central to Transgender-Central and have truth in advertising so those truly transsexual will know to stay away.