Friday, September 30, 2011

Notes From a Different Perspective Part One

I have always believed I was very fortunate to have some family support which is the reason I survived way back when. I was also lucky that a boy saw through the fortress I had built around me and maybe as important his mother, who is a close friend even today. She lives in the Charlotte North Carolina area and we see each other quite a lot.  I owe her a lot but she does not see it that way which is why she is so special.

Mary was an Emergency Room Nurse in Massachusetts at the major Hospital where I was taken after suicide attempts, beatings, and other nastiness. She first met me or treated me when I was around 8 years old which I must admit fascinated me because she knew me before I met her son Kevin.

Earlier this year we were talking about her career as a Nurse and she told me one of her requirements was to keep a log or more accurately a personal diary of what happened in the Emergency Room. She told me it was a hospital process that helped the Nurse look back on what had happened analytically to improve Emergency Room care.  She also told me she had kept a diary since her childhood and had kept one until the day Kevin was reported KIA in Southeast Asia. I guess she was broken by that like all of us were.

She asked if it would be okay if she sent me a copy of something she had written on her computer in Microsoft Word and I agreed not thinking much about it. She then added please do not be offended by what was written. I found that comment odd until I received her document.

She titled it "Girl at First Sight" which I thought interesting and she had pulled her notes from her diaries and in chronological order listed the key dates in her life when I interrupted it in one way or another.  There are notes from both the Emergency Room and her personal home life and I guess it gives an insight into the issues kids like me can cause in the lives of others not belonging to your family.

I will admit I find it disturbing and honestly do not remember some of the incidents she describes in the Emergency Room. Her personal comments are both disturbing and enlightening because I never ever thought what issues I had to have caused her family.  I had always thought my time with Kevin began in June 1959 but he obviously saw something a lot earlier than I realized.


I was an Emergency Room Nurse at a major Hospital in Massachusetts.  Trauma was something I was accustomed to and death was something you became immune to because getting involved emotionally was not wise for Doctor or Nurse in an Emergency Room.  We had the mundane mainly but some of the horror is beyond horrible.

I am not sure of the actual first time this child was in the Emergency Room but the first time I saw her was in March of 1954. The words are different because I used a shorthand note taking process and I have added my own thoughts to what I remember. When the notes come from my personal diary I will add (P).

My life and the life of my family were about to change and initially not for the better.
I did take out her real first name which ironically when shortened to a nickname can be a girl name.

Wednesday, March 17, 1954

We received a call for an overdose case and they were bringing the patient in. It was a child and the child had downed a lot of sedatives. The one thing that is difficult to deal with for any Medical Professional is children.  We will tell you that we do not feel any different but as a mother I am sorry but I felt for the children.

My initial thought was why in the name of god is a child attempting suicide? When the Ambulance arrived they wheeled this beautiful little girl in with an obviously distraught family and I was not the primary Nurse for this child. It is weird but when we get kids everyone seems to take a look when the child is wheeled in.

I was dealing with a rather nasty automobile accident. It was hectic and I thought I recognized one of family members but amidst chaos there is little time for a reunion. We were in the process of losing a foolish young man from a drag racing accident and it was messy.

Personal note:

Emergency rooms are busy even in the calmest of times and I heard the child had attempted suicide again and had been treated and released which seemed odd because a young girl should not be attempting suicide. In order to have a more stable home life I moved from the Emergency Room and went to work in patient recovery. We try to become adept at putting thoughts of patients out of our minds for obvious reasons but I never could and Emergency Room medicine is hectic and exciting when your Hospital is the only Critical Care Emergency Room locally. We received all the bad cases and I loved it.

I was bored silly and in late 1957 went back to the Emergency Room as a confirmed junky of the excitement and variety of cases. It was less than a week later that I had my second encounter with that young girl I had witnessed arrive as a suicide attempt only this time someone had beaten her almost senseless.

Friday, November 15, 1957

The Police arrived with her and it was odd.  They seemed so blasé about the entire incident despite how hysterical the child was. She was not quite 12 and had several broken ribs and bruises everywhere and had been obviously kicked savagely based on the extent of the bruising and the shape and angle of the bruise marks.  She had taken a very savage beating. We stabilized her quickly and while she was being X-rayed I walked over to one of Police Officers and asked why they were not upset and got the shock of my life. The officers said “boys will be boys” and “he asked for it being the way he was” and I was speechless. There was no way that was a boy was my immediate comment. One officer made a sarcastic slur that I refuse to include here.

When she or was it he came back from X-ray she/he was still crying and asking for her mother. I found it impossible to look at the child and think “boy” but there on the chart it said “M” and I was dumbfounded.  The mother was in route from Boston according to another nurse and it was a very chaotic Friday afternoon and I was on another case in a matter of minutes. My dissociative mindset put the previous case out of my mind so I could concentrate on a new emergency.

Misc Notes. (P)

Occasionally I would hear that “the” child had been back in Emergency but life went on. My youngest son Kevin was quite the athlete and in 1958 was a sophomore in High School and as a QB had led his High School to a very successful season and we were so proud of him. He had little interest in schoolwork and that was a problem so as he started his junior year the school assigned him a tutor, at our request, and this is where all of our lives changed forever.

My husband and I had encouraged our children to come to us if they had any issues and we would discuss them together and no issue was out of bounds including sex and girl/boy stuff as Kevin said. Kevin had a “steady” girlfriend who I was not particularly fond of but Kevin seemed to like her so it was what it was. 

Kevin said his tutor was the boy they had started the entire advanced curriculum for in the high school. Kevin then said he had never met anyone so timid as his tutor or so weird and confusing but I missed that part initially. Kevin’s grades improved dramatically and as parents we were pleased and after the football season Kevin said the tutor recommended a Saturday session and it was arranged.

Saturday, November 29, 1958 (P)

The door bell rang and this very pretty young girl was standing there and she was Kevin’s tutor, according to her, and I asked her to wait in the entryway as I called Kevin from the Study.  When Kevin walked by I quietly asked him why he had told me his tutor was a boy when in fact it was this beautiful young girl.  Kevin stopped and said something very problematic.
“That is a boy mom and it is very confusing because … She is not a boy.”

Well, I was kind of confused also and very startled to hear Kevin use a female pronoun. When I took his coat to hang it up his body was willowy like a prepubescent girl but I could see the narrow waist and the wider hips and my first thought was this should not or could not be. His voice was like a little girl and he had very long hair for a boy of late 1958 and when he shook my hand it was so soft and feminine I have to admit I found it disconcerting. I would guess he was 5-7 to 5-8, around 115 lbs and indescribably beautiful for a “boy”. He so obviously looked like a girl but he was not a girl. No wonder Kevin seemed so confused.

The way Kevin looked at him as he walked into the study was not how a boy looked at another boy and we needed to have a talk. The boy looked ashamed, very timid, and so incredibly shy. The door closed loudly and he was startled.  I cannot imagine what this child went through every day and I suddenly realized this had to be the boy from the Emergency Room. He was exceedingly polite and every time he looked at Kevin he turned away quickly.

I found it hard to use a male pronoun and I wondered if he was maybe a hermaphrodite.  I have never in my life seen a boy this feminine and that depressingly sad.  There was an almost eternal sadness in his every movement. His eyes were just so sad and it is hard to explain but they seemed like a window into some kind of internal agony. He was literally scary beautiful for a boy. I had this weird thought that with makeup he would be model beautiful which I pushed aside very quickly.

After the tutor left I told Kevin we needed to talk. How do you talk to your son about a boy that looks more beautiful than most girls? Carefully I guess.

Kevin was very distressed. Kevin said people hurt her all the time and told me point blank he found it impossible not to consider her a girl.  Kevin then said she shows up to school with bruises and contusions and will not tell him what happened. I get this feeling he wants to protect him which I find distressing. The first talk did not go well and this cannot end well. I need to get his dad involved.  Is my son possibly gay?

Thursday December 4, 1958

Oh my god. Kevin’s tutor was rushed into the hospital this afternoon with some horrible injuries. I was on another case but everyone seemed stressed by it and there were multiple fractures and contusions everywhere and the child was just asking for his mother. This is not good. Asked several of the police officers, when I had time, what happened and they said he fell down granite steps of high school but I don’t believe it for one second. One of his arms was obviously broken when he was wheeled in.

Monday December 8, 1958 (P)

Kevin appeared very distressed at dinner and when questioned said someone had hurt his tutor very badly and I had expected this but not the tears and the threat he would kill whoever did this to her. I looked at his dad and they don’t teach you how to handle this as a parent. Kevin appears to care for him a lot. We need to deal with this and sooner rather than later.
My husband and I talked and we decided to sit down with him this weekend.

Saturday December 13, 1958 (P)

The tutor came again this morning and watching him with the tutor is eerie. Kevin is treating him like a girl.  Pulled out his chair and is obviously concerned about his welfare. He has to be in a lot of pain because a broken collarbone really hurts and his fractured arm is in a cast. I cannot believe he came to tutor Kevin like that. Shit, I wonder if he likes Kevin. We need to stop this now!

Sunday December 14, 1958 (P)

The sit down with Kevin was a disaster. Kevin was upset we thought he liked a boy but he insisted she is a girl and we had a really bad argument with him. I do not think he realizes his attraction and I do not know how to stop it. His dad is beside himself wondering if his son is gay.

Thursday January 8, 1959

Kevin’s tutor was in Emergency again and this time it was really serious. It was called in as a pediatric resuscitation which meant every nurse and doctor was to stand by to assist because the child was barely breathing. He was very close to death on arrival and an older brother was with him and obviously very distraught claiming “she” had overdosed on sedatives and he had not found her soon enough. A brother using a female pronoun like Kevin was something I never expected.  What appeared to be her grandmother arrived and asked how he was doing and a heated argument took place with her grandson who screamed something about “you might have finally killed her you fucking old cow” which caused a few red faces in Emergency waiting.
Luckily we had a Cardiac specialist in house and we brought him back but it was too close for a 13 year old. We pumped him out and I was surprised how quickly he woke up. His grandmother never went near him but his brother was immediately by his side holding his hand. The child was hysterical because we revived him. Children should never want to commit suicide and I knew this was not the first.

Emergency was very busy and I turned that dissociative mindset on and put him out of my mind or tried to anyway. There was a minor commotion about 30 minutes later and his mother had arrived and I thought I heard the child ask why they just would not let him die and then something about “I am a girl” that garnered my attention but patient care comes first. The voice of her mother did sound familiar.

Saturday January 10, 1959 (P)

Kevin was very quiet and when I asked him why he said his tutor was supposed to be there today but her brother had called and said she was sick and could not make it and he did not believe him. I told Kevin he had tried to commit suicide on Thursday and was barely saved so I doubted he would be around for quite some time.

Kevin was very distraught and I asked did he have feelings for him. Kevin was actually upset and told me to please use female pronouns and that shocked me. Kevin told me, quite emotionally, that he tried to be her friend but she has built this wall around herself and the only time it comes down is when she is tutoring him.  She will not even talk to him in the school corridors and all he wanted to do was be a friend.

I tried a different tact and asked Kevin what he thought of her and made sure to use a female pronoun. Kevin’s response totally shocked me. He basically said she is the nicest and kindest girl he has ever known. How could he say that when he has never seen her as a girl bothered me but if I am honest I realized if I did not know I would say girl instantly. I did not want to push Kevin any farther. He was very distressed.  He will talk to us when he is ready or I hope he will.

Misc notes (P)

We tried to talk with Kevin several times but he refused. He appears to be very confused by this 13 year old whatever. Kevin Sr. is beside himself over this but he has not seen the child. Nothing good can come of this and I asked the school to assign him another tutor and they offered but Kevin refused. Not good at all.

The tutor was here on multiple Saturdays and he is prettier if that is possible. It is girl pretty and not boy pretty and I think he is using mascara.  His eyes are striking. He never and I mean never looks anyone in the eye. The child is terrified it seems and is confused possibly. I kind of feel sorry for him.

Saturday April 18, 1959

We received an Emergency call from an ambulance that they had an attempted male rape victim in serious condition inbound and if it is possible raped boys are worse than raped girls. When the child arrived it was Kevin’s tutor. He arrived with his mother and both were hysterical but the child was crying and begging his mother to please let him die. It sent shock waves through all the Emergency personnel. His mother was my best friend during High School but reunions would have to wait.

There was blood everywhere on the child and he was very badly bruised with obvious signs of trauma around the head, buttocks, and a laceration, that was the blood culprit, that required 30 stitches on his head. I was one of the attending Nurses and it just infuriates anyone seeing a kid like this.

Police were there and I almost lost it when one cop told me he came on to some guy and the man defended himself. I told him I knew the child and he was afraid of his own shadow. It was just a truly horrible scene. I tried to talk with Martha, his mom, but we needed to rush him to X-ray for the head injuries. There was a hairline fractured skull so this child had been beaten with something very formidable. This was one time he was not going home.

Kids with Head Trauma go to the Intensive Care Unit and when I returned to Emergency I found Martha with her two other sons and the older boy said “I am going to kill that motherfucker this time” and Martha tried to calm him down. Martha was in such shock I realized she had not even recognized me and when I got a chance I pulled her aside and we talked.

How do you ask a mother about her son?  Is your son gay? I never got that chance.  Martha simply said, “He has told me I am a girl” almost from the day he could speak and nobody can cure him.  She said she has had him with Psychiatrists and nobody has an answer and she said something about a Physician in New York that had a solution but it was outrageous. I wanted to say he sure does look like a girl but under the circumstances it seemed inappropriate. The older son asked me, “Is she going to be okay?” and I looked at him weirdly and he simply said, “If she is not a girl I have no idea what a girl is”, and walked away giving his mother a very stern look.

I was not expecting this.

Sunday April 19, 1959 (P)

It was a very rough day in Emergency on Saturday.  There were lots of crazy fools and that child.  I got home very late and decided Sunday was when I needed to talk with Kevin. After Mass we came home and we just sat him down in the Living Room and refused to let him avoid the problem we felt possibly existed.

I just bluntly asked Kevin are you attracted to him. Kevin asked me again not to use male pronouns. Kevin said he was very confused about his feelings for her. He said she smells like a girl; she feels soft like a girl; she walks like a girl; she acts like a girl; and she certainly looks and talks like a girl. Then he added, “I want to protect her but she will not let me be her friend and I am worried for her”.

I decided now was the time to tell Kevin what happened yesterday and he stunned me when he said he already knew because her older brother Ray was a friend of his. Oh shit. More complications than I need to hear about and deal with. The brother already considers him a girl.

I just bluntly asked him if he liked “her” the same way he liked other girls and he said he thought he did. Not what a mother and a father wanted to hear their son say about another boy but even I was beginning to question whether he was really a boy and we had both decided we would support our son even if he was gay and we told Kevin that and he simply said he was not gay. I guess that depended on how one looked at his tutor.

to be continued....?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The new SOC

I have not read it all but there are several things I do find interesting in the SOC. They are in no particular order of importance but here they are.

  1. WPATH in its wisdom uses the terminology Transsexual, transgender, and gender variant quite a bit and clearly in many cases differentiates between transsexuals and those that are not.  Why?
  2. Aversion Therapy is now considered unethical if used on transsexuals and I assume that means all trans people.
  3. They now allow kids to begin both blockers and hormones as early as necessary.
  4. They also screwed up the age kids can have surgery by aligning it with a criteria that could cause kids to wait until they are 21. It is weird how they seemed to understand other issues with children yet blew this one. Maybe I read it incorrectly.
  5. There is no longer a requirement to see a therapist before beginning hormones or being required to gain approval of a therapist for hormones.  That means no more silliness where some pre-op has to start RLE without at least some time on hormoes to help.
Looking at the first item it is apparent even WPATH understands there are different issues for transsexuals than for  cross-dressers and those that are gender variant. So why is it so important for the transgender crowd to keep transsexuals under the thumb of the transgender movement? I think the reason is clear. Legitimacy.

I think number 2 must be causing some consternation in Toronto in the Blanchard camp. Aversion therapy is a favorite technique of his and although it is not in any way similar to what I and others went through it is still not pleasant although not as violent. I must wonder if this is some sort of shot across the bow of Blanchard and his ilk as there seems to be a move away from the control shrinks, quacks, and idiots like Blanchard have in certain countries. I believe in Canada one must go through this asshole to receive government funding for SRS and for a child or even an adult that would give me the chills.

Number 3 is what I and others have proposed for a long time and what we few that help children on our own have been doing for close to 40 years with a 100% success rate although it is a small sample size. Getting either MTF or FTM children on their correct genders hormones and totally blocking puberty is so important and allowing them to go through the puberty of their correct sex is maybe even more important. It is amazingly soothing to watch you body feminize when you are a teenager as any genetic girl will tll you. For any MTF or FTM the correct puberty can be life saving and prevent any attempts at suicide which are prevalent in trans kids.

Number 4 is a weird issue. based on how it was stated surgery could be as early as 16 in some countries or as late as 21 in some states or countries. I think it should be revisited with a firm date of 16 being the earliest date. I believe that is a good time table but then I am biased about this.

Number 5 is a big one in some countries. I have read the horror stories of some later transitioners as they were forced to start RLE before any blockers or estrogen.  In my opinion this is a good decision and I am looking with interest at what happens in certain countries not named the United States where this has been a position taken by some facilities.

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Truth About Early Transition Way Back When.

One of the little things that has always bothered me about certain people claiming to be transsexual, most are by the way, who transitioned much later in life is the claim they would have transitioned early if they had the same chances those of us they believe did transition early were blessed with. I have never really said what the truth was but if one actually read this blog early on before all the political crap took over it would be apparent that few of us transitioned early in the 50s, 60s or 70s. The reason? Because it was impossible to transition early in the United States as it was everywhere else basically unless you ran away and ended up on the streets selling yourself.

Most people equate our aggressive early awareness with early transition. Early Transition is a modern concept in so many ways. I was born in the mid 40's and believe me I pushed boundaries but that is not truly the same as early transition. Some of us were lucky because we did boy so poorly most who met us for the first time thought we were weirdly dressed girls but were quickly informed we were actually boys. I have mentioned I spent time in Quebec "fully transitioned" which really means I got to live as a girl for a short period of time because I actually did pass easily as a girl. If I added up all those times in Quebec they might total 3 months over 4+ years.

The big advantage I did have was early hormone intervention which is really the key to all of us. Even though I was a feminine boy with low testosterone puberty would probably have done a job on me without the early hormones. In high school the first year was terrible because everyone thought I was "gay" of the term most were in favor of which was "fag". I pushed dress code boundaries but there was absolutely no way I was exiting my house as a girl and entering that building as a girl even if everyone knew I thought I was a girl and wanted to be a girl by th end of my Sophomore year when i was 13 1/2. One did not do that in the 50's.

Even in college from 1961 to 1966 I dressed more like a college girl but there was little difference between college girls in Columbus, Ohio than college boys in those days. The University Police knew about me as did the school which was the primary reason i went there. They protected me but the Columbus Ohio Police Department was always a worry so I rarely left campus jurisdiction. I just sort of let people believe what they wanted about me even though the years on hormones had drastically changed my physical appearance. 

I was perceived as a girl except in my residence where basically everyone knew the truth and I was quite accustomed to his/her, she/he, and other gender blips and brushed them off. By my Sophomore year in college I had decent breast development and along with my frame it was hard to do boy. Even when I was interviewed for my Houston job they knew everything about me and when I showed up in a boy suit the interviewer actually laughed and added I really must want the job.

I guess one could call a kid like me an early awareness, early intervention with hormones, and partial early transitioner because that was what it was like. One did not show up to a new school year as a girl when you ended the previous school year as a boy which does occur today. Parents did not allow their child to dress as a girl from 4 on so Johnny could be free to be his or her self. That was never an option for us and anyone that claims it was is misinformed.

How did one transition early in my time? The better question would be who transitioned early in my time and why?

I guess my dear friend Lana would be an example of an "early transitioner" from my era. Lana is my age and grew up in the upper Midwest and was raised in a strict Christian family and if one looked at me in my youth and saw a pretty girl with Lana you saw knockout gorgeous and she did not do boy well at all and her dad found that disgusting. Lana knew she was a girl but how do you get help in Shitsville USA in the 50's?  The answer was simple you did not the same way getting help in Boston in the 50s was basically impossible.

Lana had few choices in life. Her father was actually a Minister and he tried to get the "devil" out of her with his belt and his fists primarily because he was more scared of her and unwilling to accept the fact the god might have created her but Mother Nature fucked up as Lana loves to say. Lana ran away from her family in 1961 at 15 and ended up in New York City doing things to survive she was never proud of but she needed a roof over her head and food.  Thankfully she stayed away from drugs except for her drug of choice, estrogen which was easy to get off the black market in New York City. She found Dr. Benjamin in the early 60s and thankfully ended up in the chorus at Club 82 and was off the streets. So I guess Lana managed to transition at 15 but then i doubt that is the "kind of" early transition some later transitioners thought was available to us in those years.

Another example of an "early transitioner" would be my best friend in the world Lena. My partner in our "young transsexual" help world.  Lena grew up in Spanish Harlem and her version of "West Side Story" and Maria was more realistic and neither of those gangs in the movie would have lasted two hours in her neighborhood. Lena was a very feminine boy in a very macho Hispanic culture and her father was violent and at 8 or 9 put Lena in the hospital for a month by basically beating his "mericon" song nearly to death and ended up serving 6-10 years in prison. Lena actually did try to transition in school and was promptly expelled permanently and ended up running numbers for a crew ran by Bumpy Johnson in Harlem and got protection and paid. Nobody suspected the little "mericon" prancing down the street ran numbers and collected for the notorious Bumpy Johnson.

In the early 60's she ran from New York when she learned her father was getting out of prison because in her heart she knew he would kill her. She ended up in San Francisco living on the streets until she was befriended by a "tranny" performer at Finnochio's who found her soaking wet huddling in the entryway to her apartment building. Lena always felt she was a girl and she was introduced to Dr. Benjamin one summer. Lena ended up in Canada and was one of the most famous drag performers of her era.

In all honesty those are the only two "early transitioners" I met until Lena and I started helping children like us. I kind of doubt those claiming they would have transitioned "early" if given the advantages thought this was what the advantage was. There actually was no advantage and early transition was more desparation than anything else. Running to the streets is not transitioning it is survival.

Many kids like us were trapped until they could get away from home.  Most of my friends when i finally made it to New York had transitioned in the 18-25 age range and for our time that was extremely early.  It meant they face electrolysis and all the crap that went with testosterone poisoning in an era when FFS was not available. None of them allowed themselves to be forced into doing too much boy stuff although in honesty one did what was required to survive.  The one thing they all knew was they could get help except for my one friend who was at once the saddest person I have ever known and  a born comedian and as funny as they came. A truly gorgeous Italian male who had zero chance of ever living as a girl and she killed herself over it.

The other thing you will never read about us is the sexual component of our lives. Everyone wants to slough it off as not important for transsexuals because it makes it a little more convenient for those doing the sloughing. A close friend of mine in England put it best to me when we were talking on Skype a week or so back.

We knew we were girls. Once we figured it out we knew we should have a vagina. Once we became sexually aware we knew we wanted to be penetrated like girls because as she puts it we have innies and not outies. We also knew there was absolutely no way we were ever using that outie we were born with on a girl. The thought of it made us cringe. My friend in England is a life long lesbian by the way so it crosses sex partner preference lines.

Many early transsexuals, according to Harry, had sex with women as men by fantasizing the woman was them. I argued with him about that a few times but he was quite convincing that it was possible and did happen although the concept was both alien and disgusting to me. I wonder what fantasies late transitioners use to facilitate penetrating a wife with a body part they supposedly do not want for 30+ years?

Early transition way back when was really being fully transitioned by sometime in your 20's. Getting on hormones in your teens was rare but had major benefits. Today early transition is what many of the later transitioners think was available back then. It was not something society allowed unless it was illicit and illegal. Even early hormones caused serious troubles. Near the end of my Junior year in High School I was informed boys gym was not something they thought I should take which was an issue since not passing gym sort of prevented one from graduating High School which should give one an idea where male thought patterns were. I did suggest girl's gym but that was not going to happen.

I often wonder if some today actually believe what early transition is today is what we had way back when. I wish it was. Today kids transition as early as 4-5. Now some of these children may or may not be transsexual but in my humble opinion it will sort itself out and the kid will be better for it either way. By the time they are 11-13 it should be clear who is and who is not transsexual. Unfortunately this might be part of the reason young transsexuals get blockers and not estrogen until 16-18 but even estrogen is somewhat reversible. Those that are transsexual will get to assimilate as girls much easier and even the kids we have helped that have been in the 13-15 range except for one who was 18 assimilate easily into society as girls. Early transition is the way to go if available.

In many ways it was a simpler time. You either were or you were not transsexual.  There were no blurred lines. You never heard any one state  "I think I might become transsexual" like this crap is some choice we were given.  There was no transgender borg out there claiming we are all the same or that we have similar interests. When one of you can tell me what a fetish transvestite has in common with a transsexual then we will have made progress.

There was no "known" narrative that described a transsexual back then. We were all individuals with our own stories and differences but we got along because we were what we were and did not need some therapist to tell us we were a girl. I actually read someone that claimed their therapist proved to them that they were really a woman trapped in a  man's body.  Actually they were just some poor fool confused by some quack therapist but then it is a money game today. Drain the transsexual of every dime you can while convincing them you have their best interest at heart. It is all about the Benjamins and I do not mean Harry Benjamin.

So the truth about early transition way back when is that the definition of early was kind of different from today.  The 4-6 year old today is the 13-15 of my era and the teens of today are the early to mid twenties of back then. The times have changed and in this case it is actually for the better.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

The mystery of the neoclit!!

I must have missed something somewhere along the way.  Did I? Certain individuals including one that likes to talk about "peeps", "WWBT" (White women born transsexual), scream racism about every 5 minutes, claim they have neoclits. One even boasts proudly her neoclit is 7 inches long. Now, I know what a clitoris is because I have one even if it was created by the plastic surgeon who helped my surgeon during my SRS. I know Neo was the character played by Keanu Reeves in the Matrix trilogy but that doesn't make any sense, but then neither does the term neoclit.

I did look up neo and this is what I found. (taken from Wikipedia) Neo in wikipedia

Neo is a prefix from the ancient Greek word for young "neos" (νέος) which derived from the Proto-Indo European word for new "néwos".
Neo means young or new so I guess that must mean this is a new clitoris or new clit or neoclit. The definition is rather odd since the normal female clitoris is not 7 inches long which leads me to believe they are talking about a penis. This is confusing because I am unsure who or even what fool would compare a  penis to a woman's clitoris. I know medically their might be similarities but there are major differences. The other issue is a clitoris is covered or hooded because it is highly sensitive. What do you cover a neoclit with? Is it the skin that surrounds the neoclit that is its hood or is it something else. Maybe it is a condom? Seems to me the only thing one could protect a neoclit with is a condom if it is as sensitive as a clitoris. Do they wear condoms all the time? There has to be some rationale behind this madness but I hope to work it out by the time I have finished writing this post.

Now since they claim to be women and have this humongous neoclit do they have labia also and more importantly are they called neolabia. I guess they could use the scrotum but wouldn't it be painful to tape it to a groin to form labia? Maybe that is why Sandeen had a orchiectomy.  It will be easier to create labia without balls. Very confusing isn't it?

The next question has to be a simple one. Do they have a neovagina?  I think it is only fair if they intend to use neoclit they must get the other parts in play that women and even corrected women born transsexual have. So we have accounted for the neoclit and the neolabia so there is one last thing. The vagina is next and for the neovagina the only viable body part is the anal cavity and it is close to where a real vagina should be and this one really does smell like shit quite often.

So it seems to me the neoclit crowd is replacing the clitoris with the penis or neoclit.  They are replacing the labia with the scrotum or now called neolabia with the question unanswered about whether it requires an orchiectomy. They create a neovagina with their anus and thus they are women or soe they seem to think.

I guess I am a little old school here but this kind of sounds like a lot of people I knew back in New York City. They worked the streets and escort services and were in high demand because of their fantastic neoclit which a lot of men seemed to enjoy being shoved up a certain part of their anatomy. We always got along because we did not tread on each other and we knew the differences. We all wanted to be real girls and they wanted to be pretend girls so the clientele could delude themselves into believing they were not what they really were. Only a few of them were truly transsexuals.  Those we embraced as sisters. The rest were friends with warts.

They were she-males and most were damn proud of it. They had a penis or was it a 7 inch neoclit that their boyfriends/clients seemed to enjoy so a rather clear analogy or comparison appears. Those claiming their penis as neoclits are she-males but only if they charge for its use during sex, but in a way we all charge for it.

Now most of us girls do sell ourselves in our own ways.  In my younger days I certainly never paid for a drink or dinner when I was on a date and gleefully accepted gifts from boyfriends and after surgery I certainly did enjoy quite a bit of sex so I guess maybe we girls all have a little hooker in us. The men were not clients but if they were nice and cute and if they took me to nice places they had a high probability of scoring as men like to call it.

Does that mean I can classify those with neoclits as she-males?  Probably not but it is tempting because they qualify if they want to keep a penis and men date them because they have "it". I wonder if they hood their  neoclits with a condom when in use? Funny but that sounds like a male thing but then a neoclit is not a penis, I guess.

Now I have several friends that would have been classified as she-males and they used their position to earn the money so they could get SRS because I guess they figured a neoclit still qualified them as men or worse yet she-males.There is nothing wrong with being a she-male because they provide a valuable service to tranny chasers and other perverts that like fake girls with nice neoclits. Tranny chasers are not bad people in general and as I guess as "peeps" go one could do worse although it is kind of perverse to like your "woman" with a neoclit to use it on you. That is an interesting concept but I am not going there.

What is between your ears determines gender but many are  wrong about something else. What is between your legs determines your sex and what is between your ears demands the between the legs parts match the sex identity the brain has. Just what kind of gender considers a penis comforting and part of the female sex? Isn't that a male thing although many of us girls do enjoy a warm one penetrating us in the heat of passion?

Are these folk with self described neoclits who intend to keep them she-males? Does being a she-male qualify one as a female, girl or the earned title of woman?  I find it baffling why any one describing themselves as a women would want a neoclit so large and be proud of it. I guess they now want to redefine the term female to include anyone that claims the title whether they have a penis or not or is that neoclit?

It is kind of disingenuous to claim a penis is just a very large and swollen clitoris but then these individuals are disingenuous to their very core. Must be maintenance issues why they keep a penis as a neoclit. If they want it to be a neoclit they could remove the skin covering and then it would be closer to a clitoris. I wonder if they actually do that but then I doubt the condom would stay on that version of a neoclit.

 Neoclits seem to be more of a problem than a benefit unless they use their neoclits.  I wonder how they use their neoclits? I guess I am just out of touch with the real world where I am sure everyone accepts the neoclit crowd as females and women. I must have spent to long away.

I guess the mystery of the neoclit remains unresolved.  Is it a penis or is it just an enlarged clitoris?